12yr old daughter wants to come live with me

[zddoodah]

Let's begin at the beginning. You said you and the child's mother were never married. That being the case, was your paternity ever established, and are there court orders concerning paternity, custody, visitation and child support? If so, in what state were those orders entered? I'll assume for the time being that appropriate court orders are in place.

It has also come up that the mother "signed over her rights" to our daughter and her son from her husband to her mother in 2021, which I was never contacted about.

What exactly did she sign?

I want to avoid a legal battle and everything I've looked up has basically said at her age she can choose.

As you've been told, that's absolutely wrong.

Do I have a leg to stand on here?

For starters, you need to discuss this with the mother. If she's agreeable, then it should be a simple matter to have an attorney prepare a stipulated modification to the custody order. If she doesn't agree, then you'll have to petition the court for a change of custody. You'll need to convince the court that circumstances have changed and that it's in the child's best interests to change custody. The court will probably consider your daughter's preference, but it won't be controlling.

 

[LdiJ]

And do not forget, in low income situations, these children are literally cash cows to whichever parent is claiming them on their food stamp/Medicaid/assistance in any form case. So what she may be meaning when she says that her mother "signed over custody" of her to her grandmother is that her grandmother gets to use her as a family member for public assistance. They may really object.

It also could be a little less nefarious, grandma could have custody on paper for either school purposes or health insurance purposes (through grandma's job). That is becoming more and more common.

Bringing a 12 year old into a household with nearly adult age siblings could be a very bad place to put her. Thinking of 16 year old boy, 18 year old girl, how will she fit here if it were to be permitted. You can bet the court would look at this too. With a dad who's been to say the least very lackluster in his support. I just don't think we've got the whole pic here.

I think it depends on the status of the teenagers. I am not sure a judge could discriminate against a parent just because they had other children who are teens, but a judge could care if the household had problem teens.

 

[Zigner]

It also could be a little less nefarious, grandma could have custody on paper for either school purposes or health insurance purposes (through grandma's job). That is becoming more and more common.

I completely agree. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that the paperwork the OP has seen does NOT say what the OP thinks it says.

 

[AlmostThere]

If you are concerned about your child's living conditions, start paying regular support according to the state guidelines. With that extra cash flow, Mom may be able to afford better accommodations.

 

[Eekamouse]

What's your excuse for not supporting your child all these years? Didn't you think you had a moral obligation to do so even if your excuse is "well, her mom never asked for support"? Do you think it's appropriate to involve your daughter in any of this? She's 12 years old.
Let's say you did get custody of her. How's your wife and kids going to feel about this kid disrupting their household? Are they okay with that? They'd need to be because it'll become a sh*t$how if they aren't.

 

[Ohiogal]

What's your excuse for not supporting your child all these years? Didn't you think you had a moral obligation to do so even if your excuse is "well, her mom never asked for support"? Do you think it's appropriate to involve your daughter in any of this? She's 12 years old.
Let's say you did get custody of her. How's your wife and kids going to feel about this kid disrupting their household? Are they okay with that? They'd need to be because it'll become a sh*t$how if they aren't.

Not his wife. His GIRLFRIEND. And he mentions older siblings but I question if they are actually siblings. Are they his biological kids or are they the girlfriend's children who he likes to pretend are his and with whom he plays house?

But at this point, I don't think OP is coming back.