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custody

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U

Username2005

Member
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? NC
My baby is 10 months old. Her father has never seen her nor
showed any interest in her whatsoever. We were not married
at the time of conception and I haven't seen him since before
she was born. We live 15 hours away from each other.

Recently I filed to establish paternity and child support. He
now says if I seek child support that he will seek maximum
custody for summers and all available time.
It would be good if he truely wanted to be involved in his child's
life but I am certain he is just saying he would seek custody as
a threat to get me to drop the case. He also told me while I
was pregnant that he would "ruin my life" if I sought child support
so I feel I have been threatened already.

What are his chances of getting custody and how much time would
he have to have her to get his support obligation lowered?
 


B

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
Unless he is an axe murderer his chances of receiving some form of custody and visitation are excellent. Also if he IS an axe murderer, as long as he didn't kill anyone important.

Listen, he's the father. He has rights. You don't want him to have any then don't file for support. Otherwise, you're expecting him to pay without having the benefit of fatherhood and judges get really pissy about that kind of attitude.
 
U

Username2005

Member
Actually I would be happy if he would be involved in her life.
I don't think it would be good for her however if he just wanted
some kind of custody as a means to lower his child support
obligation.
 
B

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
Username2005 said:
Actually I would be happy if he would be involved in her life.
I don't think it would be good for her however if he just wanted
some kind of custody as a means to lower his child support
obligation.
Click to expand...
What you THINK doesn't matter anymore. That's what happens when you have a child without the benefit of marriage. You let the court decide what is best.
 
U

Username2005

Member
More specifically, please someone tell me how much time he
would need to have the child for it to lower his support payment.

Say he does get some form of custody of her and since he
is a stranger to her, how does it work?
Would it start with supervised visitation to gradually ease the
relationship along?
 
B

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
Username2005 said:
More specifically, please someone tell me how much time he
would need to have the child for it to lower his support payment.

Say he does get some form of custody of her and since he
is a stranger to her, how does it work?
Would it start with supervised visitation to gradually ease the
relationship along?
Click to expand...
Listen, you obviously don't want to hear the right answer so I'll tell you the WRONG answer.

Yes, you can control the courts. After all, she's ONLY your child not his. His sperm isn't the same as her coming out of your belly is it? And that gives you ownership.

Now back to reality. No one can tell you how much time or money will be involved because no one here will be sitting on the bench when your case is decided.

He WILL get time with HIS child. He WILL pay child support according to state statutes. Anything more NO ONE but the judge hearing the case can tell you.
 
V

vclem27

Member
Wow

BelizeBreeze said:
Listen, you obviously don't want to hear the right answer so I'll tell you the WRONG answer.

Yes, you can control the courts. After all, she's ONLY your child not his. His sperm isn't the same as her coming out of your belly is it? And that gives you ownership.

Now back to reality. No one can tell you how much time or money will be involved because no one here will be sitting on the bench when your case is decided.

He WILL get time with HIS child. He WILL pay child support according to state statutes. Anything more NO ONE but the judge hearing the case can tell you.
Click to expand...
Bitter - party of one - your table is now ready...
 
V

vclem27

Member
I just hate to hear that the system favors parents instead of favoring children. I hear all about the parents' rights and I realize that they should have an opportunity to be a parent and involved, but at the expense of the child's well-being? What about the children's rights? Shouldn't children be given the opportunity to have drama free lives and live as children instead of being lost in the rights of the irresponsible parents who fight over money and time (btw, the time that they usual DON'T spend productively developing a solid, stable realtionship with their unknow child). The majority - and by the majority I mean over 50% - even if it is only 51%, the majority...of parents who do not take an active part consistently in the child's life by THEIR OWN choice - care more about the time and money just to piss off the CP. I have lived it as a child and am living with it as an adult. It has effected most everyone I know. I feel so sorry for all of these kids. Because there really are parents who believe that partial involvement is much worse than no involvement at all. If you are going to be a parent, don't half a** it, the kids deserve your all, custodial or not.
 
B

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
vclem27 said:
I just hate to hear that the system favors parents instead of favoring children. I hear all about the parents' rights and I realize that they should have an opportunity to be a parent and involved, but at the expense of the child's well-being? What about the children's rights? Shouldn't children be given the opportunity to have drama free lives and live as children instead of being lost in the rights of the irresponsible parents who fight over money and time (btw, the time that they usual DON'T spend productively developing a solid, stable realtionship with their unknow child). The majority - and by the majority I mean over 50% - even if it is only 51%, the majority...of parents who do not take an active part consistently in the child's life by THEIR OWN choice - care more about the time and money just to piss off the CP. I have lived it as a child and am living with it as an adult. It has effected most everyone I know. I feel so sorry for all of these kids. Because there really are parents who believe that partial involvement is much worse than no involvement at all. If you are going to be a parent, don't half a** it, the kids deserve your all, custodial or not.
Click to expand...
And the easy answer is STOP HAVING CHILDREN OUT OF WEDLOCK.

so you want to blame the father? YOu go right ahead. But that's why we have courts. In this forum we NEVER hear both sides. And unless you know this poster and both stories, the ONLY thing we can answer is according to the law.

If that's fair or not is not up to us.
 
U

Username2005

Member
I appreciate the answers and comments.
Can someone please tell me typically how custody works
as far as arrangements between the parties when the
father is a complete stranger to the child?
 
B

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
Username2005 said:
I appreciate the answers and comments.
Can someone please tell me typically how custody works
as far as arrangements between the parties when the
father is a complete stranger to the child?
Click to expand...
At 10 months old the child will not know "Daddy". There is plenty of time for parental bonding and the father has every right to that period of time just as you do. Of course, living 15 hours away is a hinderence but is not a disqualifier.

The court will most likely start with supervised visitation but do NOT expect it and don't count on it being for a very long time. In the meantime you also have to get used to the idea of the child's father getting overnight and weekend visitations without interference from you and also weeks at a time during summers.

IF there are issues then you will need to educate yourself with the issues of custody and support. This is an 18 year relationship with the father of the child. If you start out right it's MUCH easier on the child.
 
LdiJ

LdiJ

Senior Member
Username2005 said:
I appreciate the answers and comments.
Can someone please tell me typically how custody works
as far as arrangements between the parties when the
father is a complete stranger to the child?
Click to expand...
This is very general...but normally a father in your circumstance would be likely to receive joint legal custody (joint decision making) and a phased in visitation schedule that would allow the child to get used to spending time with him on a gradual basis. Eventually however, he would likely get at least whatever visitation is generally standard for the distance.
 
V

vclem27

Member
BelizeBreeze said:
And the easy answer is STOP HAVING CHILDREN OUT OF WEDLOCK.

so you want to blame the father? YOu go right ahead. But that's why we have courts. In this forum we NEVER hear both sides. And unless you know this poster and both stories, the ONLY thing we can answer is according to the law.

If that's fair or not is not up to us.
Click to expand...
I didn't say the father. Show me where I said the father. In her instance, it is the father. In my instance, I am the father, as well as the one who has an absent parent who is IMO, screwing up my daughter's life by not showing a sincere interest in her well being. I'm saying from what you have said, it sounds like too many people concentrate on what the rights of the parents are, and its sad, but the kids should have some rights too. It isn't about money or "time" b/c time is very often, not well spent...by sometimes both the ncp and the cp.
 
B

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
vclem27 said:
I didn't say the father. Show me where I said the father. In her instance, it is the father. In my instance, I am the father, as well as the one who has an absent parent who is IMO, screwing up my daughter's life by not showing a sincere interest in her well being. I'm saying from what you have said, it sounds like too many people concentrate on what the rights of the parents are, and its sad, but the kids should have some rights too. It isn't about money or "time" b/c time is very often, not well spent...by sometimes both the ncp and the cp.
Click to expand...
And what does YOUR situation have to do with this POSTER'S RIGHT to an honest LEGAL answer?
 
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