Can my host family take my phone away all the time?

[adjusterjack]

I just thought of something, I don’t know if it makes sense but my phone is actually my parents property, I just have it with me, does that change anything?

Yes, it does change things as to ownership and it would be theft of your parents' property if your hosts took it from you, though I'm not sure that the police would want to get involved.

It just dawned on me that your hosts may be getting paid substantially for hosting you, that they lose that money if you change families, and that's why they are angry at your desire to leave. Am I close?

 

[giulia_de]

Yes, it does change things as to ownership and it would be theft of your parents' property if your hosts took it from you, though I'm not sure that the police would want to get involved.

It just dawned on me that your hosts may be getting paid substantially for hosting you, that they lose that money if you change families, and that's why they are angry at your desire to leave. Am I close?

I don’t need the police for that, thank you for the clarification.

And no they don’t get any money. Me and my school counselor (who helped me more than my organization) think that there’s pride is hurt.

Also many people from my school that knows my host family told me that they think that my host family is crazy. And not a good crazy. But I’ve heard from that only yesterday, so it had nothing to do with my decision to change.

 

[adjusterjack]

I still want to leave them ( that will probably happen soon because my organization is more cooperative than before) but it still takes some time till I can.

As long as your "organization" is able to eventually place you elsewhere, I suggest you just keep your head down and not make waves. As long as you're getting your phone back in the AM to go to school, it's not going to kill you to not have it overnight.

They they were talking about me not doing much with them on the weekends ( that mostly consist working cattle) but I feel uncomfortable around them so how could I? And they want me to change my behavior or this wouldn’t work out. Then I told them that there is no solution and that I still want to change families. They are mean because they can’t accept that.

Then pretend to be helpful and cooperative. You don't have to mean it.

my phone is kind off the only thing that distracts me not to think about where I am and with who.

Read a book. If there are none at home, check your school library and take a few home to read.

 

[HRZ]

Even if the Pope owned that phone, those in loco parentis may be free to lock it up for the duration of your studies and return it when you leave .

And generally speaking parents in the USA are free to assign a pile of chores to children , no limit to amount assigned. THere may be some restrictions as to use of equipment based on safety concerns ...but you didn't post any of those....and if that means you get the chore of manure collection....well get at it .

 

[cbg]

many people from my school that knows my host family told me that they think that my host family is crazy.

I'm curious. Which people from your school? Teachers, administrators, and guidance counselors? Or other teenagers?

 

[giulia_de]

Even if the Pope owned that phone, those in loco parentis may be free to lock it up for the duration of your studies and return it when you leave .

And generally speaking parents in the USA are free to assign a pile of chores to children , no limit to amount assigned. THere may be some restrictions as to use of equipment based on safety concerns ...but you didn't post any of those....and if that means you get the chore of manure collection....well get at it .

Oh no it wasn’t about chores. If they would’ve told me to do that I would.
It’s about me being in my room on the weekends (mostly doing homework) when they are outside giving the cattle some shots or stuff. But they are outside working cattle all the time. so I don’t know when the „cool things“ happen. And they don’t even tell me about it so I don’t even know what’s going on.

 

[giulia_de]

many people from my school that knows my host family told me that they think that my host family is crazy.

I'm curious. Which people from your school? Teachers, administrators, and guidance counselors? Or other teenagers?

It were some students who used the word „crazy“. And it’s not how you think it would be, cause I know better to not listen to those. It were all the students in my bus and I know them now for 3 months and there were some girls, that don’t talk bad about people at all, and always see the nice in them( I hope you understand what I mean) and that moment was when I started to believe them. They only told me about how they feel after I told them about my feelings towards my host family. But also my counselor, the only person from school that had something to do with my host family, because she helped me, isn’t really...fond of them, don’t really trust them... I don’t know which words she used but it was something like that.

 

[giulia_de]

As long as your "organization" is able to eventually place you elsewhere, I suggest you just keep your head down and not make waves. As long as you're getting your phone back in the AM to go to school, it's not going to kill you to not have it overnight.



Then pretend to be helpful and cooperative. You don't have to mean it.



Read a book. If there are none at home, check your school library and take a few home to read.

Yeah, I was thinking about everything. And I‘ just gonna play nice and ignore them most of the time (I don’t mean when they ask me a question or something, but like when they are home then I’m just gonna stay in my room)
Because I’m getting finally moved, for sure, next week. So I don’t even have to pretend to be helpful cause they know that I don’t want to after how they acted and they can’t do anything about it anyway when I’m gone.

Thanks for the advice with the school library, I actually found some books that are pretty interesting. Thank you

 

[cbg]

Well, since there isn't a teenager alive who doesn't trust pretty much every adult who looks twice at them, I'm afraid I'm not going to put too much stock in what some other kids think about your host family.

 

[giulia_de]

I don’t want you to, that’s nothing I could do about it. And they know each other from church group etc. because they go to a trip in December for 3-4 days every year and my host mom is going with them. So it’s not like they haven’t spend time together.

 

[LdiJ]

Well, since there isn't a teenager alive who doesn't trust pretty much every adult who looks twice at them, I'm afraid I'm not going to put too much stock in what some other kids think about your host family.

My Uncle and Aunt (who had no children of their own) hosted foreign students every year for almost 20 years. I did ask my Uncle today if he would have considered it appropriate to take away one of their cellphones. He stated that it would NOT be permissible without the consent of the child's actual parents. He said that the parents do not give up their right to control what their children do and do not have, or do or do not do (within reason) just because they allow them to study abroad.

 

[giulia_de]

My Uncle and Aunt (who had no children of their own) hosted foreign students every year for almost 20 years. I did ask my Uncle today if he would have considered it appropriate to take away one of their cellphones. He stated that it would NOT be permissible without the consent of the child's actual parents. He said that the parents do not give up their right to control what their children do and do not have, or do or do not do (within reason) just because they allow them to study abroad.

Omg thank you so much!! That really does help.
I was thinking, that it would be really disrespectful to not allow my parents to talk to me (because that’s what they wanted to do, even with the time difference, since they know about this situation and how uncomfortable those people make me feel.

So again thank you and thanks to your uncle!

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

My Uncle and Aunt (who had no children of their own) hosted foreign students every year for almost 20 years. I did ask my Uncle today if he would have considered it appropriate to take away one of their cellphones. He stated that it would NOT be permissible without the consent of the child's actual parents. He said that the parents do not give up their right to control what their children do and do not have, or do or do not do (within reason) just because they allow them to study abroad.

And was this part of some agreement your uncle signed? So if the host parent said the kid needed to be home by 10 the kid could ignore if his parents said so?

 

[LdiJ]

And was this part of some agreement your uncle signed?

I have no idea. Although, he did say that they had to abide by very specific rules, and that he was normally given a set of rules from the actual parents of the students that he had to follow. Not every time, but most of the time.

I am going to assume though that host parents do have to sign some sort of agreement. I cannot imagine that the exchange companies would place students with them otherwise.

 

[giulia_de]

I have no idea. Although, he did say that they had to abide by very specific rules, and that he was normally given a set of rules from the actual parents of the students that he had to follow. Not every time, but most of the time.

I am going to assume though that host parents do have to sign some sort of agreement. I cannot imagine that the exchange companies would place students with them otherwise.

Yeah I do know that my parents still have custody (that’s what it’s called right?) because my organization told us that but I didn’t know that they can use that in this situation too. (This sentence was hard for me to explain, hope you know how I meant it)