My wife is an alcoholic and a danger to my children

[Proserpina]

So how often has mom been left alone with the children since she allegedly drove while intoxicated? How many times has she driven the children without you or someone who is a responsible adult (but her) in the car?

OP ain't going to like that at all. But yeap, you're dead right.

 

[Ohiogal]

OP ain't going to like that at all. But yeap, you're dead right.

If he wants to argue how neglectful and horrible mom is, he better be able to show that he, as the rational, responsible parent, has NEVER left the children alone with mom since he discovered how neglectful and horrible mom is. If he did, well then he is even worst than she because he is trying to paint himself as the better parent -- a better parent who recognizes the danger but still chooses to place the children he claims he loves in a dangerous situation. That won't fly with most judges.

 

[stealth2]

I also forgot to add that she has a 13 year old daughter from a previos relationship. The daughters father took her away, got a lawyer and now has custody of the child due to my wifes drinking issues. Everyone looked to me to be the "one to straighten her out" however, her I am on a legal website.

So.... She's a stay-at-home Mom, with the kids every day while you are at work? Even if they are in school part of the day, there is part of each day she is home alone with them? Uuummm.... You seewhere your argument falls apart, yes?

 

[CJane]

My post from last night has disappeared. But, I basically said the same things that everyone else has said.

Mom is perceived to be the primary care giver, and the court has to assume that as a responsible parent yourself, you would NEVER leave your children alone all day with someone who is a danger to them. So... Mom MUST be a fit and proper parent.

It's an uphill battle, to say the least.

 

[Ohiogal]

My post from last night has disappeared. But, I basically said the same things that everyone else has said.

Mom is perceived to be the primary care giver, and the court has to assume that as a responsible parent yourself, you would NEVER leave your children alone all day with someone who is a danger to them. So... Mom MUST be a fit and proper parent.

It's an uphill battle, to say the least.

I know of a couple judges who would be more than willing to call CPS from the bench if dad wanted to pursue this argument in court for custody. And who would delete your post? Maybe OP didn't like the fact that he is in the wrong.

 

[Bali Hai]

My post from last night has disappeared. But, I basically said the same things that everyone else has said.

Mom is perceived to be the primary care giver, and the court has to assume that as a responsible parent yourself, you would NEVER leave your children alone all day with someone who is a danger to them. So... Mom MUST be a fit and proper parent.

It's an uphill battle, to say the least.

My posts disappear all the time and nobody cares.

 

[jeffirons]

My posts disappear all the time and nobody cares.

Ok ya'll. How about this. My wife agrees that if her and I were to divorce she is not the best option for raising the children. She has agreed to have a lawyer draw up paperwork stating that if our marriage were to be dissolved that I will assume custody of the kids. Is there in reality such paperwork that can be done now should the worst case senerio happen in the future?

 

[CJane]

Ok ya'll. How about this. My wife agrees that if her and I were to divorce she is not the best option for raising the children. She has agreed to have a lawyer draw up paperwork stating that if our marriage were to be dissolved that I will assume custody of the kids. Is there in reality such paperwork that can be done now should the worst case senerio happen in the future?

Sure, you can have it drawn up. But it's completely unenforceable and useless.

Again. If you think Mom is unfit to raise the kids - the court is going to be very interested to know why you leave the children alone with her all day every day, and have for years (apparently). And if you have her sign a piece of paper saying she's unfit, AND THEN LEAVE THE KIDS ALONE WITH HER, you've shown that you DISAGREE with what you convinced her to sign.

Look. Divorce or not. Expect her to contest custody. Let a judge decide what is in your children's best interests based on the actual facts of the case. Expect for neither of you to be happy when s/he is done.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Ok ya'll. How about this. My wife agrees that if her and I were to divorce she is not the best option for raising the children. She has agreed to have a lawyer draw up paperwork stating that if our marriage were to be dissolved that I will assume custody of the kids. Is there in reality such paperwork that can be done now should the worst case senerio happen in the future?

"Worst case scenario"? Please clarify how you would define this.

From *my* vantage point, the "worst case scenario" is you stay with your wife, she continues to drink and be the primary caregiver of the children, and some disaster results, due to drinking, causing the children to be killed or permanently disabled.

I'm getting the feeling that from *your* vantage point, the "worst case scenario" would be that you divorce.

Hint: if you truly accepted the gravity of the situation, you would have taken the children and left, and filed for custody already. I'm getting the feeling you're still with your wife out of some bizarre hero complex.

 

[jeffirons]

"Worst case scenario"? Please clarify how you would define this.

From *my* vantage point, the "worst case scenario" is you stay with your wife, she continues to drink and be the primary caregiver of the children, and some disaster results, due to drinking, causing the children to be killed or permanently disabled.

I'm getting the feeling that from *your* vantage point, the "worst case scenario" would be that you divorce.

Hint: if you truly accepted the gravity of the situation, you would have taken the children and left, and filed for custody already. I'm getting the feeling you're still with your wife out of some bizarre hero complex.

Well, I came to this web site for logical legal advise. Seems like bizarre hero complex comments are far from the help im looking for. So if anyone can help me with "good advice" as to how I can protect my children from being placed with their mother. I agree that the worst case senerio was probably not the correct way to address the situation so thank you for your reality check, I guess. In my eyes it is just as dangerous if she would be awarded custody and I will no longer be able to keep my eye on everything and ensure my kids are safe. I guess thats my hero complex shining thru.

 

[Silverplum]

Well, I came to this web site for logical legal advise. Seems like bizarre hero complex comments are far from the help im looking for. So if anyone can help me with "good advice" as to how I can protect my children from being placed with their mother. I agree that the worst case senerio was probably not the correct way to address the situation so thank you for your reality check, I guess. In my eyes it is just as dangerous if she would be awarded custody and I will no longer be able to keep my eye on everything and ensure my kids are safe. I guess thats my hero complex shining thru.

Every marital decision you've made thus far puts Mom in the CP seat. I don't see a way to undo the past.

You could always hire an attorney.

 

[not2cleverRed]

My concern is that you've stayed this long with her, somehow thinking that you can fix her.

The only one who can change her is her.

Get an initial consult with a lawyer. You're going to need one. Maybe your wife won't protest you asking for full custody, I don't know her... but chances are, she doesn't fully accept that she has a drinking problem. Whatever you do, do not leave without your children. Doing so implies that you find her drunk parenting acceptable. How long ago did you find out she was driving drunk with the kids in the car? Last week, last month, last year?

Find a local Al-Anon, because you clearly need it.