Foster parents asked to pay Support

[not2cleverRed]

I would make sure that the agency has your ex's info. Share the joy. BTW...It's the agency going after you...not DD. State wants to get some of the money they are payng out on DD back. Once the chid is born and paternity is established BF will be ordered to pay for the child.

There are times that I wish forced birth control was an option...almost. sigh....

In fact, under the old paperwork, such information was asked for explicitly. (They've been changing things.)

So she's not following rules - what else is new?

You should be getting child support from her and dad (once paternity is established). https://www.childsupport.ny.gov/dcse/home.html

 

[AngelaM]

I'm hoping when speaking with them tomorrow - that possibly they don't know or aren't told the whole story- and that will change things drastically. If that doesn't seem to matter- then I feel like this is really truly unfair to any and all foster parents/kinship as well. We do this to care and love and help. Not to be thought of as a bank :/ p.s. I always thought in NYS - stepparents couldn't be ordered to pay support? Has this changed? (I'm mother-recieve only ssi/disability) but my husband (stepfather) is the one being told to pay?

 

[Just Blue]

I'm hoping when speaking with them tomorrow - that possibly they don't know or aren't told the whole story- and that will change things drastically. If that doesn't seem to matter- then I feel like this is really truly unfair to any and all foster parents/kinship as well. We do this to care and love and help. Not to be thought of as a bank :/ p.s. I always thought in NYS - stepparents couldn't be ordered to pay support? Has this changed? (I'm mother-recieve only ssi/disability) but my husband (stepfather) is the one being told to pay?

Is it possible they don't know that your hubby is the SF? They shouldn't be "asking" him. As a matter of fact he, I believe, can contest that as he has no LEGAL relationship with your daughter. He never adopted her correct? How long has he been a part of your life? Does your daughter call him Dad?

 

[AngelaM]

The letter sent specifically was addressed to him and said "Your stepdaughter " ..so they know. :/ No he never adopted her. We've been together 10 urs-married 4. Basically since she was 10. She's always called him Jack- not dad which is understandable. She was older when we came together. Now I'm very curious- because the paper sent specifically "asked" him to voluntarily agree to an amount she will discuss with him within 5 days of him receiving this letter. He was ordered to call her immediately it said. If he refuses- a court date will be set and he will be ordered to pay in full at that court date? So you're saying they shouldn't even be asking him at all? This just seems so outlandish.

 

[Just Blue]

The letter sent specifically was addressed to him and said "Your stepdaughter " ..so they know. :/ No he never adopted her. We've been together 10 urs-married 4. Basically since she was 10. She's always called him Jack- not dad which is understandable. She was older when we came together. Now I'm very curious- because the paper sent specifically "asked" him to voluntarily agree to an amount she will discuss with him within 5 days of him receiving this letter. He was ordered to call her immediately it said. If he refuses- a court date will be set and he will be ordered to pay in full at that court date? So you're saying they shouldn't even be asking him at all? This just seems so outlandish.

It IS outlandish. If the agency calls you tell them NO! You (mom) have no financial responsibility to your self emancipated 20 year old daughter or the agencies that choose to assist her in her self-destructive ways. And Jack should tell them what can do with themselves. (not really) ...He should say that he is not her parent and therefor had no financial obligation now or ever. If you then get a court doc...explain to the Judge what is going on...But Jack should make it clear he is NOT her parent.

BTW...Is the agency asking that you pay them or daughter?

 

[AngelaM]

Thank you SO much! I really appreciate all of this- you have no idea! I feel better going into this with knowledge. Lol@Jack telling what they can do I know- I know... but it is how he feels at this point. We would always do anything and everything for our children- except support bad habits and poor choices. That being said, these babies are our everything and we would do whatever we had to no matter what. And we have! I think it is absolutely disgraceful that they sent this. I'm almost wondering if they knew- understood- and still sent it anyway hoping it would work. That makes me sick to my stomach. From day one he's voluntarily done everything for them and no questions asked said "Yes" when the caseworker showed up at our door. Here is a 50yr old man after a 12hr shift- going to Wal-Mart at midnight buying 2 cribs and then assembling them so the babies had a place to sleep that night comfortably. These kids come (most if not all foster) with absolutely nothing. It's a sad situation for a lot of them ♡ I just wish they were able to receive as much help as some of the parents who continue to make these choices. They didn't ask for their situations. but I digress- Again, I thank all of you for this information you've given us. Maybe now I can finally get some rest tonight. This has been an awful evening wondering what might happen. I feel much more relieved calling tomorrow now. Will update what happens tomorrow. I forgot to answer- but it is asking to pay the agency for helping her. Not for her directly.

 

[Just Blue]

That Jack sounds like a keeper! Reminds me of my BIL.

 

[AngelaM]

I'm pretty blessed ♡ he's a good egg lol
We dated in high school (first boyfriend and all that nonsense) but he was a senior - I was a freshman. Graduation came- he joined the Marines. Life brought us back together perfectly 22 yrs later ♡ I truly am blessed ♡
P.s. And I'm a great cook- so he's blessed too! Lololol

 

[not2cleverRed]

The letter sent specifically was addressed to him and said "Your stepdaughter " ..so they know. :/ No he never adopted her. We've been together 10 urs-married 4. Basically since she was 10. She's always called him Jack- not dad which is understandable. She was older when we came together. Now I'm very curious- because the paper sent specifically "asked" him to voluntarily agree to an amount she will discuss with him within 5 days of him receiving this letter. He was ordered to call her immediately it said. If he refuses- a court date will be set and he will be ordered to pay in full at that court date? So you're saying they shouldn't even be asking him at all? This just seems so outlandish.

"She" being your daughter, or a lawyer or case worker?

Because I've never heard of just "volunteering" a number, without some documentation of income, and it seems odd that stepdad would be included at all.

If it's the state of NY doing this, they want all documentation of income, assets, expenses, because otherwise most would "suggest" something less than the cs calculator would indicate.

 

[stealth2]

I'd bet that the issue is your daughter'as (lack of ) emancipation. If she is not 21, and is not self-supporting? The state likely does not consider her emancipated.

 

[LdiJ]

I'd bet that the issue is your daughter'as (lack of ) emancipation. If she is not 21, and is not self-supporting? The state likely does not consider her emancipated.

Reading between the lines, I believe that the daughter has applied for state aid for herself and the child she is carrying. The case worker wants child support to be paid for her since she is not yet 21. However, the case worker realizes that its a very iffy case because the 20 year old has moved out of her parents home and is no longer under their authority. So, the caseworker has taken it upon herself to attempt to intimidate the mother and stepfather into offering some cash support. I suspect that if this were to actually go to court, that the mother would not be required to support the 20 year old, and that the stepfather legal is not responsible to do so.

 

[HRZ]

OP ..you need some pro with expertise on NY matters to comment...as others post NY requires a parent to support child until 21 unless they are emancipated as defined by NY which i think is married or in military service ....and moving out may be " iffy" especially if one goes to court wo counsel...

As as aside and in another state I am aware that state pays foster parents a small stipend plus health care to care for foster care properly placed children

 

[Just Blue]

Reading between the lines, I believe that the daughter has applied for state aid for herself and the child she is carrying. The case worker wants child support to be paid for her since she is not yet 21. However, the case worker realizes that its a very iffy case because the 20 year old has moved out of her parents home and is no longer under their authority. So, the caseworker has taken it upon herself to attempt to intimidate the mother and stepfather into offering some cash support. I suspect that if this were to actually go to court, that the mother would not be required to support the 20 year old, and that the stepfather legal is not responsible to do so.

That is exactly what I think.

 

[Just Blue]

I'm pretty blessed ♡ he's a good egg lol
We dated in high school (first boyfriend and all that nonsense) but he was a senior - I was a freshman. Graduation came- he joined the Marines. Life brought us back together perfectly 22 yrs later ♡ I truly am blessed ♡
P.s. And I'm a great cook- so he's blessed too! Lololol

OMG....That is so sweet it's giving me a toothache!

OG p.m.ed me this morning (I'm in PST) and she is very ill....but she will take a look at your thread when she's up to it.

 

[stealth2]

However, said daughter is not self-supporting, which is one aspect of emancipation in NYS. The rest of the criteria may be met, and OP/Dad might be able to make the argument that kiddo is, in fact, emancipated, but they might not.