can we get custody?

[DRAGONSFIRE]

Once we go to court and win this custody battle I will make sure to come in and rub it in every doubters face! The exs are the ones at fault here NOT us!

That's real mature.

He wants a paternity test done, because he has reason to believe the boy is not his, but Domestics wont let him have one.

Sounds like he really wants to be a dad to that child.

Go throw your hissy fit to the judge. He didn't care about those kids for years now he wants to take them away from all they know. Good luck!

Sarah

Ok, now, my husband does want a paternity test done, he asked 8 yrs ago for one, but was refused. He was "careful" back when she got pregnant because he already had a kid on the way to his other ex who had cheated on him and they broke up. And I was told by some guy (who I have no idea who it was) that there was a chance the kid was not his since she was purposely trying to get pregnant in order to trap my, now, husband. And if he didnt want anything to do with this kid, he wouldnt of tried anything since the kid was born, but he has. For 5 yrs he did get to see him, until I had a son, and the ex refuses now of any contact besides the few times we did see him. Same with his daughter, we did see her for a few years, until they felt we had no rights to. And there will be no "hissy fits" with the judge I just get frustrated when people automatically think its just his fault. And the 2 kids DO know us, thank you!

 

[DRAGONSFIRE]

Look - if Dad couldn't afford even pro se filing fees, he had no business having more kids. Again, he has no visitation rights until the court gives them to him. The court will not give them to him until he files for them. YOU, my dear, have no rights at all in terms of the legalities. Zip, Zero, Nada.

You act like he just planned on having these kids. No one actually plans on things to happen like they do. We didnt even plan on having kids, but God forbid, the birth control pills are not 100% effective.
And Duh!! I am only the step-mother of the 2 kids!! I already know all that, I am looking up info for my husband.

 

[DRAGONSFIRE]

unless he is a multiple felon, child abuser, druggie whatever he would have easily got visitation with very little cost, your kids never would have been in danger of losing food or their home, I hope you are not planning on going into court with this "it's all their fault" attitude.

Actually back then we had an income of only $2300/mo and bills of $2000/mo., plus food and necessities for kids and us. So, yes, we would of had to give up food, bills or somethin in order to go to court back then.
I am not sure if I actually need to be in court with him or not, but he will do the talking about the situation, not me. They are his kids, I am just the step-mom who will take care of them while his is at work.

 

[laurafhl]

I think that you are putting the cart before the horse here. First and foremost your husband needs to establish a COURT ordered visitation scedule with his children. Then further down the road IF the mothers' of these children are proved to be unfit or unable to care for these children somehow then maybe your husband may have a chance at custody of the children. A person cannot just go to court....claim something without proof and expect to gain custody without even having court ordered visitation all these years. Please consult an attorney before taking on this task that you are attempting.

It sound like maybe he has been paying child support for these kids all these years. That is good. Now he needs to establish a relationship with them. Then he can comtemplate custody in the future if that is what he still wants to do. The mother's of these have had no legal obligation to give him visitation.. He needs to have COURT ORDERED visitation rights. That will start him on the right track.. Good luck and God bless.

 

[stealth2]

You act like he just planned on having these kids. No one actually plans on things to happen like they do. We didnt even plan on having kids, but God forbid, the birth control pills are not 100% effective.
And Duh!! I am only the step-mother of the 2 kids!! I already know all that, I am looking up info for my husband.

If one doesn't want to have kids, there is a very simple way of avoiding it. STOP STICKING IT IN WARM PLACES W/O A COMMITMENT! The only one at fault for this situation really is your husband. He fathered two children in (apparently) short order. He (also apparently) was less than discriminating with where he was sticking it.

 

[brisgirl825]

You weren't trying to have kids but you were having sex? He didn't want another kid with mom #2 and he still had sex? He wasn't trapped into making babies. A woman can't do it on her own so blame her if you want to. I despise it when people say that they have sex and don't think they can get pregnant. It is ALWAYS a possibility when you have sex. If you didn't want kids get fixed or stop having sex. DUH! Where were you in high school sex ed?

And it is HIS fault for not pursuing his rights earlier, that's what everyone has been saying. Your husband thinks he's going to waltz into a court room and pull this "I'm the dad" routine, it's not that simple. It's not in the best interests of the kids to be uprooted to go live with a man they don't know. At best your husband could get supervised visits.

It sounds like you guys are strapped for cash with your two missed pill accidents and you want custody to get out of support.

Sarah

 

[DRAGONSFIRE]

Your husband has had 7 years to attempt to obtain and enforce visitation rights with his daughter...yet he has only seen her 5 times in that time period.
If he had had one...and enforced it, the boyfriend NEVER could have obtained custody.
Your husband has had 5 years to attempt to obtain and enforce visitation rights with his son....yet he has only seen him 3 times in 5 years.
He didn't need an attorney to obtain visitation rights, nor to enforce them. He could probably do it without one now...but its a whole lot more complicated than it would have been 10 years ago.
Of course domestics won't let him have a paternity test, he waited far too long for that.
You also stated that basically both women are have done this because they couldn't have your husband....since the kids are 10 years old I think that its pretty safe to believe that they are no longer interested in your husband......and were probably no longer interested in your husband shortly after they discovered that he got BOTH of them pregnant. I also suspect that your husband was pretty panicky at the time and not terribly interested in establishing his "rights".

Your husband is basically a stranger to these children at this point. The odds of him getting primary custody of the kids are SLIM. His chances regarding his daughter are greater (despite the fact that it has gone on longer with her than with his son) only because she is not in the custody of one of her parents. However if the man she regards as "dad" has been in her life for a long time the odds are still slim.

Apparently neither of these mothers have behaved well.....however your husband is equally at fault here. The sooner he accepts that, and behaves accordingly...the more sympathy he is going to get from a judge.

I hope you realize how expensive these two separate battles are going to be....because these are the kinds of battles that take 10's of thousands of dollars to win....don't think that the retainer he paid is the total cost.

Actually, only the one he has a son with is the one who is doing things out of spite against my husband not wanting her. TUST me, she still wants him otherwise she would not do the things to him like she does. She only stopped letting us see his son since I am with him and we had a son. Her son was her, what would you call it, a toy, leverage, whatever you want to cal it, to keep him from being with anyone else. Now she is using the support payments instead. Hoping increasing it every year will cause him to be with noone else. One of those, "if I cant have you no one will" things.
We have the money now to afford any and all court costs. I know the lawyer is not all the fees we will have to pay. We dont care about that. My daughter is constantly asking about her sister and brother and why she cannot see them, and when we did get to see those kids, they never wanted to leave here. Its only fair to have thses kids in our lives and to be in a situation where they can see BOTH parents on regular times, and not how the ex's are doing it.
I am just glad that you at least realize that the exs are doing wrong here, and its not all my husband and him being a "dead beat dad", as some would call it.
As I stated in a prior post, He was not with his one ex when the other got pregnant. And he was not paniky about it, he did have tests done on the girl because of her mom cheating on him. His son was around 2 yrs when he tried to get paternity tests done, when he never went to the Assistance office to sign paternity papers, and thats how he found out that the papers were signed at domestics when he signed the support papers. We also found out that his rights to his daughter might of been terminated back in '96, what does that mean? And how will it affect the custody situation and support payments?

 

[DRAGONSFIRE]

You weren't trying to have kids but you were having sex? He didn't want another kid with mom #2 and he still had sex? He wasn't trapped into making babies. A woman can't do it on her own so blame her if you want to. I despise it when people say that they have sex and don't think they can get pregnant. It is ALWAYS a possibility when you have sex. If you didn't want kids get fixed or stop having sex. DUH! Where were you in high school sex ed?

And it is HIS fault for not pursuing his rights earlier, that's what everyone has been saying. Your husband thinks he's going to waltz into a court room and pull this "I'm the dad" routine, it's not that simple. It's not in the best interests of the kids to be uprooted to go live with a man they don't know. At best your husband could get supervised visits.

It sounds like you guys are strapped for cash with your two missed pill accidents and you want custody to get out of support.

Sarah

Where are you getting your ideas from? Who says he was trapped??? And who said that they didnt think they could get pregnant? I never wrote those words. Learn to read! I said that it was never PLANNED!! And who are you to say that I missed pills???? I took my pills every day like I was suppose to, but THEY ARE NOT 100% EFFECTIVE. And we are not tryin to get out of payin support, we dont care about that, if that was the case we would of done it years ago! And where do you get that we are strapped for cash?? My husband brings home (after the support and taxes) $1000 +/week!! And why cant you read the parts where it says THE KIDS DO KNOW US!!?

 

[DRAGONSFIRE]

I think that you are putting the cart before the horse here. First and foremost your husband needs to establish a COURT ordered visitation scedule with his children. Then further down the road IF the mothers' of these children are proved to be unfit or unable to care for these children somehow then maybe your husband may have a chance at custody of the children. A person cannot just go to court....claim something without proof and expect to gain custody without even having court ordered visitation all these years. Please consult an attorney before taking on this task that you are attempting.

It sound like maybe he has been paying child support for these kids all these years. That is good. Now he needs to establish a relationship with them. Then he can comtemplate custody in the future if that is what he still wants to do. The mother's of these have had no legal obligation to give him visitation.. He needs to have COURT ORDERED visitation rights. That will start him on the right track.. Good luck and God bless.

We do have an appointment with an attorney this friday about all of this. And yes, he has paid support faithfully, for the entire time these kids have been here, even christmas, B-days, and school clothes. (Most the exs wont keep though)
we do have witnesses to the fact that the mother of the boy is abusive and neglects the kid, and the mother of the girl abandoned the girl and it is in writing at domestics that she left state. And a number of witnesses to testify that they refuse to let my husband see the kids.

 

[DRAGONSFIRE]

If one doesn't want to have kids, there is a very simple way of avoiding it. STOP STICKING IT IN WARM PLACES W/O A COMMITMENT! The only one at fault for this situation really is your husband. He fathered two children in (apparently) short order. He (also apparently) was less than discriminating with where he was sticking it.

As stated before, he left his ex that he has the girl to because of her cheating, otherwise they probaly would of gotten married and stayed together. They were together for a few years. The mother of the son was a rebound, I guess you could say, who was PURPOSLY trying to get pregnant in order to, I guess trap (like stated by another guest), him in to staying with her. He was very cautious with her and like I stated, there is a good chance this kid is not his, but no way of finding out unless he goes on Maury to get a test done that will hold up in court, or something. And just because he "fathered" the kids, does not give the exs the right to keep him out of the kids lives.

 

[CJane]

As stated before, he left his ex that he has the girl to because of her cheating, otherwise they probaly would of gotten married and stayed together. They were together for a few years. The mother of the son was a rebound, I guess you could say, who was PURPOSLY trying to get pregnant in order to, I guess trap (like stated by another guest), him in to staying with her. He was very cautious with her and like I stated, there is a good chance this kid is not his, but no way of finding out unless he goes on Maury to get a test done that will hold up in court, or something. And just because he "fathered" the kids, does not give the exs the right to keep him out of the kids lives.

At this point, if he already signed a paternity affidavit, even a test indicating that he's NOT the father probably wouldn't get him out of support payments unless he could find the 'real' father and convince him to get tested and take over responsibility. The state really doesn't care 'who' the father is, only that one is financially responsible.

And yes, the exes have EVERY legal right to keep him from seeing the kids unless and until he has a court ordered visitation agreement. The time that he DID get with the kids was a gift, not a right. He chose not to get the visitation up to this point. There's no way custody is a slam dunk, and if your attorney told you that it was, he was lying.

 

[DRAGONSFIRE]

Pennsylvania Child Custody Laws In Pennsylvania state: Joint (shared) or sole child custody may be awarded based on the best interests of the child, and upon a consideration of the following factors: which parent is more likely to encourage, permit, and allow frequent and continuing contact, including physical access between the other parent and the child

 

[AHA]

Tell Daddy to get a good lawyer, he should have done that the minute the kids were born. He can get A DNA test done when ever he wants, of course not by calling the mother and asking, but by taking the matter to court.
A real man doesn't get "trapped" into having a kid, a real man will use protection if he doesn't want kids. A real man also chooses carefully who he has sex with without a condom. It is NO ONE ELSE'S responsibility to protect him from fatherhood besided HIMSELF.

Re: getting pregnant and bc not working.
A woman is only fertile a couple of days a month, EVERY woman should now when those days are(JUST DON'T HAVING SEX THOSE COUPLE OF DAYS EVERY MONTH, you don't HAVE to have sex every night when you know you are ovulating, you are humans not rabbits) and EVERY man should wear a condom if he doesn't plan on having kids. It's so simple, it's even funny. Only a fool ends up with 4 "unplanned" kids. One "mistake/accident", any more than that is plain dumb. Mistakes are made to learn from, especially your own.
For your existing kid's sake I hope you are using 2 birthcontrols now, don't add more kids into this situation.

 

[DRAGONSFIRE]

Tell Daddy to get a good lawyer, he should have done that the minute the kids were born. He can get A DNA test done when ever he wants, of course not by calling the mother and asking, but by taking the matter to court.
A real man doesn't get "trapped" into having a kid, a real man will use protection if he doesn't want kids. A real man also chooses carefully who he has sex with without a condom. It is NO ONE ELSE'S responsibility to protect him from fatherhood besided HIMSELF.

Re: getting pregnant and bc not working.
A woman is only fertile a couple of days a month, EVERY woman should now when those days are(JUST DON'T HAVING SEX THOSE COUPLE OF DAYS EVERY MONTH, you don't HAVE to have sex every night when you know you are ovulating, you are humans not rabbits) and EVERY man should wear a condom if he doesn't plan on having kids. It's so simple, it's even funny. Only a fool ends up with 4 "unplanned" kids. One "mistake/accident", any more than that is plain dumb. Mistakes are made to learn from, especially your own.
For your existing kid's sake I hope you are using 2 birthcontrols now, don't add more kids into this situation.

Domestic relations said he has no right to get a DNA test done on his son, he tried.

I am not going to sit here and defend my husband on his sexual escapades from the past. It is not the point. But he did use condoms, (but condoms can break every now and then and things happen.) Why do you think he has doubts on his sons paternity?

As for me, well, guess what, not everyone uses tests every month to check when you are ovulating. I had problems with the pill which resulted in my getting pregnant 2 seperate times. Which I DO NOT regreat having! And who are you people to tell me how and when I should have sex with my husband? For your information, if you must know, we only have sex once a week. Ever since I was raped 9 yrs ago, sex is not important to me at all.

When the kids were born he only worked at Burger King, how the heck was he suppose to afford a lawyer then?

And if I want to have more kids, I WILL, that is MY choice!! We can afford to raise our kids, why do you think we are trying to get custody of HIS OTHER 2? WE CAN AFFORD TO HAVE THEM HERE!! And they deserve to know us better and be part of our lives!

If you people were here and would see and know everything that has went on over the years, you would not be so quick as to insult me or be ignorant.

 

[AHA]

Domestic relations said he has no right to get a DNA test done on his son, he tried.

I am not going to sit here and defend my husband on his sexual escapades from the past. It is not the point. But he did use condoms, (but condoms can break every now and then and things happen.) Why do you think he has doubts on his sons paternity?

As for me, well, guess what, not everyone uses tests every month to check when you are ovulating. I had problems with the pill which resulted in my getting pregnant 2 seperate times. Which I DO NOT regreat having! And who are you people to tell me how and when I should have sex with my husband? For your information, if you must know, we only have sex once a week. Ever since I was raped 9 yrs ago, sex is not important to me at all.

When the kids were born he only worked at Burger King, how the heck was he suppose to afford a lawyer then?

And if I want to have more kids, I WILL, that is MY choice!! We can afford to raise our kids, why do you think we are trying to get custody of HIS OTHER 2? WE CAN AFFORD TO HAVE THEM HERE!! And they deserve to know us better and be part of our lives!

If you people were here and would see and know everything that has went on over the years, you would not be so quick as to insult me or be ignorant.

Here's a valuable education (I'm surprised pregnant women and mothers aren't taught or research this during all the doctor visits during and after a pregnancy!!).
Women usually ovulate somewhere around 12-15 days after the first day of menstruation. That is something every woman NEED to learn about their bodies. So with sex only once a week, it should be easy peasy to avoid pregnancies. I am not saying that you shouldn't have have kids, I don't care how many you have, but I don't believe that the same "accident" happens over and over again when it's so easily avoided. Have as many kids as you want, just don't say that they are "unplanned" or "surprises".

Good luck to you