Summer vacation visitation question

[Idahomamab]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Idaho
Our decree reads, "During the summer, each parent shall have at least 14 consecutive days with the child to allow time for an extended vacation away from home. The father shall have first choice in odd-numbered years and the mother shall have first choice in even-numbered years. If the parents cannot agree as to when summer visitation shall commence, it shall commence one week after school has ended."

Being 2014, and being the mother, this is my year to have first choice. My adult son and I had to coordinate vacation days between our jobs, and it took a little longer than I had hoped. School for my daughter ended last Wednesday, and I just got confirmation of approval for my vacation this week. Yesterday, my ex texted me, informing me that I was too late to ask for my first choice dates (there is no "drop dead date" in our decree, and he had not asked about my dates or said in any way that he needed to know sooner - I could have pressured my boss and she would have obliged.) and furthermore that he had taken the liberty of taking first pick of dates since I would be taking the default dates. I informed him of the dates that I had requested from work and that I wanted for my vacation, and was informed that they conflicted with his choice and he therefore did not agree, and I therefore got the default dates again. I argued over text, reminding him of what the decree said, that it was my year to pick first, that there was no "notify by" date in our decree and that it does not state that the mother gets the default if there is a disagreement, so it could apply to him as well, since I disagreed with his overlapping dates. His texts eventually became so bully-ish and intimidating, and so non-stop that I blocked texts from my phone for the night to make it stop, after which I got notifications of 16 more attempts to deliver. Tonight he should have picked up our daughter for his regular weekend visitation (he has extended weekends in the summer) but he notified me that he would not be doing so (and he didn't) because these were my vacation days. Obviously, these are not days that I have off, and in fact CANNOT get them off (this is my first year as lead preschool teacher in a summercare program that starts tomorrow. July was approved - the first week of a new program is off limits) and my adult son cannot request days off that occur before July because of a "can't ask for days off in your first 3 months with the company" rule. This is above and beyond the fact that I'm supposed to get first choice this year, and he took the liberty of claiming it as his own and assigning me default days. What are my options? My ex has a history of violent behavior, and for almost 3 years we had to have custody exchanges at the police station because of his outbursts. He has given me my "marching orders" and intends to pick up my daughter on my custody time for his vacation...which overlaps the start of MY vacation (which he is denying me.) If he picks her up 5 days before the start of my vacation days, I know that he does not intend to return her in time for us to leave on our trip, because his proposed vacation overlaps mine by a week. What can I do?

 

[Proserpina]

So to triple clarify, your order says absolutely nothing about when the parent actually must notify the other?

 

[Idahomamab]

No - it doesn't. I typed out the entire summer visitation section.

 

[Idahomamab]

Update:

I got this around 7:30 tonight (custody pickup was supposed to be at 6 tonight.)

"Per this e-mail, you are giving up the default vacation, however, I am stuck at work for start-up and will have to be back here in the morning early. This is notification that I am allowing you right of first refusal. If you refuse that right, I will pick R up tonight as soon as I can get away from work. Otherwise, I will pick her up around 600 tomorrow night. If I can get her earlier than that, I will let you know at least an hour in advance."


The "otherwise I will pick her up around 600 tomorrow night if earlier I'll let you know at least an hour in advance" is pretty self explanatory, but what does the rest mean? First right of refusal on what? Giving up default vacation days...the ones I never accepted because I've already notified him of my first choice days? Is he saying that I don't get a vacation at all, on the authority of an email he sent? Can he do that?

 

[Proserpina]

Update:

I got this around 7:30 tonight (custody pickup was supposed to be at 6 tonight.)

"Per this e-mail, you are giving up the default vacation, however, I am stuck at work for start-up and will have to be back here in the morning early. This is notification that I am allowing you right of first refusal. If you refuse that right, I will pick R up tonight as soon as I can get away from work. Otherwise, I will pick her up around 600 tomorrow night. If I can get her earlier than that, I will let you know at least an hour in advance."


The "otherwise I will pick her up around 600 tomorrow night if earlier I'll let you know at least an hour in advance" is pretty self explanatory, but what does the rest mean? First right of refusal on what? Giving up default vacation days...the ones I never accepted because I've already notified him of my first choice days? Is he saying that I don't get a vacation at all, on the authority of an email he sent? Can he do that?

Kindly explain to him that there is nothing in your court order saying that you forfeit your first choice privilege if you don't inform him by X date. Tell him it's such a lovely day outside and that you hope he enjoys his weekend.

 

[stealth2]

However, it does seem to imply that not agreeing/notifying by the end of school kicks in the default. School has been out for over a week, and they have not reached an agreement. So they're in the default, don't get to pick your vaca time, IMO.

Maybe it's just me, but anytime I have started a job since having kids, regardless how close summer, etc. was, I made time off with them during breaks part of the deal. Yes, including my retail job.

 

[Proserpina]

However, it does seem to imply that not agreeing/notifying by the end of school kicks in the default. School has been out for over a week, and they have not reached an agreement. So they're in the default, don't get to pick your vaca time, IMO.

Maybe it's just me, but anytiume I have started a job since having kids, regardless how close summer, etc. was, I made time off with them during breaks part of the deal. Yes, including my retail job.

Hmmm. Can we perhaps get OP's actual timeline wrt when she did actually schedule the time off?

 

[stealth2]

Hmmm. Can we perhaps get OP's actual timeline wrt when she did actually schedule the time off?

From what I get out of her post, she requested time - from work - earlier than the end of school, but said nothing to Dad - and I suspect that part is implied. How hard would it have been to say "Hey, Dad... I intend to take XYZ dates for vacation, but am waiting for approval from my boss. Will let you know asap." ? This is not rocket science. Especially if he has a history of being difficult.

 

[Proserpina]

That's quite true.

And this:

If the parents cannot agree as to when summer visitation shall commence, it shall commence one week after school has ended."

is missing a few words. Like "within". As it reads now, technically either parent can say "Well, the order says I can commence visitation on day 13". While that obviously isn't the intent, it's murky enough to need clarification.

And (given the parents involved) " 8 days after school has ended" wouldn't be a bad modification, either.

 

[Proserpina]

Okay messed that up.

I'd delete it except I just haven't got the energy or the inclination.

Please ignore it, folks.

Sorry.

 

[Idahomamab]

Some quick clarifications - I'll probably miss some but I'll have to get to them this afternoon. I did inform him at a custody that I was planning to take our vacation sometime in the two weeks after my son's birthday (july 6), but that I didn't know what our school summer schedule would be yet and therefore did not know what days the principal would approve, and that I would let him know as soon as I found out. (I should mention that the dates he is claiming as his "first choice" begin the day immediately after my son's birthday) My mistake was not putting it in text or email as I usually do to avoid "he said she said" situations. He has a history of claiming that I verbally agreed to things that I have said "No" to and that has been the safest route for me. I failed to do it this time the divorce is in year 4 and I got comfortable. My fault. In my defense, how hard would it have been for him to say "hey, I really need to know those dates by x day to make my plans"? I could have pressured my boss for a quicker answer and she would have helped me out - she's a wonderful person. I agree that it would be nice to have a specific date - on both ends. Also, the decree doesn't imply which parent gets the default if there's a disagreement. My thought would be that, since I have priority this year, and since I disagree with *his* dates, so *he* gets the default. The reverse would apply when it was his priority year. That's the way I would see it, anyway. Either way, I haven't said "I disagree with your dates so you get the default." I did tell him that he would need to pick different dates that didn't overlap mine. He, on the other hand, went straight to, "You didn't tell me before school was out (which has never been the case in the past) so you get the default dates and I'm taking these." It wasn't even a matter of "please adjust your vacation dates," - he has assigned me the default dates, and now - if I'm reading his email correctly - he's saying that on the authority of his email, I am losing vacation altogether. That doesn't seem right to me.

 

[Ohiogal]

Our decree reads, "During the summer, each parent shall have at least 14 consecutive days with the child to allow time for an extended vacation away from home. The father shall have first choice in odd-numbered years and the mother shall have first choice in even-numbered years. If the parents cannot agree as to when summer visitation shall commence, it shall commence one week after school has ended."

Upon rereading, I do not believe this means that a parent gets this as the start of the default time. I believe this just outlines the start of summer vacation in which each parent can choose their 14 days.

 

[Proserpina]

Upon rereading, I do not believe this means that a parent gets this as the start of the default time. I believe this just outlines the start of summer vacation in which each parent can choose their 14 days.

Okay I'm going on vacation.

I think that's what my brain wanted to say but it hasn't exactly been around much these days.

Thanks for saying what my brain was trying to say (and it failed miserably)

 

[LdiJ]

Upon rereading, I do not believe this means that a parent gets this as the start of the default time. I believe this just outlines the start of summer vacation in which each parent can choose their 14 days.

I read it that way as well.

 

[Proserpina]

L & OG,

Meaning Dad's full of it....right?