My son, 22, got a 17 yr old girl pregnant

[dumbfather]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

I am in uncharted territory now. So please go easy on me.

My dumb son, who is attending college in southern California, got a girl pregnant. Bad part is, she is 17.
Of course he will suffer from his stupid decision and support this child, if the mother chooses to give birth to him or her. That is not a matter of discussion.
I am afraid he is going to go to jail for statutory rape. This is what I am trying to prevent.

A little history of the situation:
Back in mid august, he left home to go to college and find a room off campus before the school started. Of course, no school and no responsibility, with the addition of newly found freedom to be able to order alcohol, him and few of his classmates ended up at a bar, few days after his arrival. He said he met this girl at the bar. Even sent me that stupid thing called selfie showing himself and her arms wrapped around each other. They are bith holding bottles of beer in that picture and in my dumb son's defense, she looked more 27 than 17 in that picture. I am not sure which stupid guy let this girl in that bar and which one handed her an alcoholic drink, but for all intents and purposes, I genuinely believe that my son, even in his inebriated state, believed that she is older than 21, and as you can guess alcohol increases the stupidity by few times at the least, they ended up in bed with no protection. Did I mention that my son is not only dumb but DUMBER ?

Two months fats forward, they never seen each other again, this girl shows up out of the blue at his campus and tracked him down, saying she is pregnant ans she just celebrated her 17th b-day. First off we don't know if she is really pregnant or not and even if she is, if the baby belongs to my son, but he admitted that he had sex with her and she is a minor.

Is any of this looks, having alcohol, being at a bar, play in any favor of my son, should she or her family press charges for rape ?

thank you

 

[Ladyback1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

I am in uncharted territory now. So please go easy on me.

My dumb son, who is attending college in southern California, got a girl pregnant. Bad part is, she is 17.
Of course he will suffer from his stupid decision and support this child, if the mother chooses to give birth to him or her. That is not a matter of discussion.
I am afraid he is going to go to jail for statutory rape. This is what I am trying to prevent.

A little history of the situation:
Back in mid august, he left home to go to college and find a room off campus before the school started. Of course, no school and no responsibility, with the addition of newly found freedom to be able to order alcohol, him and few of his classmates ended up at a bar, few days after his arrival. He said he met this girl at the bar. Even sent me that stupid thing called selfie showing himself and her arms wrapped around each other. They are bith holding bottles of beer in that picture and in my dumb son's defense, she looked more 27 than 17 in that picture. I am not sure which stupid guy let this girl in that bar and which one handed her an alcoholic drink, but for all intents and purposes, I genuinely believe that my son, even in his inebriated state, believed that she is older than 21, and as you can guess alcohol increases the stupidity by few times at the least, they ended up in bed with no protection. Did I mention that my son is not only dumb but DUMBER ?

Two months fats forward, they never seen each other again, this girl shows up out of the blue at his campus and tracked him down, saying she is pregnant ans she just celebrated her 17th b-day. First off we don't know if she is really pregnant or not and even if she is, if the baby belongs to my son, but he admitted that he had sex with her and she is a minor.

Is any of this looks, having alcohol, being at a bar, play in any favor of my son, should she or her family press charges for rape ?

thank you

so, she was actually 16 when he slept with her?

It's a shame that you seem to believe that paying child support is a punishment. How about your dumb son step up and be a father??

 

[TigerD]

First, we understand you are upset. Set that aside - it will not help.

My dumb son, who is attending college in southern California, got a girl pregnant. Bad part is, she is 17.
Of course he will suffer from his stupid decision and support this child, if the mother chooses to give birth to him or her. That is not a matter of discussion.
I am afraid he is going to go to jail for statutory rape. This is what I am trying to prevent.

Your son needs to find an attorney. He has several legal issues that require representation.
1. Potential criminal charges
2. Civil suit
3. Paternity and child support

Things that he should do immediately:
1. Stopping talking to anyone that isn't his attorney about the incident. (That specifically means you. You are now potentially a witness against him.)
2. He needs to get his finances in order - this fight could be very expensive.
3. He needs an attorney.

This sounds like a set up to me.

DC

 

[dumbfather]

so, she was actually 16 when he slept with her?

It's a shame that you seem to believe that paying child support is a punishment. How about your dumb son step up and be a father??

It is not a punishment from the point of the child but it is a pay-back at the least, for the stupid decision he has made.
Instead of living his youth, he will be working and supporting a child, whether he wants it or not. And I am quite sure it will sound and feel like a punishment to him.
And I am not a single bit worried about him being a father or doing the right thing. Because I will make him do that regardless he is an adult or not.

My worry is about keeping him out of the jail and I love how you take the side of the female and blame the men's side, discounting the rest of my question.

 

[Ladyback1]

It is not a punishment from the point of the child but it is a pay-back at the least, for the stupid decision he has made.
Instead of living his youth, he will be working and supporting a child, whether he wants it or not. And I am quite sure it will sound and feel like a punishment to him.
And I am not a single bit worried about him being a father or doing the right thing. Because I will make him do that regardless he is an adult or not.

My worry is about keeping him out of the jail and I love how you take the side of the female and blame the men's side, discounting the rest of my question.

LoL! Obviously, he's not an adult yet if YOU are going to make him be a father and do the right thing.
You seriously need to step off and step back. He's your offspring, but he is not a child. He needs to be taking this seriously and do the things necessary WITHOUT you "making" him.

And, to answer your question: It matters not that your son met her in a bar, it matters not that there was alcohol involved, it matters not that your son "thought" she was older---it doesn't!

You want to help your son? Pay for his attorney, and quit airing his dirty laundry on a message board. Should the girl's parents pursue charges? You just gave them PROOF that it was your son she slept with!

It's a shame that your little darling son was not taught safe sex practices. (And he should probably get checked for STDs)

 

[dumbfather]

First, we understand you are upset. Set that aside - it will not help.




Your son needs to find an attorney. He has several legal issues that require representation.
1. Potential criminal charges
2. Civil suit
3. Paternity and child support

Things that he should do immediately:
1. Stopping talking to anyone that isn't his attorney about the incident. (That specifically means you. You are now potentially a witness against him.)
2. He needs to get his finances in order - this fight could be very expensive.
3. He needs an attorney.

This sounds like a set up to me.

DC

Well, I must say I thought about the setup possibility but I know my son too. I am not sure.
The thing I can not get over is, what should has he done to avoid this situation ? I mean to give him the benefit of the doubt, if I meet someone at a bar, drinking, having good time, I would really wouldn't think about how old she was, if we happen to hit it off and decide to go further. I am wondering who would think any further. Yes he could have asked to see her ID but first off, if she is legal, it is a real mood killer; second, with the advent of internet, anyone can get a fake ID nowadays and unless one is law enforcement, it is nearly impossible to tell fake from real.

I am really pissed at the situation. Thanks for reading my rant. He is already talking to a counsel of some sort, but I sure will tell him what you said in your post.
Thanks again.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

I am in uncharted territory now. So please go easy on me.

My dumb son, who is attending college in southern California, got a girl pregnant. Bad part is, she is 17.
Of course he will suffer from his stupid decision and support this child, if the mother chooses to give birth to him or her. That is not a matter of discussion.
I am afraid he is going to go to jail for statutory rape. This is what I am trying to prevent.

A little history of the situation:
Back in mid august, he left home to go to college and find a room off campus before the school started. Of course, no school and no responsibility, with the addition of newly found freedom to be able to order alcohol, him and few of his classmates ended up at a bar, few days after his arrival. He said he met this girl at the bar. Even sent me that stupid thing called selfie showing himself and her arms wrapped around each other. They are bith holding bottles of beer in that picture and in my dumb son's defense, she looked more 27 than 17 in that picture. I am not sure which stupid guy let this girl in that bar and which one handed her an alcoholic drink, but for all intents and purposes, I genuinely believe that my son, even in his inebriated state, believed that she is older than 21, and as you can guess alcohol increases the stupidity by few times at the least, they ended up in bed with no protection. Did I mention that my son is not only dumb but DUMBER ?

Two months fats forward, they never seen each other again, this girl shows up out of the blue at his campus and tracked him down, saying she is pregnant ans she just celebrated her 17th b-day. First off we don't know if she is really pregnant or not and even if she is, if the baby belongs to my son, but he admitted that he had sex with her and she is a minor.

Is any of this looks, having alcohol, being at a bar, play in any favor of my son, should she or her family press charges for rape ?

thank you

There are actually three things unknown at this point. Its unknown if she is actually pregnant, unknown if your son is the father, and unknown if she is actually a minor.

Certainly the fact that he met her in a bar would be a factor should any charges be filed against him.

 

[justalayman]

Certainly the fact that he met her in a bar would be a factor should any charges be filed against him.

why? does one presume all the people in the bar are compliant with the law?

Unless a mistake of age is a valid defense in California, the fact she was in a bar is not going to mean diddly squat. I have not found anything suggesting the mistake of age is a valid defense.



as to the level of crime:

261.5. (a) Unlawful sexual intercourse is an act of sexual
intercourse accomplished with a person who is not the spouse of the
perpetrator, if the person is a minor. For the purposes of this
section, a "minor" is a person under the age of 18 years and an
"adult" is a person who is at least 18 years of age.

(b) Any person who engages in an act of unlawful sexual
intercourse with a minor who is not more than three years older or
three years younger than the perpetrator, is guilty of a misdemeanor.

(c) Any person who engages in an act of unlawful sexual
intercourse with a minor who is more than three years younger than
the perpetrator is guilty of either a misdemeanor or a felony, and
shall be punished by imprisonment in a county jail not exceeding one
year, or by imprisonment pursuant to subdivision (h) of Section 1170.

(d) Any person 21 years of age or older who engages in an act of
unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor who is under 16 years of age
is guilty of either a misdemeanor or a felony, and shall be punished
by imprisonment in a county jail not exceeding one year, or by
imprisonment pursuant to subdivision (h) of Section 1170 for two,
three, or four years.

so the girl claims to be 16 at the time of the act. Unless son very recently had a birthday he was 22. That puts the crime in the (c) catagory. It can be charged as either a misdemeanor or a felony. Very serious issue.


as LdiJ stated, although the girl claims it is his child, that will not be proven until the child is delivered and a DNA test can be completed. Even if it is not his child, it does not absolve him of the commission of the crime. He is still guilty of the crime regardless. That is one reason he needs to go into silent mode and not say anything to anybody about this other than his attorney.,

 

[LdiJ]

why? does one presume all the people in the bar are compliant with the law?

Unless a mistake of age is a valid defense in California, the fact she was in a bar is not going to mean diddly squat. I have not found anything suggesting the mistake of age is a valid defense.



as to the level of crime:



so the girl claims to be 16 at the time of the act. Unless son very recently had a birthday he was 22. That puts the crime in the (c) catagory. It can be charged as either a misdemeanor or a felony. Very serious issue.


as LdiJ stated, although the girl claims it is his child, that will not be proven until the child is delivered and a DNA test can be completed. Even if it is not his child, it does not absolve him of the commission of the crime. He is still guilty of the crime regardless. That is one reason he needs to go into silent mode and not say anything to anybody about this other than his attorney.,

We also know however that sometimes these things are scams to extort money out of someone. I am not saying that this is one, but the possibility cannot be ignored.

 

[CdwJava]

My dumb son, who is attending college in southern California, got a girl pregnant. Bad part is, she is 17.

Since there was a more than three year age difference, he committed a potential felony per PC 261.5.

I am afraid he is going to go to jail for statutory rape. This is what I am trying to prevent.

Depending on where this happened, the DA may defer prosecution or the court may defer a sentence if he is providing for the girl and the child.

I genuinely believe that my son, even in his inebriated state, believed that she is older than 21, and as you can guess alcohol increases the stupidity by few times at the least, they ended up in bed with no protection. Did I mention that my son is not only dumb but DUMBER ?

And that dumb decision is not a defense.

Two months fats forward, they never seen each other again, this girl shows up out of the blue at his campus and tracked him down, saying she is pregnant ans she just celebrated her 17th b-day. First off we don't know if she is really pregnant or not and even if she is, if the baby belongs to my son, but he admitted that he had sex with her and she is a minor.

Keep in mind that there is no parent-child confidentiality. You may - in theory - be compelled to testify against him. If she is really pregnant, the DNA evidence is there and he'll be convicted if charged.

Is any of this looks, having alcohol, being at a bar, play in any favor of my son, should she or her family press charges for rape ?

No one has to "press charges" for "rape" ... it simply has to come to the attention of the proper authorities and forwarded to the DA for charges of unlawful sexual intercourse to be pursued. It's not "rape," but it is often called "statutory rape" because it is unlawful sexual intercourse by way of statute.

Oh, and none of that will really play into your son's defense for the crime.

 

[justalayman]

We also know however that sometimes these things are scams to extort money out of someone. I am not saying that this is one, but the possibility cannot be ignored.

Definitely not disagreeing with that possibility. I was speaking only to the possibility of the mistake of age defense that was implied by the statement thst if they were in a bar she had to be at least 21

 

[Just Blue]

Well, I must say I thought about the setup possibility but I know my son too. I am not sure.
The thing I can not get over is, what should has he done to avoid this situation ? I mean to give him the benefit of the doubt, if I meet someone at a bar, drinking, having good time, I would really wouldn't think about how old she was, if we happen to hit it off and decide to go further. I am wondering who would think any further. Yes he could have asked to see her ID but first off, if she is legal, it is a real mood killer; second, with the advent of internet, anyone can get a fake ID nowadays and unless one is law enforcement, it is nearly impossible to tell fake from real.

I am really pissed at the situation. Thanks for reading my rant. He is already talking to a counsel of some sort, but I sure will tell him what you said in your post.
Thanks again.

He, to do his part in not randomly populating the world, should have used a comdom.

You should be "really pissed" at yourself for not teaching him safesex.

 

[Zigner]

Well, I must say I thought about the setup possibility but I know my son too. I am not sure.
The thing I can not get over is, what should has he done to avoid this situation ? I mean to give him the benefit of the doubt, if I meet someone at a bar, drinking, having good time, I would really wouldn't think about how old she was, if we happen to hit it off and decide to go further. I am wondering who would think any further. Yes he could have asked to see her ID but first off, if she is legal, it is a real mood killer; second, with the advent of internet, anyone can get a fake ID nowadays and unless one is law enforcement, it is nearly impossible to tell fake from real.

I am really pissed at the situation. Thanks for reading my rant. He is already talking to a counsel of some sort, but I sure will tell him what you said in your post.
Thanks again.

I'm a bit sickened at how you try to rationalize his behaviour. The way for a man to avoid those wiley underaged girls is to get to KNOW the girl before hopping in to bed.

 

[Just Blue]

I'm a bit sickened at how you try to rationalize his behaviour. The way for a man to avoid those wiley underaged girls is to get to KNOW the girl before hopping in to bed.

No. It's not possible for a 22 year old ADULT "man" to aviod the wileynotyetadultlegalchild. She is just trying to "trap" this megamalecatch.

 

[LdiJ]

Definitely not disagreeing with that possibility. I was speaking only to the possibility of the mistake of age defense that was implied by the statement thst if they were in a bar she had to be at least 21

I was actually thinking more along the lines of that making it a tad more likely that it was a scam.

This may sound odd...but if somehow my 16 year old daughter managed to get into a bar (fake ID or whatever) and ended up having sex with someone as a result, I would NOT even consider prosecuting the guy. Its my daughter that I would be angry with...and myself.