Alcoholic Wife Need to Protect my family

[Zigner]

How could you say not a good mom when you've never seen her with her kids.

I suspect that most people are forming their opinions based own your own words:

My wife is an alcoholic and she does not make good decisions about driving when she is drunk. Over the last 4 months I know of 4 times when she has driving with a high BOC...maybe 0.15 to 0.25. My concern is that she will kill someone or herself.

I am doing everything I can do to get her help and support her but most of this is in her hands. I aside from the obvious concern about hurting herself or someone else....I am concerned about what will happen to me and our 2 little girls if she did hurt someone. I understand that a wrongful death suit against her could bring on our financial ruin. We are fairly well off right now and living a comfortable life....I would hate to see my kids suffer by losing their mom, our house, ect.

I would suggest that you may want to get some counseling to help you deal with the fact that your wife is an addict whose drug of choice is alcohol.

 

[not2cleverRed]

I am kind of sorry I posted this here...seems like a lot of personal opinions about my wife (whom you've never met) and little legal advice. How could you say not a good mom when you've never seen her with her kids. And who ever said she would rather be drunk than with her kids....weird comment.

Let's see... Because she drinks and drives. There is more to being a "good mom" than being good with kids. What is your wife teaching your children when she drinks and drives? We teach our children by our actions even more thoroughly than by instruction.

In any case....the agreement would be drawn up before anything bad happens not afterwards to avoid an obvious issue. I thought pre or post nuptial agreements hold up in court?....This is what I own and this is what she owns...

Actually, given that your motivation in wishing to write such a thing up... It would kinda look like you're complicit.

Oh, wait... I know what sort of legal papers that define who's property is whose which would hold up in court: DIVORCE DECREE. Yep. That would let you off the hook.

 

[Ohiogal]

I am kind of sorry I posted this here...seems like a lot of personal opinions about my wife (whom you've never met) and little legal advice. How could you say not a good mom when you've never seen her with her kids. And who ever said she would rather be drunk than with her kids....weird comment.

In any case....the agreement would be drawn up before anything bad happens not afterwards to avoid an obvious issue. I thought pre or post nuptial agreements hold up in court?....This is what I own and this is what she owns...

No they don't. In fact, if you know she is a drunk/alcoholic and the car is in your name and she drives it? YOU are responsible. Google negligent entrustment. You are not getting out of paying for anyone who your wife kills or injures due to her stupidity unless you divorce her and DO NOT ALLOW HER TO DRIVE YOUR CAR. Of course if she kills or injures your kids or herself or you, you won't be paying in a lawsuit but just with a broken heart. Yet that is a good mom. And yes, that is legally speaking that she is NOT a good mom.

 

[anearthw]

Divorce.

What you are asking - to stay together as a happy family while absolving yourself of legal obligations - is not going to happen. Nobody is a good parent while they are an addict. Good people can become addicts but the very nature of addiction negates being a good parent. Sober recovering alcoholics can make great parents, but not active ones. And please, counseling for yourself, you exhibit enabling behavior just by this thread. Good luck. My mother was financially ruined by my alcoholic father and he almost killed us in the car once as kids. Our mother never knew, we weren't allowed to tell. He swerved off a freeway into the center green at 55mph with us little girls in the back. That's addiction. You probably don't even know what your girls have been put through.

 

[Bali Hai]

And the common theme to this thread as with all other threads on this site is this: No matter what the wife does, it's ALWAYS the husbands fault, and no matter what the husband does, it's ALWAYS HIS fault.

You people gotta get some different background music or something.

 

[Ladyback1]

I bought a $250 breathlaizer...it is pretty accurate. I tested it out on myself using my weight and one of those charts that monitors your BAC by time and drinks per hour.

She is in rehab (out patient). This is still the recommendation of the counselor. I would not want to take her from the kids...she is a great mom.

If we had an agreement, a post nup, saying what we share and what we own jointly would anybody suing her be able to touch what is on my side of the marriage?

pointing out: Since she is in rehab (outpatient), then you must be expecting her to relapse. Perhaps, regardless of what the counselor thinks, your wife needs inpatient. Unfortunately, you can't make her go to inpatient rehab, nor can you wish her sober. She has to want that for herself.
If you are planning on her relapsing, or if she can't make more than a couple of days sober, it indicates to me that she has not hit her rock bottom. Until she decides that (fill in the blank with whatever) is more important to her than, alcohol, she will not change.
I strongly suggest that you get involved in either AlAnon, or some other support group/therapy to help you to cope, and to help you understand enabling behavior.

And just one more thing: don't assume that your children don't know, don't understand, don't grasp that their mother has issues--and those issues do impact her ability to be a good parent.

 

[Ohiogal]

And the common theme to this thread as with all other threads on this site is this: No matter what the wife does, it's ALWAYS the husbands fault, and no matter what the husband does, it's ALWAYS HIS fault.

You people gotta get some different background music or something.

No one is blaming the husband for the wife's actions. We are blaming him -- if even that is blame -- for being blind and ignorant to what he is doing that is wrong.

 

[stealth2]

And the common theme to this thread as with all other threads on this site is this: No matter what the wife does, it's ALWAYS the husbands fault, and no matter what the husband does, it's ALWAYS HIS fault.

You people gotta get some different background music or something.

Thing is, Bali - the wife is not here asking questions - OP is. And his wishes vs. what is the "right" thing to do do not work together. Not if he cares about the kids. Because they ARE at risk. Mom has no incentive to turn herself around, because Dad has made it clear he doesn't want to divorce her. Perhaps it would make more sense for him to tell her she has three/six months to get clean - and in that time he will make certain that she is with the children only under supervision(*). If she's not made significant progress within that time-frame? He will be filing for divorce and full legal/physical custody. Unfortunately, the only thing OP has really addressed is the money. Which will be cold comfort if he has to lay his children to rest after Mom drives them for one last drunken cruise.

(*) Forgot to add this! Really - he should separate and take the kids with him for that interim.