Wife leaving state shortly after divorce

[Housefather]

I live in New Hampshire.

Background:

After a periodically rocky marriage of 16 years, three weeks ago my wife suddenly up and decided to leave home, leaving our three children with me. She is currently staying not far from here, but just as suddenly announced that she is planning to move out of state, to Florida, with a former boyfriend from long ago, who is nowhere near here. They reconnected over the Internet. This reconnection is, according to her, not the reason she left, but is the reason for her moving to Florida in particular. According to her, she had already decided to move a long distance away on her own. There is no adultery. There are no charges of abuse, abandonment or neglect.

My issue is this. She is not planning to come back for the kids. She is leaving them with me, and pushing to rush the divorce so she can leave state ASAP (by July or the end of the summer ~ she says). I have asked her what "the plan" is for this move, but as yet she has offered little to no details. So far all I know is that she is looking into being transferred to another store withing the national chain for which she works. She has told me only that "he" has family that may take him (and her presumably) in. He is apparently broke, and lives in Arizona currently. These are the ONLY details she's offered so far.

This appears to me to be a very unusual situation in that while searching the internet for similar ones all I have been able to find are questions from spouses who's spouse left WITH their children

Today I spoke with someone (not a lawyer), of local prominence in our community in a position to observe many situations of separations and divorce. This person seemed to feel that the judge hearing our case may not even allow her to leave the state, leaving her children behind with no firm plan for visitations during and subsequent to the move.

Would anyone have any insight into this situation? Is there some possibility the judge hearing our case may not allow her to leave the state for some time, or even at all?

 

[TheGeekess]

I live in New Hampshire.

Background:

After a periodically rocky marriage of 16 years, three weeks ago my wife suddenly up and decided to leave home, leaving our three children with me. She is currently staying not far from here, but just as suddenly announced that she is planning to move out of state, to Florida, with a former boyfriend from long ago, who is nowhere near here. They reconnected over the Internet. This reconnection is, according to her, not the reason she left, but is the reason for her moving to Florida in particular. According to her, she had already decided to move a long distance away on her own. There is no adultery. There are no charges of abuse, abandonment or neglect.

My issue is this. She is not planning to come back for the kids. She is leaving them with me, and pushing to rush the divorce so she can leave state ASAP (by July or the end of the summer ~ she says). I have asked her what "the plan" is for this move, but as yet she has offered little to no details. So far all I know is that she is looking into being transferred to another store withing the national chain for which she works. She has told me only that "he" has family that may take him (and her presumably) in. He is apparently broke, and lives in Arizona currently. These are the ONLY details she's offered so far.

This appears to me to be a very unusual situation in that while searching the internet for similar ones all I have been able to find are questions from spouses who's spouse left WITH their children

Today I spoke with someone (not a lawyer), of local prominence in our community in a position to observe many situations of separations and divorce. This person seemed to feel that the judge hearing our case may not even allow her to leave the state, leaving her children behind with no firm plan for visitations during and subsequent to the move.

Would anyone have any insight into this situation? Is there some possibility the judge hearing our case may not allow her to leave the state for some time, or even at all?

Constitutionally, Mom has the right to live anywhere she wishes. If Mom is leaving the state and you have custody, then what's the problem? In the divorce orders, one can outline long-distance visitation plans.

 

[Ohiogal]

I live in New Hampshire.

Background:

After a periodically rocky marriage of 16 years, three weeks ago my wife suddenly up and decided to leave home, leaving our three children with me. She is currently staying not far from here, but just as suddenly announced that she is planning to move out of state, to Florida, with a former boyfriend from long ago, who is nowhere near here. They reconnected over the Internet. This reconnection is, according to her, not the reason she left, but is the reason for her moving to Florida in particular. According to her, she had already decided to move a long distance away on her own. There is no adultery. There are no charges of abuse, abandonment or neglect.

My issue is this. She is not planning to come back for the kids. She is leaving them with me, and pushing to rush the divorce so she can leave state ASAP (by July or the end of the summer ~ she says). I have asked her what "the plan" is for this move, but as yet she has offered little to no details. So far all I know is that she is looking into being transferred to another store withing the national chain for which she works. She has told me only that "he" has family that may take him (and her presumably) in. He is apparently broke, and lives in Arizona currently. These are the ONLY details she's offered so far.

This appears to me to be a very unusual situation in that while searching the internet for similar ones all I have been able to find are questions from spouses who's spouse left WITH their children

Today I spoke with someone (not a lawyer), of local prominence in our community in a position to observe many situations of separations and divorce. This person seemed to feel that the judge hearing our case may not even allow her to leave the state, leaving her children behind with no firm plan for visitations during and subsequent to the move.

Would anyone have any insight into this situation? Is there some possibility the judge hearing our case may not allow her to leave the state for some time, or even at all?

A few things:
1) She can leave with no issues. The judge, once things are filed, will have to give her permission to MOVE the children with her.
2) If you are actually a housefather -- you need to get a job. You cannot rely on spousal or child support to pay the bills so employment is necessary.
3) The children should continue having a relationship with their mother and that is something you should ask the court to order -- a solid visitation schedule to facilitate that relationship.

 

[stealth2]

Mom can move anywhere she likes. It's the kids she can't move w/o the court's or your permission.

You can ask for support to be based on her current income. And you should. Visitation? You should ask for a long-distance visitation plan. Whether she uses her time or not is up to her. Also ask that she be responsible for transportation costs.

 

[Bali Hai]

I live in New Hampshire.

Background:

After a periodically rocky marriage of 16 years, three weeks ago my wife suddenly up and decided to leave home, leaving our three children with me. She is currently staying not far from here, but just as suddenly announced that she is planning to move out of state, to Florida, with a former boyfriend from long ago, who is nowhere near here. They reconnected over the Internet. This reconnection is, according to her, not the reason she left, but is the reason for her moving to Florida in particular. According to her, she had already decided to move a long distance away on her own. There is no adultery. There are no charges of abuse, abandonment or neglect.

My issue is this. She is not planning to come back for the kids. She is leaving them with me, and pushing to rush the divorce so she can leave state ASAP (by July or the end of the summer ~ she says). I have asked her what "the plan" is for this move, but as yet she has offered little to no details. So far all I know is that she is looking into being transferred to another store withing the national chain for which she works. She has told me only that "he" has family that may take him (and her presumably) in. He is apparently broke, and lives in Arizona currently. These are the ONLY details she's offered so far.

This appears to me to be a very unusual situation in that while searching the internet for similar ones all I have been able to find are questions from spouses who's spouse left WITH their children

Today I spoke with someone (not a lawyer), of local prominence in our community in a position to observe many situations of separations and divorce. This person seemed to feel that the judge hearing our case may not even allow her to leave the state, leaving her children behind with no firm plan for visitations during and subsequent to the move.

Would anyone have any insight into this situation? Is there some possibility the judge hearing our case may not allow her to leave the state for some time, or even at all?

Tell her goodbye, good riddence and keep the SS and CS current or she'll be explaining why she didn't from behind bars.

 

[Housefather]

Okay, people need to read the post in detail. First of all, the kids are NOT going with her. She's already agreed to that. They are staying here with me. We've already agreed to make that a permanent arrangement.

Second, "What's the problem?" You're kidding me right? The problem is, she's "planning" to move, but has no plan. The guy she's planning to meet up with is broke. She makes very little money to begin with. She cannot produce a financial plan for this move, has no idea where she will end up, where she will be working for certain, how much it costs to live there, or how much she can even make. (This is not exactly a "career move." She's basically a glorified cashier, and doesn't make much money to begin with.)

Third, she is destroying the mother child relationship by emotionally abandoning her children. There is NO telling how long it will take her to even begin paying child support once she gets there, or to see the children at all. (What's the problem? It's destroying my kids emotionally, that's the problem, but she is also risking not being able to support them.)

Fourth, it really isn't polite to assume that just because I'm a house father that I do not have a job. You know what they say about assuming.

My greatest concern is the emotional damage this will do to the children. So far, not one answer has taken that into account. Very disappointing. No, I will not be saying "Good riddance." She is the mother of my children, and has been for 15 years. I am pissed off at how she is going about this, but adopting that kind of attitude will do NOTHING good for my kids.

I've come to terms within three weeks that our marriage is over after sixteen years, and it came to an end right when things seemed to be going very well, very suddenly and unexpectedly to me and the kids. That's pretty damned fast considering it came out the blue. The kids however, have not come to terms with it at all yet. They are already being damaged severely by her sudden decisions, and going from "It will be at least a year before I move," to, "By the end of the summer, as early as July." Two of the three of them are devastated in anticipation of possibly not seeing her for a very long time. She has been a daily part of their lives for their entire lives. As far as they knew, everything was hunky-dory one day, and the next, mom is suddenly not here for more than a couple of hours a day for a couple of weeks, then less each week, and very soon will not be here at all for God knows how long. There is even the [what I think is] slim chance they may never see here again.

Most of the replies so far don't seem to take that into consideration at all.

Some of you have said she can move wherever she pleases, and that was exactly what I believed as well. At first. Until I spoke to the individual I mentioned in the OP, who said he has known of cases similar to mine where the judge would not allow the parent intending to leave the state, to do so.

The children should continue having a relationship with their mother and that is something you should ask the court to order -- a solid visitation schedule to facilitate that relationship.

We are to be working on a visitation agreement over the next couple of days. The problem is, the only workable agreement we are able to come up with at this time applies only to while she is living in New Hampshire. There are NO solid plans on her part regarding her move to Florida, so there is no way to hammer out an agreement on that end. Even a judge could not do so with as little information as she has to offer. Yet, she is rushing this "deadline to move."

I'm not concerned as much about the custody or child support issues as I am with the emotional damage this is and will do to the kids. We have been, and will be on assistance for some time to come, so NHHHS will be working that out together with the court. Figuring out the financial issues will be pretty time consuming, but that's just a matter of digging up the records and doing the math. The rest will be determined by the state and the court, I am sure.

It is the relationship between her and the kids that is at issue, not custody or or support so much. The way she is going about this so far does not appear to ensure her relationship with them will not be damaged beyond repair, resulting in severe emotional damage to the children. I find it a little hard to believe that no judge would take that into consideration, however do not know whether NH state law allows them to do anything about it, such as ordering her to remain in NH, at least for a period of time so as to present the judge with a real plan regarding this move that accounts for visitation arrangements the judge would approve of.

That is essentially my question. Since she has NO plan, is it possible the judge may be able to deny her ability to leave the state? I hear it is from one person here in NH so far. Are those of you that say "no," familiar enough with NH state law to be sure you are correct?

 

[Zigner]

Okay, people need to read the post in detail. First of all, the kids are NOT going with her. She's already agreed to that. They are staying here with me. We've already agreed to make that a permanent arrangement.

Yes, we all read that earlier.

Second, "What's the problem?" You're kidding me right? The problem is, she's "planning" to move, but has no plan. The guy she's planning to meet up with is broke. She makes very little money to begin with. She cannot produce a financial plan for this move, has no idea where she will end up, where she will be working for certain, how much it costs to live there, or how much she can even make. (This is not exactly a "career move." She's basically a glorified cashier, and doesn't make much money to begin with.)

Not your problem, legally or m

Third, she is destroying the mother child relationship by emotionally abandoning her children. There is NO telling how long it will take her to even begin paying child support once she gets there, or to see the children at all. (What's the problem? It's destroying my kids emotionally, that's the problem, but she is also risking not being able to support them.)

Dramatic much?
Not that it matters. She is allowed to be a craptastic mother.

Fourth, it really isn't polite to assume that just because I'm a house father that I do not have a job. You know what they say about assuming.

If you are employed, then you should have mentioned that. It is entirely proper to ASS-U-me that you don't have a job.

My greatest concern is the emotional damage this will do to the children. So far, not one answer has taken that into account. Very disappointing. No, I will not be saying "Good riddance." She is the mother of my children, and has been for 15 years. I am pissed off at how she is going about this, but adopting that kind of attitude will do NOTHING good for my kids.

There is nothing you can do about that. You can't force her to stay. You don't have that kind of control.

I've come to terms within three weeks that our marriage is over after sixteen years, and it came to an end right when things seemed to be going very well, very suddenly and unexpectedly to me and the kids. That's pretty damned fast considering it came out the blue. The kids however, have not come to terms with it at all yet. They are already being damaged severely by her sudden decisions, and going from "It will be at least a year before I move," to, "By the end of the summer, as early as July." Two of the three of them are devastated in anticipation of possibly not seeing her for a very long time. She has been a daily part of their lives for their entire lives. As far as they knew, everything was hunky-dory one day, and the next, mom is suddenly not here for more than a couple of hours a day for a couple of weeks, then less each week, and very soon will not be here at all for God knows how long. There is even the [what I think is] slim chance they may never see here again.

Most of the replies so far don't seem to take that into consideration at all.

Sure they have. Unfortunately, they are irrelevant issues from a legal persepctive.

Some of you have said she can move wherever she pleases, and that was exactly what I believed as well. At first. Until I spoke to the individual I mentioned in the OP, who said he has known of cases similar to mine where the judge would not allow the parent intending to leave the state, to do so.

As you were told, that is NOT true. The other parent can't leave the state WITH THE CHILDREN, but the other parent is free to leave the state.

We are to be working on a visitation agreement over the next couple of days. The problem is, the only workable agreement we are able to come up with at this time applies only to while she is living in New Hampshire. There are NO solid plans on her part regarding her move to Florida, so there is no way to hammer out an agreement on that end. Even a judge could not do so with as little information as she has to offer. Yet, she is rushing this "deadline to move."

Then you may have to wait.

I'm not concerned as much about the custody or child support issues as I am with the emotional damage this is and will do to the kids. We have been, and will be on assistance for some time to come, so NHHHS will be working that out together with the court. Figuring out the financial issues will be pretty time consuming, but that's just a matter of digging up the records and doing the math. The rest will be determined by the state and the court, I am sure.

I suggest counseling for all involved.

It is the relationship between her and the kids that is at issue, not custody or or support so much. The way she is going about this so far does not appear to ensure her relationship with them will not be damaged beyond repair, resulting in severe emotional damage to the children. I find it a little hard to believe that no judge would take that into consideration, however do not know whether NH state law allows them to do anything about it, such as ordering her to remain in NH, at least for a period of time so as to present the judge with a real plan regarding this move that accounts for visitation arrangements the judge would approve of.

That is essentially my question. Since she has NO plan, is it possible the judge may be able to deny her ability to leave the state? I hear it is from one person here in NH so far. Are those of you that say "no," familiar enough with NH state law to be sure you are correct?

You've been told, over and over again. NO.

 

[LdiJ]

Dad the problem is that the things you are the most concerned about are not things that a judge has jurisdiction to make orders regarding.

This is a legal forum and we can address legal issues, but the emotional issues are not under your control or the judge's control. There is nothing that you or a judge can legally do to force mom to remain in your area, no matter how much her move and actions are emotionally damaging your children. You can certainly talk to mom about your concerns about the children. You can even try to convince her to attend a counselling session with the children, but you cannot legally stop her from moving anywhere she likes.

 

[Housefather]

Zigner, your attitude sucks.

Yes, some repliers said no, but they did not have the added information as to how she is going about this. Nothing wrong with adding information then asking again.

You've been told, over and over again. NO.

No kidding Sherlock, but that doesn't answer the question. "Are you familiar enough with NH state law to be certain of this?" (Or NH case law for that matter?)

You can't force her to stay. You don't have that kind of control.

*rolleyes* Where on earth did I say I was trying to force her to do anything, or that I have any control over any of this? I already know I don't. The question is about the judges power, not mine.

Dramatic much?

Uh, yeah. Dramatic. What the hell man? It's a DIVORCE stupid. Of course I'm dramatic!

You need to take an empathy pill man.

 

[Zigner]

Zigner, your attitude sucks.

Yes, some repliers said no, but they did not have the added information as to how she is going about this. Nothing wrong with adding information then asking again.



No kidding Sherlock, but that doesn't answer the question. "Are you familiar enough with NH state law to be certain of this?" (Or NH case law for that matter?)



*rolleyes* Where on earth did I say I was trying to force her to do anything, or that I have any control over any of this? I already know I don't. The question is about the judges power, not mine.



Uh, yeah. Dramatic. What the hell man? It's a DIVORCE stupid. Of course I'm dramatic!

You need to take an empathy pill man.

Dr. Phil is two doors down and on the right.

 

[Housefather]

We are to be working on a visitation agreement over the next couple of days. The problem is, the only workable agreement we are able to come up with at this time applies only to while she is living in New Hampshire. There are NO solid plans on her part regarding her move to Florida, so there is no way to hammer out an agreement on that end. Even a judge could not do so with as little information as she has to offer. Yet, she is rushing this "deadline to move."

Then you may have to wait.

Okay, I have to admit that right there was what I was looking for. Perhaps then, if there is not solid plan, which means no visitation can be arranged beyond the move, that may be one reason for a judge to refuse to grant the divorce until there is one. That, in effect, would mean she would NOT be able to leave. That's not a legal opinion, she herself won't leave until the divorce case is complete (not necessarily final).

And that's fine. That works for me, and the kids, because it means she would not leave until there is such a solid plan.

Despite what I perceived as rudeness, this points me in the right direction, and may be what the person I spoke with was referring to.

 

[Zigner]

Okay, I have to admit that right there was what I was looking for. Perhaps then, if there is not solid plan, which means no visitation can be arranged beyond the move, that may be one reason for a judge to refuse to grant the divorce until there is one. That, in effect, would mean she would NOT be able to leave. That's not a legal opinion, she herself won't leave until the divorce case is complete (not necessarily final).

And that's fine. That works for me, and the kids, because it means she would not leave until there is such a solid plan.

Despite what I perceived as rudeness, this points me in the right direction, and may be what the person I spoke with was referring to.

The divorce won't be held up solely because she doesn't have concrete plans for the future.

 

[Housefather]

Dr. Phil is two doors down and on the right.

Maybe you ought to go see him then.

Look, I realize this is a legal forum, but for crying out loud, people do have emotions, and they are certainly NOT irrelevant on a forum. This is not a court room.

 

[Housefather]

The divorce won't be held up solely because she doesn't have concrete plans for the future.

Even if it means there are no visitation plans at all? I find that a little conflicting with the research I've done on NH divorce cases.

 

[Zigner]

Maybe you ought to go see him then.

Look, I realize this is a legal forum, but for crying out loud, people do have emotions, and they are certainly NOT irrelevant on a forum. This is not a court room.

Yes, you have emotions.
Yes, this is a very difficult time for you.
Yes, I do have sympathy (and empathy) for you.
No, I will not change my answers so they make you "feel better." You are on a legal forum that addresses legal matters. You got accurate answers from that standpoint.

You're welcome