DCF Investigation

[Zigner]

You really are going to mess up your husbands co-parenting relationship and hence his custody....

Why the future tense?

 

[Just Blue]

Why the future tense?

My bad....She IS messing up the co-parenting.

 

[forthekids217]

You really are going to mess up your husbands co-parenting relationship and hence his custody....

Other than reporting the abuse to DCF and asking for advice on his behalf, I have not done anything except provide support and encouragement. I really do not understand why you feel like I am overstepping or interfering in any way. Please tell me Blue Meanie, what would you do if a child came to you and reported abuse in a situation like this? What would you do if your spouse asked for your assistance?

This entire thread has somehow become about how awful I am when I was only trying to get a little advice. It was supposed to be about the steps that can be taken in order to protect these kids.

 

[Zigner]

Other than reporting the abuse to DCF and asking for advice on his behalf, I have not done anything except provide support and encouragement.

Reread your first post

 

[Just Blue]

Other than reporting the abuse to DCF and asking for advice on his behalf, I have not done anything except provide support and encouragement. I really do not understand why you feel like I am overstepping or interfering in any way. Please tell me Blue Meanie, what would you do if a child came to you and reported abuse in a situation like this? What would you do if your spouse asked for your assistance?

This entire thread has somehow become about how awful I am when I was only trying to get a little advice. It was supposed to be about the steps that can be taken in order to protect these kids.

This whole thread IS about you and your overstepping. You should not even be posting. If you want to assist hubby...find him a good attorney HE can go to. Or just say: I found the best FREE ADVICE site on the net Dear...You should see if you can get help there.

BTW: A "biomother" in a LEGAL TERM is a mother that placed, or was court ordered to place her child up for adoption.

 

[Silverplum]

Other than reporting the abuse to DCF and asking for advice on his behalf, I have not done anything except provide support and encouragement. I really do not understand why you feel like I am overstepping or interfering in any way. Please tell me Blue Meanie, what would you do if a child came to you and reported abuse in a situation like this? What would you do if your spouse asked for your assistance?

This entire thread has somehow become about how awful I am when I was only trying to get a little advice. It was supposed to be about the steps that can be taken in order to protect these kids.

So, to recap:

Dad had 50/50, no child support.
He moved 2 hours away from his children and began a general long-distance kind of parenting time.
He voluntarily pays some non-court-ordered child support. We do not know if it's anywhere near guideline support.
Dad may think that Mom harasses him when he and Mom exchange the children. Mom also makes other remarks that Dad does not like.
The 10 y.o. describes what might well be marijuana use at Mom's. For unknown reasons, Stepmom and/or Dad thinks Mom uses Rx drugs and they may not be prescribed to her.
The 10 y.o. describes being hit in the face by Mom in the car.
The 7 y.o. is failing in school and Dad may believe that child is "ignored."
Stepmom has been talking to an adult child of Dad's and that 18 y.o. indicated that Mom may be mentally ill and has been physically abusive to other children of hers.
Stepmom reported Mom to DCF, using the info from the kids.
Stepmom also alleges Mom has denied visitation: Dad has not filed anything about that, to our knowledge.
Stepmom can't reach the 10 y.o. on his phone.
Stepmom does not like the housing Mom is providing for the children.

Stepmom and Dad want custody. Stepmom also wants to know how Dad can enforce his parenting time.
Stepmom wonders if DCF will drug test Mom, based on Stepmom's report.

Did I miss anything important?

 

[Ohiogal]

So, to recap:

Dad had 50/50, no child support.
He moved 2 hours away from his children and began a general long-distance kind of parenting time.
He voluntarily pays some non-court-ordered child support. We do not know if it's anywhere near guideline support.
Dad may think that Mom harasses him when he and Mom exchange the children. Mom also makes other remarks that Dad does not like.
The 10 y.o. describes what might well be marijuana use at Mom's. For unknown reasons, Stepmom and/or Dad thinks Mom uses Rx drugs and they may not be prescribed to her.
The 10 y.o. describes being hit in the face by Mom in the car.
The 7 y.o. is failing in school and Dad may believe that child is "ignored."
Stepmom has been talking to an adult child of Dad's and that 18 y.o. indicated that Mom may be mentally ill and has been physically abusive to other children of hers.
Stepmom reported Mom to DCF, using the info from the kids.
Stepmom also alleges Mom has denied visitation: Dad has not filed anything about that, to our knowledge.
Stepmom can't reach the 10 y.o. on his phone.
Stepmom does not like the housing Mom is providing for the children.

Stepmom and Dad want custody. Stepmom also wants to know how Dad can enforce his parenting time.
Stepmom wonders if DCF will drug test Mom, based on Stepmom's report.

Did I miss anything important?

Ummm.. stepmom seems to think she has rights. And stepmom is nothing more than Sex Partner legally. She has NO RIGHTS.

 

[mommyanme]

BTW: A "biomother" in a LEGAL TERM is a mother that placed, or was court ordered to place her child up for adoption.

OP read the quoted and learn it......I have yet to see you call Dad "BD" "BioDad" "Birth Father" Go ahead, try it see how it tastes in your mouth then go call your husband that, better yet have MOM or StepDad call him that, see if it sits right with your hubby. Or have your children call you their "Birth Mom" for a week and see how it sits with you.

Being a "former social worker/police officer" if MOM threatened you, you would have already filed charges on her thinking it would give the upper hand with Dad's kids, so I call HOGWASH on that. You've over stepped and more than tap danced on Mom's feet and she's angry and no one can blame her with the attitude you've shown here.

 

[forthekids217]

So, to recap:

Dad had 50/50, no child support.
He moved 2 hours away from his children and began a general long-distance kind of parenting time.
He voluntarily pays some non-court-ordered child support. We do not know if it's anywhere near guideline support.
Dad may think that Mom harasses him when he and Mom exchange the children. Mom also makes other remarks that Dad does not like.
The 10 y.o. describes what might well be marijuana use at Mom's. For unknown reasons, Stepmom and/or Dad thinks Mom uses Rx drugs and they may not be prescribed to her.
The 10 y.o. describes being hit in the face by Mom in the car.
The 7 y.o. is failing in school and Dad may believe that child is "ignored."
Stepmom has been talking to an adult child of Dad's and that 18 y.o. indicated that Mom may be mentally ill and has been physically abusive to other children of hers.
Stepmom reported Mom to DCF, using the info from the kids.
Stepmom also alleges Mom has denied visitation: Dad has not filed anything about that, to our knowledge.
Stepmom can't reach the 10 y.o. on his phone.
Stepmom does not like the housing Mom is providing for the children.

Stepmom and Dad want custody. Stepmom also wants to know how Dad can enforce his parenting time.
Stepmom wonders if DCF will drug test Mom, based on Stepmom's report.

Did I miss anything important?

Maybe some things were misunderstood that might have caused the lashing I received? Maybe in my rush to explain the situation I might not have been entirely clear with the communication here? Please allow me to clarify using the post above as a guide.

Dad had 50/50 with no child support ORDERED. He paid all expenses for school, clothing, gave grocery money, cash assistance and even paid for extra curriculars. He actually kept the kids more than 50/50, and actually paid the mother wages for her to watch them while he worked.

Yes he moved 2 hours away. At the time his daughter was 3 and we kept her at our home more than 50% of the time. His son was in school, and although I know that many parents switch custody during the school year, we are against interfering in education and feel that moving every semester would be detrimental to his education. He still paid child support for both the kids. His job at the time (which he had been at for 19 years) went out of business and there was a lot of opportunity and a better economy here. The mother has always had a very unstable life and our hope was to build something more stable for ALL of our 7 children.

We have the kids (when she doesn't try to use my husband's parenting time as a control factor) anytime they are not in school unless there are special arrangements worked out. This would amount to approximately 35-40% of the time when you include weekends, holidays, inservice days, breaks and summer. We still pay child support every two weeks whether we have them or not. We also buy their clothing for school, pay extra for sports, dance, etc. My husband actually went to court over child support, and the mother's attorney dropped the case with no child support owed- but we still felt that we should contribute as much as possible.

Dad does not interact volutarily with the mother except to drop off and pick up the kids. It is after he leaves or a few days later that she sends him texts calling him awful names that I am too classy to repeat, calling me vulgar names, and threatening that he will never see them again. She has threatened his life, my life, and made references to my own children (who are all adults and successful with the exception of my 17 year old who is still a child and currently going to college). My husband and I both have sent texts to her, yes, but all have been about the pick up times and so forth. We do not entertain the threats and accusations.

As for the drugs, on a day that she for some reason felt that she could brag to my husband (I told you she is mentally ill, has been diagnosed with bipolar and other issues, and has a history of becoming violent to her own family members, children and ex-friends) she actually told him that she was taking a friend's adderall. One day when my husband went to pick up the kids the scent of marijuana was overwhelming when his (then 5 year old) answered the door. Mommy was in the bedroom. He asked her about it and she told him to mind his own business. There is a legal report. HIS (because I am apparently not allowed to say "our") 10 year old sadly knows what drugs are. He confided in my husband and myself about the description of the pipe and drugs (probably because of something he has been taught in school).

When the 10 year old described the incident about being hit in the face and left side, the 7 year old reported that she and her mom's boyfriend's daughter were there and saw it but they were scared. She said "I didn't want mommy to hit me too".

7 year old is a very smart girl. We have worked with her extensively when we have her, and it shows. The school is investigating due to the mother's lack of interest. When questioned about it, the mother's response was that her dance classes were more important. In the midst of my report to DCF they began asking questions and this is something they asked me. So it is not just me trying to come up with ammunition. I want nothing more than to know that these kids are safe and taken care of. I am not some meddling step mom.

Next on the list: no, that was misunderstood. 18 year old overheard a conversation from the 10 year old about being hit and recollected a time when he had been abused by her as well. As far as her being mentally ill, that has been diagnosed by professionals- she just refuses to seek continuous help and when she is not on her medication she becomes violent.

Yes. I, the step PARENT did report to DCF what I have seen and been told. I felt that as a PARENT, stpe or not, that was my responsibility in order to make sure these kids are safe.

DAD has tried to enforce parenting time, and there are reports. The police don't actually force her to give him the kids but they allow us to report the incidents. Since either of us can pick up the kids, WE both have had to report the incidents. We are currently looking for information about how my husband can take legal action when whe refuses.

Stepmom, brother, dad- none of us can reach 10 year old. Since we were told we would never see him again, this is concerning.

Housing- In the state of Kansas there are laws about housing arrangements with children, especially children of the opposite sex. That was just supplemental info to help paint the true picture.

The last two statements are exactly true. Yes we would love to provide a stable and nonabusive home for these kids and yes, I would like to know if this will be investigated.

I'll just go on ahead and search for some REAL information from people who actually care about the welfare of children and can offer actual advice. BTW- just FYI, I was a law enforement officer for 6 years and worked in social services for 3 years. I have reported what I needed to report- Thing is, until I realized that these children might be being abused I kept my mouth shut about what was happening to me in order to keep the peace as much as possible FOR THE KIDS.

 

[forthekids217]

Ummm.. stepmom seems to think she has rights. And stepmom is nothing more than Sex Partner legally. She has NO RIGHTS.

I am aware that my husband has all of the rights, I am just trying to help him.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

You came to a LEGAL site searching for information for your HUSBAND'S case. You must understand things LEGALLY. IN A COURT OF LAW, you are NOTHING but a LEGAL STRANGER.

I get the whole, we are married, we share, blah blah blah. What matters on a LEGAL site is the standing of the LEGAL PARENTS. You are not one of them.

Technically, you LOANED your husband money so that HE could pay his obligation. This is the LEGAL way it was done.

Now, is there a court order that gives a long distance plan? Why isn't there a LEGAL CHILD SUPPORT order?

 

[forthekids217]

This whole thread IS about you and your overstepping. You should not even be posting. If you want to assist hubby...find him a good attorney HE can go to. Or just say: I found the best FREE ADVICE site on the net Dear...You should see if you can get help there.

BTW: A "biomother" in a LEGAL TERM is a mother that placed, or was court ordered to place her child up for adoption.

well since she tried to have an abortion, i guess that would be fitting, BUT, in Kansas anyway, calling someone a biological mother refers to the fact that this mother has provided her uterus to give birth to a child. A MOM is a person who is there, physically, financially, and emotionally for a child to the point that she is recognized as a mother. I say this as MY 14 year old step son just informed me that he doesn't have a mom and a step mom, but he has two moms. ;-) and BTW- this other mom and I have no issues at all. Nor do my kids step mom and I.. So yeh- say it's ME.

This is a drug abusing, child abusing person who continues to threaten the welfare of our children... and u feel that u should bash me?

 

[CdwJava]

I'm curious why everyone is dumping on the OP. Yes, they moved away from the kids (something that is done with some frequency - and often necessity), and yes, dad apparently has not sought to enforce or modify the custody order in that time (perhaps for the best for the kids). Perhaps those were mistakes. But, while stepmom may not have any legal standing in this matter, she IS the wife to the dad and as such IS a partner in this whole shebang. If the mom is exposing her children top drug use and abuse, I'm all for anyone - even a stepmother - seeking to intervene in the matter. While dad is the one who will need to file for any custody or visitation changes, he cannot act in a vacuum and would need the support and assistance of his spouse. Her initial post did not scream "evil stepmom making up doo-doo to get back at the ex" so I'm more than a little curious as to the hostility here.

Maybe I'm missing something here, but, I don't see the reason for the hostility here.

 

[Silverplum]

well since she tried to have an abortion, i guess that would be fitting, BUT, in Kansas anyway, calling someone a biological mother refers to the fact that this mother has provided her uterus to give birth to a child. A MOM is a person who is there, physically, financially, and emotionally for a child to the point that she is recognized as a mother. I say this as MY 14 year old step son just informed me that he doesn't have a mom and a step mom, but he has two moms. ;-) and BTW- this other mom and I have no issues at all. Nor do my kids step mom and I.. So yeh- say it's ME.

This is a drug abusing, child abusing person who continues to threaten the welfare of our children... and u feel that u should bash me?

I always heard that Kansas was a different sort of place.

I bet you can't post something that supports your statement, legally. Like this, when I show you that parents are parents in Kansas as they are everywhere else:

"...the natural parent's right to be a parent. In re Application to Adopt H.B.S.C., 28 Kan. App. 2d 191, 195, 12 P.3d 916 (2000). Both the United States Supreme Court and the Kansas Supreme Court have recognized the relationship between parent and child to be constitutionally protected. Quilloin v. Walcott, 434 U.S. 246, 255, 54 L. Ed. 2d 511, 98 S. Ct. 549, reh. denied 435 U.S. 918 (1978); In re Guardianship of Williams, 254 Kan. 814, 819, 869 P.2d 661 (1994).

The right to be the legal parent of a child is a right that cannot be abrogated except under compelling circumstances. In re Adoption of K.J.B., 265 Kan. 90, 101, 959 P.2d 853 (1998). "Indeed, other than the right to personal freedom, there may be no private right valued more highly or protected more zealously by the courts than the right of a parent to the custody and control of his or her children." In re J.L., 20 Kan. App. 2d 665, 671, 891 P.2d 1125, rev. denied 257 Kan. 1092 (1995).

The protections incorporated into K.S.A. 59-2136 protect a parent's constitutional rights, preempting the parental preference doctrine. In re Baby Boy N., 19 Kan. App. 2d 574, 585-86, 874 P.2d 680, rev. denied 255 Kan. 1001, cert. denied 513 U.S. 1018 (1994). Consequently, adoption statutes are to be strictly construed in favor of maintaining the rights of the natural parent. In re Adoption of K.J.B., 265 Kan. at 95."

That's just some of the caselaw supporting our position against yours. I didn't want to overwhelm you.

 

[Silverplum]

I'm curious why everyone is dumping on the OP. Yes, they moved away from the kids (something that is done with some frequency - and often necessity), and yes, dad apparently has not sought to enforce or modify the custody order in that time (perhaps for the best for the kids). Perhaps those were mistakes. But, while stepmom may not have any legal standing in this matter, she IS the wife to the dad and as such IS a partner in this whole shebang. If the mom is exposing her children top drug use and abuse, I'm all for anyone - even a stepmother - seeking to intervene in the matter. While dad is the one who will need to file for any custody or visitation changes, he cannot act in a vacuum and would need the support and assistance of his spouse. Her initial post did not scream "evil stepmom making up doo-doo to get back at the ex" so I'm more than a little curious as to the hostility here.

Maybe I'm missing something here, but, I don't see the reason for the hostility here.

*breathalyzes Carl; unleashes the hounds upon him*