Arrears and Adult Children

[tess615]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois

My ex and I divorced in 1994, I had sole custody of our kids- the youngest of which I was pregnant with at the time. He was your stereotypical deadbeat dad who never paid child support, racking up over 100 grand in arrears before the Illinois child support system finally caught up with (about 2 years before that youngest I mentioned turned 18).

Tired of being sent to jail for short stints over non payment, he finally bucked up and started making regular payments. Not that I desperately needed the money by that time like I did when the kids were younger and I raising them alone, but who's keeping track?

Anyway, so I've had 18 years of paying for them on my own while he's had about 2 years of contributing. Now that they are all adults, and though he's barely made a dent in the staggering total of arrears owed, he's wanting me to sign off on that debt.

On the one hand, I am so happy to be "finished" dealing with him now that the kids are grown that I'm tempted to cut that final string. On the other hand, why does he get a free pass? I'm just vindictive enough to enjoy thinking he should have to pay just ME now that the kids are grown up because he fought for years having to pay for THEM (though, truthfully, anything I get from him still ends up going to various things they need even as 'adults'). And.. I still think he owes them that. Maybe if their lives had been a little easier growing up, they would be a little better off now.

I guess I'm just looking for some "What would you do?" commentary. Am I just being a bitter ex here?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois

My ex and I divorced in 1994, I had sole custody of our kids- the youngest of which I was pregnant with at the time. He was your stereotypical deadbeat dad who never paid child support, racking up over 100 grand in arrears before the Illinois child support system finally caught up with (about 2 years before that youngest I mentioned turned 18).

Tired of being sent to jail for short stints over non payment, he finally bucked up and started making regular payments. Not that I desperately needed the money by that time like I did when the kids were younger and I raising them alone, but who's keeping track?

Anyway, so I've had 18 years of paying for them on my own while he's had about 2 years of contributing. Now that they are all adults, and though he's barely made a dent in the staggering total of arrears owed, he's wanting me to sign off on that debt.

On the one hand, I am so happy to be "finished" dealing with him now that the kids are grown that I'm tempted to cut that final string. On the other hand, why does he get a free pass? I'm just vindictive enough to enjoy thinking he should have to pay just ME now that the kids are grown up because he fought for years having to pay for THEM (though, truthfully, anything I get from him still ends up going to various things they need even as 'adults'). And.. I still think he owes them that. Maybe if their lives had been a little easier growing up, they would be a little better off now.

I guess I'm just looking for some "What would you do?" commentary. Am I just being a bitter ex here?

No, you are not being a bitter ex. He owes you that money. There is no reason that you should sign off on it.

 

[Zigner]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois

My ex and I divorced in 1994, I had sole custody of our kids- the youngest of which I was pregnant with at the time. He was your stereotypical deadbeat dad who never paid child support, racking up over 100 grand in arrears before the Illinois child support system finally caught up with (about 2 years before that youngest I mentioned turned 18).

Tired of being sent to jail for short stints over non payment, he finally bucked up and started making regular payments. Not that I desperately needed the money by that time like I did when the kids were younger and I raising them alone, but who's keeping track?

Anyway, so I've had 18 years of paying for them on my own while he's had about 2 years of contributing. Now that they are all adults, and though he's barely made a dent in the staggering total of arrears owed, he's wanting me to sign off on that debt.

On the one hand, I am so happy to be "finished" dealing with him now that the kids are grown that I'm tempted to cut that final string. On the other hand, why does he get a free pass? I'm just vindictive enough to enjoy thinking he should have to pay just ME now that the kids are grown up because he fought for years having to pay for THEM (though, truthfully, anything I get from him still ends up going to various things they need even as 'adults'). And.. I still think he owes them that. Maybe if their lives had been a little easier growing up, they would be a little better off now.

I guess I'm just looking for some "What would you do?" commentary. Am I just being a bitter ex here?

Child support it to reimburse you for what you've already spent. I say don't let it go.

FYI - my ex owes me in excess of $160k - she's NEVER made a payment. I offered to forgive her entire arrears (then, around $30k) if she'd just send $10...she never did.

 

[tess615]

I guess my next question then would be, given that my kids are grown and have not been on any state assistance, will the state even pursue getting payment from him any longer? If he just stops paying, I can't see the state wasting any more resources to collect anything from him. Is it likely that I'd have to hire my own attorney?

 

[Zigner]

I guess my next question then would be, given that my kids are grown and have not been on any state assistance, will the state even pursue getting payment from him any longer? If he just stops paying, I can't see the state wasting any more resources to collect anything from him. Is it likely that I'd have to hire my own attorney?

I'm in California. The state ceased helping once my last young-un aged out.

 

[tess615]

I'm in California. The state ceased helping once my last young-un aged out.

So he's pretty free of the debt whether I forgive it or not- unless I want to plunk out attorney fees. Figures.

 

[LdiJ]

So he's pretty free of the debt whether I forgive it or not- unless I want to plunk out attorney fees. Figures.

You should check with the child support people. While its possible that IL won't keep collecting, its also possible that they will.

 

[Silverplum]

You should check with the child support people. While its possible that IL won't keep collecting, its also possible that they will.

What's the difference? I thought the state was the child support people.

 

[LdiJ]

What's the difference? I thought the state was the child support people.

Zig said that CA stopped collection efforts when his children aged out. The OP is in IL. IL might not.

 

[single317dad]

Indiana will sometimes continue to enforce collection and some cowboy prosecutors looking to become mayors or judges will still file felony charges over back support even after the children age out. It seems the bigger the numbers, the more likely someone high up will take notice.

Indiana is not Illinois however, so check with your local CSE folks.

 

[CSO286]

I'm in California. The state ceased helping once my last young-un aged out.

I'm in MN. The state is still helping me collect even though my hubs has adopted my daughter.

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois

My ex and I divorced in 1994, I had sole custody of our kids- the youngest of which I was pregnant with at the time. He was your stereotypical deadbeat dad who never paid child support, racking up over 100 grand in arrears before the Illinois child support system finally caught up with (about 2 years before that youngest I mentioned turned 18).

Tired of being sent to jail for short stints over non payment, he finally bucked up and started making regular payments. Not that I desperately needed the money by that time like I did when the kids were younger and I raising them alone, but who's keeping track?

Anyway, so I've had 18 years of paying for them on my own while he's had about 2 years of contributing. Now that they are all adults, and though he's barely made a dent in the staggering total of arrears owed, he's wanting me to sign off on that debt.

On the one hand, I am so happy to be "finished" dealing with him now that the kids are grown that I'm tempted to cut that final string. On the other hand, why does he get a free pass? I'm just vindictive enough to enjoy thinking he should have to pay just ME now that the kids are grown up because he fought for years having to pay for THEM (though, truthfully, anything I get from him still ends up going to various things they need even as 'adults'). And.. I still think he owes them that. Maybe if their lives had been a little easier growing up, they would be a little better off now.

I guess I'm just looking for some "What would you do?" commentary. Am I just being a bitter ex here?

No way !!! You are not being "bitter". If you like put the money in a trust for future grandkids...or go on a great trip to Paris. Whatever you do...COLLECT THE 100K.

 

[tess615]

Thanks, everyone. He's pushing pretty hard for me to sign off on it, so that tells me I don't want to. Heh.

 

[stealth2]

I'd want the $$.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Thanks, everyone. He's pushing pretty hard for me to sign off on it, so that tells me I don't want to. Heh.

So he owes you 70K plus. Tell him that if he gives you 70K in CASH, that you'll forgive the 30K. He won't bite, therefore, just go after a wage garnishment. Just keep garnishing. And if he owns a home, put a lien on it. And a car. And whatever else you can.