My ex wife works for a lawyer

[Scarecrow1313]

California

I am on the verge of filing for mediation and a hearing about relocating from San Francisco to Sacramento. I have an 11 year old son with my ex wife, we have been divorced for 8 years and ever since we separated our son has lived with me from Sunday to Friday. She has never been very reliable as far as picking him up, and lives in a studio apartment with no kitchen (she has a mini fridge, microwave, electric skillet, and a toaster oven that I let my son take from my house so he could cook chicken nuggets) no bathroom (there is a shower in the unit, butto get to the toilet they have to go through a janitors closet and into the business at the front of the building) and they sleep on mattresses on the floor.
I messaged her several weeks ago telling her that I needed to relocate, and gave her the reasons why (financial reasons mostly), her response was that we were going to have to “negotiate”. A couple of days later she messaged me with some very specific questions about how much I was expecting to pay for rent, what kind of job I would have, and how much I would be making, I gave her very non specific answers as I felt her questions were a little intrusive and not relevant to her custody after the move. I then messaged her with a proposed pick up/drop off schedule, complete with halfway meeting locations, drive times and distances, public transportation schedules and cost, and an updated vacation plan, with a breakdown of her current hours per year and the hours per year that she would get with my proposal, which was a difference of 33 hours per YEAR. Her response was that she needed time to come up with a counter offer, and when I asked what she did not agree with she said she wasn’t sure.
So now I’m getting everything ready to file for a court order to grant me permission to move because I feel like she is just trying to disagree for the sake of disagreeing. Now for my question: since she works at a law office, one could reasonably assume that she is getting counseled by either her employer or another attorney in the building, yet when she goes to court she does not claim to be represented by anyone, can she do that? Can she work with a lawyer all the way up to the point of standing in a courtroom and claim to be representing herself? How can I keep from getting railroaded in that situation?

thanks everybody!

 

[Scarecrow1313]

Some info I accidentally left out
I am remarried with 3 other kids, 4 total with oldest being my son with this woman, she is single and does a lot of dating, as he always tells me about his moms new boyfriend that he just met

also, after she asked me all the questions about my rent and salary, she spent her entire weekend trying to convince him that he should live with her in the studio with no kitchen or toilet

 

[LdiJ]

California

I am on the verge of filing for mediation and a hearing about relocating from San Francisco to Sacramento. I have an 11 year old son with my ex wife, we have been divorced for 8 years and ever since we separated our son has lived with me from Sunday to Friday. She has never been very reliable as far as picking him up, and lives in a studio apartment with no kitchen (she has a mini fridge, microwave, electric skillet, and a toaster oven that I let my son take from my house so he could cook chicken nuggets) no bathroom (there is a shower in the unit, butto get to the toilet they have to go through a janitors closet and into the business at the front of the building) and they sleep on mattresses on the floor.
I messaged her several weeks ago telling her that I needed to relocate, and gave her the reasons why (financial reasons mostly), her response was that we were going to have to “negotiate”. A couple of days later she messaged me with some very specific questions about how much I was expecting to pay for rent, what kind of job I would have, and how much I would be making, I gave her very non specific answers as I felt her questions were a little intrusive and not relevant to her custody after the move. I then messaged her with a proposed pick up/drop off schedule, complete with halfway meeting locations, drive times and distances, public transportation schedules and cost, and an updated vacation plan, with a breakdown of her current hours per year and the hours per year that she would get with my proposal, which was a difference of 33 hours per YEAR. Her response was that she needed time to come up with a counter offer, and when I asked what she did not agree with she said she wasn’t sure.
So now I’m getting everything ready to file for a court order to grant me permission to move because I feel like she is just trying to disagree for the sake of disagreeing. Now for my question: since she works at a law office, one could reasonably assume that she is getting counseled by either her employer or another attorney in the building, yet when she goes to court she does not claim to be represented by anyone, can she do that? Can she work with a lawyer all the way up to the point of standing in a courtroom and claim to be representing herself? How can I keep from getting railroaded in that situation?

thanks everybody!

My guess is that she is considering challenging you relocating the child. Which of course she has the right to do and what most likely her employers would recommend. You also should be aware that if you are given court permission to relocate the child, that your proposal of a half way plan for exchanging the child will likely not be looked on well by the courts. Since you are creating the distance its most likely that you will be held responsible for providing all of the transportation for mom's parenting time. You should take that into consideration when deciding for sure whether or not to move if there is any chance that the cost of providing all of the transportation would cancel out the economic benefit of moving.

 

[LdiJ]

Some info I accidentally left out
I am remarried with 3 other kids, 4 total with oldest being my son with this woman, she is single and does a lot of dating, as he always tells me about his moms new boyfriend that he just met

also, after she asked me all the questions about my rent and salary, she spent her entire weekend trying to convince him that he should live with her in the studio with no kitchen or toilet

The studio has a kitchenette, its not quite right to claim that it has no kitchen. I waffle a bit on the toilet issue as well. And the mattresses on the floor bit? Don't go there. It would cost mom peanuts to get a couple of mattress frames so that they were no longer on the floor.

If you have some valid reason to believe that the studio is not a legal residential unit or something like that, then you might have something to go on, but you don't want to accuse something like that without hard evidence.

 

[Scarecrow1313]

My guess is that she is considering challenging you relocating the child. Which of course she has the right to do and what most likely her employers would recommend. You also should be aware that if you are given court permission to relocate the child, that your proposal of a half way plan for exchanging the child will likely not be looked on well by the courts. Since you are creating the distance its most likely that you will be held responsible for providing all of the transportation for mom's parenting time. You should take that into consideration when deciding for sure whether or not to move if there is any chance that the cost of providing all of the transportation would cancel out the economic benefit of moving.

The halfway point is because it was agreed upon years ago that she would drive to me for pick up and drop off, since she doesn’t contribute monetarily or anywhere other than what happens in her 2days a week, not involved with anything school related, no back to school night or teacher conferences, even though teachers have reached out to her for a conference in the past, she did not respond, she also has never taken him to a doctor appointment, dentist appointment, not even a haircut appointment. But yes I am creating the distance so I offered a halfway point to counteract that, and the meeting place is a city she has lived in during the past 3 years

 

[Scarecrow1313]

The studio has a kitchenette, its not quite right to claim that it has no kitchen. I waffle a bit on the toilet issue as well. And the mattresses on the floor bit? Don't go there. It would cost mom peanuts to get a couple of mattress frames so that they were no longer on the floor.

If you have some valid reason to believe that the studio is not a legal residential unit or something like that, then you might have something to go on, but you don't want to accuse something like that without hard evidence.

The issue I have with the mattresses on the floor is that they are butted up next to each other, almost like one big mattress

 

[stealth2]

Why, yes, Mom is allowed to consult with a lawyer w/o being "officially" represented in court. And yes, Mom is allowed to object to your relocating the child you share. Mom is even allowed to request that you be held responsible for any additional expenses required for custodial exchanges. And yes, she is allowed to request a custodial change based on your request to relocate HER son. I'd be willing to bet her employer will tell her all of that. For free.

 

[stealth2]

The issue I have with the mattresses on the floor is that they are butted up next to each other, almost like one big mattress

OMG!

/sarcasm.

 

[Scarecrow1313]

The issue I have with the mattresses on the floor is that they are butted up next to each other, almost like one big mattress

The studio has a kitchenette, its not quite right to claim that it has no kitchen. I waffle a bit on the toilet issue as well. And the mattresses on the floor bit? Don't go there. It would cost mom peanuts to get a couple of mattress frames so that they were no longer on the floor.

If you have some valid reason to believe that the studio is not a legal residential unit or something like that, then you might have something to go on, but you don't want to accuse something like that without hard evidence.

None of that is really the issue I’m concerned with, my question was “is it legally allowable for her to be counseled, coached, and advised by an attorney, but still claim to not be represented by an attorney in filings and court appearances?

 

[Scarecrow1313]

Ok so this appears to be a site for people to ridicule other people who have legitimate questions, and I don’t really see it as outrageous to be concerned about my 11 year old son sleeping in a bed with his mother, even though it is in our original custody that she needs to have a separate bed for him because at that time he was 6 and she was sleeping in the bed with him and her boyfriend, but since nobody wants to give a nonjudgmental answer to a question regarding what I feel is an unfair advantage, then I guess I’ll go ask somebody who gives a ****

 

[stealth2]

Ok so this appears to be a site for people to ridicule other people who have legitimate questions, and I don’t really see it as outrageous to be concerned about my 11 year old son sleeping in a bed with his mother, even though it is in our original custody that she needs to have a separate bed for him because at that time he was 6 and she was sleeping in the bed with him and her boyfriend, but since nobody wants to give a nonjudgmental answer to a question regarding what I feel is an unfair advantage, then I guess I’ll go ask somebody who gives a ***

You'd get the same responses if you were Mom. Lucky her, working for a lawyer. No one is stopping you from consulting with one yourself. And no one ever said life is fair. If someone told you that?

Time for some tougher panties, son.

 

[Scarecrow1313]

Oh, dude. You'd get the same responses if you were Mom. Lucky her, working for a lawyer. No one is stopping you from consulting with one yourself. And no one ever said life is fair. If someone told you that? They deserve a kick in the 'nads. Seriously.

Time for some tougher panties, son.

I got completely (language removed) the last time we were in court and yes, I am allowed to consult with a lawyer, but you seemed to miss the whole premise of this post in where I have to move because I can’t afford to live, but somewhere in there when I’m struggling to pay rent I can pull the money for a lawyer

you should consider the stress level of the people who need to ask these questions on a free message board .

 

[stealth2]

Tougher panties? THIS ISNT A **CKING JOKE TO ME LIKE IT SEEMS TO BE TO YOU

I got completely **cked the last time we were in court and yes, I am allowed to consult with a lawyer, but you seemed to miss the whole premise of this post in where I have to move because I can’t afford to live, but somewhere in there when I’m struggling to pay rent I can pull the money out of my ass for a lawyer

you should consider the stress level of the people who need to ask these questions on a free ducking message board full of **king a**holes like you

Nope, I missed nothing. I hope you haven't missed that you are in violation of the ToS of this site, via the language you used.

And yes, you need to toughen up if you plan to represent yourself.

 

[cbg]

is it legally allowable for her to be counseled, coached, and advised by an attorney, but still claim to not be represented by an attorney in filings and court appearances?

Yes. It is legally allowable for her to be counseled, coached, and advised by an attorney and still claim not to be represented by an attorney in filings and court appearances.

I hope that this is now clear to you. Next question, please.

 

[not2cleverRed]

None of that is really the issue I’m concerned with, my question was “is it legally allowable for her to be counseled, coached, and advised by an attorney, but still claim to not be represented by an attorney in filings and court appearances?

The answer is "YES".

What would not be legal is if one of her boyfriends, who watches Law & Order and Judge Judy but never went to law school, writes her legal stuff for her and comes to court trying to represent her, because that would be practicing law when you're not a lawyer.

It is legal to represent yourself.
It is legal for a lawyer to represent you.
It is not legal to have someone who is not a lawyer act like a lawyer doing lawyer-like things for you.

California

I am on the verge of filing for mediation and a hearing about relocating from San Francisco to Sacramento. I have an 11 year old son with my ex wife, we have been divorced for 8 years and ever since we separated our son has lived with me from Sunday to Friday. She has never been very reliable as far as picking him up, and lives in a studio apartment with no kitchen (she has a mini fridge, microwave, electric skillet, and a toaster oven that I let my son take from my house so he could cook chicken nuggets) no bathroom (there is a shower in the unit, butto get to the toilet they have to go through a janitors closet and into the business at the front of the building) and they sleep on mattresses on the floor.
I messaged her several weeks ago telling her that I needed to relocate, and gave her the reasons why (financial reasons mostly), her response was that we were going to have to “negotiate”. A couple of days later she messaged me with some very specific questions about how much I was expecting to pay for rent, what kind of job I would have, and how much I would be making, I gave her very non specific answers as I felt her questions were a little intrusive and not relevant to her custody after the move. I then messaged her with a proposed pick up/drop off schedule, complete with halfway meeting locations, drive times and distances, public transportation schedules and cost, and an updated vacation plan, with a breakdown of her current hours per year and the hours per year that she would get with my proposal, which was a difference of 33 hours per YEAR. Her response was that she needed time to come up with a counter offer, and when I asked what she did not agree with she said she wasn’t sure.
So now I’m getting everything ready to file for a court order to grant me permission to move because I feel like she is just trying to disagree for the sake of disagreeing. Now for my question: since she works at a law office, one could reasonably assume that she is getting counseled by either her employer or another attorney in the building, yet when she goes to court she does not claim to be represented by anyone, can she do that? Can she work with a lawyer all the way up to the point of standing in a courtroom and claim to be representing herself? How can I keep from getting railroaded in that situation?

thanks everybody!

I get that you are stressed. But you have to be calm and patient t get anywhere legally.

1) Most of what you have posted about Mom's living situation is IRRELEVANT.
2) What IS relevant is how a move would affect Mom's parenting time. If Mom is not an involved parent, and the status quo is just that she's just a weekendish parent who doesn't keep track of his activities/education/interests, THEN YOU offer to foot the ENTIRE responsibility and cost for transportation to facilitate visitation, with no decrease in her parenting time. If it does not inconvenience her, she won't have much of a case.