Many Questions

[LdiJ]

She better be able to back that up with actual admissible documentation. Because interestingly enough most businesses don't work that way.
The other issue is the 401k loan -- if hubby didn't sign on it, she better be able to prove where every dime of that money went unless she wants to get accused of dissipation of marital assets.

She is a nurse working two overnight, long shifts, on Friday and Saturday night no less. I can see easily how it would be possible. I know someone here in Indiana who worked a double shift every other weekend only (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) and made enough to live on fairly comfortably. It allowed her to be home with her children when they were not with their father.

 

[BaconRN]

You all have given me a lot to think about. I'm looking for a lawyer.

As for my work hours, I work 2 days but get paid for 3, with a small bonus for working every weekend. This is the most money I can make in my area, with my experience, and certainly for as few hours as I work. It also let's me provide benefits at the cheaper full time rate vs. the cost prohibitive part time rate.

My biggest concern now - you all alleviated some of my fears - is custody.if my husband stands a good chance to have the majority of custody, I won't divorce. I'd rather be unhappy forever than be away from my child the majority of the time.

 

[Bali Hai]

You all have given me a lot to think about. I'm looking for a lawyer.

As for my work hours, I work 2 days but get paid for 3, with a small bonus for working every weekend. This is the most money I can make in my area, with my experience, and certainly for as few hours as I work. It also let's me provide benefits at the cheaper full time rate vs. the cost prohibitive part time rate.

My biggest concern now - you all alleviated some of my fears - is custody.if my husband stands a good chance to have the majority of custody, I won't divorce. I'd rather be unhappy forever than be away from my child the majority of the time.

As strange as this sounds, YOU aren't the only one holding a divorce card. What if he chooses to divorce you?

 

[tuffbrk]

As strange as this sounds, YOU aren't the only one holding a divorce card. What if he chooses to divorce you?

He would be a fool to divorce his ATM card who probably also cleans, food shops, cooks and does laundry! At least in TX he'd be a fool because the alimony won't last long. Now if they lived in the tri-state area...

 

[LdiJ]

You all have given me a lot to think about. I'm looking for a lawyer.

As for my work hours, I work 2 days but get paid for 3, with a small bonus for working every weekend. This is the most money I can make in my area, with my experience, and certainly for as few hours as I work. It also let's me provide benefits at the cheaper full time rate vs. the cost prohibitive part time rate.

My biggest concern now - you all alleviated some of my fears - is custody.if my husband stands a good chance to have the majority of custody, I won't divorce. I'd rather be unhappy forever than be away from my child the majority of the time.

I cannot see how he would stand a greater chance than you. You seem to be home with the children far more than he is. He isn't even home with them while you are working Friday and Saturday nights, they are with your parents. If he chooses to move away, then he has little chance at all.

 

[Ohiogal]

She is a nurse working two overnight, long shifts, on Friday and Saturday night no less. I can see easily how it would be possible. I know someone here in Indiana who worked a double shift every other weekend only (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) and made enough to live on fairly comfortably. It allowed her to be home with her children when they were not with their father.

Again, she better be able to prove that she would earn LESS working more.

 

[ecmst12]

She might earn more if she worked 5 days a week, but when you add in the cost of child care, I bet it would come out a wash. And if this is what she's been working through the marriage, I can't imagine that a judge would expect her to change that just so she could pay the ex alimony.

 

[BaconRN]

Update with More Questions

I have a few more questions, and I'm not sure if this is the right place to put them. My apologies if I'm wrong.

I have not proceeded with anything related to divorce since my last post, mostly because I don't want to share my kiddo. Things have been amicable enough, so it was ok.

However, on Thanksgiving, my husband had a huge blow-up with my family, and after that, said he would not allow me to take my son to Xmas with my family if my 6-year-old nephew is present. (My 6 year old nephew is a bit of a bully; he antagonizes our kid & is pretty mean spirited about it. However, my sister and I talked and developed a plan for handling conflict and discipline in the future.)He said if I do take our kiddo there, he'll do all sorts of nasty things to my family - send letters to their neighbors, telling them how my family endorses child abuse, take out an ad in the paper, saying my family commits child abuse, and he said he'll stand outside my parents' house with a big sign that said, "Child abuse happens here."

In order to prevent that from happening, I told him that I wouldn't take my kiddo to Xmas, but that I didn't agree with him. He kept arguing with me about it, and finally said he was going to divorce me and that he would get custody because a judge would see that I'm putting out kiddo in a dangerous situation, and that if a judge didn't see that, then he'd just take our kiddo and I'd never see him again.

He was getting loud and slamming doors and kicking things, so I got scared, and said we were going to spend the night at my parents house. Then my husband started screaming at me, and said no, I wasn't taking our kid anywhere, and that *He* was taking our kiddo to where I'd never see him again, and he ran into our kid's room, grabbed him out of bed, and started to run down the stairs with him. I managed to keep him from leaving the house, even as he kept saying I'd never see our kid again, and I called the police.

The police calmed the situation, and told my husband that he can't threaten to take our kid away and not let me see him again. They also let me take our kid to my parents' house, but said I had to bring him back in 24 hours, since my husband and I aren't divorced and there's no custody order.

I came back after 24 hours with our kid, and I know my husband thinks things are ok now, but he keeps telling me that he's dead serious that if I try to "endanger" our child or keep him from seeing our child when and how he wants (visitation; he wants unlimited access all the time) he'll take him to a foreign country and disappear and I'll have to try to find them. I'm scared to death.

I'm afraid to pursue any legal action, like divorce, because I'm afraid he will disappear with our kid and I'll never find him. What kind of options do I have? Does he get to just threaten to take our child away from me like this? Is there anything I can do? Or do I have to stay married to ensure I have access to my own child?

I don't care about assests or alimony or anything anymore. I only care about not losing my child.

I'm sorry this is so mercilessly long, but I'm not sure what's important.

 

[Ohiogal]

My my my my my my my my.
Well that is one major thing you are wrong about. This child is also HIS HIS HIS HIS HIS HIS HIS. You seem to forget that. The police were also wrong with what they stated. Dad can take HIS child with him and they can't state you must return in 24 hours. After all there is no court order. You can do the same. Neither one of you seem to be thinking about the child however and both seem stuck in your own selfishness regarding what you want. Try growing up and realizing that this child has TWO parents -- of which you are only one. Dad's rights are EQUAL to yours and vice versa. Try to get some counseling to learn a bit more about how to coparent.

If your son is being bullied to the point of physicality that is NOT a good situation. Your nephew needs dealt with and needs to have consequences -- you need to protect your son from him.

 

[Doreen]

Unless any part of the loan request specifically asked for spousal consent, you did NOT need it. Many employers and 401(k) custodians in Texas do not require it.

You should NOT expect to pay alimony or even temporary spousal maintenance in Texas, since your marriage was less than 10 years. The limited exceptions to this do not seem to apply to your case. Section 8.051 Texas Family Code, "Factors in Determining Maintenance" was recently amended.

http://www.statutes.legis.state.tx.us/Docs/FA/htm/FA.8.htm

You SHOULD retain a family law attorney BEFORE notifying your husband of your intent to file for divorce.

Set up an initial consultation with at least 3 or 4 local attorneys. While not a hard and fast rule, shy away from any who ask for an upfront consultation fee they will credit back to you if you retain them. Choose the one you feel most comfortable with, and as already noted, not necessarily the one with the biggest promises.

A good attorney can review your situation and PREPARE your divorce BEFORE filing.

If the facts in your case warrant a need for a kick-out order to be served with your divorce petition, your attorney can properly advise you on that.

Your husband may then be served with a divorce petition along with standard divorce restraining orders (and a kick-out order if necessary), and schedule a hearing on temporary orders to establish conservatorship, visitation, and child support.

A big advantage of you preemptively filing for divorce with proper restraining orders means that your husband will be put on notice that he is legally restrained from leaving with or changing the residence of his child, and restrained from doing a lot of other things, at least until the temporary orders hearing establishes who has a right to do what.

You may be able to take out another 401k loan to help with your legal fees, but your attorney will advise you on that.

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks for the reply.

To answer your questions, our house is titled in my name. The mortgage is in my name. I purchased it about 6 months prior to our marriage. We've paid off about $5,000 of our loan.

The house is then your separate property with him having a marital interest in any equity that accrued during the marriage.

Our cars are fully paid off. Both are also titled in my named only. But we bought both after we were married so I know they are marital assets.

Yep

I borrowed $5,000 from my 401k. There is about $15,000 left in the account. I am paying the money back monthly by automatic paycheck withholding. My husband didn't know until after the fact that I borrowed the money.

I will continue to only work 2 days a week post divorce. I make a sufficient living to support myself and my son on that schedule.

I wish I could work your schedule!

My husband current makes no money with his business. It's a combination online advertising/music production company. Any money he makes comes from investments, but that money gets spent on his music project, not the household. I 100% support the three of us. I'm not sure the amounts he makes with his investments, but it's significant enough to support his music project, but insignificant enough for him to report 0 income on his taxes.

His last "real" job was in 2001, and that was as a computer programmer. I believe he made between $60,000-$75,000 that year.

I've been looking into lawyers, but I'm not sure how to choose one. What should I be looking for?

I doubt if you would have to pay him any alimony,,,but how much actual income he has from his investments does make some difference.