Is this against the law?

[gettingtired45]

Hey everyone. Im from New York. I have been separated for a little over 2 and a half years now. I pick the children up from school(i work nights) and the mother has given me a set of keys to her apartment to do homework with the girls, have them shower and change all before she gets home. I live pretty far and dont drive, so i cant bring them to my place. Ive started dating, and been with my girlfriend for some months now. We speak on the phone and even video chat. My daughters like her and want to see and chat/talk to her as well, and i let them. Their mother doesnt like it and has threatened to take "action" for "disrespecting her home by talking to this female". So my question is IS there legal action she can take to where im not allowed to talk to my girlfriend while im in her home? Would it be considered against a law since thats her home im in? Even though im not endangering anyone(kids) nor is she even there. Thanks in advance.

 

[Mass_Shyster]

She can certainly put conditions on the permission she's granted for you to be in her home. If you violate those conditions, she can refuse access to her home.

 

[LdiJ]

Hey everyone. Im from New York. I have been separated for a little over 2 and a half years now. I pick the children up from school(i work nights) and the mother has given me a set of keys to her apartment to do homework with the girls, have them shower and change all before she gets home. I live pretty far and dont drive, so i cant bring them to my place. Ive started dating, and been with my girlfriend for some months now. We speak on the phone and even video chat. My daughters like her and want to see and chat/talk to her as well, and i let them. Their mother doesnt like it and has threatened to take "action" for "disrespecting her home by talking to this female". So my question is IS there legal action she can take to where im not allowed to talk to my girlfriend while im in her home? Would it be considered against a law since thats her home im in? Even though im not endangering anyone(kids) nor is she even there. Thanks in advance.

Its highly unlikely that she could make any kind of case with it, but it IS quite a tacky and disrespectful thing to do. You are only separated, you are not divorced yet so you shouldn't be introducing your children to another woman yet, and you certainly shouldn't be doing it while in mom's home.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

The legal action she could take is going to court and getting an order that required you not to chat with girls while at her home. There is no LAW that doesn't allow you to chat either by phone or video.

 

[gettingtired45]

The legal action she could take is going to court and getting an order that required you not to chat with girls while at her home. There is no LAW that doesn't allow you to chat either by phone or video.

So if she were to get an order to where i couldnt speak with my girlfriend while in her home and i break that, i could go to jail? Even if my daughters wanted to speak with her?

 

[gettingtired45]

Its highly unlikely that she could make any kind of case with it, but it IS quite a tacky and disrespectful thing to do. You are only separated, you are not divorced yet so you shouldn't be introducing your children to another woman yet, and you certainly shouldn't be doing it while in mom's home.

I respect your opinion. Just so im clear in what youre saying.. I should not introduce my children to the woman im dating because im not divorced yet? Even if its been months? The fact that the divorce process can take time means that i have to keep the children cut off from her until its done? Ohh and its not just in her home she had an issue. Its period. However, she highlights the home more than anything.

 

[Zigner]

The problem is that it's all about you and not about the kids. That is wrong.

 

[LdiJ]

I respect your opinion. Just so im clear in what youre saying.. I should not introduce my children to the woman im dating because im not divorced yet? Even if its been months? The fact that the divorce process can take time means that i have to keep the children cut off from her until its done? Ohh and its not just in her home she had an issue. Its period. However, she highlights the home more than anything.

It is confusing to children to see their parents involved with other people when the parents are still married. Standard wisdom dictates that dating is not a particularly wise thing to do at all when going through a separation and divorce and its generally not recommended that you introduce your children to the people you do date, until after the divorce is final.

 

[Zigner]

What LdiJ said - plus it's especially true when you've only been dating this person for such a short time.

 

[gettingtired45]

She can certainly put conditions on the permission she's granted for you to be in her home. If you violate those conditions, she can refuse access to her home.

Oh i totally get that. It was mutually agreed that i pick the kids up from school considering im off in the day. However, it was her idea for me to go to her home with the kids. Could i suggest i bring the girls to my home(Westchester), and when their mother gets off from work, she comes to my place and pick them up? That way i actually dont have to step foot in her home. In your opinion, would that work?

 

[gettingtired45]

The problem is that it's all about you and not about the kids. That is wrong.

Im confused now. What isnt about the kids? They like her. They want to talk to her. I allow it. We do homework, play games, watch tv/movies, showered and pj's on. When all responsibilities are done, they are allowed to talk. Sorry, but im a bit confused by your statement.

 

[Just Blue]

So if she were to get an order to where i couldnt speak with my girlfriend while in her home and i break that, i could go to jail? Even if my daughters wanted to speak with her?

Your girls shouldn't even know her. Seriously...get a divorce and THEN introduce your children to your GF.

 

[gettingtired45]

It is confusing to children to see their parents involved with other people when the parents are still married. Standard wisdom dictates that dating is not a particularly wise thing to do at all when going through a separation and divorce and its generally not recommended that you introduce your children to the people you do date, until after the divorce is final.

I understand how it can be confusing and i dont disagree. MY children understand and have accepted that fact that mommy and daddy are no longer "together". I do understand what youre saying though. I appreciate all input.

 

[LdiJ]

Oh i totally get that. It was mutually agreed that i pick the kids up from school considering im off in the day. However, it was her idea for me to go to her home with the kids. Could i suggest i bring the girls to my home(Westchester), and when their mother gets off from work, she comes to my place and pick them up? That way i actually dont have to step foot in her home. In your opinion, would that work?

If you live pretty far away and don't drive, how would you get them to your home? If you put that kind of inconvenience on mom she will curtail her mutual agreement to the arrangement and probably take it to court to get a more normal parenting time arrangement put into place. Right now you are getting to see your children nearly every day. Do you want that to stop? It would be a whole lot simpler to just stop talking to your girlfriend for the few hours a day you are at mom's house.

 

[Zigner]

Im confused now. What isnt about the kids? They like her. They want to talk to her. I allow it. We do homework, play games, watch tv/movies, showered and pj's on. When all responsibilities are done, they are allowed to talk. Sorry, but im a bit confused by your statement.

I know - it's all fun and games now.
Legally, there is little that mom can do to prevent the kids from talking to your new toy girlfriend when they're with you outside of her home.