16 yo in college wants to date 20 yo classmate

[BBY001]

Legally you are a child. Accept it.

That would be the adult thing to do, of course.

While I do that, let me ask a question:

Why do people, lawyer, judges, and politicians especially,
appear to worship the law to such an extent that any
attempt to appeal to reason is impossible?

 

[TigerD]

I don't see how my comment could have betrayed me as
having the judgement of a child.

Your situation betrays you as having the judgment of a child. My kids do that too: Why should this rule apply to me, I'm special?

Look, I have no doubt that you are an incredibly intelligent kid. But, as I am sure you can comprehend when you distance your emotion, intelligence does not equal wisdom and experience carries a quality and weight of its own.

You don't match up with kids your age because you are smarter and more experienced. You don't match up with your classmates because of your age and experience.
It sucks. I don't mean to be rude or bash your hopes, but chances are this entire discussion is moot. It is fairly unlikely that a 20-year-old college girl is going to get involved with a 16-year-old kid - no matter how special he is.

You are opening yourself up to a lot of potential pain and ridicule. May I suggest getting involved in some youth groups - perhaps at a local church - to meet kids your age. You are in a tough spot and there is nothing anybody here is going to say that can make it easier.

On the flip side, you are accomplished. Ask her out. Maybe she goes out with you. Don't believe the stories about people just jumping into the sack. That is unlikely given the disparity in ages. But hell, roll the dice and go get a date. The worst that can happen is she says no.

Generally, there has to be a complaint by someone to prompt criminal charges. Nobody is following you to see if you score with Suzy. Just remember, if you knock her up, it will be a long expensive 18 years.

DC

## Added ##
PS: If it is my daughter you are talking about, I'll cut your johnson off and tack it to the wall next to Bambi if that trouser snake makes an appearance (or at least is something I might say to 16-year-old trying to knock up my little princess). Have a good date and remember that young lady has a father too.

 

[BBY001]

Your situation betrays you as having the judgment of a child. My kids do that too: Why should this rule apply to me, I'm special?

Look, I have no doubt that you are an incredibly intelligent kid. But, as I am sure you can comprehend when you distance your emotion, intelligence does not equal wisdom and experience carries a quality and weight of its own.

You don't match up with kids your age because you are smarter and more experienced. You don't match up with your classmates because of your age and experience.


## Added ##
PS: If it is my daughter you are talking about, I'll cut your johnson off and tack it to the wall next to Bambi if that trouser snake makes an appearance (or at least is something I might say to 16-year-old trying to knock up my little princess). Have a good date and remember that young lady has a father too.

You seem to have such a charming way of handling adolescents. Would you believe I have never dated anyone in my life? Do you think a child would go to the effort of trying to think through all the possibilities of his actions 360 degrees, including legally? Were the situation reversed and it was a 20 year old man wanting to date a 16 year old girl, he certainly wouldn't care about following the law, never mind researching it.

From what I understand, the state can press charges independently of parents or the parties involved. I've heard CA is doing that all the time in response to marriage applications and doctors' visits for pregnancy.

You know, there's just something the attitude in most of the responders here which just seems to amount to despotism in reinforcement of the established order.

Not that I can do anything about it. Except wait two years. But I felt I had to ask, which I think was a decent exercise, so give me some credit for asking.

 

[Proserpina]

You seem to have such a charming way of handling adolescents. Would you believe I have never dated anyone in my life? Do you think a child would go to the effort of trying to think through all the possibilities of his actions 360 degrees, including legally? Were the situation reversed and it was a 20 year old man wanting to date a 16 year old girl, he certainly wouldn't care about following the law, never mind researching it.

From what I understand, the state can press charges independently of parents or the parties involved. I've heard CA is doing that all the time in response to marriage applications and doctors' visits for pregnancy.

You know, there's just something the attitude in most of the responders here which just seems to amount to despotism in reinforcement of the established order.

Not that I can do anything about it. Except wait two years. But I felt I had to ask, which I think was a decent exercise, so give me some credit for asking.

You'll find that most reasonable adults will not appreciate a 20 year old dating their 16 year old.

Despotism indeed.

 

[LdiJ]

You'll find that most reasonable adults will not appreciate a 20 year old dating their 16 year old.

Despotism indeed.

I agree. However dating is not the legal problem. Having sex with someone you are dating is the legal problem.

 

[BBY001]

You'll find that most reasonable adults will not appreciate a 20 year old dating their 16 year old.

Despotism indeed.

I suppose my own parents are unreasonable by these standards.

They told me their minimum standard for adulthood was a high school diploma,
and because of all my hard work I had earned my adulthood.

When I asked about dating, they said I should use my best judgement,
because I fit in nowhere and have to find my niche somewhere.

Best judgement, for these purposes, included thorough research
on both birth control and the law.

The person who suggested I try to find peers in church groups
was evidently being quite condescending. The same kids who
go to church are the same kids attending the public school
system I was fortunate to escape from.

It's obvious I am going to fit in no better into campus
life than I have ever fit into high school life. There's no
place for me, unless I can make a place for myself.

I guess best judgement dictates that I drop this.

My opinion, however, is that the law should be modified.

 

[BBY001]

I agree. However dating is not the legal problem. Having sex with someone you are dating is the legal problem.

Actually, both can become a legal problem. In some adults' eyes the mere
fact of people holding hands or having a PDA moment is sufficient to
cause suspicion that the relationship might be deeper, even if it is not.

I once heard a law student on campus say, "In a court of law it is
possible to even indict a ham sandwhich."

In other words, a mere accusation, even without basis, can be used
as a weapon to ruin the life of a person you don't like or don't
approve of.

On job applications, for example, do you know that the standard form
reads, "have you ever been arrested for any crime." In other words,
the mere fact of arrest is sufficient to bar people from employment
these days, regardless if the grounds for the arrest were unwarranted.

So no, I can't even risk holding the 20 year old's hand; because the
purpose of courts nowadays is not to determine the truth, but instead
to perform all manner of psychological warfare upon any defendant
who practically anyone doesn't like for any reason.

Taking a risk is impossible in today's legal environment.

Oh well.

 

[Ohiogal]

1) I'd just as soon not mention my state.
Consider it a given that all states would
prosecute a 4 year age difference.

2) Girls my own age or who are in high
school are like children compared to me.
I want to date someone I can talk with.

3) It seems minors are charged as adults
when they commit crimes. Can't they
be recognized as adults for being
hard working and responsible?

1) You are wrong. NOt all states would prosecute a four year age difference and not all states have the same age of consent.
2) You are a child as well.
3) Nope, minors are not always charged as adults when they commit crimes. Depends on the crime and their criminal history. You are not an adult. And you are proving how immature and childish you are by not listing your state.

Off from your points -- what makes you think an adult would want to date you?

 

[stealth2]

1) I'd just as soon not mention my state.
Consider it a given that all states would
prosecute a 4 year age difference.

Yeah, not going to fly here. Every state is different.

2) Girls my own age or who are in high
school are like children compared to me.
I want to date someone I can talk with.

Actually, girls tend to mature more quickly than boys. I would honestly doubt that you are on the same level of maturity of a 20yo woman. One wonders why she would want to date a boy. I know my 19yo daughter wouldn't be caught dead dating a 16yo. Regardless of his intellectual prowess. There is really no common social standing.

3) It seems minors are charged as adults
when they commit crimes. Can't they
be recognized as adults for being
hard working and responsible?

But YOU would not be charged with anything. She would. And she is already an adult. You are not. No matter how mature you believe yourself to be. She would be foolish to do anything beyond go out for coffee with you. Anything physical? She risks her entire future.

 

[cbg]

What the law cares about is sexual relationships. They don't give a damn about who you hang out with.

So if you can keep it zipped, you should be all right.

That's as much as I can give you without knowing your state. Since all states are different, no matter what you think.

 

[single317dad]

OP happens to be in Pennsylvania, the state that has weird laws that can end up in misdemeanor prosecution for what would otherwise be legal: sexual conduct with someone over the age of consent.

That said, what would you like to accomplish here, OP? It sounds like you just want to complain a bit, and were hoping for someone to tell you the opposite of what you already know to be true. Like when mommy tells you "no", so you go and ask daddy the same question hoping for a different answer. Unfortunately, there's no upside for you here.

Or, more accurately, there's no upside for the adult who would be charged with Corruption of a Minor

§ 6301. Corruption of minors.
(a) Offense defined.--
(1) Whoever, being of the age of 18 years and upwards,
by any act corrupts or tends to corrupt the morals of any
minor less than 18 years of age, or who aids, abets, entices
or encourages any such minor in the commission of any crime,
or who knowingly assists or encourages such minor in
violating his or her parole or any order of court, commits a
misdemeanor of the first degree.

So, you have some options OP:
1) Move to any state where the age of consent is 16. Your belle should move as well, since crossing state lines greatly complicates age of consent issues.
2) Wait until you're 18 to have sex. I realize that's impossible for a child to comprehend, but it really won't be that long. True love will wait.
3) Change the law. This will take some time, but maybe you can be the facilitator for true love for some couple in your situation years from now.

Don't forget to wear a condom. Every time.

 

[stealth2]

OP happens to be in Pennsylvania, the state that has weird laws that can end up in misdemeanor prosecution for what would otherwise be legal: sexual conduct with someone over the age of consent.

That said, what would you like to accomplish here, OP? It sounds like you just want to complain a bit, and were hoping for someone to tell you the opposite of what you already know to be true. Like when mommy tells you "no", so you go and ask daddy the same question hoping for a different answer. Unfortunately, there's no upside for you here.

Or, more accurately, there's no upside for the adult who would be charged with Corruption of a Minor



So, you have some options OP:
1) Move to any state where the age of consent is 16. Your belle should move as well, since crossing state lines greatly complicates age of consent issues.
2) Wait until you're 18 to have sex. I realize that's impossible for a child to comprehend, but it really won't be that long. True love will wait.
3) Change the law. This will take some time, but maybe you can be the facilitator for true love for some couple in your situation years from now.

Don't forget to wear a condom. Every time.

Good advice for young women, too - make sure he does. Even if you ARE on the pill. As my daughter says - "I don't want to sleep with every other girl he's slept with!"

 

[eerelations]

OP happens to be in Pennsylvania, the state that has weird laws that can end up in misdemeanor prosecution for what would otherwise be legal: sexual conduct with someone over the age of consent.

That said, what would you like to accomplish here, OP? It sounds like you just want to complain a bit, and were hoping for someone to tell you the opposite of what you already know to be true. Like when mommy tells you "no", so you go and ask daddy the same question hoping for a different answer. Unfortunately, there's no upside for you here.

Or, more accurately, there's no upside for the adult who would be charged with Corruption of a Minor



So, you have some options OP:
1) Move to any state where the age of consent is 16. Your belle should move as well, since crossing state lines greatly complicates age of consent issues.
2) Wait until you're 18 to have sex. I realize that's impossible for a child to comprehend, but it really won't be that long. True love will wait.
3) Change the law. This will take some time, but maybe you can be the facilitator for true love for some couple in your situation years from now.

Don't forget to wear a condom. Every time.

I don't understand all this jumping all over OP like he's some kind of junior perv. All he's ever asked is if it's legal for him and a 20-year-old girl to go out on a date. And while you are all assuming that what he means by "date" is sex, I beg to differ, he may not mean that at all, as evidenced by his response to the question (paraphrased here) "why don't you go out with girls your own age?" - that he can't talk to girls his age, he's a bit intellectually ahead of them. (As evidenced by his being already in college at the age of 16.)

(On a side note you guys must have some hot sexy dating experience, to assume all dates automatically = sex. I for one have had plenty of fun, interesting dates with no sex whatsoever! Maybe some of you should try this sometime!)

All the evidence here points to OP's wanting to go out on some kind of talking date with the 20-year-old, and I for one think that's OK as long as:

1. his parents are OK with it; and
2, there's no sex (to paraphrase cbg).

 

[single317dad]

I don't understand all this jumping all over OP like he's some kind of junior perv. All he's ever asked is if it's legal for him and a 20-year-old girl to go out on a date. And while you are all assuming that what he means by "date" is sex, I beg to differ, he may not mean that at all, as evidenced by his response to the question (paraphrased here) "why don't you go out with girls your own age?" - that he can't talk to girls his age, he's a bit intellectually ahead of them. (As evidenced by his being already in college at the age of 16.)

(On a side note you guys must have some hot sexy dating experience, to assume all dates automatically = sex. I for one have had plenty of fun, interesting dates with no sex whatsoever! Maybe some of you should try this sometime!)

All the evidence here points to OP's wanting to go out on some kind of talking date with the 20-year-old, and I for one think that's OK as long as:

1. his parents are OK with it; and
2, there's no sex (to paraphrase cbg).

We're here to address legal issues. Going out on a date is not a legal issue.
Sexual conduct between different age groups is a legal issue, and if you think that's not where things are headed with a 16-year-old boy, then you must not know many 16-year-old boys.
The fact is OP may be intellectually ahead of his peer group, but that doesn't mean he has emotionally developed at that same rate (or that he hasn't). We have only his statements on this forum to judge that by, and judging by those statements, he has some growing up to do, and the state of Pennsylvania agrees.

 

[Proserpina]

That's the point, I think.

I come from a place where 16 is the magical age for most things (voting and drinking notwithstanding). It infuriates me when I see people refer to a 17 year old as a child molester (or worse still, a pedophile) for wanting to date a 15 year old.

Having said that, I now (obviously) live in the US. So like everyone else I have to follow the rules of the State. When in Rome, and all that. It doesn't matter that I might happen to believe that teens will be teens and 99.9% (that's an educated guess - no, I won't provide a citation ) will be horny little devils at some point and will want to experiment.

And experimentation is, in my humble little opinion, essential to gaining a healthy attitude about sexuality. The fact remains that some States are much tougher than others, and we're meant to follow the law.