State Aid and Custody

What is the name of your state? Missouri

I currently have a modification pending. I am seeking to clarify the language of the current parenting plan (not change any physical time with the kids for either me or my ex), and he has responded by filing for sole custody (making me an every other weekend mom).

I am 16 weeks pregnant, and am considering applying for state aid. I know that I qualify as far as the income guidelines, but am wondering what effect, if any, this could have on my custody issues. Is a judge likely to consider being on state aid as something to be used against me?

CJane said:

What is the name of your state? Missouri

I currently have a modification pending. I am seeking to clarify the language of the current parenting plan (not change any physical time with the kids for either me or my ex), and he has responded by filing for sole custody (making me an every other weekend mom).

I am 16 weeks pregnant, and am considering applying for state aid. I know that I qualify as far as the income guidelines, but am wondering what effect, if any, this could have on my custody issues. Is a judge likely to consider being on state aid as something to be used against me?

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No, being low income and needing assistance is not something that can be used against you.

What "change in circumstance" is your ex using to justify his petition for sole custody?

LdiJ said:

No, being low income and needing assistance is not something that can be used against you.

What "change in circumstance" is your ex using to justify his petition for sole custody?

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OP is NCP if you go back to her original threads here, she has been looking for ways to become CP aparently her ex is fighting her motion to modify.

LdiJ said:

No, being low income and needing assistance is not something that can be used against you.

What "change in circumstance" is your ex using to justify his petition for sole custody?

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There's another thread around here about his cross-petition, but in a nutshell, I moved 12 miles farther away than I lived before, and am living with a man I'm not yet married to. He believes that this 1) is a hardship on the children because of the distance they now commute to school (10 more minutes than previously) 2) My not being married is emotionally damaging to the children and interferes with his rights to raise the children as 'good Christians'.

I'm fairly confident that none of those are a serious enough change in circumstance to warrant changing a 50/50 arrangement that's worked fine for over a year and a half, but that's what he's going for.

rmet4nzkx said:

OP is NCP if you go back to her original threads here, she has been looking for ways to become CP aparently her ex is fighting her motion to modify.

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You're extremely incorrect, but thank you for your input.

My ex is designated as the sole legal custodian. The parenting plan is actually a joint parenting plan (it states he has to consult with me re: all decisions). We have 50/50 physical custody of the children. I do NOT want to 'become CP' as I already have the kids 50% of the time and this works well for all concerned.

I have filed a motion to modify (clarify) ONLY the language of the document. What I have requested is that because the parenting plan is essentially a joint plan, it state joint legal custody. That's it. His cross-petition is for sole legal AND physical.

I have explained this to you I don't know how many times.

CJane said:

You're extremely incorrect, but thank you for your input.

My ex is designated as the sole legal custodian. The parenting plan is actually a joint parenting plan (it states he has to consult with me re: all decisions). We have 50/50 physical custody of the children. I do NOT want to 'become CP' as I already have the kids 50% of the time and this works well for all concerned.

I have filed a motion to modify (clarify) ONLY the language of the document. What I have requested is that because the parenting plan is essentially a joint plan, it state joint legal custody. That's it. His cross-petition is for sole legal AND physical.

I have explained this to you I don't know how many times.

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My advice remains the same. Being of low income status can't be held against you. The 12 miles you moved shouldn't hurt you....living with the boyfriend has some small chance of being a factor in a custody case, but I sincerely doubt that a judge would consider it to be a reason to give your ex sole legal and physical custody.

LdiJ said:

My advice remains the same. Being of low income status can't be held against you. The 12 miles you moved shouldn't hurt you....living with the boyfriend has some small chance of being a factor in a custody case, but I sincerely doubt that a judge would consider it to be a reason to give your ex sole legal and physical custody.

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Thanks. Part of me knows these things to be true (re: income, etc), but part of me also knows that he has an endless cash flow to apply to all of this, and I just don't. I occasionally get scared that the judge will say "Look, he can afford all the nice things in life, and you just can't."

A related question...

There is a support request included with the modification. If I file for state aid, does the state then 'go after' him for support, or do they bide their time til the judge makes a determination?

CJane said:

Thanks. Part of me knows these things to be true (re: income, etc), but part of me also knows that he has an endless cash flow to apply to all of this, and I just don't. I occasionally get scared that the judge will say "Look, he can afford all the nice things in life, and you just can't."

A related question...

There is a support request included with the modification. If I file for state aid, does the state then 'go after' him for support, or do they bide their time til the judge makes a determination?

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The state isn't going to go after him if there is already a case in the works....however that probably explains why he is going for sole legal and physical custody. It probably would have been wiser to leave child support out of it until the custody issues had been clarified.

LdiJ said:

My advice remains the same. Being of low income status can't be held against you. The 12 miles you moved shouldn't hurt you....living with the boyfriend has some small chance of being a factor in a custody case, but I sincerely doubt that a judge would consider it to be a reason to give your ex sole legal and physical custody.

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She is also pregnant by the man she is living with. She is not a Christian and has no religious afiliation, he ex became a Christian prior to their divorce and his desire to raise the children with his religious affiliation was a part of the divorce. Ever since she agreed to the provisions of the divorce she has been looking for excuses, such as, https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=266608
inch by inch.....
So if they moved 12 miles further and now she is going on public assistance because she and this unborn baby are not being supported by the man she is living with, and won't have money to drive back and forth to school, see where she is heading?

LdiJ said:

The state isn't going to go after him if there is already a case in the works....however that probably explains why he is going for sole legal and physical custody. It probably would have been wiser to leave child support out of it until the custody issues had been clarified.

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Oh, I'm 99% sure that's why he's going for sole physical. And, I'm sure that in mediation, he'll bring it up as something I could give up in return for what I'm asking for. At the time that I filed though, I needed to get as much out of my attorney as I could, and I really do need the child support. So, waiting however long this process is going to take and then filing for the child support just seemed like a long drawn out, expensive process when all I'm really trying to do is make sure that things are fair and the kids are provided for.

rmet4nzkx said:

She is also pregnant by the man she is living with. She is not a Christian and has no religious afiliation, he ex became a Christian prior to their divorce and his desire to raise the children with his religious affiliation was a part of the divorce. Ever since she agreed to the provisions of the divorce she has been looking for excuses, such as, https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=266608
inch by inch.....
So if they moved 12 miles further and now she is going on public assistance because she and this unborn baby are not being supported by the man she is living with, and won't have money to drive back and forth to school, see where she is heading?

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I love the malicious intent you ascribe to everything.

Yes, I'm pregnant by the man I'm living with. And? And no, I'm not Christian, however I wouldn't say that I have 'no religious affiliation', I'd say it's none of anyone's business what my affiliation is.

The divorce was final well over 18 months ago. It would be very incorrect and unfounded for you to say that 'ever since then' I've been 'looking for excuses'.

I filed for the modification ONLY after more than a year. And ONLY after the ex began saying things like "As sole legal custodian, I have 100% say over your life and that of the children while in your care." and "The time I allow you to spend with the children is a gift to you." and "They have another mother now, so you can back off."

You have no idea whether or not I am being supported by my current boyfriend. And, while it is absolutely none of your business at all, I have been considering filing for assistance since about 3 months after the divorce, and haven't done so because I haven't wanted to rock the boat by having the state try and get child support from my ex. THAT is why I posted the question.

And yeah, I asked a very legitimate question re: my daughter's injury. I didn't once state that I felt it was neglect, or that I was going to attempt to use it against anyone. In fact, I stated that I DID NOT intend to. However, I'm sure that if the roles were reversed, my ex WOULD have tried to use it against me, since he tried to use allowing my 8 year old mowing the lawn as a reason to modify custody (she could, after all, get hurt).

Again, thanks for your input, but it would be much more appreciated, and much more accurate if you stopped deciding for me what my motivations are, and then sharing your incorrect assumptions with others.

If you go on PA the state will go after someone, custody will play a role.

rmet4nzkx said:

If you go on PA the state will go after someone, custody will play a role.

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What does "custody will play a role" mean?

It means that the state will go after whicheevr parent is NOT filing for state aid.

To give you some info from personal experience..

My ex had sole physical and we had joint legal. He and the kids were in Georgia, myself in Missouri. We agreed for the kids to come and live with me. I called the county DFS office to inquire about MC+ for them. They stated that even though he had court ordered physical custody, and that it was court ordered for ME to pay HIM child support, they would still open a case against him since I was the one getting the state assistance.

So, rmet is halfway correct. What the court order states about custody doesn't matter so much (as my ex is the one that had court ordered custody), it's who has actual physical possession of the children and applies for the state assistance.

And remember, if you go on assistance for yourself because of your pregnancy and don't include the older kids, then they aren't even factored in and custody of them won't matter one bit.

MissouriGal said:

And remember, if you go on assistance for yourself because of your pregnancy and don't include the older kids, then they aren't even factored in and custody of them won't matter one bit.

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It would be for me and the kids. It's actually something I've agonized over since the divorce was final. The amount of aid I'd qualify for would be a huge help, but not if it's going to negatively impact my current proceedings. I've been afraid to apply in the past because I was terrified he'd immediately use it against me as a way to get physical custody of the kids, and I didn't know if that was possible.

Thanks for the info.