My ex wife works for a lawyer

[Taxing Matters]

Can she work with a lawyer all the way up to the point of standing in a courtroom and claim to be representing herself?

Yes, she can. And what difference does it make? Both of you are entitled to consult attorneys and have an attorney represent you. Her only advantage here may be getting free or low cost help. Nothing improper about that.

How can I keep from getting railroaded in that situation?

Get your own lawyer.

None of that is really the issue I’m concerned with, my question was “is it legally allowable for her to be counseled, coached, and advised by an attorney, but still claim to not be represented by an attorney in filings and court appearances?

Yes, she may do that. And again, I ask what difference does it make to you? Bear in mind that the court isn't going to give either of you any greater benefit because you are pro se rather than being represented. Whether the lawyer she consults shows up to argue for her in court or not doesn't give you any issue her to use against her. The real problem you have is that if she's getting help and you are not that may put you at a disadvantage. But the way you deal with that is getting legal assistance from a lawyer yourself. The court isn't going to tell her she can't get legal help just because you don't have any legal assistance.

 

[stealth2]

Don't. Not good enough. She's balking, you're the one creating the distance, to make an offer she'd look silly refusing.

I've been thinking about this overnight, and I agree with red. The more you sweeten the pot, the more likely Mom will agree - offer all transport, figure out a way to keep her parenting time equivalent OR greater, etc. Because, here's the thing... if she DOES contest the child's relocation, you're looking at court. This means you will likely lose out on your housing, your new job (unless you're willing to make the commute), etc.

Mom's questions point in a very specific direction, IMO - a change in custody, with OP paying child support. Which would likely allow her to upgrade her living situation. I'm not familiar w/the specifics of California CS guidelines, so do not know how (or if) CA credits additional children (I am assuming they are yours, not your current wife's with a previous spouse) - that is something you should look into, @Scarecrow1313 ... How/if being required to pay CS would affect the improved finances wrt your move. Additionally, were she to receive custody, would your son have to change schools?

How did the current parenting plan come to be? Not being nosy, but there could be factors there that you could "exploit", should it come down to a drawn-out court case.