In California, who gets custody when parents are unmarried?

[deeko]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

Things with my daughters father are horrible and we are on the verge of splitting.

My daughter is almost 2 and has lived with me since birth. While things were okay with her dad and I up until recently, we never lived together. When I'm not with him, he doesn't even call to check on her or makes no attempt to even check in to see how she is or see her, which is fine by me.

If we go our separate ways, who is granted custody? I feel like he doesn't seem to show concern for her well being now, how would I ever trust him with her otherwise? I've made myself sick thinking of having to share her with him when he seems so disconnected. I know it comes down to my word against his, but I feel like I've been her sole provider both financially and physically since she was born. He hasn't done or said anything yet, but I feel sick thinking that the bomb will probably be dropped sooner or later.

Any advice would be great and appreciated.

Thank you.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

Things with my daughters father are horrible and we are on the verge of splitting.

My daughter is almost 2 and has lived with me since birth. While things were okay with her dad and I up until recently, we never lived together. When I'm not with him, he doesn't even call to check on her or makes no attempt to even check in to see how she is or see her, which is fine by me.

If we go our separate ways, who is granted custody? I feel like he doesn't seem to show concern for her well being now, how would I ever trust him with her otherwise? I've made myself sick thinking of having to share her with him when he seems so disconnected. I know it comes down to my word against his, but I feel like I've been her sole provider both financially and physically since she was born. He hasn't done or said anything yet, but I feel sick thinking that the bomb will probably be dropped sooner or later.

Any advice would be great and appreciated.

Thank you.

While you would likely receive primary custody as you have clearly been the child's primary caretaker for her entire life, its also likely that dad would receive joint legal custody (joint decision making) and at least standard parenting time (one evening a week, every other weekend and alternating holidays). You really do need to start working on the fact that you are going to be sharing your child with dad, to one extent or the other.

 

[deeko]

While you would likely receive primary custody as you have clearly been the child's primary caretaker for her entire life, its also likely that dad would receive joint legal custody (joint decision making) and at least standard parenting time (one evening a week, every other weekend and alternating holidays). You really do need to start working on the fact that you are going to be sharing your child with dad, to one extent or the other.

It's hard when he lives so close and doesn't seem to care about her. I'd worry 24/7 when she was with him because he's not showing to be very caring or responsible right now and would probably ignore me like the plague just to be an ass.

 

[deeko]

Her dad also told me in the beginning that if things ever went bad with us, that he wouldn't try and get custody because he hates confrontation and figures that when she's 18 and wants to find her dad, then she could. Struck me as a bit odd...

Then, when we started fighting last year, he knew how upset I was and told me that we needed to discuss custody of her.

This all sucks so bad. If I trusted his parenting capabilities, I'd be a little more content. Not thrilled at ALL, but more accepting.

 

[Zigner]

It's hard when he lives so close and doesn't seem to care about her. I'd worry 24/7 when she was with him because he's not showing to be very caring or responsible right now and would probably ignore me like the plague just to be an ass.

This is the man you chose to be the father of your child.

Why are you so worried about him ignoring you?

 

[Zigner]

I am asking this as a serious question:

Why do you think that visits would change after you break up?

 

[deeko]

This is the man you chose to be the father of your child.

Why are you so worried about him ignoring you?

I'm worried about him ignoring me because I don't trust him taking care of his daughter if I wasn't there since he isn't doing so now. At all. I'd want to check in and know she was okay but I know he'd shut me out 100%.

 

[Silverplum]

I'm worried about him ignoring me because I don't trust him taking care of his daughter if I wasn't there since he isn't doing so now. At all. I'd want to check in and know she was okay but I know he'd shut me out 100%.

Pick up a book or two on co-parenting, learn how to do it with him. It's in your child's best interest.

 

[deeko]

Pick up a book or two on co-parenting, learn how to do it with him. It's in your child's best interest.

You guys don't know this guy... so I don't expect you to fully get what I mean when I describe him. Logically though, when he goes for days and days without talking to me or asking about his kid, I can't help but feel this way.

 

[Silverplum]

You guys don't know this guy... so I don't expect you to fully get what I mean when I describe him. Logically though, when he goes for days and days without talking to me or asking about his kid, I can't help but feel this way.

You live together. He sees his child daily, correct? Why would he need to ask you about the child that he sees daily?

While you're here for advice, I think Dad is spoiled -- by you. You take care of the child and don't require he does a thing.

 

[deeko]

You live together. He sees his child daily, correct? Why would he need to ask you about the child that he sees daily?

While you're here for advice, I think Dad is spoiled -- by you. You take care of the child and don't require he does a thing.

No. We do not live together...we never have. My daughter has lived with me since birth. He sees her maybe like once or twice every two weeks these days.

 

[TheGeekess]

You guys don't know this guy... so I don't expect you to fully get what I mean when I describe him. Logically though, when he goes for days and days without talking to me or asking about his kid, I can't help but feel this way.

The phone works both ways, no?

 

[deeko]

The phone works both ways, no?

Oh, it does. I'm lucky if he answers and is civil when I call! hah

I just feel he needs to man up and show me he's capable and I'd feel better.

I was here looking for legal advice more so than opinions.

 

[Silverplum]

No. We do not live together...we never have. My daughter has lived with me since birth. He sees her maybe like once or twice every two weeks these days.

I apologize for my misunderstanding.

So, what would you like to happen? What's your goal?

See here for CA Courts: http://www.courts.ca.gov/selfhelp-family.htm

 

[deeko]

I apologize for my misunderstanding.

So, what would you like to happen? What's your goal?

Man up and show some concern or take a hike...don't come and go when it's convenient for him or to make it seem like it's just for show...that's all.