visitation with stepmom??

[luckymom]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL

My daughter's stepmom moved to California for a new job. Ex is still in TX, trying to sell the house, etc. Dad wants daughter to go to California for spring break (10 days) but he will only be there for a long weekend. What is the correct thing to do in this situation? Orders require me to send her to TX, but I am willing to send her to SF if Dad is going to be there. Otherwise I think I'd like her to spend part of the break with me. DD is 17 and will graduate HS in June.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL

My daughter's stepmom moved to California for a new job. Ex is still in TX, trying to sell the house, etc. Dad wants daughter to go to California for spring break (10 days) but he will only be there for a long weekend. What is the correct thing to do in this situation? Orders require me to send her to TX, but I am willing to send her to SF if Dad is going to be there. Otherwise I think I'd like her to spend part of the break with me. DD is 17 and will graduate HS in June.

Send her to California as dad will be there. If spring break is dad's time then dad gets that time. He can choose to have his daughter spend it in California. And who knows -- your daughter might LOVE SF. She can see new sites and get some good chocolate. After your DD turns 18 she doesn't have to visit with anyone. What is the issue with sending the child to California? Other than you believe dad will only be there for 4 days or so?

 

[CJane]

Does your order specifically state that you're to send the child to TEXAS?

 

[luckymom]

Yes, orders specify flying her to Texas. I don't have an issue with flying her to SF if dad is there, but if he's not, shouldn't she go to TX? Pt. of visitation is to see dad, no?

 

[Zigner]

Yes, orders specify flying her to Texas. I don't have an issue with flying her to SF if dad is there, but if he's not, shouldn't she go to TX? Pt. of visitation is to see dad, no?

Dad can send kiddo to visit with other people on his visitation if he so wishes. Absent something specified in the court order, YOU do not get to dictate that.


ETA: Seriously, is this a hill to die on?

 

[Ohiogal]

Of note and to mention is her current thread on having dad pay 50% of junior's college costs which they are in disagreement regarding.

 

[Ohiogal]

Yes, orders specify flying her to Texas. I don't have an issue with flying her to SF if dad is there, but if he's not, shouldn't she go to TX? Pt. of visitation is to see dad, no?

So if you flew her to TX and dad took her to SF and left her there and then she flew back to IL from SF, would that be an issue with you? Is part of your issue dad's reluctance to pay for DD's college due to the fact that he has paid some of his stepkids' college expenses? What is the REAL issue here?

 

[CJane]

Yes, the point of visitation is to see Dad. And if your orders specify that you have to fly the child to TX, then you cannot be held in contempt for refusing to send the child to CA.

However, if it were me, I would assess the whole 'best interests' thing, and make my decision based on that. Does child get along with step-mom? Does child enjoy visiting with step-sibs? Would child love the trip to CA?

I remember only bits and pieces of your history, I know the issues with Dad have been pretty consistent, and that you lived in the UK for a time, with the child. (I can't believe she's nearly grown!)... how much of the history is weighing into your reluctance now? What are the (nearly grown) child's thoughts on this?

 

[Antigone*]

Dad can send kiddo to visit with other people on his visitation if he so wishes. Absent something specified in the court order, YOU do not get to dictate that.


ETA: Seriously, is this a hill to die on?

I'd personally be as agreeable and as sweet as candy, especially if I wanted dad to pay half of her Ivy league college.

 

[CJane]

I'd personally be as agreeable and as sweet as candy, especially if I wanted dad to pay half of her Ivy league college.

Except, that isn't what Mom is asking about in the other forum.

And what she's asking about THERE has nothing to do with whether or not she has to send the child to CA for a visit with StepMom (legally speaking).

 

[Ohiogal]

Except, that isn't what Mom is asking about in the other forum.

And what she's asking about THERE has nothing to do with whether or not she has to send the child to CA for a visit with StepMom (legally speaking).

It COULD be influencing things however when it comes to visitation.

 

[CJane]

It COULD be influencing things however when it comes to visitation.

Just a leap of logic I'm not willing to take. I wonder often about whether or not my ex will be obligated to pay a portion of the children's expenses at college. Doesn't affect whether or not I'd be willing to send them for an extended visit with their StepMother.

 

[Antigone*]

Just a leap of logic I'm not willing to take. I wonder often about whether or not my ex will be obligated to pay a portion of the children's expenses at college. Doesn't affect whether or not I'd be willing to send them for an extended visit with their StepMother.

It is all about give and take Jane, that is all I'm saying.

 

[Ohiogal]

Just a leap of logic I'm not willing to take. I wonder often about whether or not my ex will be obligated to pay a portion of the children's expenses at college. Doesn't affect whether or not I'd be willing to send them for an extended visit with their StepMother.

Hence why I asked outright if that is influencing Luckymom. I am not stating that it IS influencing her. I stated it COULD be influencing her. Two very different things.

 

[CJane]

It is all about give and take Jane, that is all I'm saying.

Sometimes.

Sometimes it just isn't. There'd have to be a LOT more than the potential for some extra $$ for kiddo's college on the line before I'd send the kids to visit their stepmom on the other side of the country. I don't know if there are issues in that area with this OP or not. I just think it's silly and bordering on irresponsible to imply that if she wants Dad to assist with college, she should send kiddo to CA. Yanno?

Barring anything else, she has an order for visitation - she cannot be faulted for following it.