can you have joint/physical/legal custody if kids are 2&3andwedon'tliveinthesamestate

[Cindergretta]

can you have joint/physical/legal custody if kids are 2&3andwedon'tliveinthesamestate

What is the name of your state? Georgia

my husband will probably never live in the same state as us. but he wants to ship our 2 and 3 year old around the US because of his job, which he will work 80-130 hours a week at. he also wants joint/legal/physical custody of our kids, which i am against because he is an official certified emotional abuser according to the military...is he all talk or do i have a reason to be concerned? thanks.

 

[SMURFEELAW]

Joint physical began with my SD when she was two and a half and we live 200 miles from mom. It's easier at that age b/c no school. As for running all over the country a judge would probably (but I can't say for sure) frown on that enivironment for raising a child. As to the abuse can you prove it with "certified" documentation? He has a right to his children whether he works alot, the child has a speech problem or whatever next reason you come up with.

 

[stealth2]

Could you please keep your posts in one thread? It will help us keep your story straight.

 

[Cindergretta]

i am not coming up with reasons for my STBX not to see his children. since a judge looks at what the "best interests of the children" are. my STBX also has a lot going against him in this department. He will be hoping all over the country. He will be going through a residency which makes him work 80-130 hours a week. He is an abuser, who not only abuses me, but has started to break my children's things and takes his anger out on them. My children are young and one does need speech therapy. Thanks!!!

The Military has a program called the Family Advocacy Program, which investigates abuse within the family. And they have confirmed that STBX has been inflicting "severe emotional abuse" upon me.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Yes you are trying to make excuses and keep digging up things to fuel your case for a custody fight and now using the fact that your STBX is in the military and potentially moving and emotionally abusive to you, I know it's not PC to say this, but based on your actions here thus far, you seem to be threatening him and perhaps the cause of what you term emotional abuse. You are provoking this situation and perhaps emotionally abusive yourself. A person going through a residency needs the support of their family, not intentional strife as you are causing. Keep on your course and you may indeed find yourself the NCP.

 

[LdiJ]

I have a different response for you than you are getting from some of the others. I went back and reviewed the threads that you have written so far, and I understand that you are in a scary situation and are asking questions because you are desperate.

You haven't told anyone your entire story, in a cohesive way, so some of the questions are are asking are going to cause you to get reactions like some of the ones you recieved here. People give much better advice when they know the whole story.

I will give you some very sincere advice. It is imperative that you go and get a consult with an attorney. You are probably going to need to hire an attorney in Guam to handle the divorce for you. If you don't, you will be risking that your husband will win everything (including custody of the kids) simply because he filed for divorce there.

However, if you and the children were never officially legal residents of Guam (military personnel and their families often retain legal residency in their home state), then you may be able to fight Guam having jurisdiction of at least custody matters regarding your children. That is one of the reasons why its so imperative that you consult with a local attorney.

You should really forget about all other issues until you consult an attorney and find out if you can challenge Guam having jurisdiction.

 

[casa]

Contact the family advocacy center and get copies of any reports (like the one you mentioned) and also if he was ordered by his command to attend Anger Management, and whether or not he did so.

Emotional abuse in the home is one reason for speech delay in toddlers, however, until the Dr.s diagnosis the reason for your son's speech delay- You cannot say that is THE reason. There are many other reasons, so you need to just follow the treatment plan re; the speech delay and not combine the 2 topics unless there is documentation from a professional that directly ties the issues of emotional abuse and speech delay.

I hope the children are seeing a therapist- and if you were truly emotionally abused, you should be seeing one also. This will only help you and the children heal, as well as providing documentation of the emotional status of all of you in the event a custody case ensues.

How long were you stationed in Guam? Did you retain your state's residency? ie; Did you continue to carry driver's license from your state and pay taxes to your state etc.? Since JAG probably won't represent you because you are not the active duty member- Find out all you can about your state's residency laws by looking at the Law Codes online. Utilize free attorney consults to get an idea of where you stand with the residency issue.

 

[Cindergretta]

Thanks LdiJ and Casa you are the only two nice posters i have encountered thus far.

I do have a Guam attorney and since my STBX has filed his complaint for divorce we have filed an answer and counterclaim of mental cruelty. And of course he has filed a response to my complaint. We are trying to get a change of jurisdiction of the child support and custody, since not only were we there for only 90 days when STBX filed for divorce, but I and the kids were legal residents of Virginia at time of filing. In Guam, they give military prefferential treatment and allow them to file for divorce after 90 days regardless of their home state. Great huh? The kids and I have since moved back to Georgia to live with my parents, since I am a stay at home mom of a 2 and 3 year old and have no job right now. I will give you a little time line of what happened.

June 30, 2004: Arrived in Guam.
August (beginning): started going to psychiatrist and social worker, abuse in home was escalating..Social worker referred our case to Family Advocacy because of profound evidence of abuse.
September 3: STBX assaults me/police are called/he stays the night somewhere else.
Sepetmeber 7: STBX is given a restraining order because they are informing him that FA is investigating him for abuse and in order to avoid retaliation by the abuser to get back at victim he has the restraining order against him for about 6 days. He doesn't come back to live with us.
September 10: FA tells him that I would like an Early Return of Dependents back to the states, He agrees to sponsor us back.

we decide to make a seperation agreement in order to spell out support and seperate household goods, because we both have to set up shop in different places.

September 28: He gives me the seperation agreement and i don't like it and tell him that i am not going to sign it.
September 30: I am supposed to leave Guam, he scheduled my plane flight out of Guam and HE moves my date to Oct. 5, because I won't sign the agreement. He tells me that he will not let me leave Guam until I sign the agreement. He calls my parents and tells them that I had better sign the agreement or he will not let me leave. and a whole bunch of other BS.
He also files for divorce in Guam on Sept. 30, unbeknownst to me and proceeds to tell me that i have to sign the agreement.
He also makes me move to another room in the hotel all by myself with 2 toddlers and like 6 huge bags.
Oct. 1: He makes me move to another hotel, again all by myself with 2 toddlers. And we sign the agreement in the afternoon and he serves me with divorce papers about 8:30 at night. The JAG officers screwed me on the seperation agreement and said i couldn't do certain things and they LIED to protect STBX.
Oct. 2: Supposed to leave back to the states on a 6:00 flight..Well i don't go because now i have to find a Guam lawyer.
Oct. 9: Leave to go back to the states with 2 kids.

Apparently, most of these guys who do this put a restraining order on the wife and kids so that they can't leave and have to stay there until the divorce is complete, but he let us go. so i don't really know what that means but me and my kids have "original orders" from the military sending us back to Georgia.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Interesting that while you insist on putting in all the accusations of abuse you fail to include the parts where he was cleared of the accustions. You furtheremore provide more proof that he was not abusive to you or the children and stayed away, even putting you in separate quarters so you couldn't make any more accusations.

You complain about military being given preference and 90 days, well you delayed your departure by not signing the agreement and played into his hands and going over the 90 days.

Then you blame it on JAG, everyone is at fault and responsible for what you did. You have sabotaged any case you might have had especially insisting on making unsubstantiated accusations and in turn threats against his career. Maybe your son screamed in the tub because he missed his father or was troubled by all the stress you put him through?

Remember he can delay this case for a long itme.

 

[Cindergretta]

rmet4nzkx, please do not respond to my posts. if you contintue to do so i will report you. thanks.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

JAG could not possibly have been involved in a seperation agreement, that is not what they do. JAG prosecutes and defends military crimes, not civil issues as this. I don't believe anything you say.

 

[Cindergretta]

Well, guess what? JAG did write up the seperation agreement and witnessed it for us. Why is that so hard to believe? The JAG officer said that they do them all of the time, we weren't the first. Maybe they aren't supposed to but they do and they did a sh*tty job of it too! I didn't find out till after we had already done ours that they weren't "qualified" to do seperation agreements. maybe it is void for that reason? i know that the military doesn't recognize seperation agreements, but they sure do make them.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

Well, guess what? JAG did write up the seperation agreement and witnessed it for us. Why is that so hard to believe? Because I know what I am talking about.


I didn't find out till after we had already done ours that they weren't "qualified" to do seperation agreements. Isn't that what I said?


i know that the military doesn't recognize seperation agreements, but they sure do make them. No, they don't.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

rmet4nzkx, please do not respond to my posts. if you contintue to do so i will report you. thanks.

You are going to report me for pointing out the holes in your case because you don't like the fact that your story is not credible? You are the one who refuses to give all the facts. Who are you going to report it to in real life when his attorney sails a fleet through the holes in your case and you lose?

Do you see anyone challenging what I have said? That should give you a clue of what will happen when you complain. You need to look long and hard at what you have said thus far and start preparing to work with the facts and not fabrications and false assumptions.

 

[snodderly]

Paradise, I don't know what your experience with military JAG is but, you do not know as much as you think you do. JAG will and does help a military members draw up a separation agreement. I was a military spouse for 17 years. When we lived in Germany I volunteered in the JAG office. At that time I was thinking about going to law school once we returned to the states. Military members were constantly coming in for help with separation agreements and they were getting help doing them.

On many occasions I have seen military wives thrown away by the military member and the military. I've known women stuck in motel rooms with no way to get home and at the mercy of some angry man and the military whose only interest is helping the military member. I'm aware of one woman who sat in a motel in Germany for over 4 months while living on the BAQ that the separation agreement that the JAG office helped put together said she was due. She had no way home, no money to get home on and the military refused to provide her with a flight or anything else.

This woman's story is not full of holes. She is terrified because she has learned first hand that her husband will be backed by the military because the military has invested time and money into him and when push comes to shove they are more interested in protecting him than doing what is right for her and her children.

This man is using scare tactics and it sounds as if he has been using scare tactics all along. The reason he moved her to another motel? More than likely he was told by his commanding officer or someone at the JAG office to put space between them and to calm his a$$ down so there would be no more accusations to make.

Family Advocacy will do nothing to help her. My children made the accusation of emotional abuse with Family Advocacy. The social worker who interviewed them and read emails from their father to them said she was disgusted that a father could say and do those things to his children. She told my son that someone would have to interview their father but that she was refusing to do it because she couldn't stand the thought of sitting in the same room with him. Family Advocacy found him to be emotionally abusive. Their report then had to go before a "committee" made up of base commanders. The commanders found the accusations to be unfounded. People who are trained to recognize abuse were over- ruled by people whose only concern is covering up for the military member.

My ex husband has recently decided to reduce his child support without the benefit of a signed court order. I called his commanding officer the other day. You know how you hear so much about the military coming down hard on people who mess with child support. It's laughable. I was referred to the JAG office and told to do a garnishment. I was told by his commanding officer that he could call him in and punish him but why cause problems like that for him when I would eventually be getting my money?

Three and one half years ago I was left homeless with my children because he stopped the child support all together. I had to go to my church for assistance. I went to see his commanding officer and was told, "I don't care what he does as long as he comes to work and does his job." The man refused to even look at a copy of my divorce decree. The military was made aware that the man was not paying child support and did NOTHING

I can almost promise you that this woman's husband was told by the JAG office exactly what he needed to do to delay her so that he could file for divorce in Guam. She isn't the first woman who has been through something like this and she won't be the last.

I know exactly how this woman feels because six years ago I felt the same confusion and fear. She is all over the place trying to find some kind of help and to protect herself. My youngest son was 7 years old when his father left and took the security, love and financial assistance away from us. I was left alone with no money and two children to deal with. For God's sake this woman was stuck in a motel room in Guam with two small children and no support of any kind. She had/has a right to be an emotional wreck and so do her children.

You damned straight her child is distressed over the situation. I know mine were and I was the one left to put them back together. I had one person in the military offer me help. It was the base chaplain who had been counseling my ex husband. He had referred my ex for a psychiatric evaluation but his commanding officer backed him up and didn't make him go. He told me to go home and do what I had to do to protect myself because it looked like my ex was out to destroy me and that I would never get any support from the military.

You people have been true a$$holes to this woman. You have no idea what it feels like to be in, what would essentially feel like a foreign country, and live with the situation she has. Just because her story sounds outrageous to you doesn't mean it isn't true. This woman has been chewed up and spat out and she comes here, out of fear to try and protect herself and her children and she gets called a liar and gets basically the same treatment she has been getting. I hope like hell she finds help somewhere and soon and it damned sure looks like it isn't going to be here.