5 children

[luvurself]

Does Mike have an attorney? If not he needs one yesterday. This attorney can find out if the husband is still legally considered the father.... DNA that does not match his does not automatically make him not their father legally.

If they no longer have a legal father... Mike needs to get DNA tests done on all 5 children to establish his paternity.

She has filed for child support.

He can file for custody and visitation of ones who are his children. Most likely he will get joint legal custody with the mother, some visitation and have to pay about half his income in child support, transportation costs for the kids to visit him, etc.

He can start out trying for full custody since she no longer has the children.. it might work. But I think his chances are slim. He can expect to pay a lot in legal fees for all this.

Keep in mind that you are a legal stranger in this case... you have NOTHING to do with it.

So most people here will not give you legal advice. If Mike would come here for advice he might get some help (but you might want to suggest to him that bad mouthing the mother of his children will not fly here. He is the one who choose her for the mother of his children. He’s stuck with her for the rest of his life.) You can give him moral support, but you cannot do this for him. He needs to be the one doing everything for the case and for his children. If he wants to now start being a parent he really needs to structure his life around his 5 children. And 5 children are a lot of children for anyone today.

If he gets visitation you will be the step mom of what are probably very disturbed children. This is really going to be hard on you on many levels... You already have a very nasty attitude about their mother, you have already decided that the child with a disability does not have a disability even though you have no clue and have never seen this child. All of this will make it very hard to be a step-parent to these children. They will resent you to no end just because you are the step parent. Kids just do that with step parents.

You really do need to think about this long and hard... do you really want to be married to a man who is paying half his income to 5 children and have your future child's life disturbed by 5 high need children? In marrying you he will be getting a free baby sitter and house keeper. Your future children will be losing their mother even before they are born.

Your responsibility is to your children, not to his and the other woman’s children. All of the problems that those children bring into your home will become your children's problems.. the drug use, the abuse, the neglect, the rough life... all of it. You will be short changing your children in so many ways it’s hard to even start to list them.

Along with a DNA test I would HIGHLY recommend a STD test and maybe try using this new thing called a CONDOM??? . "Potentially" having 5 children may be the least of his worries.

 

[Farfalla]

Along with a DNA test I would HIGHLY recommend a STD test and maybe try using this new thing called a CONDOM??? . "Potentially" having 5 children may be the least of his worries.

Good point

 

[Farfalla]

I've got another angle on this.. Assuming that the husband does really have a vasectomy. His wife keeps getting pregnant, with 7 children, and he’s still with her. This guy obviously does not mind that his wife is having children with other men. Most guys would have been gone after the first ‘miracle’ baby.

Maybe he got the vasectomy years ago and now wanted children. So he went along with his wife having ‘miracle’ babies.

Now the married couple has all the kids, getting welfare, etc. They want more income. So now they go after the bio dads for child support. Husband benefits because he has children but will not even have to fully support them.

(this does not let the bio dads off the hook for their antics, but it’s one scenario of what is going on here.)

Sound wacky? Maybe, maybe not.

 

[luvurself]

I've got another angle on this.. Assuming that the husband does really have a vasectomy. His wife keeps getting pregnant, with 7 children, and he’s still with her. This guy obviously does not mind that his wife is having children with other men. Most guys would have been gone after the first ‘miracle’ baby.

Maybe he got the vasectomy years ago and now wanted children. So he went along with his wife having ‘miracle’ babies.

Now the married couple has all the kids, getting welfare, etc. They want more income. So now they go after the bio dads for child support. Husband benefits because he has children but will not even have to fully support them.

(this does not let the bio dads off the hook for their antics, but it’s one scenario of what is going on here.)

Sound wacky? Maybe, maybe not.

OMG..This is turning into a Lifetime movie premiere...
But you make a good point. What man in his right mind would allow his wife to continue this type of behavior???I can understand forgiveness after the first "miracle" baby..but 5 "miracle" babies...

 

[Farfalla]

OMG..This is turning into a Lifetime movie premiere...

But you make a good point. What man in his right mind would allow his wife to continue this type of behavior???I can understand forgiveness after the first "miracle" baby..but 5 "miracle" babies...

IMHO, there is a lot more to this story than the OP has been told.

 

[LdiJ]

OMG..This is turning into a Lifetime movie premiere...
But you make a good point. What man in his right mind would allow his wife to continue this type of behavior???I can understand forgiveness after the first "miracle" baby..but 5 "miracle" babies...

Perhaps someone in a state where the husband's name automatically goes on the BC, and they were separated for a long time...without him necessarily even knowing that she was popping out all of those babies, or being ignorant that he was the legal father of the children. Now they are divorcing, he discovers one thing or the other, paternity test gets done as part of the divorce...and things move on from there.

We know (alledgedly) that she was married, we don't know that she was living with her husband. For all we know (and the OP knows as well) she was living with OP's fiance.

 

[Farfalla]

Perhaps someone in a state where the husband's name automatically goes on the BC, and they were separated for a long time...without him necessarily even knowing that she was popping out all of those babies, or being ignorant that he was the legal father of the children. Now they are divorcing, he discovers one thing or the other, paternity test gets done as part of the divorce...and things move on from there.

We know (alledgedly) that she was married, we don't know that she was living with her husband. For all we know (and the OP knows as well) she was living with OP's fiance.

The OP believes that she is still living with her husband.... and was during all of this. Of course the OP only knows what she's been told. And we only know what the OP has said...

 

[las365]

I think - okay, I hope - that this thread is a put-on by a troll. Please, don't let the situation described be for real. It is heinous on so many levels.

 

[acmb05]

Ok I am going to go through every one of your posts and quote and answer. Why you may ask? Well quite frankly I am bored and this post amuses me.

He apparently father 5 children with a woman who's moral character is not one to write home to mom about.

Her moral character is not one to write home about. You have got to be kidding.

We know that the husband is not the biological father of these children because he has had a vasectomy, and to my knowledge has had DNA testing proving he's not the father.

Hmmm maybe they lied about that to extract money from your fiance.

To provide a little more history, my fiance was never invited to the birth's of any of these children, is not on the birth certificate, and really has never had much to do with them.

Why would he be on the birth certificate? He is not the father.

To my knowledge she recently had them taken away, (again) due to her drug use.

Do you know this for a fact?

Now she's filed paternity case against my fiance Mike.

No actually the State has probably filed that.

doesn't child support mean he would be awared some kind of custody with these children?

Possibly if they are proven to be his and he asks for it.

Would Mike be able to argue in a court that given her drug history and rap sheet with DCF, could he sue for full custody should these children actually prove to all be his?

Sure he could, how do you feel about being instant stepmom to 5 kids?

We are also planning on having a child of our own in the future

Please reconsider this.

would future children affect the amount of child support he had to pay?

Nope.

Would she be able to just remain on government assistance, while being supported by her husband and roomates, and collect child support while remaining unemployed herself?

You gotta love the U.S.A

To the poster who said he never made an attempt to establish paternity, he in FACT has

Actually no he did not, he inquired about it until he found out it would cost him a lot of money.

He obviously couldn't be there for the birth of the chidlren because she didn't tell them they were being born so he could sign the certificates and claim paternity at the hospitial.

Which he could not do anyway because she was married

He hasn't had anything to do with the children because she REFUSED to allow him to see them, not because he didn't want to. And he has supported them at one point, he gave her cash for years up until she started to refuse him to see them.

Which was stupid because he was not the father. If this girl was this loose as you say he would have been dumb to give her money without first proving they were in fact his.

Why he continued to have children with her is beyond me

Horny? Not to bright? should I go on?

I for one am not going to judge

To late you already did with your first post.

He says if she sue's for custody,

Don't you mean support?

he'll finally be able to get custody, which is something he has always wanted

Really? Then why didn't he follow through with the DNA testing and establish paternity? Oh yea I forgot, it was going to cost him.

All 5 children are under the age of 7.

How many has he had since being with you?

Yes, I do believe she refused to let him see them.

Denial is the first sign.

She'd leave the kids at home with her husband while she went out to get pregnant again

And yet your finace obviously thought that was ok because he kept sleeping with her.

Why he kept sleeping with her, idk.

I think I already answered that.

He only openly admits to being the father of the first two. The other three he says he's not sure about, she was exactly around much, but he admits they could be.

Have you considered getting tested for STD's? I think it is a good idea.

And like I said in my previous post, he did try to establish paternity.

And like I said, NO he did not , he inquired about it.

And as far as I know, she is still married to her husband. I have a case number with ****** County that shows DNA was performed on the husband. So I imagine, yes he's been eliminated in court.

Again, you know this for a fact?

I just don't understand how she's trying to get child support when DCF has them

And again she probably isn't the state is.

Will he have to pay her child support when DCF has them?

No he will have to pay the state back for every thing they have given her.

His lawyer told him he didn't have a case because she was married, and another man was on the birth certificates. What else was he suppose to do?

I am almost certain his lawyer did not tell him that. What he told him was it would be expensive. He was supposed to fight harder.

what it would have cost wasn't the only issue.

Sure it was.

This is the first time he's ever had an opportunity to prove those kids are his.

No it is not, you have already said he had a lawyer on retainer before. He could have pushed it then and had it done if he wanted to.

No, I'm not pregnant.

Thank you, please stay that way.

Please help.

If you PM me I will be glad to look up the number for the nearest taxi service and moving company so that you can run as fast as you can away from this man. He has already proven he has no morals and will pretty much sleep with anyone who will spread their legs. If he had no problem sleeping with a married woman do you really think he will think twice about cheating on you ( if he already hasn't)

 

[happybug]

Good Lord! The therapy bills alone for these 5 poor children is going to cost more than the median income for the state of FL.

Your Fiance is completely irresponsible and a crap Father. I can't imagine a woman without serious mental issues willing to have a child with a man who has neglected his children to the point of them being in state custody. ( Before you even go there, YES, it is his fault as much as the Mother's ) He CHOSE to breed with a woman he KNEW was an unfit parent therefore, putting HIS kids at risk. Actually, I think you need some extensive therapy if you think this man is a good choice as the Father of your child.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I have reason to this that this drama is happening in my county. Something to do with why the county name was blanked out.

I have been racking my brain to think if there were any recent cases of neglect in the gossip rag - called a newspaper.

This is a VERY expensive county to live in; pay tends to be lower because most everything is service related (think tourist.) I couldn't even begin to imagine how anyone could afford five children here.

OP - run, run, run very fast from this guy. He's just a plain ol' cheating type of man. It will NOT bode well for you. He's looking for, well, you know, and a babysitter to take care of these kids. If he had wanted the children, he would have found a way. Don't think he wanted to.

 

[Ohiogal]

I have three children I love dearly. They are not ungrateful or brats. (well....not USUALLY)
(and sm to 6 furbabies *lol*)

And yes, I felt that if I didn't say this in as blunt a way as possible, I might not get her to take a step back and listen. If someone would have actually pointed out reality to me when I was seeing a 'gentleman' who was of ill-repute, I might have avoided a lifetime of heartache. I love our children desperately, but it's hard to explain to my children that they can't see daddy because he's in prison for manufacturing meth with intent to distribute, and child neglect because they were with him at the time. Not to mention one of them had to get de-contaminated...

I was blunt and to the point because I think it's better to hear it now then to live it later. Also because it is difficult for us, in our income bracket to sometimes pay for all of our necessities (and yes, we are frivolous at times), so, I can't even imagine what it would be like it my fiance had to pay cs on 5 children. I just can't.

So, I apologize if I was over the top, but, anyone who knows me or my children knows I love them to pieces.

~Christina

yet when I am blunt and to the point I am just a bitch. go figure.

 

[Ohiogal]

Does Mike have an attorney? If not he needs one yesterday. This attorney can find out if the husband is still legally considered the father.... DNA that does not match his does not automatically make him not their father legally.

If they no longer have a legal father... Mike needs to get DNA tests done on all 5 children to establish his paternity.

What Mike has to do is go to court and get the court to order DNA tests on all five children.

She has filed for child support.

He can file for custody and visitation of ones who are his children. Most likely he will get joint legal custody with the mother, some visitation and have to pay about half his income in child support, transportation costs for the kids to visit him, etc.

Really? How do you know he will pay half his income?

He can start out trying for full custody since she no longer has the children.. it might work. But I think his chances are slim. He can expect to pay a lot in legal fees for all this.

based on what? If DCF has the children they will start with supervised visitations and move up to more time.

Keep in mind that you are a legal stranger in this case... you have NOTHING to do with it.

True.

So most people here will not give you legal advice. If Mike would come here for advice he might get some help (but you might want to suggest to him that bad mouthing the mother of his children will not fly here. He is the one who choose her for the mother of his children. He’s stuck with her for the rest of his life.) You can give him moral support, but you cannot do this for him. He needs to be the one doing everything for the case and for his children. If he wants to now start being a parent he really needs to structure his life around his 5 children. And 5 children are a lot of children for anyone today.

Okay.

If he gets visitation you will be the step mom of what are probably very disturbed children. This is really going to be hard on you on many levels... You already have a very nasty attitude about their mother, you have already decided that the child with a disability does not have a disability even though you have no clue and have never seen this child. All of this will make it very hard to be a step-parent to these children. They will resent you to no end just because you are the step parent. Kids just do that with step parents.

Very disturbed children? What are you basing THAT on? Disabled does NOT mean disturbed btw.

You really do need to think about this long and hard... do you really want to be married to a man who is paying half his income to 5 children and have your future child's life disturbed by 5 high need children? In marrying you he will be getting a free baby sitter and house keeper. Your future children will be losing their mother even before they are born.

Your responsibility is to your children, not to his and the other woman’s children. All of the problems that those children bring into your home will become your children's problems.. the drug use, the abuse, the neglect, the rough life... all of it. You will be short changing your children in so many ways it’s hard to even start to list them.

That is what happens when children have siblings. One sibling's actions affects the others.

 

[Farfalla]

What Mike has to do is go to court and get the court to order DNA tests on all five children.

Of course the court will order the DNA tests.. that is what I meant when I said that Mike needs to get them done… through the court. You used clearer languge.

Really? How do you know he will pay half his income?

Here are the Florida guidelines…. She can look up what the child support will be. In Florida other expenses lilke child care, special needs, etc will be added.
Florida Child Support Guidelines

based on what? If DCF has the children they will start with supervised visitations and move up to more time.

He can try for full custody and he might win he might not, who knows. We cannot look into the future. You’re right that will most likely start with supervised visitations.

Very disturbed children? What are you basing THAT on? Disabled does NOT mean disturbed btw.

Has nothing to do with disability of the one child. It has to do with some of the ‘facts’ that the OP has given. Now I realize that the OP has all this third hand… but going with that. The children have been raised by a drug addicted mother. They have been in and out of the foster care system. If mom is drug addicted there is a possibility that mom was on drugs when she was pregnant. The comments in the OP about mom getting money from ‘roommates’ might be true too. Growing up in an unstable environment, going through the revolving doors of foster care, seeing mom with many men and being around a drug addict usually causes children to be very disturbed... it affects them for life. I delta with many many children from these types of environments.

That is what happens when children have siblings. One sibling's actions affects the others.

Yes we agree on this. When children are siblings they each affect the others in profound ways. The OP has not had any children yet. She has the opportunity to walk away BEFORE her children are born into this volatile, crazy situation. He will most likely get joint custody with some sort of time sharing. These children will continue to be greatly influenced by a druggy mother who apparently takes such bad care of them they end up in foster care on and off.

If you disagree with me and this that this is a good, healthy family environment for her to start having children in, than by all means give her such input. If you think that this is what makes a good parenting experience and a good influence on her yet unborn children… than tell her so. I gave my input from years of working with children from such environments and years of raising children from a similar environment in my home, around my own son.

 

[mmmagique]

yet when I am blunt and to the point I am just a bitch. go figure.

Not by me. I have disagreed with you in the past, and also publicly agreed with you. I just say what I think. Although I usually try to be gentle with what I say, if possible. In this case I felt it necessary not to be.

~Christina