Joint parenting time IL

[menbro]

What is the name of your state? IL

Married for 7 years, two kids (4 and 2 old, special needs (on the ASD, but improving alot daily due to ongoing therapies).

Kids and the wife currently live under the same household as me, no temp orders for parenting time yet.

I have been working from home fulltime since last year Feb/March 2021, due to covid, and not going back to the office indefinitely.

I have been the primary carer for the kids during this time for close to 70% of the time (established status quo). Before this, mom had the kids with her, and due to our work schedule conflicts, her mom used to watch the kids and I had the kids with me from Friday-Sunday nights (this allowed her to work as well during this time).

I asked for 50/50, the OC suggested EOW schedule, which I refused.

Wife herself isn't keen on 50/50, (firstly she knows she can get more out of child support (she works less) + she "believes" since the kids are special needs, she is best suited to take care of them.

She works part-time (her last three years incomes are $48k, $29K and $77K,) and refuses to go back to work, even when she knows I am fully capable of taking care of the kids, and she has a history of working full time hours.

We have a settlement conference coming up in two weeks, with our attorneys, and I made it clear to ex and my lawyer that I am not settling anything below 50%.

My attorney suggested GAL in the beginning, to which I opposed.

Wife also suggested that she doesn't mind me having the kids Friday nights -Sunday nights like last time, but that is no where close to 50% time I will get to spend with my kids.

If I do agree to this schedule, she wont get any weekends with the kids, and she will see this as a win -win for her, since she can whatever she wants on the weekend (i.e even decide not to go work and just go out party on the weekends.. sigh)

How should I approach this situation to make the parenting time as close as possible to 50%, and get it locked in ASAP?
I have started keeping a journal of all the time I have spent with my kids, after filing, not sure if this well help my case or not.

Wife also wants the CS to continue after the age of 18 for the kids, due to them being on the ASD. Their condition isn't even severe at all.

Thanks.

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state? IL

Married for 7 years, two kids (4 and 2 old, special needs (on the ASD, but improving alot daily due to ongoing therapies).

Kids and the wife currently live under the same household as me, no temp orders for parenting time yet.

I have been working from home fulltime since last year Feb/March 2021, due to covid, and not going back to the office indefinitely.

I have been the primary carer for the kids during this time for close to 70% of the time (established status quo). Before this, mom had the kids with her, and due to our work schedule conflicts, her mom used to watch the kids and I had the kids with me from Friday-Sunday nights (this allowed her to work as well during this time).

I asked for 50/50, the OC suggested EOW schedule, which I refused.

Wife herself isn't keen on 50/50, (firstly she knows she can get more out of child support (she works less) + she "believes" since the kids are special needs, she is best suited to take care of them.

She works part-time (her last three years incomes are $48k, $29K and $77K,) and refuses to go back to work, even when she knows I am fully capable of taking care of the kids, and she has a history of working full time hours.

We have a settlement conference coming up in two weeks, with our attorneys, and I made it clear to ex and my lawyer that I am not settling anything below 50%.

She suggested GAL in the beginning, to which I opposed.

Wife also suggested that she doesn't mind me having the kids Friday nights -Sunday nights like last time, but that is no where close to 50% time I will get to spend with my kids.

If I do agree to this schedule, she wont get any weekends with the kids, and she will see this as a win -win for her, since she can whatever she wants on the weekend (i.e even decide not to go work and just go out party on the weekends.. sigh)

How should I approach this situation to make the parenting time as close as possible to 50%, and get it locked in ASAP?
I have started keeping a journal of all the time I have spent with my kids, after filing, not sure if this well help my case or not.

Wife also wants the CS to continue after the age of 18 for the kids, due to them being on the ASD. Their condition isn't even severe at all.

Thanks.

What is your objection to a GAL?

 

[menbro]

What is your objection to a GAL?

Honestly, my attorney suggested that they can be a hit and miss, and if the judge hasnt ordered a GAL, not to involve one, if I can.

My biggest fear, she will bring up the all the times where she was the primary person taking care of the kids, 2 years back or so, while I was working full time to support the house.

 

[Ohiogal]

Honestly, my attorney suggested that they can be a hit and miss, and if the judge hasnt ordered a GAL, not to involve one, if I can.

My biggest fear, she will bring up the all the times where she was the primary person taking care of the kids, 2 years back or so, while I was working full time to support the house.

How are you taking care of two preschoolers if you are working full time at home? Let's start with that. If you are working full time, then the children cannot be supervised constantly by you. If mom is not working, she is probably contributing quite a bit to their parenting.

As for a GAL, they speak in the best interest of the children and not the parents, so you are showing you don't care about the best interest of your children but rather only about your wants -- that is the epitome of selfishness.

 

[Zigner]

Honestly, my attorney...

You are represented. You should discuss your concerns with your attorney. It would be unwise (at best) for us to offer advice when you are represented by an attorney.

 

[menbro]

How are you taking care of two preschoolers if you are working full time at home? Let's start with that. If you are working full time, then the children cannot be supervised constantly by you. If mom is not working, she is probably contributing quite a bit to their parenting.

As for a GAL, they speak in the best interest of the children and not the parents, so you are showing you don't care about the best interest of your children but rather only about your wants -- that is the epitome of selfishness.

Both the kids have the therapists come to our house, full time.

The kids are with me all the time, when the therapists cant come for whatever reasons, which is very rare, I can still watch them full-time and do daddy duties at the same time.
I take them to their dr apts as needed, all during my work hours, my work is flexible and always has been.

Even when mom couldn't watch the kids, her mom would watch the kids at her house, because of our clashing work schedule.

Mom is either out or sleeping when the therapists are at our house.

Mom also doesnt want a GAL involved.

 

[Ohiogal]

Both the kids have the therapists come to our house, full time.

The kids are with me all the time, when the therapists cant come for whatever reasons, which is very rare, I can still watch them full-time and do daddy duties at the same time.
I take them to their dr apts as needed, all during my work hours, my work is flexible and always has been.

Even when mom couldn't watch the kids, her mom would watch the kids at her house, because of our clashing work schedule.

Mom is either out or sleeping when the therapists are at our house.

Mom also doesnt want a GAL involved.

So when do you work because you can't work and be on daddy duty constantly. Seriously.

 

[Zigner]

So when do you work because you can't work and be on daddy duty constantly. Seriously.

I agree that for most lines of work, this would be the case, but I can picture a few exceptions. I'm curious what line of work the OP is in, because I suspect you are correct.

 

[stealth2]

Both the kids have the therapists come to our house, full time.

So... when you are asked by the court how this constitutes your being the primary caregiver, what will you say?

 

[menbro]

I agree that for most lines of work, this would be the case, but I can picture a few exceptions. I'm curious what line of work the OP is in, because I suspect you are correct.

Im in IT, my job duties revolve around completing tasks, as long as the job is being (how it is being done isnt the question), thats all it matters, and my job performance has been above satisfactory for the year, working from home.

 

[menbro]

So when do you work because you can't work and be on daddy duty constantly. Seriously.

Ok, so you are saying I wont get 50/50?

 

[menbro]

So... when you are asked by the court how this constitutes your being the primary caregiver, what will you say?

I have my parenting journal and I am going for joint custody 50/50

 

[stealth2]

Ok, so you are saying I wont get 50/50?

No one can say for sure. But when one parent doesn't agree to 50/50, it can be difficult to get. It's not standard in many states.

I think you may need to reframe how you are the primary caregiver. Simply being home while therapists care for the children doesn't really cut it...

A parenting journal is good. But.... its contents will matter.

 

[menbro]

No one can say for sure. But when one parent doesn't agree to 50/50, it can be difficult to get. It's not standard in many states.

I think you may need to reframe how you are the primary caregiver. Simply being home while therapists care for the children doesn't really cut it...

A parenting journal is good. But.... its contents will matter.

Content of it includes all the daddy duties I have been doing , when watching the kids during my time and while the therapists are here.
I was under the impression that the "best interests of the child" was to have both parents involved in their lives.

 

[stealth2]

the "best interests of the child"

... will be determined by the judge.