DCF Investigation

[forthekids217]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Kansas

My husband and I have what we believe to be a very complex situation with the mother of my husband's children (7, 10). Before my husband and I met, he and the BM had paperwork notarized and entered into court that they had agreed on 50/50 physical custody of his two children. When we met and decided to get married two years later, he relocated approximately 2 hours from the kids so that we could build a better life. (small town, better jobs, more opportunity, etc) We have always wanted full custody of the kids, but were unable to afford an attorney and believed (at the time) that the kids were being taken care of. Since the kids were in school, we didn't want to push the 50/50 time with them and disrupt their education, so we began volutarily paying child support and only keeping them when they were out of school. In the last 2 years,the BM has become horrifically verbally abusive to my husband and myself (out of the blue with nothing to provoke her). She repeatedly harasses us after our visitations, makes threats to our well being and threatens "you will never see the kids again". We have become aware that she is using other people's prescriptions (adderall, pain killers) and just recently our 10 year old told us about her marijuana use (he described the pipe with detail, stated that he had seen her put the "green stuff" into it, described what she kept her stash in, etc). We discovered that she smoked daily, sometimes more than once a day, and that she smoked while her daycare kids were napping (she just stopped running a daycare a few weeks ago). My 7 year old SD who should be going into 2nd grade almost got put back into kindergarden, cannot read, and is sadly behind because she spends most of her time being ignored. My 10 year old SS recently informed me of an instance where when BM and her BF picked him up she started asking him questions about his visit and he replied that he didn't know and she proceeded to reach over the car seat from the front and smacked him on his side and face repeatedly. There were no bruises apparent when he told me of this, but more than a week had passed since the event. I recently discovered that BM has a history of mental illness and violent outbursts toward a wide variety of people including another 18 year old step son of mine who used to live with her years ago. HE told me of how she got upset with him and she and her other son began kicking him in the head repeatedly. A little over a week ago, I reported all of this information to DCF. I have saved the text messages and voicemails that contain all of the threats and document her refusal to allow us to pick up the kids. I have yet to hear anything from DCF about the matter (they told me they would contact me with the results of their investigation). We have been trying to call and text our 10 year old on his cell phone and the calls go straight to voicemail and there are no responses to the texts. Any contact we make with the BM results in namecalling and verbal abuse or no response at all. They have recently relocated into an apartment community that is worse than anything I have even seen on TV, and she, her BF, her 14 year old son, our 10 year old son, her BF's 8 year old daughter and our 7 year old daughter are all living in a small 2 bedroom. My Questions:

What are our options as far as obtaining custody and enforcing our parenting time with the kids without hiring an attorney (we have applied to legal aid and are concerned that we may not qualify)

Do you think that DCF would be required to investigate and drug test the BM given the info I provided?

What steps do you recommend that we take next?

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Kansas

My husband and I have what we believe to be a very complex situation with the mother of my husband's children (7, 10). Before my husband and I met, he and the BM had paperwork notarized and entered into court that they had agreed on 50/50 physical custody of his two children. When we met and decided to get married two years later, he relocated approximately 2 hours from the kids so that we could build a better life. (small town, better jobs, more opportunity, etc) We have always wanted full custody of the kids, but were unable to afford an attorney and believed (at the time) that the kids were being taken care of. Since the kids were in school, we didn't want to push the 50/50 time with them and disrupt their education, so we began volutarily paying child support and only keeping them when they were out of school. In the last 2 years,the BM has become horrifically verbally abusive to my husband and myself (out of the blue with nothing to provoke her). She repeatedly harasses us after our visitations, makes threats to our well being and threatens "you will never see the kids again". We have become aware that she is using other people's prescriptions (adderall, pain killers) and just recently our 10 year old told us about her marijuana use (he described the pipe with detail, stated that he had seen her put the "green stuff" into it, described what she kept her stash in, etc). We discovered that she smoked daily, sometimes more than once a day, and that she smoked while her daycare kids were napping (she just stopped running a daycare a few weeks ago). My 7 year old SD who should be going into 2nd grade almost got put back into kindergarden, cannot read, and is sadly behind because she spends most of her time being ignored. My 10 year old SS recently informed me of an instance where when BM and her BF picked him up she started asking him questions about his visit and he replied that he didn't know and she proceeded to reach over the car seat from the front and smacked him on his side and face repeatedly. There were no bruises apparent when he told me of this, but more than a week had passed since the event. I recently discovered that BM has a history of mental illness and violent outbursts toward a wide variety of people including another 18 year old step son of mine who used to live with her years ago. HE told me of how she got upset with him and she and her other son began kicking him in the head repeatedly. A little over a week ago, I reported all of this information to DCF. I have saved the text messages and voicemails that contain all of the threats and document her refusal to allow us to pick up the kids. I have yet to hear anything from DCF about the matter (they told me they would contact me with the results of their investigation). We have been trying to call and text our 10 year old on his cell phone and the calls go straight to voicemail and there are no responses to the texts. Any contact we make with the BM results in namecalling and verbal abuse or no response at all. They have recently relocated into an apartment community that is worse than anything I have even seen on TV, and she, her BF, her 14 year old son, our 10 year old son, her BF's 8 year old daughter and our 7 year old daughter are all living in a small 2 bedroom. My Questions:

What are our options as far as obtaining custody and enforcing our parenting time with the kids without hiring an attorney (we have applied to legal aid and are concerned that we may not qualify)

Do you think that DCF would be required to investigate and drug test the BM given the info I provided?

What steps do you recommend that we take next?

Embrace that Mom is Mom just as Dad is Dad.

I note you do not call your husband BF or birth father or biodad. Why on earth would you call Mom "BM" and why on earth are you so involved in your husband's legal business?

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Kansas

My husband and I have what we believe to be a very complex situation with the mother of my husband's children (7, 10). Before my husband and I met, he and the BM had paperwork notarized and entered into court that they had agreed on 50/50 physical custody of his two children. When we met and decided to get married two years later, he relocated approximately 2 hours from the kids so that we could build a better life. (small town, better jobs, more opportunity, etc) We have always wanted full custody of the kids, but were unable to afford an attorney and believed (at the time) that the kids were being taken care of. Since the kids were in school, we didn't want to push the 50/50 time with them and disrupt their education, so we began volutarily paying child support and only keeping them when they were out of school. In the last 2 years,the BM has become horrifically verbally abusive to my husband and myself (out of the blue with nothing to provoke her). She repeatedly harasses us after our visitations, makes threats to our well being and threatens "you will never see the kids again". We have become aware that she is using other people's prescriptions (adderall, pain killers) and just recently our 10 year old told us about her marijuana use (he described the pipe with detail, stated that he had seen her put the "green stuff" into it, described what she kept her stash in, etc). We discovered that she smoked daily, sometimes more than once a day, and that she smoked while her daycare kids were napping (she just stopped running a daycare a few weeks ago). My 7 year old SD who should be going into 2nd grade almost got put back into kindergarden, cannot read, and is sadly behind because she spends most of her time being ignored. My 10 year old SS recently informed me of an instance where when BM and her BF picked him up she started asking him questions about his visit and he replied that he didn't know and she proceeded to reach over the car seat from the front and smacked him on his side and face repeatedly. There were no bruises apparent when he told me of this, but more than a week had passed since the event. I recently discovered that BM has a history of mental illness and violent outbursts toward a wide variety of people including another 18 year old step son of mine who used to live with her years ago. HE told me of how she got upset with him and she and her other son began kicking him in the head repeatedly. A little over a week ago, I reported all of this information to DCF. I have saved the text messages and voicemails that contain all of the threats and document her refusal to allow us to pick up the kids. I have yet to hear anything from DCF about the matter (they told me they would contact me with the results of their investigation). We have been trying to call and text our 10 year old on his cell phone and the calls go straight to voicemail and there are no responses to the texts. Any contact we make with the BM results in namecalling and verbal abuse or no response at all. They have recently relocated into an apartment community that is worse than anything I have even seen on TV, and she, her BF, her 14 year old son, our 10 year old son, her BF's 8 year old daughter and our 7 year old daughter are all living in a small 2 bedroom. My Questions:

What are our options as far as obtaining custody and enforcing our parenting time with the kids without hiring an attorney (we have applied to legal aid and are concerned that we may not qualify)

Do you think that DCF would be required to investigate and drug test the BM given the info I provided?

What steps do you recommend that we take next?

Everything about your posting is offensive. Please have the legal party join and ask for his advice.

 

[Silverplum]

Well, while I'm here...

Legal Aid is not generally interested or funded for custody disputes. Legal Aid in my state (because I don't care about yours) has a list of cases they take: http://www.legalaidfoundation.org/making-a-difference/services-provided/

 

[Just Blue]

Well, while I'm here...

Legal Aid is not generally interested or funded for custody disputes. Legal Aid in my state (because I don't care about yours) has a list of cases they take: http://www.legalaidfoundation.org/making-a-difference/services-provided/

I got to "BM" and stopped.

 

[CdwJava]

I have yet to hear anything from DCF about the matter (they told me they would contact me with the results of their investigation).

There is very little they can tell you in the first place. And, in the second place, it is likely that they are still looking into the matter. Cases that are not likely to result in immediate harm to a child tend to take a backseat to higher priority matters. Remember, you are only a witness in this matter - your husband, the childrens' father, may have some more rights in this matter.

We have been trying to call and text our 10 year old on his cell phone and the calls go straight to voicemail and there are no responses to the texts.

It could be that he doesn't have access to the cell phone all the time, or mom has taken it. It happens. And unless the custody paperwork allows unfettered communication, it is not required.

What are our options as far as obtaining custody and enforcing our parenting time with the kids without hiring an attorney (we have applied to legal aid and are concerned that we may not qualify)

Your husband can file pro se, but, it may be a great learning curve. He will be expected to perform as an attorney would. He will need to start researching this process ASAP, and maybe speak with any legal aid or law school programs that can give him direction.

Do you think that DCF would be required to investigate and drug test the BM given the info I provided?

"REQUIRED?" No. They might choose to look into the matter, but nothing you describe is going to make this a priority.

What steps do you recommend that we take next?

Your husband should consult an attorney.

Understand that you are a legal nobody in this matter; you have no standing. Dad has standing, you do not. So, in all of this there is no legal "we" as it is only him. Keep that in mind, dad must be the primary mover and shaker on this or nothing will happen.

 

[single317dad]

I wouldn't go so far as to say everything in the OP is offensive. Overstepping at every turn? Yes. The use of the term "BM" is not surprising in that nearly every site out there (those that dole out very poor legal advice, mind you) uses the term with impunity. Our OP should realize that the term is offensive to the child's parent and agree not to use it again.

That said, there is no "we", "our", or "us" in this situation. Your husband and the child's mother have rights that they should take action to enforce properly; you have none, and the sooner you realize and accept that, the sooner your husband can move forward.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Kansas

My husband and I have what we believe to be a very complex situation with the mother of my husband's children (7, 10). Before my husband and I met, he and the BM had paperwork notarized and entered into court that they had agreed on 50/50 physical custody of his two children

HIS TWO CHILDREN. Not yours. You are no one.

When we met and decided to get married two years later, he relocated approximately 2 hours from the kids so that we could build a better life. (small town, better jobs, more opportunity, etc) We have always wanted full custody of the kids,

Nope. YOU are not entitled to ANY custody of the children.

but were unable to afford an attorney and believed (at the time) that the kids were being taken care of. Since the kids were in school, we didn't want to push the 50/50 time with them and disrupt their education,

Dad moved without properly doing things. Dad couldn't push the 50/50 time. And you definitely can't.

so we began volutarily paying child support and only keeping them when they were out of school.

You don't pay anything.

In the last 2 years,the BM

Okay. If you want to be stupid towards the MOTHER of the children, you are now the bedbuddy to dad.

has become horrifically verbally abusive to my husband and myself (out of the blue with nothing to provoke her). She repeatedly harasses us after our visitations,

You don't have visitation. YOU apparently provoked this with your overstepping attitude.

makes threats to our well being and threatens "you will never see the kids again". We have become aware that she is using other people's prescriptions (adderall, pain killers) and just recently our 10 year old told us about her marijuana use (he described the pipe with detail, stated that he had seen her put the "green stuff" into it, described what she kept her stash in, etc).

NOT your ten year old.

We discovered that she smoked daily, sometimes more than once a day, and that she smoked while her daycare kids were napping (she just stopped running a daycare a few weeks ago). My 7 year old SD who should be going into 2nd grade almost got put back into kindergarden, cannot read, and is sadly behind because she spends most of her time being ignored.

And your husband has done nothing. He is also to blame.

My 10 year old SS recently informed me of an instance where when BM

If you don't like bed buddy, I can call you sex partner -- if you don't like that, you definitely won't like what comes in third.

and her BF picked him up she started asking him questions about his visit and he replied that he didn't know and she proceeded to reach over the car seat from the front and smacked him on his side and face repeatedly. There were no bruises apparent when he told me of this, but more than a week had passed since the event.

You have no evidence.

I recently discovered that BM has a history of mental illness and violent outbursts toward a wide variety of people including another 18 year old step son of mine who used to live with her years ago. HE told me of how she got upset with him and she and her other son began kicking him in the head repeatedly. A little over a week ago, I reported all of this information to DCF.

OKay overstepping.

I have saved the text messages and voicemails that contain all of the threats and document her refusal to allow us to pick up the kids.

YOU have NO RIGHTS to the children.

I have yet to hear anything from DCF about the matter (they told me they would contact me with the results of their investigation). We have been trying to call and text our 10 year old on his cell phone and the calls go straight to voicemail and there are no responses to the texts. Any contact we make with the BM results in namecalling and verbal abuse or no response at all. They have recently relocated into an apartment community that is worse than anything I have even seen on TV, and she, her BF, her 14 year old son, our 10 year old son, her BF's 8 year old daughter and our 7 year old daughter are all living in a small 2 bedroom.

Learn your place.This is not your 10 year old or 7 year old. YOU ARE NOTHING BUT THE PERSON WHO SLEEPS WITH DAD. YOU have no rights to talk to the children or communicate with them in any way.

My Questions:

What are our options as far as obtaining custody and enforcing our parenting time with the kids without hiring an attorney (we have applied to legal aid and are concerned that we may not qualify)

You have NO RIGHTS and NO PARENTING TIME with the children. YOU have NOTHING.

Do you think that DCF would be required to investigate and drug test the BM given the info I provided?

Nope. And she is MOM, Sex Partner.

What steps do you recommend that we take next?

I suggest you learn your place, quit being an overstepping witch and realize that THIS is NOT YOUR LEGAL BUSINESS. When you can accept legal realities, then you might not harm your husband's relationship with his children more than you have already tried to sabotage it. And yes, that is what you have done.

 

[Ohiogal]

I wouldn't go so far as to say everything in the OP is offensive. Overstepping at every turn? Yes. The use of the term "BM" is not surprising in that nearly every site out there (those that dole out very poor legal advice, mind you) uses the term with impunity. Our OP should realize that the term is offensive to the child's parent and agree not to use it again.

That said, there is no "we", "our", or "us" in this situation. Your husband and the child's mother have rights that they should take action to enforce properly; you have none, and the sooner you realize and accept that, the sooner your husband can move forward.

The only place it should be plural, is if she is referring to her sex life with dad. She is offensive. She is also ridiculous. She is also now known as bed buddy. Though maybe SEX PARTNER would be more apt. Pathetic individual she is. She knows of nothing that would have provoked mom? How about her constant overstepping and involving herself and elevating herself to where she thinks she has rights.

 

[mommyanme]

She knows of nothing that would have provoked mom? How about her constant overstepping and involving herself and elevating herself to where she thinks she has rights.

I agree she provoked this and Dad is just as guilty by letting her over step her place. I am beginning to have the same problem with the current bed warmer thinking she is 2nd Mom and just that attitude from her offends me. I can't imagine being in this MOM'S shoes with the OP.

 

[forthekids217]

Oh my goodness! I came here searching for advice- the website said freeadvice.com, so I guess I thought that if I filled the members in on what was happening I would receive advice. I didn't realize I would be called offensive names. I referred to the children's mother as BM because I had seen the abbreviation on other sites and did not realize that I was being offensive to anyone by calling her the biological mother. I don't mind being referred to as SM (stepmom). Please be aware that I am NOT a simply a bed buddy or sleep partner. I am sorry if that is how other people view their marriages, but I assure you that is not the case here. I have provided financial and emotional support to these kids as well as to my other step children for most of their lives. I love these kids like they are my own. As a human being, I feel that it was my responsibility to report what I have seen and heard to DCF. What kind of person would I be to ignore such a thing? And my husband has been even more active with the issue than I have. He is not simply standing by. See, we have never had problems like this with our other children and we are at a loss as for what to do to help.

My husband and I are a team. We love and support each of our children together. I assure you that I have not provoked anything. Until recently when my husband started recieving nasty texts that called me names and were extremely threatening and abusive toward both of us I had not even had any contact with this woman at all. I did not drill these kids for information. In fact, the information came out one evening when I was sitting at my kitchen table having coffee and OUR (we refer to all of our 7 children as OUR kids) 10 year old came and sat beside me with a look of sadness on his face. I said "what's wrong honey?" and this 10 year old boy climbed in my lap and cried like a baby as he began telling me what had been going on. I didn't pry, I listened. The next day I told my husband and he asked me to report it. As a former social services worker and former police officer, I have seen too many situations where abuse was not reported and the children paid severely.

While I do understand that I may not have all of the legal rights that my husband has in this matter, I do plan to be there for him and support him as best I can. Therefore I refer to the situation as ours. Once this is all straightened out, I surely don't plan to just leave whatever happens on my husband to experience alone.

The reason I posted to this particular site myself is because my husband was in the process of doing his own research and I was assisting him in asking for advice. I definitely did not expect to be bashed for worrying about two innocent children and asking for advice on what could be done to make their lives better.

And to the person who said I do not pay child support- yes, actually I do. Our money is is OURS together. When my husband was laid off from work and the income from my job was all we had I made the payment myself. Not because we were legally obligated to- we weren't. We arranged to pay to help support the kids when we started keeping them only when they were out of school instead of 50/50.

Thank you to the people who actually gave helpful advice and insight. It is much appreciated.

Oh- almost forgot: One person said something about legal aid not handling child custody.... I might have misphrased who we contacted. We actually contacted Kansas Legal Services- I'm not sure if that is different or not, but they had some information about child custody and modification of custody, etc, so I guess we will see what happens.

 

[Silverplum]

Oh my goodness! I came here searching for advice- the website said freeadvice.com, so I guess I thought that if I filled the members in on what was happening I would receive advice. I didn't realize I would be called offensive names. I referred to the children's mother as BM because I had seen the abbreviation on other sites and did not realize that I was being offensive to anyone by calling her the biological mother. I don't mind being referred to as SM (stepmom). Please be aware that I am NOT a simply a bed buddy or sleep partner. I am sorry if that is how other people view their marriages, but I assure you that is not the case here. I have provided financial and emotional support to these kids as well as to my other step children for most of their lives. I love these kids like they are my own. As a human being, I feel that it was my responsibility to report what I have seen and heard to DCF. What kind of person would I be to ignore such a thing? And my husband has been even more active with the issue than I have. He is not simply standing by. See, we have never had problems like this with our other children and we are at a loss as for what to do to help.

My husband and I are a team. We love and support each of our children together. I assure you that I have not provoked anything. Until recently when my husband started recieving nasty texts that called me names and were extremely threatening and abusive toward both of us I had not even had any contact with this woman at all. I did not drill these kids for information. In fact, the information came out one evening when I was sitting at my kitchen table having coffee and OUR (we refer to all of our 7 children as OUR kids) 10 year old came and sat beside me with a look of sadness on his face. I said "what's wrong honey?" and this 10 year old boy climbed in my lap and cried like a baby as he began telling me what had been going on. I didn't pry, I listened. The next day I told my husband and he asked me to report it. As a former social services worker and former police officer, I have seen too many situations where abuse was not reported and the children paid severely.

While I do understand that I may not have all of the legal rights that my husband has in this matter, I do plan to be there for him and support him as best I can. Therefore I refer to the situation as ours. Once this is all straightened out, I surely don't plan to just leave whatever happens on my husband to experience alone.

The reason I posted to this particular site myself is because my husband was in the process of doing his own research and I was assisting him in asking for advice. I definitely did not expect to be bashed for worrying about two innocent children and asking for advice on what could be done to make their lives better.

And to the person who said I do not pay child support- yes, actually I do. Our money is is OURS together. When my husband was laid off from work and the income from my job was all we had I made the payment myself. Not because we were legally obligated to- we weren't. We arranged to pay to help support the kids when we started keeping them only when they were out of school instead of 50/50.

Thank you to the people who actually gave helpful advice and insight. It is much appreciated.

Oh- almost forgot: One person said something about legal aid not handling child custody.... I might have misphrased who we contacted. We actually contacted Kansas Legal Services- I'm not sure if that is different or not, but they had some information about child custody and modification of custody, etc, so I guess we will see what happens.

Alrighty then.

 

[Just Blue]

Oh my goodness! I came here searching for advice- the website said freeadvice.com, so I guess I thought that if I filled the members in on what was happening I would receive advice. I didn't realize I would be called offensive names. I referred to the children's mother as BM because I had seen the abbreviation on other sites and did not realize that I was being offensive to anyone by calling her the biological mother. I don't mind being referred to as SM (stepmom). Please be aware that I am NOT a simply a bed buddy or sleep partner. I am sorry if that is how other people view their marriages, but I assure you that is not the case here. I have provided financial and emotional support to these kids as well as to my other step children for most of their lives. I love these kids like they are my own. As a human being, I feel that it was my responsibility to report what I have seen and heard to DCF. What kind of person would I be to ignore such a thing? And my husband has been even more active with the issue than I have. He is not simply standing by. See, we have never had problems like this with our other children and we are at a loss as for what to do to help.

My husband and I are a team. We love and support each of our children together. I assure you that I have not provoked anything. Until recently when my husband started recieving nasty texts that called me names and were extremely threatening and abusive toward both of us I had not even had any contact with this woman at all. I did not drill these kids for information. In fact, the information came out one evening when I was sitting at my kitchen table having coffee and OUR (we refer to all of our 7 children as OUR kids) 10 year old came and sat beside me with a look of sadness on his face. I said "what's wrong honey?" and this 10 year old boy climbed in my lap and cried like a baby as he began telling me what had been going on. I didn't pry, I listened. The next day I told my husband and he asked me to report it. As a former social services worker and former police officer, I have seen too many situations where abuse was not reported and the children paid severely.

While I do understand that I may not have all of the legal rights that my husband has in this matter, I do plan to be there for him and support him as best I can. Therefore I refer to the situation as ours. Once this is all straightened out, I surely don't plan to just leave whatever happens on my husband to experience alone.

The reason I posted to this particular site myself is because my husband was in the process of doing his own research and I was assisting him in asking for advice. I definitely did not expect to be bashed for worrying about two innocent children and asking for advice on what could be done to make their lives better.

And to the person who said I do not pay child support- yes, actually I do. Our money is is OURS together. When my husband was laid off from work and the income from my job was all we had I made the payment myself. Not because we were legally obligated to- we weren't. We arranged to pay to help support the kids when we started keeping them only when they were out of school instead of 50/50.

Thank you to the people who actually gave helpful advice and insight. It is much appreciated.

Oh- almost forgot: One person said something about legal aid not handling child custody.... I might have misphrased who we contacted. We actually contacted Kansas Legal Services- I'm not sure if that is different or not, but they had some information about child custody and modification of custody, etc, so I guess we will see what happens.

Please review posts 8 and 9 are from an Attorney GAL. Thanks.

 

[Ohiogal]

Oh my goodness! I came here searching for advice- the website said freeadvice.com, so I guess I thought that if I filled the members in on what was happening I would receive advice. I didn't realize I would be called offensive names. I referred to the children's mother as BM because I had seen the abbreviation on other sites and did not realize that I was being offensive to anyone by calling her the biological mother. I don't mind being referred to as SM (stepmom). Please be aware that I am NOT a simply a bed buddy or sleep partner.

Actually, LEGALLY, you are NOTHING.

I am sorry if that is how other people view their marriages, but I assure you that is not the case here. I have provided financial and emotional support to these kids as well as to my other step children for most of their lives. I love these kids like they are my own. As a human being, I feel that it was my responsibility to report what I have seen and heard to DCF. What kind of person would I be to ignore such a thing? And my husband has been even more active with the issue than I have. He is not simply standing by. See, we have never had problems like this with our other children and we are at a loss as for what to do to help.

LEGALLY, you are nothing.

My husband and I are a team. We love and support each of our children together. I assure you that I have not provoked anything.

You don't even see how you have overstepped. At all. YOU are not the mother of these children and YOU are nothing legally to these children. YOU ARE A LEGAL STRANGER. Learn it. Understand it. Recognize it.

Until recently when my husband started recieving nasty texts that called me names and were extremely threatening and abusive toward both of us I had not even had any contact with this woman at all. I did not drill these kids for information. In fact, the information came out one evening when I was sitting at my kitchen table having coffee and OUR (we refer to all of our 7 children as OUR kids) 10 year old came and sat beside me with a look of sadness on his face. I said "what's wrong honey?" and this 10 year old boy climbed in my lap and cried like a baby as he began telling me what had been going on. I didn't pry, I listened. The next day I told my husband and he asked me to report it. As a former social services worker and former police officer, I have seen too many situations where abuse was not reported and the children paid severely.

And yet you have no clue about legalities. YOU ARE NOTHING LEGALLY. This is NOT your 10 year old. This is your husband's child. NOT YOURS. You are legally a nobody.

While I do understand that I may not have all of the legal rights that my husband has in this matter, I do plan to be there for him and support him as best I can. Therefore I refer to the situation as ours. Once this is all straightened out, I surely don't plan to just leave whatever happens on my husband to experience alone.

This is a legal site. Learn and understand. You can support him but you have severely overstepped.

The reason I posted to this particular site myself is because my husband was in the process of doing his own research and I was assisting him in asking for advice. I definitely did not expect to be bashed for worrying about two innocent children and asking for advice on what could be done to make their lives better.

Then you should have not overstepped and stated that YOU wanted custody and YOU were paying child support.

And to the person who said I do not pay child support- yes, actually I do. Our money is is OURS together. When my husband was laid off from work and the income from my job was all we had I made the payment myself. Not because we were legally obligated to- we weren't. We arranged to pay to help support the kids when we started keeping them only when they were out of school instead of 50/50.

I hope mom takes dad back for guideline support.

Thank you to the people who actually gave helpful advice and insight. It is much appreciated.

You totally don't understand and comprehend. I would destroy your husband in court because of YOUR attitude.

Oh- almost forgot: One person said something about legal aid not handling child custody.... I might have misphrased who we contacted. We actually contacted Kansas Legal Services- I'm not sure if that is different or not, but they had some information about child custody and modification of custody, etc, so I guess we will see what happens.

Whatever.

 

[Just Blue]

Oh my goodness! I came here searching for advice- the website said freeadvice.com, so I guess I thought that if I filled the members in on what was happening I would receive advice. I didn't realize I would be called offensive names. I referred to the children's mother as BM because I had seen the abbreviation on other sites and did not realize that I was being offensive to anyone by calling her the biological mother. I don't mind being referred to as SM (stepmom). Please be aware that I am NOT a simply a bed buddy or sleep partner. I am sorry if that is how other people view their marriages, but I assure you that is not the case here. I have provided financial and emotional support to these kids as well as to my other step children for most of their lives. I love these kids like they are my own. As a human being, I feel that it was my responsibility to report what I have seen and heard to DCF. What kind of person would I be to ignore such a thing? And my husband has been even more active with the issue than I have. He is not simply standing by. See, we have never had problems like this with our other children and we are at a loss as for what to do to help.

My husband and I are a team. We love and support each of our children together. I assure you that I have not provoked anything. Until recently when my husband started recieving nasty texts that called me names and were extremely threatening and abusive toward both of us I had not even had any contact with this woman at all. I did not drill these kids for information. In fact, the information came out one evening when I was sitting at my kitchen table having coffee and OUR (we refer to all of our 7 children as OUR kids) 10 year old came and sat beside me with a look of sadness on his face. I said "what's wrong honey?" and this 10 year old boy climbed in my lap and cried like a baby as he began telling me what had been going on. I didn't pry, I listened. The next day I told my husband and he asked me to report it. As a former social services worker and former police officer, I have seen too many situations where abuse was not reported and the children paid severely.

While I do understand that I may not have all of the legal rights that my husband has in this matter, I do plan to be there for him and support him as best I can. Therefore I refer to the situation as ours. Once this is all straightened out, I surely don't plan to just leave whatever happens on my husband to experience alone.

The reason I posted to this particular site myself is because my husband was in the process of doing his own research and I was assisting him in asking for advice. I definitely did not expect to be bashed for worrying about two innocent children and asking for advice on what could be done to make their lives better.

And to the person who said I do not pay child support- yes, actually I do. Our money is is OURS together. When my husband was laid off from work and the income from my job was all we had I made the payment myself. Not because we were legally obligated to- we weren't. We arranged to pay to help support the kids when we started keeping them only when they were out of school instead of 50/50.

Thank you to the people who actually gave helpful advice and insight. It is much appreciated.

Oh- almost forgot: One person said something about legal aid not handling child custody.... I might have misphrased who we contacted. We actually contacted Kansas Legal Services- I'm not sure if that is different or not, but they had some information about child custody and modification of custody, etc, so I guess we will see what happens.

You really are going to mess up your husbands co-parenting relationship and hence his custody....