Washington State | GO COUGS!
I'm hesitant to post due to the amount of snark and replies that do nothing but lecture and do not assist with answering someone's question but here goes...
Background: parents have 50/50 (time and legal), boys are 13 and 12. Boys have repeatedly for the past 3 years told their mom that they want to live with dad full time (for all the right reasons, she is rarely home, isn't involved in school or sports, doesn't help with homework, hides out in her room watching Netflix and smoking weed...etc)
Last spring break the now 13 year old came to his dads house after school when he should have gone to his moms, he text her saying "I'm living with dad now, I'll see you on Mother's Day" She came over, livid, and told him that she would report him as a runaway and send him to juvie and would report his dad for kidnapping and send him to jail. DH reminded her that she can't have it both ways but DID try and facilitate and get BM to understand WHY their son was unhappy and how she could make it better. DH talked to the son and told him to go to his moms and try and communicate with her when he was frustrated.
Last weekend the same thing happened with the now 12 year old (little different story but basically the 'I don't want to live with you, you are a bad parent' and BM got nasty, making threats and ended it saying "I don't care what you think", which obviously doesn't help the situation and just angers the kid even more)
Before you start lecturing me on how I am the stepmom and I need to stay out and that their dad should be on here asking the questions or that it is his job to facilitate those boys and encourage a relationship with their mom...etc. we have done all of that for the last 8 years without any attempt from their mom to actually understand why the boys despise her and the boys have repeatedly said that I am more of a 'mom' to them than she is. Anyone that thinks a stepparent cannot earn their seat at the table can click off right now.
I also understand that he can always take her back to court and try to modify the parenting plan and that children are 'children' and that the adults decide where they live (disagree: there are PLENTY of 'children/teenagers' that are competent and understand right from wrong and we should be encouraging our children to speak up on moral issues (i.e. Malala Yousafzai, she isn't a one in a million, plenty of teens understand when something isn't ok), they don't turn 18 and suddenly can make adult decisions, this happens over the teen years)
Here is my question: in Washington State, if the child walks into our house, sits on the couch and refuses to budge, no matter what father or mom say to him...
1. How likely are the police to get involved
2. is he considered a runaway if his mom knows where he is (I'm thinking more like just a defiant child)
We aren't worried about the contempt stuff so don't bother to give me your advice on that, we have multiple examples of when DH has tried to help foster their relationship, as well as witnesses (coaches, teachers) to attest to this, and honestly, she wouldn't take DH back to court because she knows that he would win custody (her words), we are JUST wondering about the police involvement, and what they would be more likely to do.
I'm hesitant to post due to the amount of snark and replies that do nothing but lecture and do not assist with answering someone's question but here goes...
Background: parents have 50/50 (time and legal), boys are 13 and 12. Boys have repeatedly for the past 3 years told their mom that they want to live with dad full time (for all the right reasons, she is rarely home, isn't involved in school or sports, doesn't help with homework, hides out in her room watching Netflix and smoking weed...etc)
Last spring break the now 13 year old came to his dads house after school when he should have gone to his moms, he text her saying "I'm living with dad now, I'll see you on Mother's Day" She came over, livid, and told him that she would report him as a runaway and send him to juvie and would report his dad for kidnapping and send him to jail. DH reminded her that she can't have it both ways but DID try and facilitate and get BM to understand WHY their son was unhappy and how she could make it better. DH talked to the son and told him to go to his moms and try and communicate with her when he was frustrated.
Last weekend the same thing happened with the now 12 year old (little different story but basically the 'I don't want to live with you, you are a bad parent' and BM got nasty, making threats and ended it saying "I don't care what you think", which obviously doesn't help the situation and just angers the kid even more)
Before you start lecturing me on how I am the stepmom and I need to stay out and that their dad should be on here asking the questions or that it is his job to facilitate those boys and encourage a relationship with their mom...etc. we have done all of that for the last 8 years without any attempt from their mom to actually understand why the boys despise her and the boys have repeatedly said that I am more of a 'mom' to them than she is. Anyone that thinks a stepparent cannot earn their seat at the table can click off right now.
I also understand that he can always take her back to court and try to modify the parenting plan and that children are 'children' and that the adults decide where they live (disagree: there are PLENTY of 'children/teenagers' that are competent and understand right from wrong and we should be encouraging our children to speak up on moral issues (i.e. Malala Yousafzai, she isn't a one in a million, plenty of teens understand when something isn't ok), they don't turn 18 and suddenly can make adult decisions, this happens over the teen years)
Here is my question: in Washington State, if the child walks into our house, sits on the couch and refuses to budge, no matter what father or mom say to him...
1. How likely are the police to get involved
2. is he considered a runaway if his mom knows where he is (I'm thinking more like just a defiant child)
We aren't worried about the contempt stuff so don't bother to give me your advice on that, we have multiple examples of when DH has tried to help foster their relationship, as well as witnesses (coaches, teachers) to attest to this, and honestly, she wouldn't take DH back to court because she knows that he would win custody (her words), we are JUST wondering about the police involvement, and what they would be more likely to do.