Will I get in trouble for cutting off long term partner suddenly or will I have to pay something like alimony?

[Maxaxas]

What is the name of your state? Texas

I was with this woman for more than 10 years. I have completely financially supported her basically that whole time. I have recently come to terms with her being abusive and have decided to leave her. I am afraid this break up being bad. I have reason to believe she will destroy my things or the place we are renting (the lease is in my name) in retaliation. So I want to do leave as stealthily as possible.

We are planning on moving on Saturday. She thinks we are moving into this one place, but we’re not. She doesn’t want to deal with moving, so I’m supposed to take care of moving all the boxes and furniture to our new place while she’s at her friends and pick her up after. My friend is going to come over and help me move everything. We’re going to pack my stuff into his truck and hers into a moving truck she’s renting. Then once everything is moved out I’m going to give the landlord the keys back. Then I’m going to drive the moving truck to her friends place, quickly give her the keys, and take off with my friend to his place (she doesn’t know where he lives). Then I’m going to have my direct deposits sent to my account instead of hers and get a new phone number.

I was feeling really good about this plan, but then I was watching a movie and common law marriage was brought up. I didn’t think of that before and I don’t now how it it works. Now I’m worried that I could get in trouble for cutting her off considering how long we’ve been together.
Legally could I run into any issues given how long we have been together? I know you can’t just cut of a spouse when you divorce so is it the same in this case? Would I end up having to pay alimony or something like that?

 

[Taxing Matters]

You'd better see an attorney ASAP about your plan. There is a possibility you might be common law married, but it takes more than just living together for a long time to do that. See the Texas state government page on common law marriage for more information. But even if you are not common law married if you signed the new rental agreement you'll be obligated to pay the rent during the lease term just as she she is. Moreover, you've led your girlfriend to believe that you are moving together into the new place and that the current situation of you paying for rent, etc., will continue. That may have created a contractual obilgation for you to pay the rent for the new place. You need to know where you stand legally before you make that move, and you only have tomorrow to contact a lawyer to sort it out. So you'd better start calling lawyers first thing tomorrow morning to find one that can assist you right away.

On a moral note, what you are proposing is a scumbag kind of move. You need to have backbone enough to tell her that you're breaking up with her and should give her enough lead time so she can find a place to live that she can afford. There are steps you can take to protect yourself and your stuff and still tell her what is really going on. On top of being a scumbag kind of move, she'll hate you for doing it this way more than she would if you were upfront about it. And that could cause you more drama, not less.

 

[stealth2]

she doesn’t know where he lives

BTW, it's not hard to find out.

 

[Maxaxas]

You'd better see an attorney ASAP about your plan. There is a possibility you might be common law married, but it takes more than just living together for a long time to do that. See the Texas state government page on common law marriage for more information. But even if you are not common law married if you signed the new rental agreement you'll be obligated to pay the rent during the lease term just as she she is. Moreover, you've led your girlfriend to believe that you are moving together into the new place and that the current situation of you paying for rent, etc., will continue. That may have created a contractual obilgation for you to pay the rent for the new place. You need to know where you stand legally before you make that move, and you only have tomorrow to contact a lawyer to sort it out. So you'd better start calling lawyers first thing tomorrow morning to find one that can assist you right away.

On a moral note, what you are proposing is a scumbag kind of move. You need to have backbone enough to tell her that you're breaking up with her and should give her enough lead time so she can find a place to live that she can afford. There are steps you can take to protect yourself and your stuff and still tell her what is really going on. On top of being a scumbag kind of move, she'll hate you for doing it this way more than she would if you were upfront about it. And that could cause you more drama, not less.

I’ll see if I can find someone. Is it a divorce lawyer I should talk to?

I don’t care about morality here or if she hates me. You don’t know her.

 

[Maxaxas]

BTW, it's not hard to find out.

She doesn’t even know his full name. I think it’d be pretty hard to find where some guy named Mike lives in a major city.

 

[stealth2]

She doesn’t even know his full name. I think it’d be pretty hard to find where some guy named Mike lives in a major city.

LOL You don't understand the power of a woman scorned.

 

[Maxaxas]

LOL You don't understand the power of a woman scorned.

when it comes to her I do, but I feel like at least I have a fighting chance this way

 

[commentator]

Yes, stalking and spousal abuse does occur in all sorts of ways, and it sounds like you've been being used for a while now. I'm in favor of you getting your stuff and moving, carefully leaving her things behind. But do not forget that this woman if she is abusive, is not going to just say, 'Oh well...." and forget about you. Instead, she will likely take this whole situation as "the feud is ON!" and escalate about 100% because you have done her wrong. You need to block her on electronics, be sure she has not been monitoring your whereabouts already, (your phone or vehicle) warn all your friends and relatives that she might contact them, and tell them how you want this dealt with. I would quickly as possible have your bank accounts closed, change all your passwords (she's going to know the ones you commonly use) and pretty much fix everything so that she can't get hold of you easily. Then, have very excellent locks and security set up in your new place. Yes, she will probably want to threaten you with a lawyer, etc. But that's just part of the dance you guys have been doing in the past, she's not going to stop, and the best thing for you to do is stop cold and remove yourself from the situation. Only talk to her when you are called to court, do not let her get hold of you and threaten and abuse you verbally, either in person or on line. An attorney's advice might be helpful. I do not understand how this landlord in this place you are/are not moving is going to be so happy about you handing him back the keys. Did you not sign anything?

 

[Maxaxas]

Yes, stalking and spousal abuse does occur in all sorts of ways, and it sounds like you've been being used for a while now. I'm in favor of you getting your stuff and moving, carefully leaving her things behind. But do not forget that this woman if she is abusive, is not going to just say, 'Oh well...." and forget about you. Instead, she will likely take this whole situation as "the feud is ON!" and escalate about 100% because you have done her wrong. You need to block her on electronics, be sure she has not been monitoring your whereabouts already, (your phone or vehicle) warn all your friends and relatives that she might contact them, and tell them how you want this dealt with. I would quickly as possible have your bank accounts closed, change all your passwords (she's going to know the ones you commonly use) and pretty much fix everything so that she can't get hold of you easily. Then, have very excellent locks and security set up in your new place. Yes, she will probably want to threaten you with a lawyer, etc. But that's just part of the dance you guys have been doing in the past, she's not going to stop, and the best thing for you to do is stop cold and remove yourself from the situation. Only talk to her when you are called to court, do not let her get hold of you and threaten and abuse you verbally, either in person or on line. An attorney's advice might be helpful. I do not understand how this landlord in this place you are/are not moving is going to be so happy about you handing him back the keys. Did you not sign anything?

I’m thinking I’m just going to toss my phone and get a new one. I guess there’s a plus side that she didn’t let me have any social media accounts anymore. She also made me cut contact with my family and most of my friends so they don’t know what’s up or where I’m going. I’ll try to get in contact and give them a heads up if I can. I have already set up a new bank account she doesn’t know about or have access to.

If she does try to take me to court what type of lawyer should I get?

I had a lease with my landlord, but it’s ending now and he knows we planned to move out ahead of time. I didn’t sign a lease for a new place.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Texas

I was with this woman for more than 10 years. I have completely financially supported her basically that whole time. I have recently come to terms with her being abusive and have decided to leave her. I am afraid this break up being bad. I have reason to believe she will destroy my things or the place we are renting (the lease is in my name) in retaliation. So I want to do leave as stealthily as possible.

We are planning on moving on Saturday. She thinks we are moving into this one place, but we’re not. She doesn’t want to deal with moving, so I’m supposed to take care of moving all the boxes and furniture to our new place while she’s at her friends and pick her up after. My friend is going to come over and help me move everything. We’re going to pack my stuff into his truck and hers into a moving truck she’s renting. Then once everything is moved out I’m going to give the landlord the keys back. Then I’m going to drive the moving truck to her friends place, quickly give her the keys, and take off with my friend to his place (she doesn’t know where he lives). Then I’m going to have my direct deposits sent to my account instead of hers and get a new phone number.

I was feeling really good about this plan, but then I was watching a movie and common law marriage was brought up. I didn’t think of that before and I don’t now how it it works. Now I’m worried that I could get in trouble for cutting her off considering how long we’ve been together.
Legally could I run into any issues given how long we have been together? I know you can’t just cut of a spouse when you divorce so is it the same in this case? Would I end up having to pay alimony or something like that?

If it turns out that you are considered married at common law you will need a divorce. So you need to consult a divorce attorney. Are you leaving her high and dry with no funds at all? If you are, that could definitely come back to haunt you. The same could happen if you leave her with any joint debt.

 

[bcr229]

I was feeling really good about this plan, but then I was watching a movie and common law marriage was brought up. I didn’t think of that before and I don’t now how it it works. Now I’m worried that I could get in trouble for cutting her off considering how long we’ve been together.

https://guides.sll.texas.gov/common-law-marriage

It looks like the duration of the relationship isn't relevant. What matters is the three conditions at the link.

 

[stealth2]

https://guides.sll.texas.gov/common-law-marriage

It looks like the duration of the relationship isn't relevant. What matters is the three conditions at the link.

Hopefully, @Maxaxas was able to speak with a lawyer.

 

[Taxing Matters]

I don’t care about morality here or if she hates me. You don’t know her.

You're right, I don't know her. You do. But my point is that the more angry she is, the more likely it is that she'll decide to do whatever she can to make your life hell. We've seen plenty of posts on these boards where people have that crazy ex who stirs up trouble as much as possible due to the anger of how the relationship turned out. If you can turn down the heat she'll hopefully be less likely to boil over and be one of those crazy ex partners. If you're pretty sure she won't turn out to be one of the crazy ones, then you may not face that kind of retribution from her from carrying out your plan.

 

[Maxaxas]

You're right, I don't know her. You do. But my point is that the more angry she is, the more likely it is that she'll decide to do whatever she can to make your life hell. We've seen plenty of posts on these boards where people have that crazy ex who stirs up trouble as much as possible due to the anger of how the relationship turned out. If you can turn down the heat she'll hopefully be less likely to boil over and be one of those crazy ex partners. If you're pretty sure she won't turn out to be one of the crazy ones, then you may not face that kind of retribution from her from carrying out your plan.

I’m absolutely sure she’s going to go crazy as soon as I say I’m leaving even if I don’t do this.

 

[quincy]

I’m absolutely sure she’s going to go crazy as soon as I say I’m leaving even if I don’t do this.

Are you employed? Does your plan include leaving behind everything (including your job, local hangouts) and everyone (including friends) to escape this woman?

Have you thought about getting a protective order instead?

You might want to use the following Texas government site for (possibly) helpful information and to find an attorney well-versed in domestic abuse: https://www.hhs.texas.gov/services/safety/family-violence-program

Although for years domestic violence and abuse programs have been tailored to female victims, this is changing in many places around the country. Texas for example now has programs available to assist abused males and your state has opened at least one shelter specifically for male victims. It’s not much but it’s a start.