False accusations of Domestic Violence is turning my life upside down...please help!

[tryinghard1]

What is the name of your state? California

My wife and I have a 2 year old child together and we have been having issues for too long. We talked about divorce multiple times and her statement was basically because once divorced she is not planning on staying in the USA and wanted to go back home (overseas) and knows the laws of this country wont just let her take our child with her, so she always said she will give me full custody and leave. She said this to me, my brother, and parents.

3 weeks ago she gets into a car accident where both cars get totaled and she gets bruised around her arm, we take her to ER and they put an IV for almost 2 hours to give her fluids and valum.

One week later we get into argument and then she leaves the house, takes our child for a stroll and 6 hours later I hear from her that she is in the ER because of chest pain, the nurse noticed the IV bruise on her arm and other bruises and insists on it being from abuse. And she calls the cops.

When the cops come they corner and pressure her into saying something along the lines of my husband (maybe) grabbed my arm.
She then starts playing the role of a victim and agree on them taking her and my child to some shelter to stay there. I go to jail, get bailed out and the next day get served with EPO. The EPO expired 3 days ago but I hear from her friends that she has found a divorce lawyer and filing for a restraining order.

My court date for the criminal case is in 1.5 months and the preliminary charge is a Felony 273.5 but not yet officially charged by the DA office.

I have a criminal lawyer but not a family one yet since there is no court hearing for the RO or divorce filed.

I have not seen my daughter in 3 weeks and I have no idea where my wifes whereabouts. I think whoever she is with are filling on her what to do and clouding her mind. She might also had found an opportunity to get me in trouble thinking this might give her full custody of our child and be able to leave the country and go back home.

I have not touched her that day or any other day since we got married. The police was never called to our residence and I have never been in any trouble my whole life. The only encounter with police I had was when I got my only speedy ticket 7 years ago. I have relatives and friends that can testify to my good morals and character.

I am devastated as this might change my life completely, in my line of work, any conviction that could show up on my background check when changing jobs is a deal breaker, which means I have to either staying in my job (in a highly volatile market) or not get convicted.

I keep reading and hearing that this system sides with women 100%, and is always agains the man.

I am really looking for any hope telling me that there is justice in this country and that if I did not touch her I would be proven innocent.

Any advice, help, support, encouragement is highly appreciated as this last 3 weeks has taken a toll on my work, health and life.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? California

My wife and I have a 2 year old child together and we have been having issues for too long. We talked about divorce multiple times and her statement was basically because once divorced she is not planning on staying in the USA and wanted to go back home (over seas) and knows the laws of this country wont just let her take our child with her she said she will give me full custody and leave.

3 weeks ago she gets into a car accident where both cards get totaled and she gets bruised around her arm, we take her to ER and they put an IV for almost 2 hours to give her fluids and valum.

Once week later we get into argument and then she leaves the house, take our child for a stroll and 6 hours later I hear from here that she is in the EH because of chest pain, the nurse noticed the IV bruise on her arm and other bruises and insists on it being from abuse. And she calls the cops.

When the cops come they corner and pressure her into saying something along the lines of my husband (maybe) grabbed my hand.
She then starts playing the role of a victim and agree on them taking her and my child to some shelter to stay there. I go to jail, get bailed out and the next day get served with EPO. Now that the EPO expired I hear from her friends that she has found a divorce lawyer and filing for a restraining order.

My court date for the criminal case is in 1.5 months and the preliminary charge is A felony 273.5 it is not yet officially charged by the DA office.

I have a criminal lawyer but not a family one yet since there is no court hearing for the RO yet or divorce filed.

I have not seen my daughter in 3 weeks and I have no idea where my wifes whereabouts. I think whoever she is with are filling on her what to do and clouding her mind. She might also found an opportunity to get me in trouble thinking this might give her full custody of out child and be able to leave the country and go back home.

I have not touched her that day or any other day since we got married. The police was never called to our residence and I have never been in any trouble my whole life. The only encounter with police I had was when I got my only speedy ticket 7 years ago. I have relatives and friends that could test to me character.

I am devastated as this might change my life completely, in my line of work any conviction that could show up on my background check when changing jobs is a deal breaker, which means either staying in my job (in a highly volatile market) or not get convicted.

I keep reading and hearting that this system sides with women 100% and always agains the man.

I am really looking for any hope telling me that there is justice in this country and that if I did not touch her I would be proven innocent.

Any advice, help, support, encouragement is highly appreciated as this last 3 weeks has taken a toll on my work, health and life.

I strongly recommend that you get a good attorney ASAP.

 

[Zigner]

I keep reading and hearting that this system sides with women 100% and always agains the man.

I am really looking for any hope telling me that there is justice in this country and that if I did not touch her I would be proven innocent.

Any advice, help, support, encouragement is highly appreciated as this last 3 weeks has taken a toll on my work, health and life.

Take a breath...

The court system is not always against the man - not by a long shot. Speak to your criminal defense attorney about this matter and start looking for a family law attorney.

 

[tryinghard1]

I strongly recommend that you get a good attorney ASAP.

Thank you very much taking the time reading my long post, could you advise how to find a good lawyer? The one I hired had a 10 rating on Avvo and great reviews on yelp. Is there anything else I needed to consider?

 

[tryinghard1]

Take a breath...

The court system is not always against the man - not by a long shot. Speak to your criminal defense attorney about this matter and start looking for a family law attorney.

I really hope so... I am talking to one this coming Monday.
It is just insane the power an accuser could have...she completely took my life away from me and I have not seen my only child in 3 weeks.

 

[HRZ]

ITs pretty obvious she is seeking to twist the circumstances to favor her exit...your criminal lawyer might have some good suggestions or connections as to a divorce lawyer ..ask? ...You really do need a family law/divorce darn soon lest she get three steps ahead of you.

 

[tryinghard1]

But can I at least, at this stage, find a way to see my daughter and make sure she is Ok?
Even if no divorce has been filed or DVRO, I should still be able to file something with the court to see my daughter!

 

[xylene]

Your custody arrangement IS NOT going to depend on what she said in the past to you or your brother or your parents. That has zero bearing on this. Zero.

She is NOT backing out if some kind of agreement. The way you say it sounds like emotional abuse.

Medical professionals and people from women's shelters know their business and found you wife's story credible for a reason.

 

[CdwJava]

A Criminal Protective Order is common in DV cases, so be prepared for that if the DA or the court pursues that. It could also be that your ex will also seek a DV TRO as well, so you may have two dueling orders in place at some point.

If you are truly concerned for the welfare of your child, you can always request a welfare check by the police. However, keep in mind that doing so COULD be seen as harassment if you have no articulable cause to support a welfare check.

You might also seek to engage a Family Law attorney to assist you with filing custody and visitation orders, or, to pave the route for that depending on the results of the criminal charges.

 

[tryinghard1]

A Criminal Protective Order is common in DV cases, so be prepared for that if the DA or the court pursues that. It could also be that your ex will also seek a DV TRO as well, so you may have two dueling orders in place at some point.

If you are truly concerned for the welfare of your child, you can always request a welfare check by the police. However, keep in mind that doing so COULD be seen as harassment if you have no articulable cause to support a welfare check.

You might also seek to engage a Family Law attorney to assist you with filing custody and visitation orders, or, to pave the route for that depending on the results of the criminal charges.

Thank you very much taking the time reading my full story.
My question is, you are correct that checking on my child might be considered harassment, but I also read somewhere that me not even asking about my child might later bite me during the divorce, portraying me as a bad father or doesnt care for his child. Specially that there is no RO at the moment, but a the same time I have no idea how to find where my wife is! she changed her number and turned off her old phone. I cant communicate with her at all!

Also regarding the custody and visitation rights, could this be filed before an official divorce?
Or are you suggesting I file for a divorce so I could file for custody and visitation rights.?

 

[tryinghard1]

Your custody arrangement IS NOT going to depend on what she said in the past to you or your brother or your parents. That has zero bearing on this. Zero.

She is NOT backing out if some kind of agreement. The way you say it sounds like emotional abuse.

Medical professionals and people from women's shelters know their business and found you wife's story credible for a reason.

Thank you for taking the time responding.
Could you please elaborate on the following:

1. "She is NOT backing out if some kind of agreement. The way you say it sounds like emotional abuse."
There was no agreement she is backing out from. What I said is that she kept mentioning her leaving full custody to me because she wanted to go back home and cant just take the child with her. It was not an agreement that I could hold her committed for. I am just saying it could help my case proving that her motivation for making up the arm grab story is to be able to have full custody.

2. "Medical professionals and people from women's shelters know their business and found you wife's story credible for a reason"
The nurse that called the cops had no idea my wife had an accident the week before and had an IV in the same arm same place. She might also thought the grab was from a previous day, because there is no way a bruise would turn blue in 6 hours. Usually, a bruise turns colors in the following order (red 0-2 days, green 3-5, blue/purple 6-10, yellow 10-...). She basically suspected something and called the cops directly and my wide didnt do much to intervene. I am also not clear on the "emotional abuse" part, from which side?

I am not confronting your statements, I am just truly hoping to understand different points of views regarding these false accusations by my wife.

 

[CdwJava]

She does not have a right to conceal the child from you, but withholding visitation is another matter. This is why you need to seek the advice of a Family Law attorney. Even if you are not yet divorced, there is a process for legal separation that can involve custody and visitation. I am not certain of the details there, so it's best to seek the advice of an attorney.

As for not communicating or asking about the kids, yeah ... I suppose that can look bad. But, sending the cops without cause could be worse. Working through an intermediary until there is a court order preventing it might be workable, but this is an area you had best tread carefully lest it come back to bite you. Again, it comes back to an attorney.

 

[tryinghard1]

She does not have a right to conceal the child from you, but withholding visitation is another matter. This is why you need to seek the advice of a Family Law attorney. Even if you are not yet divorced, there is a process for legal separation that can involve custody and visitation. I am not certain of the details there, so it's best to seek the advice of an attorney.

As for not communicating or asking about the kids, yeah ... I suppose that can look bad. But, sending the cops without cause could be worse. Working through an intermediary until there is a court order preventing it might be workable, but this is an area you had best tread carefully lest it come back to bite you. Again, it comes back to an attorney.

Thanks for your input. I didnt know I have an option. And yes, it makes sense that during separation there should be a way to arrange for visitation and custody issues. I will talk to a Lawyer Monday. Thanks.

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you for taking the time responding.
Could you please elaborate on the following:

1. "She is NOT backing out if some kind of agreement. The way you say it sounds like emotional abuse."
There was no agreement she is backing out from. What I said is that she kept mentioning her leaving full custody to me because she wanted to go back home and cant just take the child with her. It was not an agreement that I could hold her committed for. I am just saying it could help my case proving that her motivation for making up the arm grab story is to be able to have full custody.

Except that getting full/primary custody would not give her an edge to leave the country with the child...or at least not much of one. If she CANNOT stay because she is undocumented AND she proves that you are unfit for custody, THEN it might give her an edge.

2. "Medical professionals and people from women's shelters know their business and found you wife's story credible for a reason"
The nurse that called the cops had no idea my wife had an accident the week before and had an IV in the same arm same place. She might also thought the grab was from a previous day, because there is no way a bruise would turn blue in 6 hours. Usually, a bruise turns colors in the following order (red 0-2 days, green 3-5, blue/purple 6-10, yellow 10-...). She basically suspected something and called the cops directly and my wide didnt do much to intervene. I am also not clear on the "emotional abuse" part, from which side?

I am not confronting your statements, I am just truly hoping to understand different points of views regarding these false accusations by my wife.

Again, medical professionals and people from women's shelters know their business.