What next...Ex-Wife is Never Willing to Accept Kids on Her Possession Period

[mike78texas]

What is the name of your state? Texas

Hello,

Not sure what options I have (if any) my friends tell me its time to call the police and get things formally documented (get a paper trail) but I really want to avoid that route.

Here's the situation:

The ex-wife and I have been divorced now about 14 months and we have 3 kids. As part of the decree, we have a possession schedule. I am to return the kids at an agreed upon halfway point between her residence and mine at noon on every other Sunday. Problem is, she never shows and now won't agree to a halfway point. I've offered to drive them to her house about 20 mins away instead and that has had poor success.

Off the back of the envelope, she's probably accepted them about 30-40% of the time if that. This is starting to create issues for my employer and I've threatened to call the police and get paperwork documented of abandonment. So far and after that threat, she has been adhering to the agreement (after a bunch of name calling naturally). I really don't want to go that route, I'm not even sure if that's the correct route to take but i've been as flexible with her as I can be and have not missed my time for possession once nor have I tried to adjust the schedule....seeing my kids takes priority above everything else and my personal life bends to the schedule I have with my kids...not the other way around like I think it does with my ex.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and what options exist?

Thanks

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state? Texas

Hello,

Not sure what options I have (if any) my friends tell me its time to call the police and get things formally documented (get a paper trail) but I really want to avoid that route.

Here's the situation:

The ex-wife and I have been divorced now about 14 months and we have 3 kids. As part of the decree, we have a possession schedule. I am to return the kids at an agreed upon halfway point between her residence and mine at noon on every other Sunday. Problem is, she never shows and now won't agree to a halfway point. I've offered to drive them to her house about 20 mins away instead and that has had poor success.

Off the back of the envelope, she's probably accepted them about 30-40% of the time if that. This is starting to create issues for my employer and I've threatened to call the police and get paperwork documented of abandonment. So far and after that threat, she has been adhering to the agreement (after a bunch of name calling naturally). I really don't want to go that route, I'm not even sure if that's the correct route to take but i've been as flexible with her as I can be and have not missed my time for possession once nor have I tried to adjust the schedule....seeing my kids takes priority above everything else and my personal life bends to the schedule I have with my kids...not the other way around like I think it does with my ex.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and what options exist?

Thanks

What type of custody order do you have? Who has PC?

 

[mike78texas]

What type of custody order do you have? Who has PC?

We're both joint managing conservators as per the decree - if I am understanding your question correctly. She is also the custodial parent - she gets to specify where the kids live and attend schools.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? Texas

Hello,

Not sure what options I have (if any) my friends tell me its time to call the police and get things formally documented (get a paper trail) but I really want to avoid that route.

Here's the situation:

The ex-wife and I have been divorced now about 14 months and we have 3 kids. As part of the decree, we have a possession schedule. I am to return the kids at an agreed upon halfway point between her residence and mine at noon on every other Sunday. Problem is, she never shows and now won't agree to a halfway point. I've offered to drive them to her house about 20 mins away instead and that has had poor success.

Off the back of the envelope, she's probably accepted them about 30-40% of the time if that. This is starting to create issues for my employer and I've threatened to call the police and get paperwork documented of abandonment. So far and after that threat, she has been adhering to the agreement (after a bunch of name calling naturally). I really don't want to go that route, I'm not even sure if that's the correct route to take but i've been as flexible with her as I can be and have not missed my time for possession once nor have I tried to adjust the schedule....seeing my kids takes priority above everything else and my personal life bends to the schedule I have with my kids...not the other way around like I think it does with my ex.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and what options exist?

Thanks

She hasn't abandoned the children. How old are the children? Do you have a no paramour clause? Are you in the same school district as she is? What is the time share? Every other weekend? Every other week?

 

[mike78texas]

She hasn't abandoned the children. How old are the children? Do you have a no paramour clause? Are you in the same school district as she is? What is the time share? Every other weekend? Every other week?

4, 7 and 11. No paramour clause, attorney advised it was not enforcable and something that could easily be proven. Not in the same city or school district. Every other week/weekend (which is defined as Thurs, Fri, Sat and Sun till Noon) modified standard visitation).

 

[HRZ]

IF there any child support in the equation...how much to whom?

My lay suggestion is jawbone as you have been doing....perhaps if Mom is a no show at pickup or refuses to set a point...drive them home and keep good records ...but I'd be keen NOT to set a new precedence of always driving them home unless mom picks up,driving some other leg...I doubt this is a police matter....and I'd not drop off small tots at an empty house to make a point ..it may be a point you don't want ....11 may be OK as a latchkey situation ...but 4 and 7 drop may backfire . MIght be smart to ask your lawyer how best the address Moms gaps in context of the order...lay foundation for contempt and sanctions / costs .

How does school work with that thurs fri visitation ?

Threats and a few names may be far cheaper and faster than a visit to court...but if she clearly violates the order multiple times ...discuss options with your attorney.

Something going on in Moms life with greater priorities?

 

[mike78texas]

IF there any child support in the equation...how much to whom?

My lay suggestion is jawbone as you have been doing....perhaps if Mom is a no show at pickup or refuses to set a point...drive them home and keep good records ...but I'd be keen NOT to set a new precedence of always driving them home unless mom picks up,driving some other leg...I doubt this is a police matter....and I'd not drop off small tots at an empty house to make a point ..it may be a point you don't want ....11 may be OK as a latchkey situation ...but 4 and 7 drop may backfire . MIght be smart to ask your lawyer how best the address Moms gaps in context of the order...lay foundation for contempt and sanctions / costs .

How does school work with that thurs fri visitation ?

Threats and a few names may be far cheaper and faster than a visit to court...but if she clearly violates the order multiple times ...discuss options with your attorney.

Something going on in Moms life with greater priorities?

Thanks for the reply and for your comments. I wasn't entirely sure if it was a police matter or not (one of the reasons I didn't want to go that route). Sorry if I gave off the impression I would just drop them off at an empty house, that never crossed my mind - for a myriad of reasons.

Regarding the question of school, she drops them off Thursday morning, I pick them up Thursday afternoon, keep them over night, drop them off on Friday and pick them up on Friday.

She pays me child support, not much, a little under $300 a month. Her annual income is more than mine, I know I could have gone after more but $300 is fine. I want to be as amicable as possible with her and maybe one day she'll see that.

As for whats changed, my only guess is she's either seeing someone seriously now or has become quite the social butterfly. Not really sure.

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks for the reply and for your comments. I wasn't entirely sure if it was a police matter or not (one of the reasons I didn't want to go that route). Sorry if I gave off the impression I would just drop them off at an empty house, that never crossed my mind - for a myriad of reasons.

Regarding the question of school, she drops them off Thursday morning, I pick them up Thursday afternoon, keep them over night, drop them off on Friday and pick them up on Friday.

She pays me child support, not much, a little under $300 a month. Her annual income is more than mine, I know I could have gone after more but $300 is fine. I want to be as amicable as possible with her and maybe one day she'll see that.

As for whats changed, my only guess is she's either seeing someone seriously now or has become quite the social butterfly. Not really sure.

You have 4 days out of every 14. Why is she paying YOU child support? She is directly supporting the children more than 2/3rds of the time. If you had a 50/50 timeshare it would make sense for her to pay some child support, but not in this instance.

 

[mike78texas]

Her representation offered that, likely because of her need for flexibility for travel as part of her job as a pharmaceutical rep. The 4 days is what the decree states but often times I do much more with proper advanced notice. However, in this example there is no notice she simply isn't home or refuses to get them.

I know during the hearing, I was apparently entitled to more but didn't want it. Without checking, my understanding is that income disparity and time are both factors. Before the divorce she made 40K more a year than I do so perhaps that was a factor? Can't say for sure.

 

[LdiJ]

Her representation offered that, likely because of her need for flexibility for travel as part of her job as a pharmaceutical rep. The 4 days is what the decree states but often times I do much more with proper advanced notice. However, in this example there is no notice she simply isn't home or refuses to get them.

I know during the hearing, I was apparently entitled to more but didn't want it. Without checking, my understanding is that income disparity and time are both factors. Before the divorce she made 40K more a year than I do so perhaps that was a factor? Can't say for sure.

Honestly, had the judge calculated the child support you would be paying her, not her paying you. The parent with the higher income pays some support in a 50/50 scenario, but no state guidelines allow for child support to a parent who has less than a 50% timeshare.

 

[t74]

If she has difficulty with her custody time because of her job, why have you not filed to be primary residential parent and to have support recalculated on that basis?

 

[Ohiogal]

Honestly, had the judge calculated the child support you would be paying her, not her paying you. The parent with the higher income pays some support in a 50/50 scenario, but no state guidelines allow for child support to a parent who has less than a 50% timeshare.

That is NOT true.

 

[LdiJ]

If she has difficulty with her custody time because of her job, why have you not filed to be primary residential parent and to have support recalculated on that basis?

Apparently having them more time interferes with his job. He said that it was causing him trouble with his employer.

 

[Just Blue]

Honestly, had the judge calculated the child support you would be paying her, not her paying you. The parent with the higher income pays some support in a 50/50 scenario, but no state guidelines allow for child support to a parent who has less than a 50% timeshare.

Really? Are you very sure of that?

 

[Just Blue]

Apparently having them more time interferes with his job. He said that it was causing him trouble with his employer.

Because he isn't notified first.