• FreeAdvice has a new Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, effective May 25, 2018.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our Terms of Service and use of cookies.

Unsure of my rights

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills   Please click a topic or scroll down for more.

ma15

New member
What is the name of your state? West Virginia
Background: I live in Kanawha County, West Virginia. I am Mom, Dad and I have been separated 3 years, and divorced for almost 2 years. Our son is 4 years old and not in school yet. I have been having trouble with Dad and Stepmom for a while now and I am unsure of what my rights are as a parent. The final order is vague. Dad's lawyer wrote it and my lawyer signed it before I could read it. The order doesn't say much about our son. It says Dad continues to provide health insurance and that Mom and Dad share equally in the payment of any uninsured medical expenses. Dad claims our son on taxes which he gets because I am a full time student. Mom and Dad shall exercise shared decision making and custody. We have 50/50 time with our son. Dad and I submitted our own parenting plans. The parenting plan is not in the final order at all. I don't know why we had to fill out all those details just for only 10% of it to go into the final order. In the parenting plan, it says "the parents will never say anything in the children's presence that would reduce the children's love or affection for either parent, and the parents will never allow any person in the children's presence to speak poorly of an absent parent". Stepmom has used profanity towards me on a couple occasions right in front of our son. My son apologizes to me about Dad and Stepmom's words against me. Dad scheduled his 3 year wellness check and took him on his time without telling me about it. I called the pediatrician to see if there were any appointments and they told me he had already been seen. I took our son to his pediatrician because of large bruises on his bottom and thigh he had after his time with Dad. The pediatrician documented the bruises and informed CPS. However, CPS chose to drop the investigation after interviewing Dad and Stepmom. I requested the report and in it Stepmom admitted to causing the bruises. CPS didn't give a reason for letting it go. Later Dad changed pediatricians without consulting with me. He told me only after he had already transferred his file to the new doctor. Dad made an appointment for me to take our son to his 4 year check up on my time. Dad told me I could take our son since he took him the previous year. However, we hadn't agreed on that kind of arrangement. Dad decided that himself. Then Dad chose a dentist and took our son to his first cleaning without telling me until after, and only because he needs to use a special paste on his teeth. I asked him who the dentist was and, thankfully, he told me. I called and found out he had an appointment for fillings during Dad's time. I went to the appointment today. I was met with profanity from Stepmom in front of my son, her son, and other children who were playing in the waiting room. Stepmom told me I could not go back there with my son. Dad and I were with our son for his fillings. Dad refused to consult with me about some of the procedures they wanted to do. At the billing counter, Dad refused to let me pay for half of the bill like I am supposed to per the final order. I asked if they could refund Dad half so that I could pay my share and they couldn't. When I asked the receptionist about his next cleaning appointment, Dad said he wasn't going there anymore. My assumption is that Dad will change dentists and take our son without telling me. I would have to call every pediatric dentist in the tristate area to see if my son is a patient there. And even then, Dad could take him as a walk in and I would never be able to attend an appointment. I'm worried he will do the same for our son's pediatrician. Does Dad have the right to keep all medical appointments to himself because he pays for the health insurance? Can I go back to court for Dad intentionally preventing me from going to appointments? For the hateful words towards me in front of our son? Can I still use the CPS and pediatrician report in court since Stepmom still caused the bruises? I am sorry if this is too long. I wanted to give detail that I hope helps.
 


t74

Member
I suggest you consult your attorney for a better explanation of the various parties rights and responsibilities. He/she can advise you if it is worth filing for contempt at this time and what documentation you need to keep in the future. You should also discuss what limits should be placed on stepmom. Most of all, avoid confrontations with her - especially in front of any children.

Pick your battles to what is really important; having both parents at the dentist is not one worth fighting, IMO. In four years the ONLY ones both of us attended were with the orthodontists' initial consults because there were options and costs to consider. The only physicians' appointments both of us attended were emergencies at the ER or peds when someone was getting stitches in a body part because there were our other children to deal with and because I go weak at the sight of a bleeding child :)

I also see no need in both of you being present at every medical appointment for the child both since this appears to be a contentious situation and since records now are generally very thorough. Alternating who takes the child is a reasonable solution. If there is information that needs to be conveyed, send a message to the office prior to an appointment. (our physicians have a wonderful online system that our providers respond to generally the same or next day. We can also get a copy of the visit report and any test results.) A medical professional is not going to appreciate dealing with warring parents(step parents) in the office. Dad and you should keep each other informed as to the providers for the child, but the child is only going to be hurt if you play tug of war over who gets to pick and the provider changes frequently. Ask your attorney about the typical restrictions in you area about third party attendance at appointments; remember that this goes both ways.

I also suggest that you request that all involved take parenting/step-parenting classes that are recommended by the local court. The child is only 4 and things are going to get a lot worse for all if the adults in this situation do not come to a way of peacewfully co-existing for the benefit of the child.
 

ma15

New member
I suggest you consult your attorney for a better explanation of the various parties rights and responsibilities. He/she can advise you if it is worth filing for contempt at this time and what documentation you need to keep in the future. You should also discuss what limits should be placed on stepmom. Most of all, avoid confrontations with her - especially in front of any children.

Pick your battles to what is really important; having both parents at the dentist is not one worth fighting, IMO. In four years the ONLY ones both of us attended were with the orthodontists' initial consults because there were options and costs to consider. The only physicians' appointments both of us attended were emergencies at the ER or peds when someone was getting stitches in a body part because there were our other children to deal with and because I go weak at the sight of a bleeding child :)

I also see no need in both of you being present at every medical appointment for the child both since this appears to be a contentious situation and since records now are generally very thorough. Alternating who takes the child is a reasonable solution. If there is information that needs to be conveyed, send a message to the office prior to an appointment. (our physicians have a wonderful online system that our providers respond to generally the same or next day. We can also get a copy of the visit report and any test results.) A medical professional is not going to appreciate dealing with warring parents(step parents) in the office. Dad and you should keep each other informed as to the providers for the child, but the child is only going to be hurt if you play tug of war over who gets to pick and the provider changes frequently. Ask your attorney about the typical restrictions in you area about third party attendance at appointments; remember that this goes both ways.

I also suggest that you request that all involved take parenting/step-parenting classes that are recommended by the local court. The child is only 4 and things are going to get a lot worse for all if the adults in this situation do not come to a way of peacewfully co-existing for the benefit of the child.
 

ma15

New member
I have talked to the attorney I used during the divorce. He started out saying I can request Stepmom not be present at drop off/pick up, as she was there every time until they married, and that she shouldn't have much to do with our son. He said Dad had to tell me about everything same as I had to tell him. He wanted to petition a modification to the final order as soon as he heard my son had been bruised. Now he is saying that the judge won't care that Dad has taken over. He said the pendulum is going to swing in either my direction or Dad's. But I don't want Dad to be able to tell the judge that I don't show up to appointments (even though I have no idea where they are let alone when).

I never respond to Stepmom when she talks to me or interrupts while Dad and I are speaking. Today was the first time I spoke to her. She told me I wasn't going to the exam room with my son. I told her I was. When she told me no again, I asked her if I needed to call the police. She kept going and walked away since my son was being called back. I don't mind missing a cleaning here and there but this was for fillings in two teeth and it was his first time getting a cavity filled. I was sad that I missed his 3 year check up and I was sad when I missed his first cleaning. I don't regret going because I could tell his was happy to have us both there.

The issue isn't about us going together. It is that Dad schedules appointments during his time only and takes him to all of them. I would feel wrong scheduling an appointment during my time, knowing he couldn't go, if he wanted, unless he called into work. I am more on the mindset that I want to co parent with Dad and even Stepmom if she could behave like a decent adult. I communicate, Dad doesn't. I want my son to be happy. He tells me the things Dad and Stepmom say about me make him sad. They can talk about me all they want as long as my son doesn't hear it. I also needed to be there today to pay for my share of the bill. His pediatrician mails a bill but the dentist wants it before you leave. Dad wouldn't let me pay.

I agree that alternating is reasonable, but he never discussed it with me. He just decided it. He didn't even tell me that he took him. I found out later when I called the pediatrician. I haven't made any of the changes in providers, nor would I, only Dad has. Our son doesn't care though as long as he gets his stickers at the end. Dad is doing it to keep me out all together. Dad and I made the appointment today about our son. We get alone just fine when he fakes it. I am totally fine with Stepmom being there if she helps my son feel better. But she can't fake being decent like Dad can.

Dad and I took a parenting class as part of the divorce. Stepmom is not required to.
 

ma15

New member
Well, the obvious answer is yes, you can go back to court and have a judge compel Dad and stepmom to behave.

Until you do that nothing changes.

Talk to your attorney.
The problem is that I don't know if I have enough to go to court. My lawyer started out saying everything was in my favor because of the way he acts. Now he says the judge isn't going to care. I either need to deal with it, get a different lawyer, or do it myself. But I don't know if I'm justified.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
The problem is that I don't know if I have enough to go to court. My lawyer started out saying everything was in my favor because of the way he acts. Now he says the judge isn't going to care. I either need to deal with it, get a different lawyer, or do it myself. But I don't know if I'm justified.
You are justified. It is making your son sad to hear dad and stepmom bad mouth his mother. The question really is, is it bad enough yet to spend the money to do so? I think that the stepmom is the catalyst for alot of the problems and unfortunately she is not subject to the court orders.
 

t74

Member
Keep taking the high road! Set an example by treating him how you would like to be treated.

Just remember that a child of yours age is not going to remember who was at the appointment just that there was an issue between his families while he was there.

Step mom needs a step parenting class or all of you to attend something for blended families.

Get a common calendar for your child's activities and appointments.

One thing that indicates that things are likely to change over time is that he married relatively quickly after the breakup. I assume step mom does not bring any children into the marriage since you did not mention them. Dad should get aggravated by his wife interfering especially if it adversely affects your son..

You do not appear to have confidence in your attorney. I suggest you talk to others in a similar situation to get recommendations to consider if you find it in your best interest to change.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Perhaps you could speak with Dad (or your lawyer) about using something like Our Family Wizard. You & Dad can agree, or the court could order it. Then there would be documentation for the court when/if you are left out of the loop wrt appointments.
 

Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!

Fast, Free, and Confidential
data-ad-format="auto">
Top