Wife took the kids, won't tell me where they are.

[PicoDeWhy]

Yes, she came inside with the kids. Told me how she found them.

So, she brought the children inside, and a fight ensued and THEN she left? She didn't just pull into the street, see the kids playing out there, grab them and take off?

Because those are two very different scenarios, and only one of them is what you originally presented here.

A small verbal fight ensued, I got very upset that it had happened and scolded our 4 year old who I thought should've known better.
Of course I take full responsibility with it happening. Nothing like it has ever happened before and I've been a full time stay-at-home
parent for almost five years now. I've had problems with anger and depression, but NEVER put my kids in danger or threaten them or my wife in any way. I sometimes have to let my anger out by breaking something, but never do that in front of the kids or wife and have absolutely no urge to hurt them in any way. I'm thinking that this was just the icing on the cake of something that's been brewing for some time. Hopefully we can mediate it without a court battle.

 

[Proserpina]

A small verbal fight ensued, I got very upset that it had happened and scolded our 4 year old who I thought should've known better.
Of course I take full responsibility with it happening. Nothing like it has ever happened before and I've been a full time stay-at-home
parent for almost five years now. I've had problems with anger and depression, but NEVER put my kids in danger or threaten them or my wife in any way. I sometimes have to let my anger out by breaking something, but never do that in front of the kids or wife and have absolutely no urge to hurt them in any way. I'm thinking that this was just the icing on the cake of something that's been brewing for some time. Hopefully we can mediate it without a court battle.

You blamed the four year old for your mistake?!

The four year old is meant to be mature enough to know what to do?

You've got to be kidding me.

You DID put them in danger.

 

[PicoDeWhy]

When one assumes their 14 month old is restrained by a locked door

If it was just the 4 year old that made it outside...I might agree that more with your position...but your 14 month old was outside as well. Who lets a 14 month old out of their sight at all unless the child is in a playpen or otherwise restrained?

One may find out he was mistaken and had forgotten to lock it back. With the locked door, the child is completely safe with no where to go,
but to the room that I was in. It was a big first mistake. But not a recurrence of any sort.

 

[Ohiogal]

A small verbal fight ensued, I got very upset that it had happened and scolded our 4 year old who I thought should've known better.
Of course I take full responsibility with it happening. Nothing like it has ever happened before and I've been a full time stay-at-home
parent for almost five years now. I've had problems with anger and depression, but NEVER put my kids in danger or threaten them or my wife in any way. I sometimes have to let my anger out by breaking something, but never do that in front of the kids or wife and have absolutely no urge to hurt them in any way. I'm thinking that this was just the icing on the cake of something that's been brewing for some time. Hopefully we can mediate it without a court battle.

You break things?
You scolded the 4 year old who you thought should've known better?
You have anger problems?

Prepare yourself for a restraining order -- I can foresee that coming. Prepare mom to state that you need supervised visitation because of your history. Prepare mom to say you screamed at the 4 year old and the verbal fight was NOT that small but that you were verbally abusive. You need an attorney.

 

[PicoDeWhy]

Because...

What makes you think Mom will be paying your legal fees and paying you alimony?

She has been the primary breadwinner for the past 5 years while I've been at home all day raising wonderful girls.
So, maybe this is just Oregon, but she'll probably have to pay for my legal fees and possibly alimony if we went that ugly route.

 

[Ohiogal]

One may find out he was mistaken and had forgotten to lock it back. With the locked door, the child is completely safe with no where to go,
but to the room that I was in. It was a big first mistake. But not a recurrence of any sort.

Really? There is nothing that the 14 month old could climb? Fall off of? Break? Pull down? The 4 year old wouldn't hit him/pinch him/try to carry him?

Sorry but no, the child was NOT completely safe. Not completely. And if they got outside, you were not supervising them properly.

 

[PicoDeWhy]

You could be right.

You break things?
You scolded the 4 year old who you thought should've known better?
You have anger problems?

Prepare yourself for a restraining order -- I can foresee that coming. Prepare mom to state that you need supervised visitation because of your history. Prepare mom to say you screamed at the 4 year old and the verbal fight was NOT that small but that you were verbally abusive. You need an attorney.

I'm going for a jog. The first in a looooooog while.

 

[LdiJ]

She has been the primary breadwinner for the past 5 years while I've been at home all day raising wonderful girls.
So, maybe this is just Oregon, but she'll probably have to pay for my legal fees and possibly alimony if we went that ugly route.

Alimony is highly unlikely for a short term marriage...even in Oregon.

 

[CJane]

She has been the primary breadwinner for the past 5 years while I've been at home all day raising wonderful girls.
So, maybe this is just Oregon, but she'll probably have to pay for my legal fees and possibly alimony if we went that ugly route.

Not for such a short term marriage.

 

[Ohiogal]

She has been the primary breadwinner for the past 5 years while I've been at home all day raising wonderful girls.
So, maybe this is just Oregon, but she'll probably have to pay for my legal fees and possibly alimony if we went that ugly route.

And then again, NO. That is NOT a guarantee at all. She might be asked to REIMBURSE you for legal fees but you would have to get counsel on your own. And there is NO guarantee that she would have to pay you. And depending on the overall picture, you might not get awarded alimony at all.

 

[Proserpina]

She has been the primary breadwinner for the past 5 years while I've been at home all day raising wonderful girls.
So, maybe this is just Oregon, but she'll probably have to pay for my legal fees and possibly alimony if we went that ugly route.

No, really.

As far as Oregon goes? It's even LESS likely than many other states.

You go for that jog.

And think about how ridiculous you're going to sound if you try to tell a judge - IN OREGON - that you thought your 4 year old was mature enough to effectively babysit the 14 month old.

 

[PicoDeWhy]

You must not have kids.

You blamed the four year old for your mistake?!

The four year old is meant to be mature enough to know what to do?

You've got to be kidding me.

You DID put them in danger.

For a few seconds I heatedly told her she knew better than that. Wouldn't you get a little heated
to make a serious point for the safety of your child. YES it was my fault! But when you have kids
you don't always make the perfect decisions.

 

[PicoDeWhy]

Ok, I realize.

No, really.

As far as Oregon goes? It's even LESS likely than many other states.

You go for that jog.

And think about how ridiculous you're going to sound if you try to tell a judge - IN OREGON - that you thought your 4 year old was mature enough to effectively babysit the 14 month old.

you get what you pay for with free advice.
Actually I've already sat down with a lawyer and this is what I've been told. It obvious you have an ax to grind
with something else in your life. Don't take it out on a stranger who's trying to do the best he can for all involved.
I hope you get help.

 

[Proserpina]

For a few seconds I heatedly told her she knew better than that. Wouldn't you get a little heated
to make a serious point for the safety of your child. YES it was my fault! But when you have kids
you don't always make the perfect decisions.

I'd be more peeved at myself for messing up. I wouldn't be blaming the 4 year old.

This is perhaps why Mom (and she does have a point) thinks you're no longer the best option for primary custody.

And before you come back and call us a bunch of man-haters? Yeah. We're not. If anything, with the exception of one or two regular posters, we're accused far more often of being TOO Dad-friendly.

 

[Zigner]

you get what you pay for with free advice.
Actually I've already sat down with a lawyer and this is what I've been told. It obvious you have an ax to grind
with something else in your life. Don't take it out on a stranger who's trying to do the best he can for all involved.
I hope you get help.

The OG effect strikes again!