Child Does Not Want To Go

[TT0908]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

My child (D12) refuses to go with her father for summer visitation. He has standard visitation. He’s supposed to have her for four weeks in the summer but she hates being at his house during this time and will get physically sick or cry before she has to go. It tears me up to see her go through this and know that there is nothing that I can do and that she has to go.

This has been going on for a while and I am fed up to the point where I plan on asking for a modification. My daughter will text me while she is at her dad’s and ask to come home and I feel that she should be allowed to do so.

My ex just asked for two of his four weeks together and I told him that I would not agree to it because my daughter does not do well for more than one week at a time.
What do I need to prove it’s not in my daughter’s best interests to continue to go to her father’s house when she does not want to?

 

[stealth2]

What makes her think she has an option?

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

You are going to get slammed in this forum and likely court for not allowing child's father the court ordered visitation.

I assume by "D12" you mean a 12 year old daughter. She shouldn't get a say in this and you should be doing everything in your power to make the visits easier.

 

[FlyingRon]

My kids didn't want to eat their vegetables either, but you are the adult and they are the child and they need to go unless the court or at least the other parent says otherwise.

 

[Zigner]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

My child (D12) refuses to go with her father for summer visitation. He has standard visitation. He’s supposed to have her for four weeks in the summer but she hates being at his house during this time and will get physically sick or cry before she has to go. It tears me up to see her go through this and know that there is nothing that I can do and that she has to go.

In other words, she's got you wrapped around her finger.

This has been going on for a while and I am fed up to the point where I plan on asking for a modification. My daughter will text me while she is at her dad’s and ask to come home and I feel that she should be allowed to do so.

You might want to try letting the 12 year old child know that she's not the one in charge.

My ex just asked for two of his four weeks together and I told him that I would not agree to it because my daughter does not do well for more than one week at a time.

In other words, kiddo throws a tantrum and you bend over backwards to give her what she wants.

What do I need to prove it’s not in my daughter’s best interests to continue to go to her father’s house when she does not want to?

You need to prove that you are the parent and that the child will do as she is told.

 

[stealth2]

What do I need to prove it’s not in my daughter’s best interests to continue to go to her father’s house when she does not want to?

Well - why is it not? Besides making her cry?

 

[TT0908]

I do make her go and then she melts down. Why should I have to force her to go when she is clearly in emotional distress? She was in counseling for it and we even had a GAL that took her preference into account when her dad tried to get more time with her a couple of years ago. She didn't want to go. She's two years older now and still wants to come home. She shouldn't have to suffer and should have a say when it comes down to it.

I just told her dad that she doesn't like going over there but he is oblivious and doesn't care. He just lies and says that she is fine when she is there, but if she was fine why would she be vomiting before going over there? She's a straight-A student and she wouldn't do that. It doesn't make sense.

 

[TT0908]

Well - why is it not? Besides making her cry?

Because she does not want to go. Why should she have to if she doesn't want to? She's twelve and capable of knowing what she does and doesn't like.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

Because she does not want to go. Why should she have to if she doesn't want to? She's twelve and capable of knowing what she does and doesn't like.

She is a child. She may know what she does and doesn't like but that doesn't mean she has a clue as to what she does and doesn't need. If she started having meltdowns about going to school would you allow her to stop going?

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

My child (D12) refuses to go with her father for summer visitation. He has standard visitation. He’s supposed to have her for four weeks in the summer but she hates being at his house during this time and will get physically sick or cry before she has to go. It tears me up to see her go through this and know that there is nothing that I can do and that she has to go.

This has been going on for a while and I am fed up to the point where I plan on asking for a modification. My daughter will text me while she is at her dad’s and ask to come home and I feel that she should be allowed to do so.

My ex just asked for two of his four weeks together and I told him that I would not agree to it because my daughter does not do well for more than one week at a time.
What do I need to prove it’s not in my daughter’s best interests to continue to go to her father’s house when she does not want to?

Do you want to lose custody? What if she doesn't want to go to school? Is your daughter in counseling? Or are you just using this as an excuse to deny dad time? You won't agree? Interesting. What evidence do you have that she doesn't do well?

 

[Ohiogal]

I do make her go and then she melts down. Why should I have to force her to go when she is clearly in emotional distress? She was in counseling for it and we even had a GAL that took her preference into account when her dad tried to get more time with her a couple of years ago. She didn't want to go. She's two years older now and still wants to come home. She shouldn't have to suffer and should have a say when it comes down to it.

I just told her dad that she doesn't like going over there but he is oblivious and doesn't care. He just lies and says that she is fine when she is there, but if she was fine why would she be vomiting before going over there? She's a straight-A student and she wouldn't do that. It doesn't make sense.

So she WAS in counseling but currently isn't. Oh okay... because you don't want to parent. Sorry but that doesn't matter. You follow the court order. I can see a case for alienation in your future.

 

[t74]

Since she does not want to spend summer vacation with him, give him primary custody and YOU being the one she visits for 4 months in the summer.

She goes because it is a COURT ORDER.

 

[Ohiogal]

Because she does not want to go. Why should she have to if she doesn't want to? She's twelve and capable of knowing what she does and doesn't like.

No she is not. She is a CHILD and you are an adult. YOU are in the wrong here. You are coddling this child. You are not helping her at all.

 

[AlmostThere]

Children do not get to make these decisions. Would you feel the same way if she went to Dad's house and decided she'd rather live there and cried when it came time to return to your house?

What if you child cried and melted down when it was time to go school? Go to bed? Take medicine?

 

[not2cleverRed]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

My child (D12) refuses to go with her father for summer visitation. He has standard visitation. He’s supposed to have her for four weeks in the summer but she hates being at his house during this time and will get physically sick or cry before she has to go. It tears me up to see her go through this and know that there is nothing that I can do and that she has to go.

She's 12 and being a brat. If she were being abused over there, you would have stated it and we would perhaps be more understanding.

You need therapy. She's playing you like a fiddle.

This has been going on for a while and I am fed up to the point where I plan on asking for a modification. My daughter will text me while she is at her dad’s and ask to come home and I feel that she should be allowed to do so.

I don't think "child is a disrespectful manipulative tween" is a legally valid change of circumstance to reduce Dad's parenting time.

Perhaps the modification should be Dad gets to be CP and you get to be NCP for a while.

Your "feelings" don't matter on this issue. You have a court order, not a court suggestion. If you truly think that her feelings are based on something valid, get her into therapy/counselling to develop her coping strategies. Perhaps therapuetic visitation with Dad is in order, if he would be agreeable, in order to help facilitate a healthier parent/child relationship.

My ex just asked for two of his four weeks together and I told him that I would not agree to it because my daughter does not do well for more than one week at a time.
What do I need to prove it’s not in my daughter’s best interests to continue to go to her father’s house when she does not want to?

You can say "I don't think that's a great idea because...." But you CANNOT tell Dad that he can't exercise his court ordered visitation and expect things to go well for you.

Don't. Go. There.

 

[Zigner]

TTO908: It is rare for the senior members on this forum to be in such unanimous agreement. That should mean something to you.