Ack!

[Just Blue]

Yeah, the ex is really pushing the whole 'if they breakup, she'll be dating again, and that's not healthy for the girls' angle. Nevermind that I've dated 5 men total since my divorce was final 2 years ago, and one of them I've lived with for almost a year. And nevermind the fact that the BF is the only man the kids ever even met... but the ex took the kids with him on his first date with his wife.

It'll be ok though. Had a long talk with the kids last night and told them that he wasn't moving back in. They were sad, but it opened up a conversation about everything we've gone through together in the past 2 years (and believe me, this custody battle is the least of the list), and how we're still strong because we're still a family. My 9 year old said "That's because we know that no matter what happens, that you're always going to help us find the happy in the sad." She's so cool.

CJane...I'm so sorry that you and the bf broke up...I hope you are doing okay.....

 

[CJane]

CJane...I'm so sorry that you and the bf broke up...I hope you are doing okay.....

I'm surviving. I've spent the whole day with a most wonderful girlfriend, packing his stuff up and moving it out to the barn so he can come pick it up. There's so much other stuff going on right now, I don't really have the energy to focus on this particular thing. By the time I do... I'll be past the mad.

Thanks though.

 

[LdiJ]

I'm surviving. I've spent the whole day with a most wonderful girlfriend, packing his stuff up and moving it out to the barn so he can come pick it up. There's so much other stuff going on right now, I don't really have the energy to focus on this particular thing. By the time I do... I'll be past the mad.

Thanks though.

I am really sad for you....and sad for bf too....and sad for your newborn. You might have had a shot at making things work if your ex wasn't being so difficult....and if some people here didn't respond to you the way that they did. I am also not entirely certain that this board didn't contribute to some extent to what is going on in your life now....and perhaps your attorney.

Your case is an example of where I think that we (this board) could contribute to relationship failure....and that really disturbs me.

I hope that every regular on this board takes a big deep breath and really thinks about the way that they have responded to your situation over the last year or so.....and ask themselves sincerely if they helped or hurt your children with their responses.

Because quite frankly....I believe we (collectively) hurt your children....both the two involved in your current battles and the new one that you have now.

In fact....my advice to you is to cut us loose from your life. I don't think that we helped you....I think that we hurt you.

Nobody else here is going to agree with me on that....but my conscience requires me to say this to you.

You have my deepest apologies.

 

[SITLYNNE]

I am really sad for you....and sad for bf too....and sad for your newborn. You might have had a shot at making things work if your ex wasn't being so difficult....and if some people here didn't respond to you the way that they did. I am also not entirely certain that this board didn't contribute to some extent to what is going on in your life now....and perhaps your attorney.

Your case is an example of where I think that we (this board) could contribute to relationship failure....and that really disturbs me.

I hope that every regular on this board takes a big deep breath and really thinks about the way that they have responded to your situation over the last year or so.....and ask themselves sincerely if they helped or hurt your children with their responses.

Because quite frankly....I believe we (collectively) hurt your children....both the two involved in your current battles and the new one that you have now.

In fact....my advice to you is to cut us loose from your life. I don't think that we helped you....I think that we hurt you.

Nobody else here is going to agree with me on that....but my conscience requires me to say this to you.

You have my deepest apologies.

I completely agree.

Finally, someone will admit there are some here who do not even try to help the situation. As in my case, all the harshness I got made me go away for a while and rethink, then I came back to ask about my boyfriends case and got more of the same. I feel like some here treat me just like my ex does. Abusive. Then I found a wonderful support group just a few months ago because a wonderful member on here pm'd me the addy. So, since Dec 1, with their help and encouragement, I've accomplished a lot and am finally headed back to court. So, I come here with a few legal questions and my update only to have that same someone start her crap all over again. What good or help can all of her garbage really be to anyone?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I completely agree.

Finally, someone will admit there are some here who do not even try to help the situation. As in my case, all the harshness I got made me go away for a while and rethink, then I came back to ask about my boyfriends case and got more of the same. I feel like some here treat me just like my ex does. Abusive. Then I found a wonderful support group just a few months ago because a wonderful member on here pm'd me the addy. So, since Dec 1, with their help and encouragement, I've accomplished a lot and am finally headed back to court. So, I come here with a few legal questions and my update only to have that same someone start her crap all over again. What good or help can all of her garbage really be to anyone?

This is not a support group. You were given the appropriate advice from BB on the first thread you posted on how to file for contempt or amend your visitation order, YOU and YOU alone ignored that advice. YOU alone are responsible for your situation.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I am really sad for you....and sad for bf too....and sad for your newborn. You might have had a shot at making things work if your ex wasn't being so difficult....and if some people here didn't respond to you the way that they did. I am also not entirely certain that this board didn't contribute to some extent to what is going on in your life now....and perhaps your attorney.

Your case is an example of where I think that we (this board) could contribute to relationship failure....and that really disturbs me.

I hope that every regular on this board takes a big deep breath and really thinks about the way that they have responded to your situation over the last year or so.....and ask themselves sincerely if they helped or hurt your children with their responses.

Because quite frankly....I believe we (collectively) hurt your children....both the two involved in your current battles and the new one that you have now.

In fact....my advice to you is to cut us loose from your life. I don't think that we helped you....I think that we hurt you.

Nobody else here is going to agree with me on that....but my conscience requires me to say this to you.

You have my deepest apologies.

Neither Jane's attorney or any member of this fourm is responsible for Jan'e situation, that is a fact.

She moved away without giving appropriate notice in order to cohabit with a man she had no intention to marry knowing she had to give notice and that such actions put her custody at risk. Now it is clear that there never was any reason to move in the first place. That is not in any way shape or form the fault of any member of this forum.

I do feel sorry for all the children and hope that their best interest is eventually served. Since there is a GAL involved at least the children have someone to represent their best interest.

 

[CJane]

Now it is clear that there never was any reason to move in the first place.

Oh come on. I know that you're really not that stupid. That'd be like telling everyone on this forum that since they're getting divorced, there was no reason to get married. Or telling my ex that because we divorced, he never should have moved to Kansas City.

It's a completely ignorant premise to be operating from. Not only that, but it shows that your perspective is very rarely a legal one, but almost always a moral one... and this isn't a morality website. If nothing else, you've just proven to me (and to others, I'm sure) that your judgement should always be questioned.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Oh come on. I know that you're really not that stupid. That'd be like telling everyone on this forum that since they're getting divorced, there was no reason to get married. Or telling my ex that because we divorced, he never should have moved to Kansas City.

It's a completely ignorant premise to be operating from. Not only that, but it shows that your perspective is very rarely a legal one, but almost always a moral one... and this isn't a morality website. If nothing else, you've just proven to me (and to others, I'm sure) that your judgement should always be questioned.

The facts stand on their own merrit.
I'll bet if you ask your friends and family to be honest with you, they will tell you what they thought of the situation soon enough. You were too involved to look at your situation objectively. You didn't get your way now you are looking to blame everyone else. It still doesn't change the facts.

 

[CJane]

The facts stand on their own merrit.
I'll bet if you ask your friends and family to be honest with you, they will tell you what they thought of the situation soon enough. You were too involved to look at your situation objectively. You didn't get your way now you are looking to blame everyone else. It still doesn't change the facts.

Please, for the benefit of everyone here, point out where I've EVER blamed anyone at all for the situation I'm in. It would be terribly helpful for us all, but particularly for me so I could rectify that. Especially since IN THIS THREAD, I said "It's no one's fault but the two grownups involved".

And I have no shortage of honest people in my life... including myself. But I do deserve to have relationships, and I DO deserve to have additional children if I choose, and I'm under NO obligation whatsoever to get married in order to do so.

I'm not afraid of the facts of my case. I know that the kids' best interests will be served, that's never been something I've worried about.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Please, for the benefit of everyone here, point out where I've EVER blamed anyone at all for the situation I'm in. It would be terribly helpful for us all, but particularly for me so I could rectify that. Especially since IN THIS THREAD, I said "It's no one's fault but the two grownups involved".

And I have no shortage of honest people in my life... including myself. But I do deserve to have relationships, and I DO deserve to have additional children if I choose, and I'm under NO obligation whatsoever to get married in order to do so.

I'm not afraid of the facts of my case. I know that the kids' best interests will be served, that's never been something I've worried about.

NO one is saying that you don't deserve to have relationships or more children if you choose, but it's about more than your wants and desires that have to be considered when evaluating objectively the facts you have presented here.

Here you are inferring that your ex contributed to this,

CJane Yeah, the ex is really pushing the whole 'if they breakup, she'll be dating again, and that's not healthy for the girls' angle. Nevermind that I've dated 5 men total since my divorce was final 2 years ago, and one of them I've lived with for almost a year. And nevermind the fact that the BF is the only man the kids ever even met... but the ex took the kids with him on his first date with his wife......

and earlier that sure sounds like you are blaming him if you acknowledge his success.

The thing that bothers me the most is that the ex wins this round. He told me a long time ago he'd make sure I never had a man in my life again... this time he was successful in making that happen. I can only hope that in some dim future, he's grown up a bit.

You were hurt following your divorce, you are hurt now. Unfortunately, as many of the members here can atest, divorcing with minor children is complicated and their needs have to be considered before your own.

You jumped back into dating and kinda sorta living with a man without a committed relationship in part because you were pregnant and that wasn't enough to hold him. It is not a new story. It hurts none the less. No matter how much it hurts that he would not help you out with your custody battle, in being present to help with your newborn child or in showing his true colors, you still have to focus on the best interest of your children and that may mean some sacrafice on your part. It may mean being more stable before you start dating which will be difficult becuase now you have more baggage with two custody battles.

You need to sit down and objective look at all the options you have including the option of standard visitation. You have to consider the real cost of this battle and the battle that lies ahead. Rent copies of "War of the Roses" "First Wives CLub" and "Waiting to Exhale" watch the last after all the belongings are out in the barn.

 

[CJane]

Here you are inferring that your ex contributed to this,

Actually, that's not what I was implying at all. What I DID imply was that he would use the breakup against me since he can no longer use the relationship against me. I thought my post was very clear.

and earlier that sure sounds like you are blaming him if you acknowledge his success.

I can think that he'll enjoy the hell out of this without thinking it's his fault. Again, I would have thought that would be clear.

You jumped back into dating and kinda sorta living with a man without a committed relationship in part because you were pregnant and that wasn't enough to hold him.

I did NOT enter this relationship, or move in with this guy because I was pregnant. I lived here almost a month before I found out I was pregnant. I've said that to you several times, but your version of the facts works much better if I'm knocked up and seeking a babydaddy to hep me outta my poor pitiful life than if I'm a grown up who makes decisions based on more than a fertilized egg.

It is not a new story. It hurts none the less. No matter how much it hurts that he would not help you out with your custody battle, in being present to help with your newborn child or in showing his true colors, you still have to focus on the best interest of your children and that may mean some sacrafice on your part. It may mean being more stable before you start dating which will be difficult becuase now you have more baggage with two custody battles.

I don't have two custody battles. One is almost over and the other won't even start. I spoke to the most recent ex today, in fact. I told him I was going to have my attorney draw up papers using the state calculation for CS, and the standard for visitation. He was more than ok with that, and thanked me for getting things taken care of. AND, I'm not interested in dating. I don't date - I said in this thread (I think) how often I dated after my divorce. I have other things to fill my time besides looking for my next conquest. Really. Though I guess I should be flattered that you'd assume I'm such a hottie that there'd be men just waiting in line, as long as they didn't know about my 'baggage'.

You need to sit down and objective look at all the options you have including the option of standard visitation.

There is NO settlement option at this point. The ex will not consider it, according to his attorney. I have offered less parenting time on my part - months and months ago (though still more than standard). He wants all or nothing. It actually wouldn't surprise me in the least if he was posting here trying to figure out how to get my rights terminated.

I'll admit to some selfishness in my decision making in the past. But this custody thing is NOT selfish on my part. All I wanted, and all I still want is for the document to make sense - which would IMPROVE what has always been a fairly amicable co-parenting relationship. THe problem is, that it's not enough for the ex to co-parent, he wants to control me as well... he admitted that in his deposition.

You have to consider the real cost of this battle and the battle that lies ahead. Rent copies of "War of the Roses" "First Wives CLub" and "Waiting to Exhale" watch the last after all the belongings are out in the barn.

I've considered the cost from every angle. And I cannot, in good conscience, even looking at this as objectively as is humanly possible, say that it would be in my older children's best interests to be put into a situation where they only see EITHER of their parents every other weekend. ESPECIALLY with two new siblings - the deserve time to have a real family at both locations. I know you disagree with that, and that is certainly your right. But it doesn't make me a manipulative, whiny, or otherwise spiteful human being. I'm not here whining about not getting what I want. I'm not looking for everyone to agree with me or advise me on how to 'get my way'. I no longer care whether anyone believes that or not.

My kids and I will get through this. I'll manage to co-parent with both fathers better than I'd imagine most of the people here manage to do, and we'll all be better for it.

Edited to add *** We're WAY off topic. Does anyone have any guess as to how long a GAL usually needs to prepare a recommendation? I have the kids until Wed AM - that's it until the Sunday night before trial (unless a continuance is filed).

IF a continuance is needed, who asks for it? The GAL since it was her need to reschedule? My attorney since it was my home visit? My ex's attorney since they're petitioner?

 

[NotSoNew]

This is not a support group. You were given the appropriate advice from BB on the first thread you posted on how to file for contempt or amend your visitation order, YOU and YOU alone ignored that advice. YOU alone are responsible for your situation.

rmet you are the fist to point out that this is not a support group but rather a legal advice site, however its not a debate club either. it seems you just want to contradict everyone, and your not really offering anything helpful, legal or otherwise (in these particular threads) .

if these threads or posters annoy you then don't reply.

 

[Bali Hai]

Actually, that's not what I was implying at all. What I DID imply was that he would use the breakup against me since he can no longer use the relationship against me. I thought my post was very clear.




I can think that he'll enjoy the hell out of this without thinking it's his fault. Again, I would have thought that would be clear.



I did NOT enter this relationship, or move in with this guy because I was pregnant. I lived here almost a month before I found out I was pregnant. I've said that to you several times, but your version of the facts works much better if I'm knocked up and seeking a babydaddy to hep me outta my poor pitiful life than if I'm a grown up who makes decisions based on more than a fertilized egg.



You need to sit down

With a dime between your knees!!

and objective look at all the options you have including the option of standard visitation.

There is NO settlement option at this point. The ex will not consider it, according to his attorney. I have offered less parenting time on my part - months and months ago (though still more than standard). He wants all or nothing. It actually wouldn't surprise me in the least if he was posting here trying to figure out how to get my rights terminated.

I'll admit to some selfishness in my decision making in the past. But this custody thing is NOT selfish on my part. All I wanted, and all I still want is for the document to make sense - which would IMPROVE what has always been a fairly amicable co-parenting relationship. THe problem is, that it's not enough for the ex to co-parent, he wants to control me as well... he admitted that in his deposition.




I've considered the cost from every angle. And I cannot, in good conscience, even looking at this as objectively as is humanly possible, say that it would be in my older children's best interests to be put into a situation where they only see EITHER of their parents every other weekend. ESPECIALLY with two new siblings - the deserve time to have a real family at both locations. I know you disagree with that, and that is certainly your right. But it doesn't make me a manipulative, whiny, or otherwise spiteful human being. I'm not here whining about not getting what I want. I'm not looking for everyone to agree with me or advise me on how to 'get my way'. I no longer care whether anyone believes that or not.

My kids and I will get through this. I'll manage to co-parent with both fathers better than I'd imagine most of the people here manage to do, and we'll all be better for it.

Edited to add *** We're WAY off topic. Does anyone have any guess as to how long a GAL usually needs to prepare a recommendation? I have the kids until Wed AM - that's it until the Sunday night before trial (unless a continuance is filed).

IF a continuance is needed, who asks for it? The GAL since it was her need to reschedule? My attorney since it was my home visit? My ex's attorney since they're petitioner?[/QUOTE]

BAL, NCP.....anymore acronyms??? WTF!! This case isn't so hard to figure out!.

 

[CJane]

BAL, NCP.....anymore acronyms??? WTF!! This case isn't so hard to figure out!.

OMG, really? Then why has it taken almost a year for any of the people that are actually involved to make a decision, oh great and powerful one?

Is the dime between the knees the best way to get me some? Or just the method you use?

 

[weenor]

There is really no way to tell how long any GAL needs to prepare an evaluation..will depend on her schedule...if a continuance is granted it will mostly like be at her request (i.e. didn't have time to get the report done). My guess is that it will really depend on what she observes in your home during the visit (if she gets to you this week). The visit may merely be a formality that will not require a lot of analysis....Sorry I can't be more definitive.