Ex girlfriend overstepping boundaries?

[Jmirror8]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

Okay my ex and I split up in April 2012, and we have two children together a 5 year old boy and 6 year old girl. In June 2012 my ex began dating this girl. When he started dating her we had just began the child custody proceedings for our kids. I had NO problem with this chick up until recently. I am mainly trying to get advice, as to whether other people think she is over stepping her boundaries or if i'm just being unreasonable. So here is a brief summary of what has happened:

April 2012 we split up (I left him), June 2012 I file papers for parenting time, I wanted the kids during the week and they spend every other weekend with him. I asked for this arrangment because my ex does not have a set time to get out of work, he usually it is not home from work until between 7pm-9pm. When my ex got served with these papers he was furious. Also our son is non verbal. So anyway my ex and I had decided that we were going to look into another school for our son, so I set up a date/time for a tour of this school. My ex shows up to the tour with this girl that he has been dating for 3 months (oh he also already moved her into his house), and she was really asking the teachers questions and making suggestions, as if she really knows my son. It made me very upset but I kept my cool. Our son receives in home therapy, and prior to my ex's girlfriend, whenever he got the therapy it would be done at my house b/c my ex was never off of work in time to do it. So his girlfriend had the nerve to send me an e-mail saying that since she is living with my ex and helping him raise our kids that she will be subsituting my ex in our son's therapy sessions. I said absolutley not.This woman is really starting to become a pest, and I am trying to like her since it seems like she is going to be someone that I'm going to have to deal with for a long time but, she's making it hard. I don't know if i'm just being unreasonable, or if anyone else out there thinks that she is over stepping her boundaries? And clearly my ex should not even allow her to do this but, he is trying to do whatever he can to piss me off.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Does your court order specify he cannot appoint a proxy to manage his responsibilities?

 

[Jmirror8]

Does your court order specify he cannot appoint a proxy to manage his responsibilities?

No it does not. If I ask for that to be included, is that something that he would have to agree to as well?

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

No, what matters is what the court orders. Do you both have a shared parenting plan worked out that outlines visitation, financial specifics, transportation and relocation eventualities, school attendance etc...

 

[mmmagique]

The next time you're in court, ask for right of first refusal, and have your court order specify (if possible) that ONLY the parents are to be involved in school, doctors, etc. In my own personal opinion, she is very much over-stepping, and I would be fit to be tied.

If, after several years, she's still around, then I would consider letting her be a part of school sessions, etc. in the interest of family unity. But right now, she is really butting in where she doesn't belong. (imo)

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

Okay my ex and I split up in April 2012, and we have two children together a 5 year old boy and 6 year old girl. In June 2012 my ex began dating this girl. When he started dating her we had just began the child custody proceedings for our kids. I had NO problem with this chick up until recently. I am mainly trying to get advice, as to whether other people think she is over stepping her boundaries or if i'm just being unreasonable. So here is a brief summary of what has happened:

April 2012 we split up (I left him), June 2012 I file papers for parenting time, I wanted the kids during the week and they spend every other weekend with him. I asked for this arrangment because my ex does not have a set time to get out of work, he usually it is not home from work until between 7pm-9pm. When my ex got served with these papers he was furious. Also our son is non verbal. So anyway my ex and I had decided that we were going to look into another school for our son, so I set up a date/time for a tour of this school. My ex shows up to the tour with this girl that he has been dating for 3 months (oh he also already moved her into his house), and she was really asking the teachers questions and making suggestions, as if she really knows my son. It made me very upset but I kept my cool. Our son receives in home therapy, and prior to my ex's girlfriend, whenever he got the therapy it would be done at my house b/c my ex was never off of work in time to do it. So his girlfriend had the nerve to send me an e-mail saying that since she is living with my ex and helping him raise our kids that she will be subsituting my ex in our son's therapy sessions. I said absolutley not.This woman is really starting to become a pest, and I am trying to like her since it seems like she is going to be someone that I'm going to have to deal with for a long time but, she's making it hard. I don't know if i'm just being unreasonable, or if anyone else out there thinks that she is over stepping her boundaries? And clearly my ex should not even allow her to do this but, he is trying to do whatever he can to piss me off.

In my opinion this is a pretty serious overstep. With a non-verbal child its very important that at least one of his parents participates in his therapy sessions. Having dad's new girlfriend substitute for him is totally inappropriate, and I believe that the therapist would think so as well.

 

[Jmirror8]

No, what matters is what the court orders. Do you both have a shared parenting plan worked out that outlines visitation, financial specifics, transportation and relocation eventualities, school attendance etc...

No, this is what is going on. July 2009 ex and I broke up, and we agreed to parenting plan of the kids spending one week with dad, and one week with mom. September 2009 son was diagnosed with autism. November 2009 ex and I got back together, due to his diagnosis. April 2012 we broke up again. After son's diagnosis I was the only one that was taking him to and from therapy, and partcipating in the therapy. In April when we broke up I had the kids the majority of the time even when it was his week with the kids. He wasn't getting to my house to pick the kids up until around 9pm. I asked him if we could switch the parenting plan so that the kids stay with me during the week. He refused. I saw how this schedule was affecting both kids, so I filed a petition to modify parenting time. Once I did that then my ex decided to move this girl in the house, so that now she picks them up from school and stays with them until he gets off of work. We have the clause for First right to refusual but he does not call me and offer this to me. I have no clue what time he gets off of work. I could see that no one was working with our son, because his behavior changed drastically when he was in my care. My sons teachers state they have not noticed a change when he is at school, but there is a change when he is at my home. So I decided to get therapy for him from an outside source. I told my ex that when our son is with him that he needs to start being there when his therapist is there, so that he can learn how to work with our son. He told me he cannot be there because of his work. I told him that was not my problem, and since he cannot be there then our son needs to come to my house where he can get the therapy. This is when his girlfriend sent me the email saying that she can do it. Our case is most likely going to trial, and I should have the money for an attorney in about 2 and a half weeks because I know I need one. I just wanted to get some advice as to see if I am being unfair, or if this lady is over stepping boundaries.

When we agreed to the current parenting plan, we were both on very good terms so nothing was clearly identfied. There is no primary custodian, it does not state who will be responsible for school, healthcare, extracurricular activites, etc. We were on good terms when this was ordered so we were communicating very well. After I left ex the second time he was upset, and now that he has this girlfriend he is letting her make all the decisions for him. We don't communicate like we use to so this parenting plan has to change, and I really hope the judge will see the substainal change in circumstances and that is is in the kids best interest to change it.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

I won't presuppose to know the thinking or intentions of anyone involved, however, my feeling is that dad cares for the kids as much as you do. I would hate to see everything break down over his work schedule. It may be worth letting a proxy attend to keep that harmony. If you Google "comprehensive shared parenting plan", you can find some excellent examples of things that should be included. It should be adjusted so as to be fair to both parties, while meeting juniors needs. It should also cover future eventualities such as one parent relocating to another state and how to handle transportation etc...

 

[stealth2]

One thing that may not help you is that it seems this therapy (and I'm not even sure what sort of therapy we're talking about) is one that you have decided is necessary and has not been prescribed by a doctor. If that is so, Dad isn't required to abide by it at all.

What does your order say about ROFR? Word for word, please.

 

[LdiJ]

I won't presuppose to know the thinking or intentions of anyone involved, however, my feeling is that dad cares for the kids as much as you do. I would hate to see everything break down over his work schedule. It may be worth letting a proxy attend to keep that harmony. If you Google "comprehensive shared parenting plan", you can find some excellent examples of things that should be included. It should be adjusted so as to be fair to both parties, while meeting juniors needs. It should also cover future eventualities such as one parent relocating to another state and how to handle transportation etc...

Would you be comfortable with your ex's new significant other handling therapy (without a parent present) for your child during the other parent's time? Come on, that is beyond overstepping. I wouldn't dream of handling any child's therapy sessions without a parent present.

Some parents simply have a work schedule that makes it difficult to impossible for them to attend things like that, and therefore they should realize that it needs to be handled by the other parent.

 

[Jmirror8]

Son was evaluated by a Dr and this therapy was recommended by 3 different Drs. What is ROFR?

 

[LdiJ]

Son was evaluated by a Dr and this therapy was recommended by 3 different Drs. What is ROFR?

Right of First Refusal...what that means is that if a parent is unavailable to care for their child during their parenting time (usually for time over a certain number of hours) that before the parent may use someone else to care for the child, they must offer that time to the other parent.

There are all kinds of variations on it however.

 

[Jmirror8]

Right of First Refusal...what that means is that if a parent is unavailable to care for their child during their parenting time (usually for time over a certain number of hours) that before the parent may use someone else to care for the child, they must offer that time to the other parent.

There are all kinds of variations on it however.

In connection with the plan of shared parental responsibility each parent shall be first choice babysitter for the other. The concept of FCBS is defined as follows :
Each parent shall have the first right and option in their sole discretiom to take cars of their child when the chikd is spending time with the other parebt and thatbparent is in need of child care. If a parent does not excercise their right to be first choice for child care, the parent schedulded to have the chikd with thrm shall make other arrangements of child care at their sole expense. Both parents shall notify the other parent of their need for child care services as early as possible prior to the time services are needed.

 

[Antigone*]

In connection with the plan of shared parental responsibility each parent shall be first choice babysitter for the other. The concept of FCBS is defined as follows :
Each parent shall have the first right and option in their sole discretiom to take cars of their child when the chikd is spending time with the other parebt and thatbparent is in need of child care. If a parent does not excercise their right to be first choice for child care, the parent schedulded to have the chikd with thrm shall make other arrangements of child care at their sole expense. Both parents shall notify the other parent of their need for child care services as early as possible prior to the time services are needed.

My suggest to you is to tell your ex that you will not be communicating with his latest thing. Your child's welfare and wellbeing is between you and him and you are going to do your best to keep it that way. Let him know that if she continues to overstep her boundaries, you will involve the courts. This can all simply be avoided if this overstepper minds her own business.

 

[Jmirror8]

My suggest to you is to tell your ex that you will not be communicating with his latest thing. Your child's welfare and wellbeing is between you and him and you are going to do your best to keep it that way. Let him know that if she continues to overstep her boundaries, you will involve the courts. This can all simply be avoided if this overstepper minds her own business.

Problem is, she sends me theses msgs from his email address. I know it is get by the wording. I have already Todd him to have her stop but he does not care. I don't know what legal action i could possibly usage against get....