Joint Legal

[breezymom]

Quick question...

(And back after our tornado LOL...what "fun")

Little monkey is so bright and curious and we do a bit of "school" at home, but there may be the opportunity to get her into head start in the fall. I sent Dad a message asking for his thoughts/opinions, etc., and told him that she doesn't have to go on his time with her, but that I really thought she would benefit from it.

Since it is education-related, and not an actual day care, if he says absolutely no way, then she can't go, since we have joint-legal, correct? Even if it wouldn't affect his parenting time with her?

 

[CJane]

Quick question...

(And back after our tornado LOL...what "fun")

Little monkey is so bright and curious and we do a bit of "school" at home, but there may be the opportunity to get her into head start in the fall. I sent Dad a message asking for his thoughts/opinions, etc., and told him that she doesn't have to go on his time with her, but that I really thought she would benefit from it.

Since it is education-related, and not an actual day care, if he says absolutely no way, then she can't go, since we have joint-legal, correct? Even if it wouldn't affect his parenting time with her?

Not necessarily.

How does your order address joint-legal? Does it define it? Does your state define it in statute?

MANY states address joint-legal as requiring the parents to consult/confer about decisions, not AGREE to those decisions, necessarily.

 

[breezymom]

Not necessarily.

How does your order address joint-legal? Does it define it? Does your state define it in statute?

MANY states address joint-legal as requiring the parents to consult/confer about decisions, not AGREE to those decisions, necessarily.

Our order is not specific, just to say we have joint legal custody, which, according to Law NY's site:

What is joint custody?

Joint custody means that both parents share responsibility for making decisions about the child. The court does not have to give joint custody. It can give custody to only one parent. The court usually will give custody to only one parent if it looks like the parents are not able to cooperate and work together.

If parents have joint legal custody, they have to talk about and agree on important decisions such as the child’s medical care, education, or religion. Both parents have access to the child’s medical and school records.

Everyday decisions such as the child’s bedtime or permission for field trips are handled by the parent that has physical custody.

http://www.lawny.org/index.php/family-self-help-140/other-family-law-self-help-75/178-child-custody-and-visitation-rights-in-new-york

So, I am guessing we both HAVE to agree, even though the custody situation, as of now is 90%/10%, me having primary.

 

[CJane]

So, I am guessing we both HAVE to agree, even though the custody situation, as of now is 90%/10%, me having primary.

I'd guess the same.

However, if Dad flat-out refuses, I'd take it back to court. And/or make a decision on what to do based on a thorough risk-benefit analysis of the situation.

 

[BL]

Our order is not specific, just to say we have joint legal custody, which, according to Law NY's site:




http://www.lawny.org/index.php/family-self-help-140/other-family-law-self-help-75/178-child-custody-and-visitation-rights-in-new-york

So, I am guessing we both HAVE to agree, even though the custody situation, as of now is 90%/10%, me having primary.

I'm guessing as long as this is a public head start program and not affiliated with any religion,and it does not interfere in Dad's parenting/visitation ,you would not be found in contempt or admonished by the court for enrolling the child in head start.

I know how joint custody reads in NY,but you're really talking about major issues being talked about and agreed upon.

Legal Custody
In New York, when the term “joint custody” is used, it refers only to joint legal custody. Joint legal custody means that both parents have the right to decide major issues for their child. Parents can voluntarily agree to a joint custody arrangement when their divorce is amicable, and a judge will usually approve it. On the other hand, New York courts will generally not force joint legal parenting on a family: When parents must go to court to have a judge decide custody for them because they can't reach an agreement on their own, they probably don't get along well enough to make decisions together for their child. In a joint legal custody situation, neither parent can override the other. For example, if one parent wants to enroll her child in a private school and the other does not, they’re at a stalemate. That's why judges rarely force this kind of situation on parents.

 

[CJane]

I'm guessing as long as this is a public head start program and not affiliated with any religion,and it does not interfere in Dad's parenting/visitation ,you would not be found in contempt or admonished by the court for enrolling the child in head start.

I know how joint custody reads in NY,but you're really talking about major issues being talked about and agreed upon.

I agree. The bold would heavily factor into the risk-benefit analysis that I mentioned.

 

[breezymom]

I agree. The bold would heavily factor into the risk-benefit analysis that I mentioned.

It would be a public head start program, no religion affiliation.

Kiddo isn't behind in anything that we've seen, but even in her early assessments, she's always been far ahead--except in one single area, where she regressed, which is the potty training. She's nearly-fully-there again, but I am hoping that it will help to see other kids doing everything on the potty, since I keep trying everything and she still refuses partially. That's one example of how I think this will help her. Plus, I AM a teacher, so I definitely know the benefits of early education and I feel, based on her personality and capabilities, that starting early will be a HUGE plus for her. She loves educational-related activities and I think doing them with other children will be a wonderful opportunity for her.

Edit: Also, we could see if she IS behind in anything, which would be helpful at home. I'm biased, since I'm her mother, so of course there are things that I probably don't see that may be small, but important.

 

[LdiJ]

e

It would be a public head start program, no religion affiliation.

Kiddo isn't behind in anything that we've seen, but even in her early assessments, she's always been far ahead--except in one single area, where she regressed, which is the potty training. She's nearly-fully-there again, but I am hoping that it will help to see other kids doing everything on the potty, since I keep trying everything and she still refuses partially. That's one example of how I think this will help her. Plus, I AM a teacher, so I definitely know the benefits of early education and I feel, based on her personality and capabilities, that starting early will be a HUGE plus for her. She loves educational-related activities and I think doing them with other children will be a wonderful opportunity for her.

Edit: Also, we could see if she IS behind in anything, which would be helpful at home. I'm biased, since I'm her mother, so of course there are things that I probably don't see that may be small, but important.

I agree with the others. I cannot see a judge dinging you for putting the child in head start, if it does not interfere with dad's time. There is no guarantee, but its more likely that a judge would be annoyed with dad for disagreeing.

 

[breezymom]

Thanks, guys n gals. I was kind of figuring that, but with the way things read and with him trying to say I'm not including him in these types of things, I wanted to make damn sure, especially since every time I make the attempt, he declines with some excuse.

 

[BL]

Thanks, guys n gals. I was kind of figuring that, but with the way things read and with him trying to say I'm not including him in these types of things, I wanted to make damn sure, especially since every time I make the attempt, he declines with some excuse.

How was Joint Legal Custody decided ?

Agreed to and the Court signed off on it , or the Court itself decided.

What year was it ordered ?

If he never agrees , it might be something to consider in taking it in for modification .

 

[breezymom]

How was Joint Legal Custody decided ?

Agreed to and the Court signed off on it , or the Court itself decided.

What year was it ordered ?

If he never agrees , it might be something to consider in taking it in for modification .

It was ordered in 2009 and the constant disagreement on everything is why we're still in court, at the moment.

Joint legal custody is usually the default here, so it was just checked off in the order by the court.

 

[breezymom]

Not a thing from him, yet. I know I'll get an earful next time he drops her off to me about not wanting her to go and how horrible it will be for her and how it will be dangerous to her, yadda yadda. I suppose I'll give him a week, since that will be about the next time I have to deal in person with him and like I said, I'm sure I'll get an earful then. When he does this what he wants to say he doesn't want to put in writing, which, as you know, is never good in my case.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Just a reminder breezy, given your posting hx, it's likely that ex will try and pull the same stunts that he did with day care.

I realize that you plan on having it all on your parenting time, but you should prepare (mentally) in the event he does the same with head start / pre school. (It happens. It's just as easy to get kicked out of pre-school when a parent acts out.)

And don't be surprised if he acts surprised if, after not answering, you enroll her... (Makes one wonder sometimes what's the point of emailing the information if the other person is not going to pay attention to it...)

Good luck!

 

[breezymom]

Just a reminder breezy, given your posting hx, it's likely that ex will try and pull the same stunts that he did with day care.

I realize that you plan on having it all on your parenting time, but you should prepare (mentally) in the event he does the same with head start / pre school. (It happens. It's just as easy to get kicked out of pre-school when a parent acts out.)

And don't be surprised if he acts surprised if, after not answering, you enroll her... (Makes one wonder sometimes what's the point of emailing the information if the other person is not going to pay attention to it...)

Good luck!

I know the message was read at 1:11 PM yesterday LOL I saw the read stamp. We really need to be able to use OFW, but I doubt it will get ordered, so we won't use it. I'm definitely mentally prepared, myself, but the thing that, excuse my language, sucks, is kiddo won't be, but what else can I do? I can't keep her home her entire life because I'm afraid of how Dad's scenes will affect her. I mean, one of the main reasons I left was because he had us isolated. Not going to let him do that from afar.

 

[Banned_Princess]

Personally I would put her in head start. If worse comes to worse dont mention it again.