mom used 9 yr olds phone to text/argue with her bf

[not2cleverRed]

I want to do this but I'm worried my daughter will pay a price. My ex interrogates her and anytime she finds out my daughter talked about her being drunk or anything chaotic that went down over there she makes my daughter feel like she did something wrong and has her in tears and tells her that it never happened. As a result my daughter won't tell me anything now and I don't want to subject her to her mother's manipulation any further. I'm pretty sure my ex is telling her that she will wind up in foster care as a scare tactic to keep her quiet. There's no way I could go to therapy with my daughter without my ex finding out.

It's okay if the ex knows that you have the kid in therapy during your parenting time.

You don't have to say it's about Mom's drinking. You can (and should) say it's because you want to help your daughter stay emotionally healthy, and have a safe space where she can have someone help her process whatever stress she has due to her parents' conflicts..

It's not like she can go to a judge and say, "How DARE he put MY daughter in therapy with a licensed therapist during his parenting time!" In fact, were she to pull a stunt like that, it would not go well for her.

The advantage of having your daughter get professional help from a licensed mandated reporter is twofold: 1) she gets the help she might need, and 2) if it turns out that abuse is suspected, this can be reported and used to help you case.

The opinion of an unbiased third party carries more weight than yours.

 

[LdiJ]

It's okay if the ex knows that you have the kid in therapy during your parenting time.

You don't have to say it's about Mom's drinking. You can (and should) day it's because you want to help your daughter stay emotionally healthy, and have a safe space where she can have someone help her process whatever stress she has due to her parents conflicts..

It's not like she can go to a judge and say, "How DARE he put MY daughter in therapy with a licensed therapist during his parenting time!" In fact, were she to pull a stunt like that, it would not go well for her.

The advantage of having your daughter get professional help from a licensed mandated reporter is twofold: 1) she gets the help she might need, and 2) if it turns out that abuse is suspected, this can be reported and used to help you case.

The opinion of an unbiased third party carries more weight than yours.

Its possible that a therapist would refuse to treat the child without mom's agreement if they have joint legal custody. Its quite possible/probable that a judge would order that the child could go to therapy if dad had to take it to court to get the judge to order that they child could go to therapy, but its not a given that the judge would ding mom for initially objecting.

I do agree however that therapy for the child would be a good idea...and I would encourage dad to follow through with asking a judge to approve it if it got that far.

 

[Ohiogal]

would it be wise to file A police report and show the phone to them so i have useful documentation before I delete the messages? I’m not expecting the police to do anything but make an official report I can use if ever needed As proof that it did happen. I’m just trying to get everything I need put together For a custody hearing. There are other concerning issues....she interferes and denies me my visitation rights and one Of her friends told me she was so drunk after drinking all night Recently that someone else had to go to her apt in the morning in order to get our daughter to school. There’s lots of other stuff too....I could go on and on.

There was no crime committed. So why a police report?

 

[AlmostThere]

As suggested, you should get your daughter into therapy. If the therapist feels this behavior is inappropriate/damaging, s/he will address it appropriately. That could range from the therapist speaking with mom, helping your daughter handle what she read in the text messages, to anything else. Or do nothing, if the therapist feels that the messages are not having an effect on her.