Wife cheated on me. I have pics. Can I send them to the cheaters boss?

[Silverplum]

Proserpina, as much as I agree that there is something wrong, I disagree that cheating is a solution. You can always try to get counseling or leave.

Cheating makes things worse.

In this situation, the wife was cheating while the husband was away at war. Spending his pay. Living in the housing his service provides.

She wasn't scared of a darn thing.

ETA: I never intended to suggest the poster to get counseling to help with continuing his horrible marriage. I wanted him to get counseling for himself, his guilt and anger, his quite-likely PTSD.

Likewise, the forgiveness I discussed with him was not for her or for the marriage: again, it was for HIM. Forgiveness in general: to let the bad things go and forgive and move on.

 

[Proserpina]

Instead of focusing on the angry and scary statement, how 'bout reading the whole thread and noting that the OP had written this?



How many of you "worried responders" have been to war? How many of you have children who went to war? How many of you have spent more than an hour with a military man who's been to war and home and back to war and back to home?

It takes character to do what he did, and no character to do what his wife did. So he felt angry: as of the time of his posting, he hadn't done a darn thing about it. During his posting, he came to listen.

I still have faith in him to do the right thing.

Me, actually. Child. Did her tour of Afghanistan. I, however, will vigorously and pleasantly say, "We appear to be disagreeing on something. Perhaps we ALL should refocus".

Sounds good to me.

 

[Proserpina]

Sorry, but I have a very puritanical view of marriage, and I hear a lot of explanations by people trying to justify it or even understand it. For me it's an issue that defies attempts at explanation, only (failed) attempts at justification.

As pointed out elsewhere by a very dear and wise friend, there is a whole lot of extrapolation going on here to begin with.

I sincerely apologize for my part in it.

 

[Silverplum]

Me, actually. Child. Did her tour of Afghanistan. I, however, will vigorously and pleasantly say, "We appear to be disagreeing on something. Perhaps we ALL should refocus".

Sounds good to me.

I know you have. You know I have. Therefore, you know I'm not telling you anything new.

 

[Pinkie39]

Then she should have left.

Clearly there is something wrong with the relationship because there is a lack of trust (his snooping through her phone) and infidelity (her unfaithfulness is apparent by her affair). So, the end of the marriage is all but a foregone conclusion. Though, to say that she did this because of the OP is justifying every such unfaithful entanglement as being the fault of the spouse or partner. If you want to screw other people, get out of the marriage. If you don't like living with your spouse for whatever reason, get out of the marriage. Hopping into someone else's bed because you are unhappy in your marriage is inexcusable. That being said, the revenge being sought by the OP is similarly unjustified and will avail him nothing except to make him look like a vindictive a-hole.

As previously stated by others, if he really wants to forgive her and she's willing to work out the marriage, they can try counseling - I don't see it working at this juncture, but, who knows? Otherwise, it si time for an attorney and divorce. Hopefully there have been no children spawned by this coupling.

My thoughts exactly!!!! I'd rather my husband divorce me than cheat on me, if he was planning on cheating.

And there are plenty of good, honest, decent people who get cheated on by a spouse simply because the spouse is selfish and can't handle being monogamous. Not because of anything the non cheating spouse did wrong.

 

[cbg]

Okay, we all agree that the wife was wrong. Cheating is wrong. She never should have done what she did. No question there.

That doesn't mean it's okay for the poster to send the kind of pictures the poster is talking about to the other guy's boss.

 

[Proserpina]

Okay, we all agree that the wife was wrong. Cheating is wrong. She never should have done what she did. No question there.

That doesn't mean it's okay for the poster to send the kind of pictures the poster is talking about to the other guy's boss.

Well, there's also that teeny little matter of accessing his wife's phone without her knowing.

 

[CdwJava]

Well, there's also that teeny little matter of accessing his wife's phone without her knowing.

Which, of course, is also not likely to be illegal. It just goes to further the evidence that the relationship is broken ... though, it appears his mistrust of her was correct.

 

[cbg]

Albeit a bigger and broader issue than our OP is suggesting, nonetheless a timely news story:

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2015/04/04/revenge-porn-sentenced-18-years/25286583/

 

[stealth2]

Okay, we all agree that the wife was wrong. Cheating is wrong. She never should have done what she did. No question there.

That doesn't mean it's okay for the poster to send the kind of pictures the poster is talking about to the other guy's boss.

Hence my asking why he's wanting to send the photos the the guy's employer, etc. and not his wife's. At least place the anger where it belongs.

 

[STEPHAN]

OP has not been back to the forum in weeks, he does not read this.

I think we can end advising him ;-)