Chances of getting primary?

[sarabara]

Just forget it. I'll stick to talking with my lawyers. Thanks

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

About to be going thru a custody battle. I have a protective order [6 months] against the dad, and he recently violated it. My son has begun to display bad behavior+ mentions of dad "saving" him if im "mean" etc or daddy will pick him up and that daddy is the boss, not me. His dad was emotionally abusive and is obviously manipulating them. Not only that, but he has punched holes into the wall in front of them among other things.

oh and I had to put my oldest into therapy. we have a 3 year old and a 6 year old. therapist pretty much agreed with me.

What are chances of primary custody for me? We share 50/50, well more like 60/40 right now and our court date is in 2 months but its just not working. Everytime they go with him, i have to worry about them coming back damaged or told more stupid, little manipulative things. he wants to do mediation, of course he does because he knows all the things i have on him which is just sad and tears me up that my kids have to go thru this

I'm all for my children having a dad, but not when he is hurting them by putting ideas into their heads and destroying my relationship with them. i was a stay at home mom, and the primary caregiver. i did and still do all the appointments, involved in school etc.

Sure, they deserve a dad, but this isn't how a loving dad acts.

You are going to need the therapist to testify if you want to have any hope of getting anywhere with this. You might also ask that psych evals be done on the two of you as well, but that may be expensive.

 

[sarabara]

So even w/ the therapy, and protective order which show his violent tendencies, it would still be a major fight for primary custody?

 

[CTU]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

About to be going thru a custody battle. I have a protective order [6 months] against the dad, and he recently violated it. My son has begun to display bad behavior+ mentions of dad "saving" him if im "mean" etc or daddy will pick him up and that daddy is the boss, not me. His dad was emotionally abusive and is obviously manipulating them. Not only that, but he has punched holes into the wall in front of them among other things.

oh and I had to put my oldest into therapy. we have a 3 year old and a 6 year old. therapist pretty much agreed with me.

Therapist agreed with you on ... what? You have two very small children and just as you are saying that they come back from Dad's with bad behavior, they're also going to reflect your feelings about this - and you need to understand how that can look in court.

What are chances of primary custody for me? We share 50/50, well more like 60/40 right now and our court date is in 2 months but its just not working. Everytime they go with him, i have to worry about them coming back damaged or told more stupid, little manipulative things.

What exactly do you wish to accomplish?

he wants to do mediation, of course he does because he knows all the things i have on him which is just sad and tears me up that my kids have to go thru this

From what you've said here, you don't seem to "have" anything on him. But more to the point, if you think you "have" something on him why did you agree to the current timeshare to begin with? You have at least half the time, and if Dad lawyers up he may just say that it's the time with you that's creating the trauma, and perhaps you should have less time.

Do you see how that can call your credibility into question?

I'm all for my children having a dad, but not when he is hurting them by putting ideas into their heads and destroying my relationship with them. i was a stay at home mom, and the primary caregiver. i did and still do all the appointments, involved in school etc.

Sure, they deserve a dad, but this isn't how a loving dad acts.

Your children do have a Dad. It's the same guy you picked to have not one, but two, children with. But I ask again, if you have them most of the time how is it destroying your relationship with them? Can you see how easily this can be turned around on you?

 

[CTU]

So even w/ the therapy, and protective order which show his violent tendencies, it would still be a major fight for primary custody?

The protective order doesn't include the children. The court has apparently already decided that he's not a threat to them.

 

[LdiJ]

So even w/ the therapy, and protective order which show his violent tendencies, it would still be a major fight for primary custody?

Yes, because you agreed to 50/50 in the first place, therefore you agreed that he was at least an adequate parent in the first place. Now you are going to have to prove that its in your child's best interest to have less visitation and that is a high hurdle to prove.

 

[sarabara]

Def not the time they are with me, I do not speak ill of him at all. He puts bad things into their heads saying this isnt their home, and he's going to buy my 5 year old a phone so that if I am "mean" he can pick him up. How is that not damaging?

And i got tricked into beliving I HAD TO let him see them by a free lawyer who did a horrible job.

they have a dad who doesn't truly care about THEIR needs. he cares about HIS and his obsession with me. he hasnt been involved with them for the past 5 years, i did everything. he threatened to burn the house down with us in it, if i didnt "get the **** out" then sent me 400 text messages about wanting to be with me. and my kids were doing OK for 2 weeks until he saw them again and then things went down hill.

My oldest will come back form his house saying weird things and acted like he hates me. my oldest is turning agressive. and he grew up with adad that punched holes in the walls, destroyed property of mine whenever he got mad. he is acting just like his dad.

 

[CJane]

Sometimes, even with really good parents, kids end up in therapy. That's not a smoking gun. Neither is the protective order, because it doesn't include the children. And, if you're already practicing a 60/40 split, you essentially HAVE primary custody - if I were you, I'd try to get THAT reflected in the order, but that's it.

Dad is very likely to never parent the way you would like him to. And he's probably not going to be someone you particularly like, at least, not for awhile. But that's not legally relevant. In fact, a judge said to my ex "Look, I get y'all don't like each other very much. That's why you got divorced. But it's irrelevant."

 

[sarabara]

But hey, looks like you guys like sticking up for him. I got a threat to burn the house down because i wouldnt have sex with him and didnt give him "enough attention". But, okay! My kids were originally on it, his lawyers and my ****ty free one def told me to not try to fight that. So i didn't stupidly. My mistake. But my oldest needs help and going to his house makes things worse. I am mentally stable to address his need for help, and seek the help he needs.

Going to their dads un DOES every thing i work so hard at with him.

 

[LdiJ]

Def not the time they are with me, I do not speak ill of him at all. He puts bad things into their heads saying this isnt their home, and he's going to buy my 5 year old a phone so that if I am "mean" he can pick him up. How is that not damaging?

And i got tricked into beliving I HAD TO let him see them by a free lawyer who did a horrible job.

they have a dad who doesn't truly care about THEIR needs. he cares about HIS and his obsession with me. he hasnt been involved with them for the past 5 years, i did everything. he threatened to burn the house down with us in it, if i didnt "get the **** out" then sent me 400 text messages about wanting to be with me. and my kids were doing OK for 2 weeks until he saw them again and then things went down hill.

My oldest will come back form his house saying weird things and acted like he hates me. my oldest is turning agressive. and he grew up with adad that punched holes in the walls, destroyed property of mine whenever he got mad. he is acting just like his dad.

You are going to need an attorney, and probably one that you pay rather than a free one. Yes, you had to let him see them, but you did not have to agree to 50/50 at all.

 

[Zigner]

My oldest will come back form his house saying weird things and acted like he hates me. my oldest is turning agressive. and he grew up with adad that punched holes in the walls, destroyed property of mine whenever he got mad. he is acting just like his dad.

My kids show a LOT of their mother's characteristics...and the youngest spent a total of 2 weeks around her in his 23 years of life. I am a strong believer in genetics contributing to behaviors in much greater ways than we think. Get your children in to therapy.

 

[CTU]

Def not the time they are with me, I do not speak ill of him at all. He puts bad things into their heads saying this isnt their home, and he's going to buy my 5 year old a phone so that if I am "mean" he can pick him up. How is that not damaging?

How do you know all of this?

And i got tricked into beliving I HAD TO let him see them by a free lawyer who did a horrible job.

Your lawyer did a horrible job by telling you the LEGAL TRUTH? How does that work?

they have a dad who doesn't truly care about THEIR needs. he cares about HIS and his obsession with me. he hasnt been involved with them for the past 5 years, i did everything. he threatened to burn the house down with us in it, if i didnt "get the **** out" then sent me 400 text messages about wanting to be with me. and my kids were doing OK for 2 weeks until he saw them again and then things went down hill.

My oldest will come back form his house saying weird things and acted like he hates me. my oldest is turning agressive. and he grew up with adad that punched holes in the walls, destroyed property of mine whenever he got mad. he is acting just like his dad.

I'm not asking to be inflammatory, okay? But are you in therapy? I think you need some help sorting out the anger and bitterness you're holding.

 

[sarabara]

Sometimes, even with really good parents, kids end up in therapy. That's not a smoking gun. Neither is the protective order, because it doesn't include the children. And, if you're already practicing a 60/40 split, you essentially HAVE primary custody - if I were you, I'd try to get THAT reflected in the order, but that's it.

Dad is very likely to never parent the way you would like him to. And he's probably not going to be someone you particularly like, at least, not for awhile. But that's not legally relevant. In fact, a judge said to my ex "Look, I get y'all don't like each other very much. That's why you got divorced. But it's irrelevant."

I am not saying i'd get fully custody, dont expect that. Even though truthfully I deserve it, and so do the kids. But i get that. Right now it is 2 days a week and very other weekend for him. But my son is still coming back acting different after his dads.

I dont like him one bit but I dont show that to my children. I tell them all the time that we all love each other, and just because we live in different houses there's no need to be vindictive towards him . I just know the real him and I wish i hadnt let him see the kids, because he is very manipulative, and I feel sorry for them.

 

[CTU]

But hey, looks like you guys like sticking up for him. I got a threat to burn the house down because i wouldnt have sex with him and didnt give him "enough attention". But, okay! My kids were originally on it, his lawyers and my ****ty free one def told me to not try to fight that. So i didn't stupidly. My mistake. But my oldest needs help and going to his house makes things worse. I am mentally stable to address his need for help, and seek the help he needs.

Going to their dads un DOES every thing i work so hard at with him.

Oh for pete's sake. No, we're not "sticking up for him". We're trying to get you to understand that - very simply - "that's not how this works ... that's not how any of this works".

And honestly, I think you need counseling too.

 

[sarabara]

How do you know all of this?



Your lawyer did a horrible job by telling you the LEGAL TRUTH? How does that work?



I'm not asking to be inflammatory, okay? But are you in therapy? I think you need some help sorting out the anger and bitterness you're holding.

Im not even angry or bitter, I just want what is best for the KIDS. he doesnt care about them he cares abOUT ME and is freakishly obsessed with me.


And i know this because they TELL me, AND he has text me that.. Stating that my house will NEVER be the kids house, and my protective order is bogus, and this and that.