What this persistent attention seeker needs is a compliant pet; preferably one that is deaf.
Incidentally, can a deaf dog bark? How would it know?
Pets can be excellent companions and interactions with pets tend to be far healthier than the interactions one is apt to have with anonymous strangers on the internet.
We adopted an elderly dog from the Humane Society several years ago. A Siberian husky/German shepard mix, she was big, beautiful, loving, lovable - and blind, deaf, and prone to seizures.
She never barked, which in her case was unfortunate. She would often travel the house using the walls as a guide and, if something blocked her way, she would just stand there patiently waiting for someone to remove the obstacle. She apparently was built with a forward, a neutral and a park, but no reverse. A simple bark would have alerted us that she needed assistance.
You’re welcome, Jkl098. The thanks are appreciated.