My Son's psychhiatric needs/ or lack thereof.

What is the name of your state? New Hampshire

In June of 2005 I wrote this: https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=252489&highlight=hampshire

Since then, I brought my child to my ex-husbands counselor at his request 2 times. On the second visit, the counselor spoke to my then 8 yo son privately, which was fine with me and what I expected.

On the way home I asked my son if she asked anything that made him feel uncomfortable. He said that she did. When I asked him what it was he said “She asked me if I ever feel like having sex.” Now, I don’t mind questions like “Has anyone every tried to touch you” and others like it but “Do you ever feel like having sex”!!???? This was an 8 yo child!

First of all, the only reason I was taking him to this counselor was because I didn’t want to appear uncooperative. But after my son told me what she said (and I didn’t ask him any more questions) I decided that enough was enough.

I wrote a letter to the counselor (copied to my ex) that she or any other psychiatrist/psychologist no longer had my permission to see my son.

My ex is now taking me to court attempting to get FULL decision making on my son’s psychological health. We have joint legal custody and I have physical custody.

My question is….what are the odds that a judge will grant him this wish?

I would be asking why she asked him that specific question - worded in that manner

BTB225 said:

I would be asking why she asked him that specific question - worded in that manner

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Apparently it was implied by my ex's girlfriend that something may have happened to him.

What I suspect is she (the girlfriend) is really trying to do is get a doctor to diagnose my son with ADHD which he does not have. I do have his teacher and his school to back me up on this.

What it boils down to is the girlfriend is very controlling and apparently feels the need to control EVERYONE around her including me. When she found out that wasn't going to happen the fit hit the shan.

I spoke with MY therapist and told her what happened and she told me to simply not bring him back there because that was an extremely inappropriate question to ask a child of that age.

I totally agree! I'd have a canary if anyone asked my 8 year old that!!

OMG!!

If she thinks that he has ADHD, take him to a pediatric behavioral specialist, only tell her she has to pay for it, because a lot of insurance carriers don't pay - or they pay at a 50% mental health benefit rate

School Counselor

I've asked the school counselor if she would be willing to do an evaluation on him. Also, I don't have a problem with someone evaluating him....I just want it to be a totally unbiased person. Not my ex's therapist, and not mine.
I also don't want the girlfriend to be involved in ANY way. It's none of her business really. He hasn't been to her house in well over a year, because of domestic violence issues at my request.
Now it also appears that my ex wants to start bringing him there again. He moved into her house an hour away from us an is asking for ME to provide half the transportation. Since I don't want him there to begin with, I don't think so!
I've countered him with visitation without the presence of the girlfriend on the grounds of domestic violence in front of my child.

Sadly I don't have time to read all your posts and research your ongoing case here.

You came here in June 2005 about the issue of the child betaken to a psychiatrist without your knowledge or consent as custodial parent. Since you and your husband have joint legal custody he may or not have been required to have your permission depending on the issues or situation, so you might be wise in just letting a judge decide your case.
Here are links to your first 2 threads, in which you describe DV and accusations that your son may have ADHD. Even though you may not believe he has it, having him evaluated for it may still be usefull as you may have grown accostomed to his behavior or unique responses.
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=251918 https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=252489
I can see reasons to ask the question your son's account may not be the same as the psychiatrist.

Perhaps a GAL would be an excellent idea.

Thanks

rmet4nzkx said:

Sadly I don't have time to read all your posts and research your ongoing case here.

You came here in June 2005 about the issue of the child betaken to a psychiatrist without your knowledge or consent as custodial parent. Since you and your husband have joint legal custody he may or not have been required to have your permission depending on the issues or situation, so you might be wise in just letting a judge decide your case.
Here are links to your first 2 threads, in which you describe DV and accusations that your son may have ADHD. Even though you may not believe he has it, having him evaluated for it may still be usefull as you may have grown accostomed to his behavior or unique responses.
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=251918 https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=252489
I can see reasons to ask the question your son's account may not be the same as the psychiatrist.

Perhaps a GAL would be an excellent idea.

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There is a temporary hearing tomorrow. A GAL is definitely going to be appointed. As I stated before, I am not against an evaluation, I just didn't like how things were being done and controled by the girlfriend.
I'm not the only one who doesn't think he had ADHD. I've spoken to several people...teachers...the school counselor....and in general people who are around him for long periods of time such as my mother, my ex's mother, my son's friend's parents who have for overnights and so on. Everyone seems very surprised that this has even become an issue, including my son's father's family.

rmet

One more thing. That is exactly what she asked him. "Do you ever feel like having sex?" It was admitted through my ex. Plus, that is not something my son would come up with out of the blue.
I don't mind questions that are pointed toward attempts to find out if some sort of sexual molestation occured, but what 8 year old do you know "feels" like having sex?

The GAL will interview all significant persons including dad's GF and her children, then it will be easier to get this issue decided. A child and adolescent psychiatrist would be the best person to evaluate your son and the court can appoint such an evaluation, be sure to tell them where Ex's GF works so they don't appoint a doctor there where she might have access to his records. Having witnesses from the school which disagree and even your ex's parents will help. You don't know who is making the accusations perhaps it is one of your ex's GF's children acting out.

i didn't even know what that was at 8. i wouldn't say that no psych can talk to him just that one. you don't want to appear uncooperative by not allowing help for him if he needs it. how would you feel about it if you could pick the doctor and explain to the new doctor in private what happened with the last one and you didn't think that was appropriate for an 8YO child?

Great advice!

rmet4nzkx said:

The GAL will interview all significant persons including dad's GF and her children, then it will be easier to get this issue decided. A child and adolescent psychiatrist would be the best person to evaluate your son and the court can appoint such an evaluation, be sure to tell them where Ex's GF works so they don't appoint a doctor there where she might have access to his records. Having witnesses from the school which disagree and even your ex's parents will help. You don't know who is making the accusations perhaps it is one of your ex's GF's children acting out.

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Wow! Thank you so much for the wonderful advice. I didn't even think of the fact that she works in a hospital where there are lots of psychiatrists.
You may be right about the GF's kids. I'm sure there have been problems between the kids but then again there always are and my son is not an angel either. He can be annoying as all children can. He is known to have a farily short temper but thats mainly when he doesn't get enough sleep. There were times when he was going there that he would go to bed at 2 or 3 am!
I "think" what she is trying to do is get him on medication so she doesn't have to deal with him when/if he begins to visit her home again. Maybe he can sit on the couch like a vegetable and be quiet. Funny thing is, with her being a nurse, you would think that she would know that medicating a child for ADHD who does not have it has the opposite affect and he'll be all over the place.

One other thing. My ex has another son. He's 15 years old. He's not allowed at the GF's house either. I'm not sure why, but you can be sure I'll find out.

cincsu said:

i didn't even know what that was at 8. i wouldn't say that no psych can talk to him just that one. you don't want to appear uncooperative by not allowing help for him if he needs it. how would you feel about it if you could pick the doctor and explain to the new doctor in private what happened with the last one and you didn't think that was appropriate for an 8YO child?

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Thank you. I think the best thing to do would be to start fresh with a new therapist, definitely not her. A court appointed one would be fine. I don't really feel the need to speak to him/her in private though. I think that if my ex, my son, and I went to this person WITHOUT the GF, we could very quickly get to the bottom of things.

Ljnsy said:

Wow! Thank you so much for the wonderful advice. I didn't even think of the fact that she works in a hospital where there are lots of psychiatrists.
You may be right about the GF's kids. I'm sure there have been problems between the kids but then again there always are and my son is not an angel either. He can be annoying as all children can. He is known to have a farily short temper but thats mainly when he doesn't get enough sleep. There were times when he was going there that he would go to bed at 2 or 3 am!
I "think" what she is trying to do is get him on medication so she doesn't have to deal with him when/if he begins to visit her home again. Maybe he can sit on the couch like a vegetable and be quiet. Funny thing is, with her being a nurse, you would think that she would know that medicating a child for ADHD who does not have it has the opposite affect and he'll be all over the place.

One other thing. My ex has another son. He's 15 years old. He's not allowed at the GF's house either. I'm not sure why, but you can be sure I'll find out.

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Nah, any 8 yo's neurological system is too immature to be stimulated by the ADHD Rx, they are all a bit hyper because of lack of insulation, however atypical reacitons to Rx could indicate a different disorder. Your son does have some traits that indicate some possibility it may not be ADHD it could be a different disorder and indicates further investigation.

rmet4nzkx said:

Nah, any 8 yo's neurological system is too immature to be stimulated by the ADHD Rx, they are all a bit hyper because of lack of insulation, however atypical reacitons to Rx could indicate a different disorder. Your son does have some traits that indicate some possibility it may not be ADHD it could be a different disorder and indicates further investigation.

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Yes, he may indeed have a problem, but the child that is being described in those court documents is NOT my child. I see a lot of his father in him as far as temper goes. If he can't do something and get it the first time, he loses his patience right away. His father was always like that too.

He is also quite sensitive and takes things personally that have nothing to do with him and his feelings get hurt.

The thing is, hes a really good kid. He goes out of his way to make sure to not hurt peoples feelings. He is very affectionate with everyone and the main thing he likes to do is tell jokes and make people laugh. He has told me that he feels like daddy's gf is more important to daddy than he is. I worry that this whole thing is going to blow up in all of our faces and make my child actually turn into the person they are claiming him to be.