12yr old daughter wants to come live with me

[SDriggers]

Greenville, South Carolina

Mother and I have been split for 11yrs (we were not married). She has been married and moved to Fort Payne, Alabama for some time. I normally get my daughter every school holiday available and 4-6 weeks during the summer.

Over the past year my daughter has continued to express that she wants to move in with my girlfriend, myself, and her 2 older siblings (16/m and 18/f).

It's come to my attention the living situation they are in is not ideal, as there are 4 adults and 2 children living in a 2 bedroom apartment. My daughter's current room is the master bedroom closet. This was never told to me until very recently.

It has also come up that the mother "signed over her rights" to our daughter and her son from her husband to her mother in 2021, which I was never contacted about.

I want to avoid a legal battle and everything I've looked up has basically said at her age she can choose. Do I have a leg to stand on here?

 

[cbg]

My reading of the SC law is somewhat different. I'm not reading it that a 12 year old child can make a binding choice, but that a child 12 and over may express a preference and the judge can (not will, but can) take that preference into consideration.

Not making any judgments here; just correcting an impression.

 

[SDriggers]

Thank you, I may have misread.

 

[adjusterjack]

I want to avoid a legal battle

This is simple.

Ask the mother to allow daughter to come live with you.

If she says no, then it's not so simple anymore and you don't avoid a court battle.

Are you paying child support?

 

[SDriggers]

This is simple.

Ask the mother to allow daughter to come live with you.

If she says no, then it's not so simple anymore and you don't avoid a court battle.

Are you paying child support?

The mother is avoiding even talking to me about it. We have been supposed to talk about it the past 3-4 nights and she has come up with a reason not to each time.

I do not pay child support, but I do provide for my daughter with things she needs. Clothing, school supplies, and even send her money for food when asked.

 

[adjusterjack]

The mother is avoiding even talking to me about it. We have been supposed to talk about it the past 3-4 nights and she has come up with a reason not to each time.

Delay is the deadliest form of denial.

Ask your daughter if she is willing to get on the witness stand and testify about her living conditions.

Then you can decide if you want to go to court on it.

 

[SDriggers]

Delay is the deadliest form of denial.

Ask your daughter if she is willing to get on the witness stand and testify about her living conditions.

Then you can decide if you want to go to court on it.

She's more than happy to
She's been taking pictures of their apartment and got hold of the "paperwork" where her mother signed custody over to the grandmother

 

[adjusterjack]

I did a search for DIY court forms for change of custody and found none.

You will need to consult an attorney and find out how much this litigation will cost you.

 

[Taxing Matters]

I want to avoid a legal battle and everything I've looked up has basically said at her age she can choose. Do I have a leg to stand on here?

In no state does a child age 12 get to decide on his/her own where to live. Ultimately that choice is made by the child's parents or, if they are not married and there is a dispute over it, by a judge. Many states do allow a child of a certain age (which varies from state to state) to express a preference of where he or she wants to live. The court will take that into consideration, but the standard the court must apply is the best interests of the child. If you go to court seeking to change custody arrangements, you'll need to satisfy the judge that what you are asking for is what is in the child's best interests. You'll have a better shot doing that with a family attorney than making this a DIY project. Note that you have to be a bit careful in how you approach this because you don't want it to be perceived as saying it's in the child's best interests just because you have more money/resources than her mother does. A lot of low income parents are fit parents, but they have to make do with the resources they have. The courts aren't going to punish a parent for that by taking the kid away unless the circumstances are so bad that the child's health and safety is at risk. Your lawyer will know how best to present it, but you want to be careful what you say along the way. Giving the impression the reason is basically just that you have more money isn't enough to win the day.

Also, consider that if you move for custody, her mother may make a cross claim for child support. That would ratchet up the stakes in the case, because if you lose you may well have a court order for custody that you must pay along with failing to get custody. Discuss that with the lawyer too.

 

[Ohiogal]

Greenville, South Carolina

Mother and I have been split for 11yrs (we were not married). She has been married and moved to Fort Payne, Alabama for some time. I normally get my daughter every school holiday available and 4-6 weeks during the summer.

Over the past year my daughter has continued to express that she wants to move in with my girlfriend, myself, and her 2 older siblings (16/m and 18/f).

It's come to my attention the living situation they are in is not ideal, as there are 4 adults and 2 children living in a 2 bedroom apartment. My daughter's current room is the master bedroom closet. This was never told to me until very recently.

It has also come up that the mother "signed over her rights" to our daughter and her son from her husband to her mother in 2021, which I was never contacted about.

I want to avoid a legal battle and everything I've looked up has basically said at her age she can choose. Do I have a leg to stand on here?

NO your child cannot choose and you better not have told her that she can. She is a child. She can choose quite frankly when she becomes 18. As you were told, she may express a preference. But that does NOT control. And how do you believe mother signed over her rights to grandmother? That is not a thing that can happen without court involvement and an adoption. And you would have had to have been informed. Unless you have not established paternity.

 

[Ohiogal]

The mother is avoiding even talking to me about it. We have been supposed to talk about it the past 3-4 nights and she has come up with a reason not to each time.

I do not pay child support, but I do provide for my daughter with things she needs. Clothing, school supplies, and even send her money for food when asked.

No you don't. That is BS. Has paternity been established? Have you ever been to court? You are not supporting your child. You are pretending you do. What about housing? WHat about utilities? Medical care? No. You send her gifts. That is not support.

 

[Ohiogal]

She's more than happy to
She's been taking pictures of their apartment and got hold of the "paperwork" where her mother signed custody over to the grandmother

You are pathetic. HOW DARE YOU PUT A CHILD IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS. Sorry. I won't help you. Because you are a POS.

 

[stealth2]

She's been taking pictures of their apartment and got hold of the "paperwork" where her mother signed custody over to the grandmother

Be aware that the court may take a dim view of said "evidence."

 

[Ohiogal]

Be aware that the court may take a dim view of said "evidence."

Especially since the child is literally STEALING from her mother. That paperwork is not hers and none of her business quite frankly. So to steal it and give it to OP -- who may not even be legally her father -- is pathetic. Especially when OP seems to be proud of this child for being duplicitous.

 

[commentator]

And do not forget, in low income situations, these children are literally cash cows to whichever parent is claiming them on their food stamp/Medicaid/assistance in any form case. So what she may be meaning when she says that her mother "signed over custody" of her to her grandmother is that her grandmother gets to use her as a family member for public assistance. They may really object.

Bringing a 12 year old into a household with nearly adult age siblings could be a very bad place to put her. Thinking of 16 year old boy, 18 year old girl, how will she fit here if it were to be permitted. You can bet the court would look at this too. With a dad who's been to say the least very lackluster in his support. I just don't think we've got the whole pic here.