How to restrict access of ncp's girlfriend around daughter.

[ohiograndma]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio


My daughter did not marry her 2 year old daughter's father but she has been sharing the parenting . Baby lives with them each 50/50.

Nothing has been established in court, not even child support. From what I've read about Ohio law, mothers have assumed sole custody, until the father not only proves he is the father, but also petitions the court for visitation or custody.

The only thing my daughter has ever asked is that he not bring the baby around any girlfriends he might have until he first consults with her. She discovered he has been seeing someone and bringing the baby around her. He even took their kid on a vacation out of town to his family owned cabin and she discovered the gf went too. This especially troubles her because she knows that the cabin where they stayed has only one room and they slept in the same bed with her kid in the room. She would like to continue the shared parenting, but she wants him to abide by her request. What is her best course of action?

 

[stealth2]

Her best course of action is to handle her legal issues herself. And no, that's not being mean. But at the end of the day? This is her issue, and she needs to handle it.

She can restrict Dad's time, but expect him to file for his rights. And, since she apparently didn't see it important to marry before making kiddo, the court is unlikely to restrict Dad from having his friends around when he has his daughter, unless Mom can prove that someone is a danger to the child.

But really - tell your daughter to create her own account and ask her questions.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio


My daughter did not marry her 2 year old daughter's father but she has been sharing the parenting . Baby lives with them each 50/50.

Nothing has been established in court, not even child support. From what I've read about Ohio law, mothers have assumed sole custody, until the father not only proves he is the father, but also petitions the court for visitation or custody.

The only thing my daughter has ever asked is that he not bring the baby around any girlfriends he might have until he first consults with her. She discovered he has been seeing someone and bringing the baby around her. He even took their kid on a vacation out of town to his family owned cabin and she discovered the gf went too. This especially troubles her because she knows that the cabin where they stayed has only one room and they slept in the same bed with her kid in the room. She would like to continue the shared parenting, but she wants him to abide by her request. What is her best course of action?

I don't think that's anything that your daughter has any hope of enforcing in the long term. Right now she doesn't have to continue the 50/50 but since its been their status quo if dad takes it to court its highly likely that the judge would continue the 50/50, and its also highly unlikely that the judge would restrict who dad can have around the child. Judges simply don't do that unless it can be proven that a specific person is dangerous to children.

 

[CSO286]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio


My daughter did not marry her 2 year old daughter's father but she has been sharing the parenting . Baby lives with them each 50/50.

Well that is good.
Has paternity been established? Did Dad sign an Acknowlegment of Paternity at the hospital?

Nothing has been established in court, not even child support. From what I've read about Ohio law, mothers have assumed sole custody, until the father not only proves he is the father, but also petitions the court for visitation or custody.

That would be correct.

The only thing my daughter has ever asked is that he not bring the baby around any girlfriends he might have until he first consults with her.

Why?

She discovered he has been seeing someone and bringing the baby around her. He even took their kid on a vacation out of town to his family owned cabin and she discovered the gf went too.

Dad's allowed to move on with his life and make sure that their mutual child is invovled in the whole of his life.

This especially troubles her because she knows that the cabin where they stayed has only one room and they slept in the same bed with her kid in the room.

This poses no danger to the child. A vacation in a cabin sounds cozy and family-like, kind of like camping....
Or an overnight trip in a hotel.
Or a tent.
Or even to grandpa and grandma's --you know where the "whole family" stays in mom or dad's old bedroom from when they grew?

She would like to continue the shared parenting, but she wants him to abide by her request. What is her best course of action?

She certainly can restrict Dad's access, but I'd fully expect him to file for an enforceable parenting time order--one that continues the 50/50% split that seems to have been the status quo for a long time.
Since she found it acceptable sleep with Dad before they were married, she really has room to dictate to him that he can't have his GF's around. And unless that GF represents a clear danger to the child, it's highly unlikely that the courts would rule that your daughter gets to approve of everyone that Dad exposes the child to when the child is with him.

 

[stealth2]

I wonder if the daughter gets Dad's approval before having any of her friends around the child... Goose vs gander and all...

 

[CSO286]

I wonder if the daughter gets Dad's approval before having any of her friends around the child... Goose vs gander and all...

Oh, but mom's not dating you can be sure.

She's 1000% focused on just being a good mom.

 

[stealth2]

Oh, but mom's not dating you can be sure.

She doesn't need to be. ANY friends should be subject to the other parent's approval, if one is. Absent provable danger.

 

[ohiograndma]

Well that is good.
Has paternity been established? Did Dad sign an Acknowlegment of Paternity at the hospital?

I don't know, but his name is on the birth certificate and no one is disputing that he is the father.

Why?

Because she doesn't want him introducing her to his dates unless he's in some kind of long term relationship. She wants to meet the girlfriend as well, and know who is spending all that time with her 2 year old daughter.

Dad's allowed to move on with his life and make sure that their mutual child is invovled in the whole of his life.

True, but he could handle it better instead of sneaking around and lying. It would be better for him to be more open instead of my daughter finding out about it through things that her daughter says.

This poses no danger to the child. A vacation in a cabin sounds cozy and family-like, kind of like camping....
Or an overnight trip in a hotel.
Or a tent.
Or even to grandpa and grandma's --you know where the "whole family" stays in mom or dad's old bedroom from when they grew?

Except that she knows what he's like from personal experience and the kind of stuff he tried to pull on her when the baby was in the room. She's not comfortable with it.

She certainly can restrict Dad's access, but I'd fully expect him to file for an enforceable parenting time order--one that continues the 50/50% split that seems to have been the status quo for a long time.

But then he'd have to pay child support for sure. She's finally going to go after him for it but she has to find time around work to get copies of the birth certificate and social security number first since he has possession of them and he's not about to hand them over willingly.

Since she found it acceptable sleep with Dad before they were married, she really has room to dictate to him that he can't have his GF's around.

What does that have to do with anything? He had a kid with my daughter.

And unless that GF represents a clear danger to the child, it's highly unlikely that the courts would rule that your daughter gets to approve of everyone that Dad exposes the child to when the child is with him.[/QUOTE]

Probably not. But they could use a parenting agreement though and as far as I know, they both have to agree to them and submit it to the court. He hasn't even established his rights yet, and he won't even sit down and talk with her about things. He just does whatever.

 

[kaizen]

This especially troubles her because she knows that the cabin where they stayed has only one room and they slept in the same bed with her kid in the room.


I am always so bothered by people assigning adult sexual connotations to a small child's way of thinking. I can assure this holds the same value to the child as it would if Dad slept in the bed with anyone else in the world in a platonic nature (cousin, brother, friend).

 

[ohiograndma]

I wonder if the daughter gets Dad's approval before having any of her friends around the child... Goose vs gander and all...

Funny you should say that. He told my daughter that she better not bring other guys around the baby. She once had a male friend over (just a friend, nothing more) who was helping her move dirt in the yard. The ex saw him when he came to pick up the baby and he was livid.

 

[stealth2]

I don't know, but his name is on the birth certificate and no one is disputing that he is the father.



Because she doesn't want him introducing her to his dates unless he's in some kind of long term relationship. She wants to meet the girlfriend as well, and know who is spending all that time with her 2 year old daughter.



True, but he could handle it better instead of sneaking around and lying. It would be better for him to be more open instead of my daughter finding out about it through things that her daughter says.



Except that she knows what he's like from personal experience and the kind of stuff he tried to pull on her when the baby was in the room. She's not comfortable with it.



But then he'd have to pay child support for sure. She's finally going to go after him for it but she has to find time around work to get copies of the birth certificate and social security number first since he has possession of them and he's not about to hand them over willingly.



What does that have to do with anything? He had a kid with my daughter.

And unless that GF represents a clear danger to the child, it's highly unlikely that the courts would rule that your daughter gets to approve of everyone that Dad exposes the child to when the child is with him.

Probably not. But they could use a parenting agreement though and as far as I know, they both have to agree to them and submit it to the court. He hasn't even established his rights yet, and he won't even sit down and talk with her about things. He just does whatever.[/QUOTE]

No, really - your daughter needs to deal with this herself. She's a big girl who is a Mommy. Time for her to pull up her big girl pants and act like it. Please tell her to do so when she is available. And no - working and parenting does not mean she has no time to do it. Many of us here have done both PLUS handed our legal situations. It's called being an adult.

P.S. What does her having a child out of wedlock have to do with anything? It shows that she is not that concerned about the importance of a long-term, committed relationship. So she cannot complain when Dad doesn't, either.

 

[Ohiogal]

I don't know, but his name is on the birth certificate and no one is disputing that he is the father.

So he signed the AOP and he is dad.

Because she doesn't want him introducing her to his dates unless he's in some kind of long term relationship. She wants to meet the girlfriend as well, and know who is spending all that time with her 2 year old daughter.

She doesn't have that right.

True, but he could handle it better instead of sneaking around and lying. It would be better for him to be more open instead of my daughter finding out about it through things that her daughter says.

Has your daughter introduced him to everyone in her life around whom she takes the child?

Except that she knows what he's like from personal experience and the kind of stuff he tried to pull on her when the baby was in the room. She's not comfortable with it.

AND?

But then he'd have to pay child support for sure. She's finally going to go after him for it but she has to find time around work to get copies of the birth certificate and social security number first since he has possession of them and he's not about to hand them over willingly.

She doesn't need the birth certificate or social security number of the child to file. And he doesn't have to give them to her. She can get her own copies.

What does that have to do with anything? He had a kid with my daughter.

Your daughter is not queen of the world. Your daughter had a kid with him.

Probably not. But they could use a parenting agreement though and as far as I know, they both have to agree to them and submit it to the court. He hasn't even established his rights yet, and he won't even sit down and talk with her about things. He just does whatever.

As far as you know, you are wrong. Your daughter apparently just dictates whatever.

 

[Ohiogal]

Funny you should say that. He told my daughter that she better not bring other guys around the baby. She once had a male friend over (just a friend, nothing more) who was helping her move dirt in the yard. The ex saw him when he came to pick up the baby and he was livid.

So your daughter is a hypocrite. She can have whoever she wants around the child but she must approve all girls that dad has around the child.

 

[ecmst12]

Neither of them have the right to dictate who spends time with the child. Neither of them get to insist on meeting or approving of any dates before they can be around the child. It's simply not an option. Both of them need to get over it. And YOU need to stay out of it.

 

[LdiJ]

So your daughter is a hypocrite. She can have whoever she wants around the child but she must approve all girls that dad has around the child.

In all fairness, they are BOTH hypocrites. Neither one of them want the other to have another potential significant other around the child, yet both of them see nothing wrong with doing it themselves. Its not at all surprising or abnormal either.