Can a child choose not to visit?

[txdad2013]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

Ok , this may be long. I am the custodial parent of my 14 year old. She is in high school. She is very active in her sports. Her mother has never volunteerly been involved in our daughters life. I have had custody of her since she was 1. Mom has another family in which she is a good parent to. Unfortunately our daughter sees that. Mom does not go to any events for daughter , she never calls her, never tries to pick her up "outside weekend time" , never gets her for her dinner times. Mom was gone for about 3 months this summer. She is back. She was homeless with her children so my wife and I let her family stay with us for 6 weeks. (as my wife did not want the kids living in a car). During that time mom NEVER did anything with daughter I was able to see just how negative she was towards her. And only wanted her as a babysitter. I never believed it until then. But I do not talk badly about mom to daughter.I try to encourage their relationship. But it has gotten very bad over the past three years. Mom has been living in her apt for awhile now. Things are back to how they used to be. According to daughter when she goes to visit her mom on the weekends mom will not spend time with her. Mom goes to her room to sleep and tells daughter she has to watch her kids. Here mom is leaving on a cruise next month with her family and for the second time she has told daughter she is not welcomed to go. So daughter is very hurt again. I am trying to play it off that she cant miss school but she knows her mom chooses not to take her as usual.

Daughter has told her mom and myself that she will not be going back to her moms. I tried talking to her last night again and she will not budge. She says it has nothing to do with the cruise but that is just the cherry on top. She says her mom has never been there for her and she is tired of getting used. She told me if her mom tries to get her she will lock herself in her room and call the cops. Mom told Daughter she doesnt have a choice because if she doesnt come dad (meaning me) will beat her and force her. This will NEVER happen.

I do not have behavior issues with daughter. She is very involved in sports, makes straight As in high school, and is VERY respectful. So the side I see of her when it comes to her moms is VERY different.

Will I get into trouble for not physically moving daughter out of my house and into moms car? I have never put my hands on her and I do not want to start now. I have been telling her she is going. But she is very persistent that she is not and I am at a loss. I understand where she is coming from and if I where her I would probably do the same. But at a legal stand point for myself what do I do?

Daughter says she will call the cops. What will they do?

I can not afford another atty to go back to court. In the past 10 years we have gone back about 3 times for mom not paying child support and not allowing daughter to be in swimming on her weekends (daughter is in a very competitive league) All times judge has been on my side but I dont have the money now.

Daughter doesn't want to never see her mom. She wants it to be more on her time rather than every other weekend mom gets a free babysitter.

CO is the standard Texas one:

It is 1,3,5 Friday - Sunday
Alternating holidays

It used to be 1,3,5 Wednesday -Friday but mom lost that .

Please advise. Thank you

 

[TheGeekess]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

Ok , this may be long. I am the custodial parent of my 14 year old. She is in high school. She is very active in her sports. Her mother has never volunteerly been involved in our daughters life. I have had custody of her since she was 1. Mom has another family in which she is a good parent to. Unfortunately our daughter sees that. Mom does not go to any events for daughter , she never calls her, never tries to pick her up "outside weekend time" , never gets her for her dinner times. Mom was gone for about 3 months this summer. She is back. She was homeless with her children so my wife and I let her family stay with us for 6 weeks. (as my wife did not want the kids living in a car). During that time mom NEVER did anything with daughter I was able to see just how negative she was towards her. And only wanted her as a babysitter. I never believed it until then. But I do not talk badly about mom to daughter.I try to encourage their relationship. But it has gotten very bad over the past three years. Mom has been living in her apt for awhile now. Things are back to how they used to be. According to daughter when she goes to visit her mom on the weekends mom will not spend time with her. Mom goes to her room to sleep and tells daughter she has to watch her kids. Here mom is leaving on a cruise next month with her family and for the second time she has told daughter she is not welcomed to go. So daughter is very hurt again. I am trying to play it off that she cant miss school but she knows her mom chooses not to take her as usual.

Daughter has told her mom and myself that she will not be going back to her moms. I tried talking to her last night again and she will not budge. She says it has nothing to do with the cruise but that is just the cherry on top. She says her mom has never been there for her and she is tired of getting used. She told me if her mom tries to get her she will lock herself in her room and call the cops. Mom told Daughter she doesnt have a choice because if she doesnt come dad (meaning me) will beat her and force her. This will NEVER happen.

I do not have behavior issues with daughter. She is very involved in sports, makes straight As in high school, and is VERY respectful. So the side I see of her when it comes to her moms is VERY different.

Will I get into trouble for not physically moving daughter out of my house and into moms car? I have never put my hands on her and I do not want to start now. I have been telling her she is going. But she is very persistent that she is not and I am at a loss. I understand where she is coming from and if I where her I would probably do the same. But at a legal stand point for myself what do I do?

Daughter says she will call the cops. What will they do?

I can not afford another atty to go back to court. In the past 10 years we have gone back about 3 times for mom not paying child support and not allowing daughter to be in swimming on her weekends (daughter is in a very competitive league) All times judge has been on my side but I dont have the money now.

Daughter doesn't want to never see her mom. She wants it to be more on her time rather than every other weekend mom gets a free babysitter.

CO is the standard Texas one:

It is 1,3,5 Friday - Sunday
Alternating holidays

It used to be 1,3,5 Wednesday -Friday but mom lost that .

Please advise. Thank you

There is a court order in place. The court order should be followed unless you and Princess want to deal with the fall-out (should Mom choose to file to have you held in contempt).

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

Ok , this may be long. I am the custodial parent of my 14 year old. She is in high school. She is very active in her sports. Her mother has never volunteerly been involved in our daughters life. I have had custody of her since she was 1. Mom has another family in which she is a good parent to. Unfortunately our daughter sees that. Mom does not go to any events for daughter , she never calls her, never tries to pick her up "outside weekend time" , never gets her for her dinner times. Mom was gone for about 3 months this summer. She is back. She was homeless with her children so my wife and I let her family stay with us for 6 weeks. (as my wife did not want the kids living in a car). During that time mom NEVER did anything with daughter I was able to see just how negative she was towards her. And only wanted her as a babysitter. I never believed it until then. But I do not talk badly about mom to daughter.I try to encourage their relationship. But it has gotten very bad over the past three years. Mom has been living in her apt for awhile now. Things are back to how they used to be. According to daughter when she goes to visit her mom on the weekends mom will not spend time with her. Mom goes to her room to sleep and tells daughter she has to watch her kids. Here mom is leaving on a cruise next month with her family and for the second time she has told daughter she is not welcomed to go. So daughter is very hurt again. I am trying to play it off that she cant miss school but she knows her mom chooses not to take her as usual.

Daughter has told her mom and myself that she will not be going back to her moms. I tried talking to her last night again and she will not budge. She says it has nothing to do with the cruise but that is just the cherry on top. She says her mom has never been there for her and she is tired of getting used. She told me if her mom tries to get her she will lock herself in her room and call the cops. Mom told Daughter she doesnt have a choice because if she doesnt come dad (meaning me) will beat her and force her. This will NEVER happen.

I do not have behavior issues with daughter. She is very involved in sports, makes straight As in high school, and is VERY respectful. So the side I see of her when it comes to her moms is VERY different.

Will I get into trouble for not physically moving daughter out of my house and into moms car? I have never put my hands on her and I do not want to start now. I have been telling her she is going. But she is very persistent that she is not and I am at a loss. I understand where she is coming from and if I where her I would probably do the same. But at a legal stand point for myself what do I do?

Daughter says she will call the cops. What will they do?

I can not afford another atty to go back to court. In the past 10 years we have gone back about 3 times for mom not paying child support and not allowing daughter to be in swimming on her weekends (daughter is in a very competitive league) All times judge has been on my side but I dont have the money now.

Daughter doesn't want to never see her mom. She wants it to be more on her time rather than every other weekend mom gets a free babysitter.

CO is the standard Texas one:

It is 1,3,5 Friday - Sunday
Alternating holidays

It used to be 1,3,5 Wednesday -Friday but mom lost that .

Please advise. Thank you

Daughter has no choice. Then you take away electronics etc. Her choice. You are going to have to be a parent here. She can live in a white t-shirt and a pair of jeans. Every last luxury leaves when faced with disobedience.

 

[txdad2013]

Daughter has no choice. Then you take away electronics etc. Her choice. You are going to have to be a parent here. She can live in a white t-shirt and a pair of jeans. Every last luxury leaves when faced with disobedience.

This has already happened. So do I physically remove her from my home...and if a cop shows up I get into trouble or should I let mom come in a get her.

 

[LdiJ]

There is a court order in place. The court order should be followed unless you and Princess want to deal with the fall-out (should Mom choose to file to have you held in contempt).

This is absolutely true. I really ride the fence about it sometimes because I am not sure that we are doing children, or parents a favor in this kind of scenario, but the law is the law.

I once heard a judge tell the father of a 14 year old girl that he better start finding a way to make his daughter WANT to spend time with him, or at 16 the judge would no longer make her do it, and at 18 he could lose his daughter completely. I thought that was a very wise judge.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

Ok , this may be long. I am the custodial parent of my 14 year old. She is in high school. She is very active in her sports. Her mother has never volunteerly been involved in our daughters life. I have had custody of her since she was 1. Mom has another family in which she is a good parent to. Unfortunately our daughter sees that. Mom does not go to any events for daughter , she never calls her, never tries to pick her up "outside weekend time" , never gets her for her dinner times. Mom was gone for about 3 months this summer. She is back. She was homeless with her children so my wife and I let her family stay with us for 6 weeks. (as my wife did not want the kids living in a car). During that time mom NEVER did anything with daughter I was able to see just how negative she was towards her. And only wanted her as a babysitter. I never believed it until then. But I do not talk badly about mom to daughter.I try to encourage their relationship. But it has gotten very bad over the past three years. Mom has been living in her apt for awhile now. Things are back to how they used to be. According to daughter when she goes to visit her mom on the weekends mom will not spend time with her. Mom goes to her room to sleep and tells daughter she has to watch her kids. Here mom is leaving on a cruise next month with her family and for the second time she has told daughter she is not welcomed to go. So daughter is very hurt again. I am trying to play it off that she cant miss school but she knows her mom chooses not to take her as usual.

Daughter has told her mom and myself that she will not be going back to her moms. I tried talking to her last night again and she will not budge. She says it has nothing to do with the cruise but that is just the cherry on top. She says her mom has never been there for her and she is tired of getting used. She told me if her mom tries to get her she will lock herself in her room and call the cops. Mom told Daughter she doesnt have a choice because if she doesnt come dad (meaning me) will beat her and force her. This will NEVER happen.

I do not have behavior issues with daughter. She is very involved in sports, makes straight As in high school, and is VERY respectful. So the side I see of her when it comes to her moms is VERY different.

Will I get into trouble for not physically moving daughter out of my house and into moms car? I have never put my hands on her and I do not want to start now. I have been telling her she is going. But she is very persistent that she is not and I am at a loss. I understand where she is coming from and if I where her I would probably do the same. But at a legal stand point for myself what do I do?

Daughter says she will call the cops. What will they do?

I can not afford another atty to go back to court. In the past 10 years we have gone back about 3 times for mom not paying child support and not allowing daughter to be in swimming on her weekends (daughter is in a very competitive league) All times judge has been on my side but I dont have the money now.

Daughter doesn't want to never see her mom. She wants it to be more on her time rather than every other weekend mom gets a free babysitter.

CO is the standard Texas one:

It is 1,3,5 Friday - Sunday
Alternating holidays

It used to be 1,3,5 Wednesday -Friday but mom lost that .

Please advise. Thank you

If you don't have behavior issues with your daughter then that means she listens to you and respects her as the parent. Therefore, YOU tell her to get in the car and she is going to her mom's. She should go at that point. If she refuses, then guess what? You have behavior issues with your daughter. Those issues need to be addressed. If you agree with your daughter then you go back to court and have the court order changed. Until that happens, the court order is to be followed. Or you risk being found in contempt.

 

[txdad2013]

This has already happened. So do I physically remove her from my home...and if a cop shows up I get into trouble or should I let mom come in a get her.

I am trying to do the best legal route. But I do not know what that is as daughter has never done this. I just do not see me physically forcing her and her not resisting which could end up badly.

 

[TheGeekess]

This has already happened. So do I physically remove her from my home...and if a cop shows up I get into trouble or should I let mom come in a get her.

Has a cop shown up yet? If not, I'm willing to bet he'll tell you and Princess the same thing I told you on this thread-the court order is the Law unto your situation that is to be followed.

 

[Ohiogal]

This has already happened. So do I physically remove her from my home...and if a cop shows up I get into trouble or should I let mom come in a get her.

So you do have behavioral issues with the little princess. If she doesn't listen and go, then she doesn't go anywhere but school. No parties, no friends, no football games, no sports, no extracurricular activities until she decides she is going to listen. Once she starts listening and goes to mom's then she gets to go back to playing sports. Oh but you don't want to do that right? That would be punishing the little princess, now wouldn't it?

 

[txdad2013]

So you do have behavioral issues with the little princess. If she doesn't listen and go, then she doesn't go anywhere but school. No parties, no friends, no football games, no sports, no extracurricular activities until she decides she is going to listen. Once she starts listening and goes to mom's then she gets to go back to playing sports. Oh but you don't want to do that right? That would be punishing the little princess, now wouldn't it?

She has been punished for the way she acted this past week. She has no phone, no social websites. She does do swimming but only because it is a class in high school. She does not have a option to skip it. But the coach knows what is going on and hasnt been easy on her this week.

 

[Ohiogal]

She has been punished for the way she acted this past week. She has no phone, no social websites. She does do swimming but only because it is a class in high school. She does not have a option to skip it. But the coach knows what is going on and hasnt been easy on her this week.

You said she is heavily involved in sports. She shouldn't be involved at all in sports.

 

[txdad2013]

You said she is heavily involved in sports. She shouldn't be involved at all in sports.

She is. It is a class. School has started they will not allow to take her out with out her failing. Her mom called them.

 

[Ohiogal]

She is. It is a class. School has started they will not allow to take her out with out her failing. Her mom called them.

A class is NOT sports. A class is a class. She should not be on the swim team going to meets or practices or anything of that nature. She should not be going to other games or such for sports. She should not be in yearbook club or anything else. You be the parent and you make your daughter fly straight and listen to the LAW which is the COURT ORDER. If you can't do that, then you may face contempt. And her mom was allowed to call the school. She has that legal right.

 

[gam]

OP has asked several times throughout this thread if he should actually physically make his daughter go, and that question was ignored. I would love to hear the answer on this myself, as I have seen first hand a teen refusing to go. All these punishments your talking about will not help this guy this weekend when his daughter won't go. Those punishments will take time, a week or two will not do a dang thing for a stubborn teen.

So what is this guy suppose to do this weekend when daughter refuses to go, does he physically remove her from his home and put her into moms car?

Your daughter has issues with her mom, is your daughter in any therapy? Is your daughter in therapy with you and mom both participating, so these issues can be resolved and worked out without someone having to worry about physically making the daughter do something?

Time to take this step in that route, because you can bet if your daughter does not get her butt out the door and into moms car, mom is going to file contempt on you. Therapy, punishments for her refusal(you must stick to them to)would be some good stuff to show the court that your parenting and there are still issues that the court needs to step in and help resolve. Letting your daughter off the hook, is not teaching her a darn thing and the next issues that causes her problems, might end up with quitting on that to. All this will teach her is to run from responsibilities when they get to tough or you just don't feel like doing them.

I doubt you will get anybody to answer your question about physically removing her, you have to do what you think is best at the time and only you in the situation will be able to determine how far you can go with this. It's a fine line, that you have already figured out, the reason you came and asked the question. If you can't get daughter to go and mom has no solution to make her go at the time, it would be wise if you were proactive and called the police and made a report yourself. Highly likely if your daughter does not go that mom will file contempt and you might want to mention to your daughter that she herself can be held in contempt of the court to. They can punish her and there are Judges out that will send them to Juvie for refusing to go to the other parents home.

 

[CJane]

Here's the deal. Explain to kiddo that unless she's IN DANGER, she goes. Period. End stop.

Explain to her that a parent's job is not to make a child HAPPY, it's to parent them and require them to take some responsibility in their lives, and become contributing members of society. Being UNHAPPY or not being allowed to dictate TO MOM how she spends HER life/time is not a good enough reason to BREAK THE LAW (or ignore a court order).

She goes. Or she is treated like the bratty little criminal she's pretending to be.

Stomping her foot and whining about babysitting her siblings is BS and should be treated as such.