Custody after International Child Abduction for 7Y NJ

[Father of Orpha]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

HI Every one, I will try to be specific as much as I can, and hope the details are not bothersome as it is a long story.
My Ex too my 2 boys to overseas in non Haouge Convention country about 7 years ago, they were 3 & 2y old. I had a cse of international child abduction with dept. of state. Nothing was filed in courts because it was over 6m, and jurisdiction was lost, I also had a case with the National center for missing children, through which I was able to find that she had returned to the US on Jan 30th this year.
I filed for emergency custody case in NJ, and the judge was able to find jurisdiction through the case of custody she had filed before she left, and I was awarded sole custody for a week pending her appearance.
In my search for her and the kids, now 10 and 8, I found she had got into brooklyn NY, and enrolled children in Brooklyn Public school. I served her with the order via email she used to communicate with me via dept of state when she was trying to issue the passports for the kids. she didn't respond, but she did appear in court before the emergent order went permanent. With all the guts, she seeked protection from me, and wanted to have a restraing order against me from coming in contact with the children based on Domestic violence case she had against me before she left, and it was dismissed after anger management. Also, she tried to hint that i know where the kids are so Judge asked her to keep the children in NY, and not remove them, and and asked us both to bring names and phones of 2 friends to arrange for visitation, and I only can contact the kids via phone, actually, he ordered her to make them available to me via phone daily, from 7-8 pm, and he took my phone number and gave it to her, she didn't call till 2 days after the judgement, and I don't believe she will let them talk to me on daily basis.
The time I talked to them they both stated to me they want to stay with mom because I have left them unsupported, and it was obvious she dictated to them what and how to react to me.

Now here are my questions,
1-is there anything I can do to get to have custody of my children in NJ till this APril for final hearing....I really miss my children, phone calls are note enough?
She doesn't speak English, and the kids in School, with bad English
2- Can she do anything to file for custody in NY, to make it their home state, and ask for the case to be transfered there "she is only there for about 2 weeks now"
3- would the children choice count when it comes to final hearing, when they say we want MOM not dad, remember they only know her now.
4- can I use recorded phone conversations with her about the children where it shows that she is the one who are holding the children against my well.
5- How can I get the children moved from NY to NJ scools till this is settled, I really want them established in NJ, and I am afraid the longer they stay in NY schools, she is going to use the best of interest of children excuse to keep them there.
6- The judge in her appearance said that he will see if the court still has jurisdiction, what does he mean by that?
7- how come after 7 years of abducting my children, judge still allow her to have the children?
8-what shall I do if she asked to have supervised visitation, becaus I totally resent that.
9- Is there anything I can do to retry this Domestic violence case?
10- Lastly is there any way to get free lawyer to present with me in NJ, as I am unemployed nowm, and i believe I really need to some help, so I would get tmy kids back, not just physically, but also emotionally after all the badmouthing she had against me and brainwashed them with.

Thank you all for your help and suggestions

 

[single317dad]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

Now here are my questions,
1-is there anything I can do to get to have custody of my children in NJ till this APril for final hearing....I really miss my children, phone calls are note enough?
She doesn't speak English, and the kids in School, with bad English

Probably not. Your judge in NJ has already decided the children will stay in NY for now.

2- Can she do anything to file for custody in NY, to make it their home state, and ask for the case to be transfered there "she is only there for about 2 weeks now"

No. If she tries to file in NY, you should contest jurisdiction vigorously.

5- How can I get the children moved from NY to NJ scools till this is settled, I really want them established in NJ, and I am afraid the longer they stay in NY schools, she is going to use the best of interest of children excuse to keep them there.

You can't do much of anything until these issues are settled in court.

As to your other questions: you're going to need a lawyer, and you're probably going to have to pay one. Sorry, that's just the way this will work. Hopefully you've been saving up all that child support money over the years and you have a tidy sum available to pay a good lawyer.

I would do everything in my power to get the children's passports revoked ASAP.

 

[Proserpina]

Probably not. Your judge in NJ has already decided the children will stay in NY for now.



No. If she tries to file in NY, you should contest jurisdiction vigorously.



You can't do much of anything until these issues are settled in court.

As to your other questions: you're going to need a lawyer, and you're probably going to have to pay one. Sorry, that's just the way this will work. Hopefully you've been saving up all that child support money over the years and you have a tidy sum available to pay a good lawyer.

I would do everything in my power to get the children's passports revoked ASAP.

The state won't revoke a minor's passport. CPIAP can put a flag on a new application, but once a passport is issued, that's pretty much it.

OP -

You do need to think of the children first. I know you miss them - but they hardly know you. Is it fair to take them from the primary caregiver before there's even been a court case decided?

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

It appears you sat on your report and filing for over 6 months initially. That is basically enough for the state to say they are no longer residents and subject to the courts oversight.

 

[Father of Orpha]

The state won't revoke a minor's passport. CPIAP can put a flag on a new application, but once a passport is issued, that's pretty much it.

OP -

You do need to think of the children first. I know you miss them - but they hardly know you. Is it fair to take them from the primary caregiver before there's even been a court case decided?

I think you need to tell her that, raising them as an orphan with a living dad. I am trying to understand this primary caregiver concept, because obviously the judge is doing the same thing, isn't running way with children for that long is criminal in any way, and should be considered. She could do it again over and over, the fact that the judge has the passports means nothing. I hope there is a lawyer who can clarify this concept for me, because obviously I will try this solo, I can't afford a lawyer

 

[stealth2]

I think you need to tell her that

Yes, well.... she's not here, so that's not useful.

So - what have been doing - actively - until now? Did you file anything in the courts of tyhe country they were in?

And honestly? You will get nowhere w/o an attorney. Sorry.

 

[Father of Orpha]

Yes, well.... she's not here, so that's not useful.

So - what have been doing - actively - until now? Did you file anything in the courts of tyhe country they were in?

And honestly? You will get nowhere w/o an attorney. Sorry.

Nothing, done at where she used to be, as the law there fathers have no rights, period, even though you may not believe it or no.

I know I need a real good lawyer, but can't afford one that is why I am here, and from the responses i get, it doesn't seem that the lawyers on this site are active in the forum.

 

[stealth2]

What country, if I may ask.

And, I suspect you did not read this:

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[Proserpina]

I think you need to tell her that, raising them as an orphan with a living dad. I am trying to understand this primary caregiver concept, because obviously the judge is doing the same thing, isn't running way with children for that long is criminal in any way, and should be considered. She could do it again over and over, the fact that the judge has the passports means nothing. I hope there is a lawyer who can clarify this concept for me, because obviously I will try this solo, I can't afford a lawyer

You have to separate two things.

The first is the primary caregiver. This is the parent who takes care of the day-to-day aspects of parenting. It doesn't mean who supports the child financially - just who has provided the majority of care.

Then there's the kidnapping idea by itself. Before any of this happened, were you and Mom married? Was there a court action in the US for custody and visitation before she left?

Again, this isn't about you. This is about the children and while it may not be fair, the fact does remain that they really only know one parent and that's Mom. Can you honestly say that ripping them from everything they know and from the only parent they know wouldn't be horrendously traumatic?

 

[Proserpina]

Nothing, done at where she used to be, as the law there fathers have no rights, period, even though you may not believe it or no.

I know I need a real good lawyer, but can't afford one that is why I am here, and from the responses i get, it doesn't seem that the lawyers on this site are active in the forum.

Are you saying that because we're not giving you answers you want to hear, we're somehow in the wrong? Do explain that.

 

[Father of Orpha]

What country, if I may ask.

And, I suspect you did not read this:

If you allow me, i will refrain from disclosing the country, but where she went, she gets sole custody till the age 16, and fathers don't have anything except 1 hour per week, conditioned she allows it, and of course he has to pay all bills.

i didn't read the disclaimer, thanks for pointing it. however, i do understand that this forum is not a lawyer, and i came her to get some legal thoughts which can help me understand a little bit what is going on,so i can prepare for what is coming next.

 

[Father of Orpha]

You have to separate two things.

The first is the primary caregiver. This is the parent who takes care of the day-to-day aspects of parenting. It doesn't mean who supports the child financially - just who has provided the majority of care.

Then there's the kidnapping idea by itself. Before any of this happened, were you and Mom married? Was there a court action in the US for custody and visitation before she left?

Again, this isn't about you. This is about the children and while it may not be fair, the fact does remain that they really only know one parent and that's Mom. Can you honestly say that ripping them from everything they know and from the only parent they know wouldn't be horrendously traumatic?

Thank you for explaining, let me answer you first, then ask second.
Yes, we were married, and Yes we had custody before she left, but we both agreed to settle outside court, and dropped the case, It is this old case that i was able to file for modification, and the judge was able to find jurisdiction

Now dont you think they have the right to have a father too, especially that the father didn't abandon them, and the kids culture and religion father is the root, and origin.
Ripping is a very harsh word, when I say custody, i am talking about me now taking care of them, escpially they now do understand....doesn't the law find her unfit for to be primary care giver for keeping children away from their father, which is keeping them away from their best of interest.

thanks

 

[Father of Orpha]

Are you saying that because we're not giving you answers you want to hear, we're somehow in the wrong? Do explain that.

NO, I am saying that, and I am not here to get answers i want or to vent out, i am here to get answers that can make me understand legally, and get through the legal process

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Here is your problem in a nut shell it appears. First you did not obtain a visitation order when you and mom split up. Second you did not even try to complain to the court about the loss of visitation until she was gone for over 6 months. The court would assume the children are now subject to the jurisdiction they are in, because they are not likely coming back. Third, now she came back, but you are basically a stranger to the kids. you need court ordered visitation to slowly build a relationship back up. Fourth, you also need the court to order her not to leave their jurisdiction without permission and court order she post a very large bond if she plans to take them out of the country. Then you can establish parental kidnapping if you do not sit on your rights this time.

 

[Proserpina]

Thank you for explaining, let me answer you first, then ask second.
Yes, we were married, and Yes we had custody before she left, but we both agreed to settle outside court, and dropped the case, It is this old case that i was able to file for modification, and the judge was able to find jurisdiction

Then that's a good thing for you!

Now dont you think they have the right to have a father too, especially that the father didn't abandon them, and the kids culture and religion father is the root, and origin.

I think that children absolutely do deserve to know and spend time with both parents if at all possible, outside of a few instances which don't apply here.

Ripping is a very harsh word, when I say custody, i am talking about me now taking care of them, escpially they now do understand....doesn't the law find her unfit for to be primary care giver for keeping children away from their father, which is keeping them away from their best of interest.

thanks

The problem is, that neither of us can change what happened. Yes, it's absolutely horrendous for Mom to do what she did and yes, I personally believe she should be punished but none of that changes the current situation where she really is the only parent they know. Now it could be argued that children adapt faster than we usually think and if the children were much younger right now, you really might have been able to make that argument. Unfortunately they're already in a stressful situation they're already having to get used to things all over again, and it will come down to best interests.

And yes, this needs to be said: too many parents use the children as pawns, and will do just about anything in their power to keep hold of those pawns. This includes filing all manner of restraining orders and methods I'd rather not even think about. Is it wrong? Damn skippy it's wrong. It's VERY wrong. But it places the court in a difficult position. How do they fix this?

What about a middle ground? You start small, and agree to a reintroduction period after which you steadily work up to more parenting time?

Let's start thinking outside the box. Let the knee-jerk reactions pass by, and instead look for ways you can do this which would also preserve some parenting time for Mom, and would be as stress-free as it could possibly be made.