Change of Educational Environment and Due Process

[loudfalcon]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Missouri

My son is a sophomore in High School. As a freshman he and a girl dated and towards the end of his freshman year, after speaking with the girls parents we decided it was best that they stop talking and move on. per our guidance our son did not speak with her over the summer and upon return for his Sophomore year he was approached by this same student who stated that she again wanted to be friends. When he spoke with us we told him it would be ok "only if it was ok with her parents as well" and to we confirmed with them it was so we allowed it.

Towards the end of the year of his Sophomore year her parents decided that they again did not want them speaking to each other. Instead of reaching out to us or letting him know or their daughter know they contacted the school principle. Upon completion of the call from the parents the school principle sent out an email to all of my sons teachers that said the following " Just wanted to make you aware of a situation between (girl) and (my son). At no time are they allowed to be in the same group, Project or sitting next to eachother.Basically...he is stay away from her and we do not give him a reason to engage her in anyway.If you could please make any arrangements to ensure that they are separated and please let me know if you are having any issues with this request." (We only know about this email due to a FERPA request that the denied 4 times before giving to us.) That evening at Play practice after school, in front of the rest of his class, his theater teacher yelled at him (sons name) get away from (girls name)! You two are not supposed to be around each other" he was then moved to the side of the stage away from everyone else and kept there until the end of practice. The next day one of his teachers approached him in the hallway and said "hey if you need anybody to speak to your character in all of this just let me know. I think what is going on is wrong." When he got to English class he was forced to move tables and sit with a different group away from this girl and the rest of the group he had been with all year long as well. All the while he has no idea whats going on. Later that afternoon he is called into the principles office and was told that if he approached her in any way he would get in trouble at school.

So a couple of questions here, if my son and this girl have broken no school board rules, nor state or federal laws what is going on here? If the parents had an issue , and did not want their daughter speaking to my son, shouldn't she have been moved from her table, made to move at play practice and warned in the principles office? Can the school alter my sons educational experience when he has done nothing wrong? Under what policy or rule could the district justify even being involved in something like this? If her parents thought it was a safety or security issue there are legal remedies available to them that the school must follow. What recourse do I have to make sure that my son gets an apology and a policy is put in place to prevent this kind of thing from happening in the future to another student? Are students afforded due process before their educational environment is substantially changed in the state of Missouri. Who governs district behavior in the State of Missouri? Sorry for all the questions, just really bothered by how this was handled.

Lost in KC

 

[single317dad]

First impression is that the school (and its primary representative, the principal) are overstepping here. Knowing the actual issue at hand will be vital to the outcome, but regardless of the actual issue, I think they're handling this poorly.

The Missouri Department of Education is the authority in charge:

https://dese.mo.gov/governmental-affairs/public-school-laws-missouri

MO DOE Discipline Code:

https://dese.mo.gov/financial-admin-services/school-governance/student-discipline

Your local district will also have a written disciplinary code.

Missouri Code of Students' Rights and Responsibilities:

http://www.missouristate.edu/studentconduct/12331.htm

Interesting reading (Tinker v. Des Moines Independent Community School Dist., 393 US 503 - Supreme Court 1969):

https://scholar.google.com/scholar_case?case=15235797139493194004&hl=en&as_sdt=6&as_vis=1&oi=scholarr

 

[commentator]

I am not sure that not getting to sit with a certain girl at a certain table in a certain class that he's taking as a sophomore in high school is "altering my son's educational experience" in some absolutely devastating way. Time for him to change schools? Maybe. But really, an apology and permission to sit anywhere he wants to with anybody he wants to sit with? The school year is almost over. By next term all this will be forgotten. Why make it into some huge issue?

 

[stealth2]

I can't help but think there is more to the story - which OP either has not shared or is not privy to...

 

[single317dad]

I can't help but think there is more to the story - which OP either has not shared or is not privy to...

I absolutely agree that there is more to this story (like, the reason. We have no reason at all... yet.) Regardless of that information though, I think the school is handling this poorly.

 

[stealth2]

I absolutely agree that there is more to this story (like, the reason. We have no reason at all... yet.) Regardless of that information though, I think the school is handling this poorly.

W/o "the rest of the story", I don't disagree. But the details may change my opinion.

 

[loudfalcon]

That part of the reason why I posted. If there is more to story, no one , including the girls parents are sharing. I've been involved from the get go with her parents and they could/should have simply called me. I believe the school overstepped as well. It has nothing to do with them or the district.

The sitting thing matters because it created the appearance that he had done something wrong. If everyone had been made to move their seats , end of story, but he was the only one made to move and had done nothing wrong. I don't blame the teacher because I think she was doing what she was instructed to do. I blame the principle for the way he handled the situation , and the email he sent out. By reading that email alone you would infer that our son had in fact done something wrong and In fact he was punished because of it.

 

[Zigner]

I honestly think you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

 

[LdiJ]

I honestly think you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

I don't think so...the way that things were handled at the play practice was pretty bad in my opinion...and pretty humiliating for a 15/16 year old child.

I think that the principal handled it extremely poorly. I think that he should have either told the girl's parents that the school could not get involved if the problem was not something that happened at school, or that he should have called in both sets of parents to discuss the matter before taking any action.

Obviously its not something truly serious, because otherwise either city or school law enforcement would be involved and/or the principal would HAVE to discuss it with the boy's parents.

However, I do agree that its something that might blow over, over the summer.

 

[Zigner]

However, I do agree that its something that might blow over, over the summer.

Mountains don't blow over...mole hills do.

 

[not2cleverRed]

OP has a choice of how to react to this. A *legal* response should be the last resort, and frankly would be a waste of money unless the other more obvious responses don't improve the situation.

*We* don't know why the girl's parents thought no contact was in her best interest - not now nor last summer. In fact, that's interesting: why were they supposed to not be talking last summer? Couples break up all the time and still tolerate seeing each other. It seems to be an odd requirement. Do the girl's parents believe your son to be some sort of danger to their daughter? If so, what kind of danger?

Considering all that has gone down, personally I'd want to have my child avoid the other one. Period.

Really. How you react to this will instruct your son more thoroughly than anything you tell him. There are times to fight and there are times when you have a greater victory just by carrying on and dealing with things as they are.

 

[stealth2]

That part of the reason why I posted. If there is more to story, no one , including the girls parents are sharing.

Including your son - who I suspect knows exactly why ex-g/f's parents don't want them to have any contact.

 

[loudfalcon]

She has had a history of depression and her parents where worried about her becoming co-dependant is what we gathered last summer. They are in their early 60's while we are in our late 30's and I think there is a difference in understanding of technology and its use in relationships. I believe last summer they where concerned that they where texting eachother to much. I know alot of this does not make sense, at least it did not to me, but we tried to meet there wishes. We have copies of all there communication (we monitored it) and up to the day her mom called the school they were both emailing and texting eachother normal conversation stuff like nothing was out of the ordinary, and had to block her email account to my son as she was still trying to email him after her mom called the school. Regardless of what the issue was , it still is not a school issue. It should never have been a school issue. Had her mom thought that a situation had occurred that created a concern for her well being in anyway I am sure she would do what all of us would do as a parent, and that is contact the police. That would give us an outlet to work through what ever the issue is and all due process would have been given. Instead this principle, long before he even spoke with my son took it upon himself to send that email out. The only way we found out what was happening was after my son told me and I contacted the school. Its just should never have been any of the schools concern. They simply should have said, they are not breaking school state or federal laws. If you have a problem with your daughter and him talking we will be happy to move your daughter, and should never have involved him. Thats my frustration here.

 

[Zigner]

Mountain/molehill...really.

The school hasn't done anything wrong. The teacher who shouted it out was out of line, but not to the point of being "wrong".

Instead of teaching your son to bristle at authority, you should teach your son that he needs to learn to respect the wishes of the parents of the minor child he is communicating with.

 

[LdiJ]

Mountain/molehill...really.

The school hasn't done anything wrong. The teacher who shouted it out was out of line, but not to the point of being "wrong".

Instead of teaching your son to bristle at authority, you should teach your son that he needs to learn to respect the wishes of the parents of the minor child he is communicating with.

Zig, I really have to disagree with you on this one. The principal handled it badly and the teacher who shouted it out handled it badly. Both, in my opinion were out of line enough to be "wrong".

I also do not think that the OP is teaching his/her son to bristle at authority at all. There is no indication at all that the OP is not or has not been teaching his/her son to honor the parent's wishes. The OP simply wants his/her son to be treated fairly at school.