Have you seen this?

[stealth2]

Intimidation Parenting is not something I stand behind, i want me child to Respect me, not Fear me, and those two things do NOT go together..

You have no clue. Neither of my kids fear me. And they do respect me.

I expected them to behave appropriately everywhere they went - friends, family, *school*. They could always come to me to discuss the way things ran in our home - and yes, I was flexible enough to make changes as needed. They have both had much more freedom than most of their peers - because we had a mutual respect and trust. Both talk to me about their life issues, choices, decisions.

But yes, there were some rules. The most important ones were the ones handed down to BOTH their Dad and I. And I expected them to obey those rules/orders. Period. 'Cause I certainly had no interest in going to court, paying fines, going to jail because they thought orders are suggestions.

 

[TheGeekess]

How old are your kids Geekess? I'm young enough to remember being a strong willed teenager....No one was going to make me do ANYTHING i didn't want to do, i *hope* my daughter is just as strong willed as i was! I don't want to and have tried hard not to raise someone who will be a doormat or a pushover for anyone!

I have a 16 year old. She knows she has to mind me or face the consequences.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Intimidation Parenting is not something I stand behind, i want me child to Respect me, not Fear me, and those two things do NOT go together..

This father FAILS, FAILS, FAILS in teaching respect. And yes, he should have said, son, you get out of the car. You are now here with your mother. The father is part of the problem.

My child RESPECTS me, but KNOWS that I will NOT tolerate insubordination, etc. YOU are obviously having issues. I suggest that you look long and hard at YOUR situation before criticizing anyone elses.

 

[CSO286]

Did you guys watch the video? The mother was obviously a nut case! Parker brought up several incidences of abuse, psychological and emotional...I think the father DID go about it the wrong way, but what could he have done? I'd like to see anyone of you to say you'd force a child that was THAT upset out of your car. At 14yrs old, if that kid doesn't want to go somewhere, good luck getting them too! I have enough trouble getting my 7yr daughter out of the car to go back to her moms and I can literally pick her up and carry her....I don't think i'll be able to do that when she's 14

You raise your child is such away that he or she respects you and obeys.

Obviously you and these parents have something in common: you've raised/are raising children in such a way that you are allowing them to make the rules by which they will live.

In my house? If a stunt like that were pulled at seven? at seventeen? Toys get yanked. Computer time, cell phones, iPods, personal space other privileges--picking your own clothes, how to spend free time.

Eph 6:1-3.

 

[stealth2]

So, NYCTeacher - what will you do when you run across one of these "strong willed teens" in your classroom? Who respect no one and nothing? Who believe it's okay to beat anold man to death or shoot a young kid for kicks? Think they're going to "respect" YOU? LOL Good luck with that.

 

[CSO286]

Intimidation Parenting is not something I stand behind, i want me child to Respect me, not Fear me, and those two things do NOT go together..

1.Because it is the most character-building, two-letter word in the English language, children have the right to hear their parents say “No” at least three times a day.
2.Children have the right to find out early in their lives that their parents don’t exist to make them happy, but to offer them the opportunity to learn the skills they will need to eventually make themselves happy.
3.Children have a right to scream all they want over the decisions their parents make, albeit their parents have the right to confine said screaming to certain areas of their homes.
4.Children have the right to find out early that their parents care deeply for them but don’t give a hoot what their children think about them at any given moment in time.
5.Because it is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, children have the right to hear their parents say “Because I said so” on a regular and frequent basis.
6.Because it is the most character-building activity a child can engage in, children have the right to share significantly in the doing of household chores.
7.Every child has the right to discover early in life that he isn’t the center of the universe (or his family or his parents’ lives), that he isn’t a big fish in a small pond, and that he isn’t the Second Coming, so as to prevent him from becoming an insufferable brat.
8.Children have the right to learn to be grateful for what they receive, therefore, they have the right to receive all of what they truly need and very little of what they simply want.
9.Children have the right to learn early in their lives that obedience to legitimate authority is not optional, that there are consequences for disobedience, and that said consequences are memorable and, therefore, persuasive.
10.Every child has the right to parents who love him/her enough to make sure he/she enjoys all of the above rights.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

1.Because it is the most character-building, two-letter word in the English language, children have the right to hear their parents say “No” at least three times a day.
2.Children have the right to find out early in their lives that their parents don’t exist to make them happy, but to offer them the opportunity to learn the skills they will need to eventually make themselves happy.
3.Children have a right to scream all they want over the decisions their parents make, albeit their parents have the right to confine said screaming to certain areas of their homes.
4.Children have the right to find out early that their parents care deeply for them but don’t give a hoot what their children think about them at any given moment in time.
5.Because it is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, children have the right to hear their parents say “Because I said so” on a regular and frequent basis.
6.Because it is the most character-building activity a child can engage in, children have the right to share significantly in the doing of household chores.
7.Every child has the right to discover early in life that he isn’t the center of the universe (or his family or his parents’ lives), that he isn’t a big fish in a small pond, and that he isn’t the Second Coming, so as to prevent him from becoming an insufferable brat.
8.Children have the right to learn to be grateful for what they receive, therefore, they have the right to receive all of what they truly need and very little of what they simply want.
9.Children have the right to learn early in their lives that obedience to legitimate authority is not optional, that there are consequences for disobedience, and that said consequences are memorable and, therefore, persuasive.
10.Every child has the right to parents who love him/her enough to make sure he/she enjoys all of the above rights.

I love this so much that I think it bears repeating!

 

[stealth2]

I parented differently than CSO, which is okay. The main "rule" we had was that we treat one another respectfully. But if it came down to it, we all knew where the final decision sat - with me. Because I really was the adult in the house.

Other than that? Stuff needed to be done. We could all pitch in and be able to do fun stuff on off time, or it could be left to me and they would have to just hang until I finished chores. They were mostly smart enough to pitch in. We also understood when one of us had more going on than the others, and the rest would pick up the slack. We operated as a family. One kid had tech week for drama? The other and I kicked it up. Second kid's team was in states? Kid one and I kicked it up. I had inventory @ work? The kids kicked it up.

When it came to their Dad and visitation? They were both aware that it was the one place that had no flexibility. I had none, so neither did they. Had nothing to do with intimidation. And NYCTeacher - you have a lot of nerve implying otherwise.

 

[NYCTeacher]

It was the way you phrased it that gave me that impression Stealth2:

All I had to do was give "the look" and off they went. Like it or not. They also knew that there would be hell to pay if I found out they didn't behave

This sounds like a dictatorship instead of a Republic....I'm sorry if i miss understood the quote above

 

[Silverplum]

IMO, the troll laps up each "delicious" drop of personal information he can wheedle. He puts me in mind of the fictional character Hannibal Lecter and his "quid pro quo" of PI exchanges.

I have no idea why y'all are feeding him, but it's certainly your option.

 

[ecmst12]

Parenting IS a dictatorship.

 

[gam]

IMO, the troll laps up each "delicious" drop of personal information he can wheedle. He puts me in mind of the fictional character Hannibal Lecter and his "quid pro quo" of PI exchanges.

I have no idea why y'all are feeding him, but it's certainly your option.

I so agree with you, this guy is here for trouble and he will use what he can. I'm sure not going to give him a voice!

 

[CSO286]

I parented differently than CSO, which is okay. The main "rule" we had was that we treat one another respectfully. But if it came down to it, we all knew where the final decision sat - with me. Because I really was the adult in the house.

Other than that? Stuff needed to be done. We could all pitch in and be able to do fun stuff on off time, or it could be left to me and they would have to just hang until I finished chores. They were mostly smart enough to pitch in. We also understood when one of us had more going on than the others, and the rest would pick up the slack. We operated as a family. One kid had tech week for drama? The other and I kicked it up. Second kid's team was in states? Kid one and I kicked it up. I had inventory @ work? The kids kicked it up.

When it came to their Dad and visitation? They were both aware that it was the one place that had no flexibility. I had none, so neither did they. Had nothing to do with intimidation. And NYCTeacher - you have a lot of nerve implying otherwise.

Espcially since we both have raised such well behaved, brilliant, awesome and respectful kids!!

An ultimately, it is about what works. But I have a very hard time believing that what works is allowing a child of any age--7, 12, or 17--to run the show through manipulation or temper tamtrums. And trying to insinuate by words or deeds or by allowing any kind of misdeed that a child can make a decision contrary to court order (like the parent in the video)??? Bad parenting in the extreme.

I've always said that my home is NOT a democracy. LittleCSO is allowed an opinion, not a vote. I love the structure and discipline in my home. I honestly believe it is why LittleCSO is the young person she is. She knows what's happening around her and what's expected of her. It allows us to work hard and to play hard, and it kept us functioning all the years it was just the two of us.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

This sounds like a dictatorship instead of a Republic....I'm sorry if i miss understood the quote above

THAT is apparently your mistake. Since when is parenting NOT a dictatorship? As the parent, I have final say when my children are minors. Very simple. I may ask if you want a grilled cheese sandwich or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Would you like to wear the orange outfit or the blue outfit? Sure, you can give leeway. But when there are tough parenting decisions, THAT is up to the adult. And children do NOT have a choice when it comes to a court order. My child certainly found out.

I believe in natural consequences. Here are the rules: you follow them or find out what the dire consequences are. The key is following up on your "threats."

 

[single317dad]

Intimidation Parenting is not something I stand behind, i want me child to Respect me, not Fear me, and those two things do NOT go together..

And that's why your 7-year-old defies you.

I was about to rip the author for that stupid article, then I realized it was just copied and pasted from a quack advice site.