Visitation Suggestions

[fighters1420]

Colorado - My ex and I share custody over our 9 and 13 year old. I have about 70% custody right now. Over the past 4 years our agreement has stated that he gets them every other weekend and Tuesday night dinners. He has only had them on Tuesdays about 25% of the time over the past 2 years. He never asked for make up time and when he did have them for dinner, he only kept them 50% of the scheduled time. He has suggested that he should get another weekend every 3 months to make up time as he can no longer do Tuesday's. I was ok with it at first, put it is taking away friends/activities from the kids. Our son is very involved in scouting and will earn his Eagle by 14 years. Our daughter is just starting dance/cheer again. I want to make sure we are doing what it is in the best interest of the kids and whats not easier on the either of us. The kids continue to complain that they can't be with friends and do sleep overs or go to activities because they have to go to dads. I suggested that if he can give me 48 hr notice during the week, he could take them for dinner and/or activities and he said that would not work. He lives about 30 minutes away from us. What suggestions does anyone have?

 

[not2cleverRed]

Why does he think that he's entitled to make up time? It sounds like he chose not to exercise his parenting time - not that you withheld it. Please clarify, if I am misunderstanding the situation.

 

[fighters1420]

In our agreement it does state, if he cancels within 48 hours he can have makeup time within a week. 99% of the time he gave me between 12-24 hour noticed. He also never asked for any makeup time. He always said it was due to work. I feel he chose not to exercise his parenting time, as you mentioned.

 

[LdiJ]

In our agreement it does state, if he cancels within 48 hours he can have makeup time within a week. 99% of the time he gave me between 12-24 hour noticed. He also never asked for any makeup time. He always said it was due to work. I feel he chose not to exercise his parenting time, as you mentioned.

Tell him that you are sorry, but that you are not willing to give up any of your weekends because its inconvenient for him to use his midweek parenting time.

 

[Zigner]

The kids continue to complain that they can't be with friends and do sleep overs or go to activities because they have to go to dads.

What???
Why do you even entertain their complaining about 1 or 2 weeknights per month?

 

[t74]

Colorado - My ex and I share custody over our 9 and 13 year old. I have about 70% custody right now. Over the past 4 years our agreement has stated that he gets them every other weekend and Tuesday night dinners. He has only had them on Tuesdays about 25% of the time over the past 2 years. He never asked for make up time and when he did have them for dinner, he only kept them 50% of the scheduled time. He has suggested that he should get another weekend every 3 months to make up time as he can no longer do Tuesday's. I was ok with it at first, put it is taking away friends/activities from the kids. Our son is very involved in scouting and will earn his Eagle by 14 years. Our daughter is just starting dance/cheer again. I want to make sure we are doing what it is in the best interest of the kids and whats not easier on the either of us. The kids continue to complain that they can't be with friends and do sleep overs or go to activities because they have to go to dads. I suggested that if he can give me 48 hr notice during the week, he could take them for dinner and/or activities and he said that would not work. He lives about 30 minutes away from us. What suggestions does anyone have?

Is your unwillingness to give another weekend every 3 months the beginning of allowing the kids to refuse to go on his ordered weekends? Scout activities already likely occur on his weekends, and dance and cheer will become more of a weekend issue as she gets older.

The "have to go to dads" is very telling about the attitude you are allowing them to take.

How does his 4 days and 4 dinners a month equal 30% custody? You have about 26 days less 4 dinners. That is a lot more than 70% by my calculations.

 

[Zigner]

Is your unwillingness to give another weekend every 3 months the beginning of allowing the kids to refuse to go on his ordered weekends? Scout activities already likely occur on his weekends, and dance and cheer will become more of a weekend issue as she gets older.

The "have to go to dads" is very telling about the attitude you are allowing them to take.

How does his 4 days and 4 dinners a month equal 30% custody? You have about 26 days less 4 dinners. That is a lot more than 70% by my calculations.

Don't forget the EOW

 

[LdiJ]

What???
Why do you even entertain their complaining about 1 or 2 weeknights per month?

I think that she is talking about the extra weekends, not the weeknights.

 

[LdiJ]

Is your unwillingness to give another weekend every 3 months the beginning of allowing the kids to refuse to go on his ordered weekends? Scout activities already likely occur on his weekends, and dance and cheer will become more of a weekend issue as she gets older.

The "have to go to dads" is very telling about the attitude you are allowing them to take.

How does his 4 days and 4 dinners a month equal 30% custody? You have about 26 days less 4 dinners. That is a lot more than 70% by my calculations.

He has two evenings a week and every other weekend. That is 4 nights and 8 evenings a month.

 

[t74]

Don't forget the EOW

4 days is the EOW

He gets EOW plus 4 dinners

 

[t74]

He has two evenings a week and every other weekend. That is 4 nights and 8 evenings a month.

She stated "Tuesdays". Where are the 4 other evenings? Are you counting Fri pm thru Mon am? I' counting Fri PM thru Sun PM as EOW. Maybe OP can clarify.

 

[t74]

We also don't know dad's work hours. Picking up a 9 yo for a 7 pm or later dinner on a school night is a problem. It may also be for the 13 yo if he is like my DGD who catches the school bus at 6:30 am with a 3/4 mile walk to the bus stop.

 

[LdiJ]

She stated "Tuesdays". Where are the 4 other evenings? Are you counting Fri pm thru Mon am? I' counting Fri PM thru Sun PM as EOW. Maybe OP can clarify.

For some reason I thought she said Tuesdays AND Thursdays and that he wasn't exercising Tuesdays. Now that I have re-read it I see that she just said Tuesdays.

 

[not2cleverRed]

We also don't know dad's work hours. Picking up a 9 yo for a 7 pm or later dinner on a school night is a problem. It may also be for the 13 yo if he is like my DGD who catches the school bus at 6:30 am with a 3/4 mile walk to the bus stop.

Apparently Dad is unwilling to use any week night. Mom has offered an alternative evening, with 24-48 notice, and he says that won't work.

 

[t74]

Apparently Dad is unwilling to use any week night. Mom has offered an alternative evening, with 24-48 notice, and he says that won't work.

A scheduling issue which results in a very late dinner will not change the timing problem. Let OP post the reason dad says midweek dinners are a problem and the children's school schedules.

There are a lot of schdules that are a problem like being on call limits 48 hour notice. He might work 3 to midnight shift. He might be in a position where he has to step in to cover a class when a colleague is ill. He might have to travel for business. These are several that affect my family