Mother would like change of custody and legal status

[outhouse]

Ok this get so frustrating


Go back to mediation and the guy just talks about our work hours.


mom has a note saying she can have flexible hours, and mediator states "and I know you can have one as well", talking to me. he said he is not worried about the 2 days a week the paternal grandmother watched child for me.


He kept drilling on the mom about her stating she wants to keep this 50/50 but then asks her why her hours she wants visitation cuts fathers days down to 2 days a month, and why she wants to move the child away from the childs family in my town, to a high crime rate area with no family at all. Ex just didnt get it and kept hammering with no flexability at all for her days.



after 40 min of this mediator asks me if I would do him a favor and oblige him. he wants a child specialist to interview child in two sessions, once with mom and once with me. of course at our cost with money neither parent really has to spend.

I told him Im getting a bit frustrated that its taking so long to come to a simple agreement and that this whole proccess is getting pretty stressfull. I told him we have court in two weeks and now you have two appointments scheduled and have to debate with the thearapist before giving us your reccomendations, and I still need to get my court papers/rebuttle together based on what he finds. he stated to ease my mind as long as everything with the child thearapist goes fine and there isnt anything drastic that comes up, hes going to reccomend keeping whats working now in place.







I swear mediators are just taking care of their friends in the buisiness letting them have a piece of the pie. What will they get from a 5 year old?, when theres no abuse from mom this time, parents had been co-parenting well, no violence at all, and none reported, and the mother just states she moved 30 min away because she wanted and she just wants more custody because she wants the child for school instead of dad. A voice hasnt even been raised in front of the child co-parenting.


In the back of my mind im hoping hes having this child thearapist look at mom so he can help give me 100% legal custody since mom is showing herself to not be flexible at all and putting her interest before the childs.

 

[CJane]

In the back of my mind im hoping hes having this child thearapist look at mom so he can help give me 100% legal custody since mom is showing herself to not be flexible at all and putting her interest before the childs.

You've said nothing at all to indicate that might be true.

And it's not an abuse of legal custody to take the child out of country w/out your express permission, unless the order specifically states that she needs your permission. So that's a no go.

Do I think mom has a good shot at changing custody/schools? No.
Do I think you're reacting immaturely? Yes.

 

[outhouse]

You've said nothing at all to indicate that might be true.

And it's not an abuse of legal custody to take the child out of country w/out your express permission, unless the order specifically states that she needs your permission. So that's a no go.

Do I think mom has a good shot at changing custody/schools? No.
Do I think you're reacting immaturely? Yes.

how so?


vacation's out of country with the child I have already granted in the past and am not fighting. It just shows mom not co-parenting.


going against the court orders regarding the legal status she has now with the childs medical, getting flouride against my will and overdosing and staining the childs teeth brown are my main objection.

Im not even really fighting for a legal status change, but like any good court battle you ask for a little more then you want so when its negotiated you end up with what you want.





with legal status, often times legal custody is given to the parent who is most flexible and willing to co-parent with the childs best interest in mind. Its why I was awarded the final say so, in our spilt legal custody.

 

[CJane]

how so?


vacation's out of country with the child I have already granted in the past and am not fighting. It just shows mom not co-parenting.


going against the court orders regarding the legal status she has now with the childs medical, getting flouride against my will and overdosing and staining the childs teeth brown are my main objection.

Im not even really fighting for a legal status change, but like any good court battle you ask for a little more then you want so when its negotiated you end up with what you want.





with legal status, often times legal custody is given to the parent who is most flexible and willing to co-parent with the childs best interest in mind. Its why I was awarded the final say so, in our spilt legal custody.

How so?

You loved the mediator, in advance, because you were certain s/he would see things your way and send Mom packing. Now that the mediator wants to do a little more investigating, and give Mom's concerns some attention, well... s/he's just a schmo out to shuttle some funds to the good ol boy network and screw you in the process.

And this -- "any good court battle" -- really crappy attitude.

And Mom told you she was taking kiddo on vacation. What would you have preferred she do, in order so show she was coparenting to your standards?

The flouride treatment? Prove that there was an overdose. Prove that Mom was negligent. Prove that was the ONLY reason the child's teeth are discolored. And then prove that it will have a lasting impact on her.

 

[outhouse]

How so?

You loved the mediator, in advance, because you were certain s/he would see things your way and send Mom packing. Now that the mediator wants to do a little more investigating, and give Mom's concerns some attention, well... s/he's just a schmo out to shuttle some funds to the good ol boy network and screw you in the process.

And this -- "any good court battle" -- really crappy attitude.

And Mom told you she was taking kiddo on vacation. What would you have preferred she do, in order so show she was coparenting to your standards?

The flouride treatment? Prove that there was an overdose. Prove that Mom was negligent. Prove that was the ONLY reason the child's teeth are discolored. And then prove that it will have a lasting impact on her.

I thought parents should discuss events about taking heir child out of coutry for a month, not pre-buying tickets and demanding said days, non negotiable.

The child specialist is not to address moms concerns, if anything its to check the mother daughter parent relationship as mother has a history of child endangerment and child neglect when she did almost a year of supervised visitation.

By mother wanting to move child away from family in childs city now to a high crime rate area, basicaly ruining the father daughter relationship established, taking her out of a quality school in which the child is established, in my view is mother putting mothers interest first over that of the child. As both parents schedules are pretty close.


this whole mediation has been nothing but the mediator trying to get through to the mom who admitting to mediator she wants the court to make all her co-parenting decisions, which he talked to her about and it went over her head, as well as asking mother 3 times why she moved away from the childs hometown, as well as why does she say she wants to co-parent but take away the child from the father all but 2 days a month, none of which she has provided a better answer then "its what I want"




At first I was happy with the mediator, but now im finding out he's reluctant to get involved. he did state this from the beginning but I didnt know it would take so long compared to "all" the other mediators ive worked with in the past. Mediator is still ay this point siding with me and sending mom packing as you put it. I wouldnt use that phrase.


As far as the "court battle" im going up against lawyers by myself, and they are being snakes more then I ever have or will, and are doing the same exact thing asking for far more then they wil ever get.



as far as teeth, First you have seen legal custody go to one parent or the other for far less. fact is mother disobeyed court orders in place that were put inplace so dumb accidents like this wouldnt happen. I can have a dentist state it is flouride staining, and I can get the doctors note that shows mother requesting said medicine. Im not making a big deal out of it in court but I am noting it, as I should due to mothers lack of following simple instructions regarding the childs health.



You seem pro-women and thats fine, im used to it in a court system geared for women first.

 

[CJane]

You seem pro-women and thats fine, im used to it in a court system geared for women first.

I wish you'd said that sooner. It's the only thing I would have needed to point to, in order to show your immaturity.

Thanks.

 

[outhouse]

I wish you'd said that sooner. It's the only thing I would have needed to point to, in order to show your immaturity.

Thanks.

I can see you being a mom, you wouldnt understand how pro women the system is.



I lost every possession I owned thanks to the laws in place to protect women. I almost lost my daughter to these same laws.


Thankfully the original mediators witnessed this as well as the DA, but many men are not so lucky, so I was able to keep my daughter.


but all I worked for and ever owned was taken [almost everyting] due to these laws. So excuse me! if i have my guard up.

 

[tuffbrk]

Please advise as to the change of circumstance that is allowing custody to be reviewed at this time. I may have missed it....

 

[CJane]

Please advise as to the change of circumstance that is allowing custody to be reviewed at this time. I may have missed it....

Father didn't request a dismissal based on there being no change in circumstances, so the case is moving forward.

Also, courts hate men, don'tcha know.

 

[outhouse]

Father didn't request a dismissal based on there being no change in circumstances, so the case is moving forward.

Also, courts hate men, don'tcha know.

False


the courts dont hate men. the proccess getting to the courts are biased, and you know it lol


Mediators are a blessing, and it was the judge who really helped me the most.


police and CPS were the worst.




as far as the dismissal, I was served on a Friday and had a mandatory mediation appt sent to the house on the following monday.



First thing in my reply as respondant is that there was no change of circumstance and this should be dismissed.

 

[stealth2]

LOL Silly Loo... CJane's no more pro-woman than anyone else here. We are pro-CHILD.

And actually, what the evaluator is doing by meeting with the child and each of you? Is looking at what kind of relationship EACH of you has with the child. It's a rather standard type of evaluation done during custody proceedings - especially one that is contested as yours is.

 

[tuffbrk]

Father didn't request a dismissal based on there being no change in circumstances, so the case is moving forward.

Also, courts hate men, don'tcha know.

It's starting to bother me that more and more frequently it seems that parents are willy nilly requesting custody changes without a COC and the courts are willing to entertain them. Or at least as has been posted more and more frequently as of late.

You'd think the Family courts are busy enough that they would just be thrown out.

I still have soooo much to learn.



And Outhouse - from my perspective? I was not treated any better or worse than my now ex when it came to Custody mediation. I didn't receive a dime of child support but that's a whole different story. We are a product of our court experiences so we all have different perspectives and many of us believe we were "wronged" at least a few times in Family court. Men and women alike.

 

[outhouse]

LOL Silly Loo... CJane's no more pro-woman than anyone else here. We are pro-CHILD.

And actually, what the evaluator is doing by meeting with the child and each of you? Is looking at what kind of relationship EACH of you has with the child. It's a rather standard type of evaluation done during custody proceedings - especially one that is contested as yours is.

Thank you.

makes sense

 

[outhouse]

It's starting to bother me that more and more frequently it seems that parents are willy nilly requesting custody changes without a COC and the courts are willing to entertain them. Or at least as has been posted more and more frequently as of late.

You'd think the Family courts are busy enough that they would just be thrown out.

I still have soooo much to learn.



And Outhouse - from my perspective? I was not treated any better or worse than my now ex when it came to Custody mediation. I didn't receive a dime of child support but that's a whole different story. We are a product of our court experiences so we all have different perspectives and many of us believe we were "wronged" at least a few times in Family court. Men and women alike.

Thanks for the advise.


I was sent to mediation a few days after being served and have not had a chance to file for, no COC.



In the end court helped me, and the childs split custody was worth loosing all my possessions.

 

[outhouse]

and if this site is pro-child, let it be known the help I recieved here for my first go-round was not in vain.

the child as it stands has both parents involved in the childs life, the child is healthy and smart as a whip, and excelling in school and not a voice raised between both parents since our last court date. [2 years ago]




More then anything else its a stressfull situation one looses a lot of sleep over. And in this case it seems frivolous.