New York Divorce

[MagsBay]

And how much were you earning when you worked? Do you have a boyfriend? Are you looking to enter into a new relationship? In three years you couldn't find ONE job (even a job that paid less or that you consider yourself overqualified to work)?

A boyfriend? No, I think not. As I have mentioned, I love my husband. No boyfriends, actually the thought of it makes me laugh.

No, I could not find a job during the last three years as I am rather well qualified (educated) and the jobs in my field are not there now. And jobs outside my field won't hire me (too old, I guess, too well educated).

I have, however, for the past three years taken care of family responsibilities. Many, in fact, including responsibilities of my in-laws. And have done much in volunteering in the community. But I reckon that is neither here nor there.

I have spoken to a local attorney and I think a solution is at hand if my husband is agreeable to same.

The house will remain in both of our names but I will live in it and maintain it.

Upon my death, the house will be placed in my husband's name and our children's names (vice versa should my husband pre-decease me).

At my age, I am not looking for a new life, just a quiet one where I am comfortable and at home.

 

[MagsBay]

And how much were you earning when you worked? Do you have a boyfriend? Are you looking to enter into a new relationship? In three years you couldn't find ONE job (even a job that paid less or that you consider yourself overqualified to work)?

A boyfriend? No, I think not. As I have mentioned, I love my husband. No boyfriends, actually the thought of it makes me laugh.

No, I could not find a job during the last three years as I am rather well qualified (educated) and the jobs in my field are not there now. And jobs outside my field won't hire me (too old, I guess, too well educated).

I have, however, for the past three years taken care of family responsibilities. Many, in fact, including responsibilities of my in-laws. And have done much in volunteering in the community. But I reckon that is neither here nor there.

I have spoken to a local attorney and I think a solution is at hand if my husband is agreeable to same.

The house will remain in both of our names but I will live in it and maintain it.

Upon my death, the house will be placed in my husband's name and our children's names (vice versa should my husband pre-decease me).

At my age, I am not looking for a new life, just a quiet one where I am comfortable and at home.

 

[MagsBay]

Hi - actually, you will receive SS based on whoever's contribution was greater. AS for the rest of what you may get, you have not provided enough of the financial information for us to make a determination of how the numbers could be crunched. Even the home would need a very recent appraisal as the values have dropped everywhere for you to really assess the value of it.

It doesn't sound as if you are being unreasonable in what it is you are looking for - although I agree with the perception of a number of the respondents that perhaps you need to re-think the home. It may be of more benefit for the home to be sold and you can then purchase your own home. Perhaps a smaller one that is more reasonable for an older person to maintain and pay taxes, etc. It is a very personal decision but from an economic standpoint, I urge you to look around and see what is on the market. And wouldn't it be lovely to own your very own home - not keep one that had previously been shared and purchased with another person? Just a thought.

This was our first home together and it wasn't easy getting it as we had hard times. Our children were raised here. We have neighbors who have been on our block for generations. Maybe, just maybe, my husband, who never actually liked it here ,wants a new start but I do not.

I like dropping in on elderly neighbors. I like talking with neighbors about this and that and sometimes banding together to protect our block, our neighborhood. I like seeing the children being born on our block of the new neighbors.

 

[MagsBay]

Hi - actually, you will receive SS based on whoever's contribution was greater. AS for the rest of what you may get, you have not provided enough of the financial information for us to make a determination of how the numbers could be crunched. Even the home would need a very recent appraisal as the values have dropped everywhere for you to really assess the value of it.

It doesn't sound as if you are being unreasonable in what it is you are looking for - although I agree with the perception of a number of the respondents that perhaps you need to re-think the home. It may be of more benefit for the home to be sold and you can then purchase your own home. Perhaps a smaller one that is more reasonable for an older person to maintain and pay taxes, etc. It is a very personal decision but from an economic standpoint, I urge you to look around and see what is on the market. And wouldn't it be lovely to own your very own home - not keep one that had previously been shared and purchased with another person? Just a thought.

You're very kind but I love my home. Understand that this is not a live large home. It is a simple row house. Just a simple row house.

 

[Ohiogal]

A boyfriend? No, I think not. As I have mentioned, I love my husband. No boyfriends, actually the thought of it makes me laugh.

No, I could not find a job during the last three years as I am rather well qualified (educated) and the jobs in my field are not there now. And jobs outside my field won't hire me (too old, I guess, too well educated).

I have, however, for the past three years taken care of family responsibilities. Many, in fact, including responsibilities of my in-laws. And have done much in volunteering in the community. But I reckon that is neither here nor there.

I have spoken to a local attorney and I think a solution is at hand if my husband is agreeable to same.

The house will remain in both of our names but I will live in it and maintain it.

Upon my death, the house will be placed in my husband's name and our children's names (vice versa should my husband pre-decease me).

At my age, I am not looking for a new life, just a quiet one where I am comfortable and at home.

So your husband should give up the equity in the house so that you can live in it for how long? And he is not guaranteed a return on his investment? Again, you are looking at this as though he is just going to up and agree to forfeiting $225k. Oh and you also seem to think the children should inherit a house that YOUR HUSBAND owns at the same time he does. You are taking quite a bit for granted. If your husband were my client, I would tell him NOT to agree to this UNLESS you were going to walk away with NONE of the retirement AND you were going to refinance the mortgage SOLELY into your name AND take on all of the marital debt.

 

[LdiJ]

So your husband should give up the equity in the house so that you can live in it for how long? And he is not guaranteed a return on his investment? Again, you are looking at this as though he is just going to up and agree to forfeiting $225k. Oh and you also seem to think the children should inherit a house that YOUR HUSBAND owns at the same time he does. You are taking quite a bit for granted. If your husband were my client, I would tell him NOT to agree to this UNLESS you were going to walk away with NONE of the retirement AND you were going to refinance the mortgage SOLELY into your name AND take on all of the marital debt.

OG...that is a bit overboard since we have no idea how much marital debt or assets exist other than the house and retirement accounts. He could have a million dollar 401k for all we know.

 

[MagsBay]

How are you going to pay him $225k to buy his share of the equity from him? He is entitled to that -- based on your numbers. You owe $50k but the house is worth 10 times that -- so $500k. He is entitled to half the equity. If you cannot buy him out of the equity by refinancing the house and then affording a mortgage for $27k5 AND he doesn't want to buy you out, the house gets sold and you each get your equity that way.
Now he could decide to give you all of the equity in the house and you could then refinance the mortgage of 50k in exchange for you getting NONE of his retirement or 225k less of his retirement. Also he could give you the entire joint retirement fund in exchange for even more of HIS pension because he is also entitled to half the retirement fund.

How much is your inheritance worth? You don't seem to understand that you don't get to just take from him. Your inheritance is part of your property. Great. Fantastic. Depending on its value, you might not get ANY spousal support. Especially if the inheritance is somewhat substantial. It is possible that you would get VERY LITTLE of his retirement when all is said and done depending on the worth of everything else. If your separate assets are enough for you to live upon when combined with the marital assets you receive you won't get spousal support.

In other words, don't count on getting what you want. In fact you might not get any of what you request and will end up with only half the marital assets and half the marital debt.

I never co-mingled my inheritance.

I am not looking for spousal support.

There is NO debt as I have mentioned, I am a very good money manager.

 

[MagsBay]

But, but, but, all her divorced friends and even her mother told her all these years that's how divorces are supposed to work.

I really don't appreciate your snide remarks. This is not some quicky divorce. We have been married for nearly three decades. And, as I have mentioned, I still love my husband very much.

I am not happy about divorcing But it may come to pass.

By the way, my mother has been dead for a great great many years and I rarely discuss any personal issues with friends, perhaps that is why I am on this site.

 

[MagsBay]

NYS is an equitable distribution state - that approximately means you will receive half the assets and half the debts accumulated in the marriage. Things like inheritance, assets acquired before the marriage, personal injury awards, etc, that were maintained separately (not co-mingled in joint accounts or used marital assets to maintain) are not considered marital assets. Provided your house is a marital asset, you will be entitled to 50% of the equity in the house, and 50% of the mortgage debt, regardless of if the house and/or mortgage is in your name, his names, or both names.


You do not mention your incomes, or how much you have in assets or debts. Or your ages . Sometimes it makes more sense for one spouse to buy out the other spouses interest in the house using other marital assets or taking on more debts. Other times, it makes far more sense to sell the house and split the proceeds. But you need to ask yourself, can you afford the house? The mortgage, the taxes, the upkeep? Do you make enough to be approved for refinance of the mortgage solely in your name?

NYS does now offer spousal support/maintenance (since 2010) - http://www.nycourts.gov/divorce/calculator.pdf - the calculator is a guideline and the amount/length of time can vary by judge. In general, if spousal maintenance is awarded, it is done for a period of time to allow the lesser earning spouse a chance to get back on their feet, not a lifetime award. Assuming you are in your 50s, it is likely that at some point will be expected to support yourself and live within your means.

While I am not a lawyer - but I have gone through the divorce process in NY - I am going to ask you a non-legal question. Why do you want the house? Your kids are adults, and should be living independently soon if not doing already. If you are worried about supporting yourself, maintaining a house that is too large for your needs and too expensive for your budget, may not be the smartest thing to do. Ask yourself what you do need, what can you afford. And as you age, will you be physically able to maintain the house and property or afford to hire out all those tasks?

Good luck..

Thank you for your kind words and advice. The house is not large by any means, just a simple row house. We, my husband and I, married late and had children late. I am no spring chicken but I can maintain the house.

The kids are living independently, at least one of them and the second one will soon be off.

I like the house and the neighborhood. The house remains a good investment and I want the house to go to the children as I suspect my husband does.

I don't want to sell the house as I have no need to venture off on some new late middle-aged life.

I read, I write, I do needlepoint--not sure if that is good or bad.


My life is a simple one.

 

[MagsBay]

And how much were you earning when you worked? Do you have a boyfriend? Are you looking to enter into a new relationship? In three years you couldn't find ONE job (even a job that paid less or that you consider yourself overqualified to work)?

I am laughing now --sorry, but a boyfriend???? No, no, no. I love my husband. Truth be told, an old boyfriend did hunt me down some years ago but my husband is the love of my life.

Yes, in three years I couldn't find one job. Perhaps you haven't heard of the newest recession.
You might be a lot younger than I am as I have known previous recessions and job losses but I was younger then.

I am nearing retirement age and I am well-educated.

I did try to get jobs in my field but owing to the Recession, other younger folks received same.

As to jobs beneath my education? I have no problem working at those jobs but they see me and they don't want me.

It's ok. I would rather that the jobs hatever they are out there go to my children and other young people.

 

[MagsBay]

I have read the thread a couple of times and I cannot see anywhere where she has asked about spousal support. Its all been about retirement assets and the house.

Not sure if this will post to all who have replied to me, but I will take that chance.

I have spoken to a local attorney and if my husband is agreeable, the house will remain in both of our names. We will share the costs of maintaining the house.

Upon one of our deaths, the house will be placed in the remaining owner's name and in the name of our children.

The only goal was to protect the children and to leave our hard work, our house to them.

Thank you all again for your replies.

 

[Ohiogal]

Not sure if this will post to all who have replied to me, but I will take that chance.

I have spoken to a local attorney and if my husband is agreeable, the house will remain in both of our names. We will share the costs of maintaining the house.

Upon one of our deaths, the house will be placed in the remaining owner's name and in the name of our children.

The only goal was to protect the children and to leave our hard work, our house to them.

Thank you all again for your replies.

Hey LD, your goldfish likes your advice. Hey OP, next time you decide to contact me regarding your dear affection for LD, don't. Got it?

And again, you expect your husband to be stuck with the mortgage and give you the house and then consent to signing over the house to the children thus depriving him of his portion of the marital equity? Granted LD doesn't think so but considering how dearly close the two of you are, I am sure you can call her right up and get her opinion without going through the board.

The fact is -- a judge is NOT going to order that your husband pay for the house and then relinquish his equity in it to the children. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. The children are NOT parties to the divorce. Now if your husband is that stupid to relinquish his equity -- well he gets what he deserves. But if he has an attorney don't expect that to be the agreement.

 

[tuffbrk]

Not sure if this will post to all who have replied to me, but I will take that chance.

I have spoken to a local attorney and if my husband is agreeable, the house will remain in both of our names. We will share the costs of maintaining the house.

Upon one of our deaths, the house will be placed in the remaining owner's name and in the name of our children.

The only goal was to protect the children and to leave our hard work, our house to them.

Thank you all again for your replies.

I have to admit that this is somewhat unlikely. Why would your soon to be ex (STBX) agree to share the costs of maintaining a home that he will not be residing in? And in addition to that, pay a mortgage and/or rent elsewhere on top of maintaining half the costs of the marital home? Unless your STBX is currently putting about $5k in savings every month, I'd have to guess that it's highly unlikely this an affordable option for post divorce. Further, if STBX is putting that much away every month, I find it surprising that you wouldn't be asking for some type of spousal support, even short term, or that you wouldn't have been advised to do so by your attorney.

Without an income, how do you plan to pay for groceries? Utilities? Phone? Car/life/medical insurance? Clothing? Prescriptions? I may be over simplifying but the scenario that you are laying out simply doesn't add up.

 

[Bali Hai]

I have to admit that this is somewhat unlikely. Why would your soon to be ex (STBX) agree to share the costs of maintaining a home that he will not be residing in? And in addition to that, pay a mortgage and/or rent elsewhere on top of maintaining half the costs of the marital home? Unless your STBX is currently putting about $5k in savings every month, I'd have to guess that it's highly unlikely this an affordable option for post divorce. Further, if STBX is putting that much away every month, I find it surprising that you wouldn't be asking for some type of spousal support, even short term, or that you wouldn't have been advised to do so by your attorney.

Without an income, how do you plan to pay for groceries? Utilities? Phone? Car/life/medical insurance? Clothing? Prescriptions? I may be over simplifying but the scenario that you are laying out simply doesn't add up.

Maybe her stbx husband will be stupid enough to agree to pay for these things too. If he agrees to any of her terms, I just can't understand why they are divorcing to begin with.

 

[Ohiogal]

I have to admit that this is somewhat unlikely. Why would your soon to be ex (STBX) agree to share the costs of maintaining a home that he will not be residing in? And in addition to that, pay a mortgage and/or rent elsewhere on top of maintaining half the costs of the marital home? Unless your STBX is currently putting about $5k in savings every month, I'd have to guess that it's highly unlikely this an affordable option for post divorce. Further, if STBX is putting that much away every month, I find it surprising that you wouldn't be asking for some type of spousal support, even short term, or that you wouldn't have been advised to do so by your attorney.

Without an income, how do you plan to pay for groceries? Utilities? Phone? Car/life/medical insurance? Clothing? Prescriptions? I may be over simplifying but the scenario that you are laying out simply doesn't add up.

She has an inheritance. Depending on the amount of an inheritance she would not qualify for spousal support. IN addition, him paying part of the maintenance or such -- why? Oh because she doesn't have money or he has more -- brings it to spousal support. And why would he agree to get only a portion of the home after she dies IF he lives? Not a good deal. At. All.