can you have joint/physical/legal custody if kids are 2&3andwedon'tliveinthesamestate

[casa]

JAG did my military separation agreement (not civilian- but it went a looong way in setting the course for my civilian court agreement)ie; classes, meeting with the chaplan, working out agreement for coparenting with the family advocacy, setting timelines to be moved out of base housing etc.
I was in a genuine abusive environment and they helped me get out- However, after that they could only represent the military "active duty" member, which was not me.

That said- What is REALLY going on with your posts? You mention several different topics in several different threads.....and by 'my' timeline- they do not add up.

Forget everything else but maintaining your children's emotional health. IF you are truly concerned, get professional help. IF you think the organizations that are designated to help you, have not helped you- Try others.

I'm getting lost with all the variables in your case, BUT, I DO know this: If I were you- I would do anything and everything in my power to protect my daughter and do anything and everything in my power to help my son overcome his disability.
IF it were really as you say it is- I would NOT STOP until my children were safe. I would risk losing everything else to make sure that were the case.

Get your documentation in order. Contact everyone you feel may help you (and even those you are not sure CAN help you) to get the solution which is in the best interest of the children

If that is not your goal- Then you have bigger problems than anyone here (or anywhere) can help you with.

Be Honest, Be direct and don't skirt any issues. What is really going on with this situation?

 

[LdiJ]

Paradise, I don't know what your experience with military JAG is but, you do not know as much as you think you do. JAG will and does help a military members draw up a separation agreement. I was a military spouse for 17 years. When we lived in Germany I volunteered in the JAG office. At that time I was thinking about going to law school once we returned to the states. Military members were constantly coming in for help with separation agreements and they were getting help doing them.

On many occasions I have seen military wives thrown away by the military member and the military. I've known women stuck in motel rooms with no way to get home and at the mercy of some angry man and the military whose only interest is helping the military member. I'm aware of one woman who sat in a motel in Germany for over 4 months while living on the BAQ that the separation agreement that the JAG office helped put together said she was due. She had no way home, no money to get home on and the military refused to provide her with a flight or anything else.

This woman's story is not full of holes. She is terrified because she has learned first hand that her husband will be backed by the military because the military has invested time and money into him and when push comes to shove they are more interested in protecting him than doing what is right for her and her children.

This man is using scare tactics and it sounds as if he has been using scare tactics all along. The reason he moved her to another motel? More than likely he was told by his commanding officer or someone at the JAG office to put space between them and to calm his a$$ down so there would be no more accusations to make.

Family Advocacy will do nothing to help her. My children made the accusation of emotional abuse with Family Advocacy. The social worker who interviewed them and read emails from their father to them said she was disgusted that a father could say and do those things to his children. She told my son that someone would have to interview their father but that she was refusing to do it because she couldn't stand the thought of sitting in the same room with him. Family Advocacy found him to be emotionally abusive. Their report then had to go before a "committee" made up of base commanders. The commanders found the accusations to be unfounded. People who are trained to recognize abuse were over- ruled by people whose only concern is covering up for the military member.

My ex husband has recently decided to reduce his child support without the benefit of a signed court order. I called his commanding officer the other day. You know how you hear so much about the military coming down hard on people who mess with child support. It's laughable. I was referred to the JAG office and told to do a garnishment. I was told by his commanding officer that he could call him in and punish him but why cause problems like that for him when I would eventually be getting my money?

Three and one half years ago I was left homeless with my children because he stopped the child support all together. I had to go to my church for assistance. I went to see his commanding officer and was told, "I don't care what he does as long as he comes to work and does his job." The man refused to even look at a copy of my divorce decree. The military was made aware that the man was not paying child support and did NOTHING

I can almost promise you that this woman's husband was told by the JAG office exactly what he needed to do to delay her so that he could file for divorce in Guam. She isn't the first woman who has been through something like this and she won't be the last.

I know exactly how this woman feels because six years ago I felt the same confusion and fear. She is all over the place trying to find some kind of help and to protect herself. My youngest son was 7 years old when his father left and took the security, love and financial assistance away from us. I was left alone with no money and two children to deal with. For God's sake this woman was stuck in a motel room in Guam with two small children and no support of any kind. She had/has a right to be an emotional wreck and so do her children.

You damned straight her child is distressed over the situation. I know mine were and I was the one left to put them back together. I had one person in the military offer me help. It was the base chaplain who had been counseling my ex husband. He had referred my ex for a psychiatric evaluation but his commanding officer backed him up and didn't make him go. He told me to go home and do what I had to do to protect myself because it looked like my ex was out to destroy me and that I would never get any support from the military.

You people have been true a$$holes to this woman. You have no idea what it feels like to be in, what would essentially feel like a foreign country, and live with the situation she has. Just because her story sounds outrageous to you doesn't mean it isn't true. This woman has been chewed up and spat out and she comes here, out of fear to try and protect herself and her children and she gets called a liar and gets basically the same treatment she has been getting. I hope like hell she finds help somewhere and soon and it damned sure looks like it isn't going to be here.

I have to truly agree with you on this one. I HAVE been making an effort to help her but unfortunately I think that some of my message is getting lost in all the negatives replies.

To the Original Poster: PLEASE see an attorney in GA ASAP. I definitely believe that you can challenge Guam having any jurisdiction over child custody/visitation matters because I think that it can clearly be argued that you and the children were never legal residents of Guam. The divorce can proceed in Guam without any decisions being made regarding custody and visitation if you fight this properly. It may be appropriate for you to file a custody case in here in the states. That may need to be done in VA if that is the state where you have legal residency.

Your children are too young to be traveling back and forth to Guam for visitation without being escorted by one of their parents. Neither of you are in a position to pay for the travel expenses on any frequent basis. I am glad you are represented by an attorney in Guam. Now get your tush into a local attorney and discuss your options regarding filing for custody in either VA or GA.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Snodderly,
Woah,
You need to be objective. Yes, we all know you recently had a run in with your ex cutting back your child support and he has been a roayal pain in the a$$, but it is a different situation.

Where were you when OP asked for those with experience with military divorces while stationed overseas?

What is the name of your state? Georgia
and if so what was it like with kids? the kids and i returned to Georgia and my husband filed for divorce in Guam a few days before we left. what am i to do?

No one answered her there and her subsequent thread made it clear that her issue and focus was around issues of child suport and looking for ways to insure that she was going to control everything, custody, visitation and child support. If there was a valid claim of child abuse and or she was dealing with the fact that her son might be Autistic, these would have come out immediately, but they didn't because that was not in her focus.

What is the name of your state? Georgia
if the kids are visiting the noncustodial for 2 weeks does the noncustodial have to pay child support for only 2 weeks of the month? what about a month out of the summer? does the noncustodial still pay for the month?

As many do, trying to manipulate our response she makes multiple posts

What is the name of your state? Georgia
How do the two really effect each other? If the Husband is abusing the wife, he usually turns on the kids, even if has not done so already. How does this equate into the situation? Thanks.

It's clear she is working on a false assumption, trying to take an accusation she now makes about spousal abuse into one for child abuse knowing her prior charges of child abuse were not validated under appropriate investigation, so it is not a case of FA and CPS making a positive finding of abuse and it being overturned. Op is trying to manufacture a charge of abuse knowing that will insure her custody.

She protests when she doesn't get the response she wants, then she tries the sexual abuse accusation, knowing full well that both FA and CPS while they initially listened to her upon appropriate investigation, which OP agrees found nothing to support an accusation of sexual child abuse and even admits she is thankful there is nothing to support that possibility, but on the other hand still tries to argue that it must have happened.

As much sympathy as her allegations may invite, we have to look at it objectively. When she finally posts something resembling the "facts" she leaves out the most significant facts, that her accusations were by her own admission only and that her stbx was cleared of those aaccusations, but she persists in it by trying to implant a memory in her child. She also has a child who need early intervention for Autism, which is better obtained in the US rather than in Guam, no doubt that played a factor in her return to GA, but she has made her case problematic and if she persists, she will lose the very things she is trying to achieve. She is on a fishing expidition and she is defensive when the holes in her case are revealed, as they will be later, so she better understand the strengths and weaknesses of her position and to focus her energies where they will be most effective.

 

[LdiJ]

Snodderly,
Woah,
You need to be objective. Yes, we all know you recently had a run in with your ex cutting back your child support and he has been a roayal pain in the a$$, but it is a different situation.

Where were you when OP asked for those with experience with military divorces while stationed overseas?

No one answered her there and her subsequent thread made it clear that her issue and focus was around issues of child suport and looking for ways to insure that she was going to control everything, custody, visitation and child support. If there was a valid claim of child abuse and or she was dealing with the fact that her son might be Autistic, these would have come out immediately, but they didn't because that was not in her focus.

As many do, trying to manipulate our response she makes multiple posts
It's clear she is working on a false assumption, trying to take an accusation she now makes about spousal abuse into one for child abuse knowing her prior charges of child abuse were not validated under appropriate investigation, so it is not a case of FA and CPS making a positive finding of abuse and it being overturned. Op is trying to manufacture a charge of abuse knowing that will insure her custody.

She protests when she doesn't get the response she wants, then she tries the sexual abuse accusation, knowing full well that both FA and CPS while they initially listened to her upon appropriate investigation, which OP agrees found nothing to support an accusation of sexual child abuse and even admits she is thankful there is nothing to support that possibility, but on the other hand still tries to argue that it must have happened.

As much sympathy as her allegations may invite, we have to look at it objectively. When she finally posts something resembling the "facts" she leaves out the most significant facts, that her accusations were by her own admission only and that her stbx was cleared of those aaccusations, but she persists in it by trying to implant a memory in her child. She also has a child who need early intervention for Autism, which is better obtained in the US rather than in Guam, no doubt that played a factor in her return to GA, but she has made her case problematic and if she persists, she will lose the very things she is trying to achieve. She is on a fishing expidition and she is defensive when the holes in her case are revealed, as they will be later, so she better understand the strengths and weaknesses of her position and to focus her energies where they will be most effective.

Rmet, I think that you often forget the "state of mind" of the people who come here for help. I also think that you forget that many of them have never been to message boards before and have no idea of how they should really do things and how things should work.

As a result you frequently see someone as "lying" or "manipulating" who simply doesn't understand how to present their story in the way that gets them the best and clearest advice....and often doesn't even understand which information is or isn't important or relevant. Particularly since she, as is to be expected, knows nothing about the law.

Of course she is "fishing". She is in the middle of a scary situation and she is trying to find out what is or isn't helpful to her case and in which direction she needs to focus.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

Paradise, I don't know what your experience with military JAG is but, you do not know as much as you think you do. JAG will and does help a military members draw up a separation agreement. I was a military spouse for 17 years. When we lived in Germany I volunteered in the JAG office. At that time I was thinking about going to law school once we returned to the states. Military members were constantly coming in for help with separation agreements and they were getting help doing them.

On many occasions I have seen military wives thrown away by the military member and the military. I've known women stuck in motel rooms with no way to get home and at the mercy of some angry man and the military whose only interest is helping the military member. I'm aware of one woman who sat in a motel in Germany for over 4 months while living on the BAQ that the separation agreement that the JAG office helped put together said she was due. She had no way home, no money to get home on and the military refused to provide her with a flight or anything else.

This woman's story is not full of holes. She is terrified because she has learned first hand that her husband will be backed by the military because the military has invested time and money into him and when push comes to shove they are more interested in protecting him than doing what is right for her and her children.

This man is using scare tactics and it sounds as if he has been using scare tactics all along. The reason he moved her to another motel? More than likely he was told by his commanding officer or someone at the JAG office to put space between them and to calm his a$$ down so there would be no more accusations to make.

Family Advocacy will do nothing to help her. My children made the accusation of emotional abuse with Family Advocacy. The social worker who interviewed them and read emails from their father to them said she was disgusted that a father could say and do those things to his children. She told my son that someone would have to interview their father but that she was refusing to do it because she couldn't stand the thought of sitting in the same room with him. Family Advocacy found him to be emotionally abusive. Their report then had to go before a "committee" made up of base commanders. The commanders found the accusations to be unfounded. People who are trained to recognize abuse were over- ruled by people whose only concern is covering up for the military member.

My ex husband has recently decided to reduce his child support without the benefit of a signed court order. I called his commanding officer the other day. You know how you hear so much about the military coming down hard on people who mess with child support. It's laughable. I was referred to the JAG office and told to do a garnishment. I was told by his commanding officer that he could call him in and punish him but why cause problems like that for him when I would eventually be getting my money?

Three and one half years ago I was left homeless with my children because he stopped the child support all together. I had to go to my church for assistance. I went to see his commanding officer and was told, "I don't care what he does as long as he comes to work and does his job." The man refused to even look at a copy of my divorce decree. The military was made aware that the man was not paying child support and did NOTHING

I can almost promise you that this woman's husband was told by the JAG office exactly what he needed to do to delay her so that he could file for divorce in Guam. She isn't the first woman who has been through something like this and she won't be the last.

I know exactly how this woman feels because six years ago I felt the same confusion and fear. She is all over the place trying to find some kind of help and to protect herself. My youngest son was 7 years old when his father left and took the security, love and financial assistance away from us. I was left alone with no money and two children to deal with. For God's sake this woman was stuck in a motel room in Guam with two small children and no support of any kind. She had/has a right to be an emotional wreck and so do her children.

You damned straight her child is distressed over the situation. I know mine were and I was the one left to put them back together. I had one person in the military offer me help. It was the base chaplain who had been counseling my ex husband. He had referred my ex for a psychiatric evaluation but his commanding officer backed him up and didn't make him go. He told me to go home and do what I had to do to protect myself because it looked like my ex was out to destroy me and that I would never get any support from the military.

You people have been true a$$holes to this woman. You have no idea what it feels like to be in, what would essentially feel like a foreign country, and live with the situation she has. Just because her story sounds outrageous to you doesn't mean it isn't true. This woman has been chewed up and spat out and she comes here, out of fear to try and protect herself and her children and she gets called a liar and gets basically the same treatment she has been getting. I hope like hell she finds help somewhere and soon and it damned sure looks like it isn't going to be here.

Get a clue, or don't.

The military does not file or issue judgments regarding seperation or divorce.

If a JAG officer wants to help the military member draw up a seperation agreement, and witness it...............Mean's NOTHING!!!!! JAG cannot issue a seperation agreement.

This is a legal web site.

I know exactly what I am talking about, and all you are doing is leaving posts a mile long about yourself.

 

[LdiJ]

Get a clue, or don't.

The military does not file or issue judgments regarding seperation or divorce.

If a JAG officer wants to help the military member draw up a seperation agreement, and witness it...............Mean's NOTHING!!!!! JAG cannot issue a seperation agreement.

This is a legal web site.

I know exactly what I am talking about, and all you are doing is leaving posts a mile long about yourself.

Ok Paradise. We now have had THREE people tell us that JAG helped them with separation agreements. I think its safe to say that the original poster was not lying, which was the accusation that you basically made.

Maybe the agreement that the JAG helps them with is only an interim thing, but so are agreements that any other attorney writes up until a judge signs off on them...so lets relax here.

Quite obviously many JAG officers DO help people do separation agreements, whether or not those agreements eventually find their way in front of the judge in their civilian divorce.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Rmet, I think that you often forget the "state of mind" of the people who come here for help. I also think that you forget that many of them have never been to message boards before and have no idea of how they should really do things and how things should work.

As a result you frequently see someone as "lying" or "manipulating" who simply doesn't understand how to present their story in the way that gets them the best and clearest advice....and often doesn't even understand which information is or isn't important or relevant. Particularly since she, as is to be expected, knows nothing about the law.

Of course she is "fishing". She is in the middle of a scary situation and she is trying to find out what is or isn't helpful to her case and in which direction she needs to focus.

I understand the state of mind very well, the fact is that although we asked several times for OP to put it all together so we can give appropriate advice she continually refuses to do, that, in a word is manipulative especially after admitting that her accusations were found to be unfounded under appropriate investigation and she is thankful the accusations were untrue. She then turns around as if they were proven to get sympathy. Of course she is in a panic because she based her whole case on the unsupported accusation of child sexual abuse and lost, not because the system has failed her or her children. So of course she is in a panic.

Time and time again, posters have to be reminded that we need the relevant facts and the truth. If there was child abuse, that would have been her first post, not everything else but that. There is no valid charge of domestic abuse either, oh but if we coach her she might invent something, but that is unethical. When challenged she becomes defensive because she doesn't have the facts to support her accusations, that will be her undoing.

OP is sabotaging her case by focusing on the wrong issues and failing to address the real issues she has, such as getting appropriate and early intervention for her child with autism. Did she thank me for the links so she can get that early intervention? No. Has she considered that she has a better case for getting custody if she gets her child in an early intervention program with qualified diagnosis and treatment plan? No. It is a far stronger case with Autism than with a speech delay in a 2 yo child!

I seriously suspect that OP has some problems with reality testing that are seen in families with Autism Spectrum Disorders, perhaps why she persists in continuing her separate sense of reality even after she admits, there was nothing proven beyond her fears or that she heard that it would improve her chances of getting custody.

We have to be objective and not project our own agendas, if that seems harsh, the is the reality of the world. If she deals with it here, she might be able to focus her energies. It would be unethcial to encourage her to focus her energies on non issues. As it stands, Guam has jurisdiction and she is in GA not VA, and with the not so stbx in the military and stationed overseas, he controls the situation right now. Will this be the first or last time a poster has been upset when I confronted them with the facts, no. Sometimes I actually get the point across.

 

[LdiJ]

As it stands, Guam has jurisdiction and she is in GA not VA, and with the not so stbx in the military and stationed overseas, he controls the situation right now. Will this be the first or last time a poster has been upset when I confronted them with the facts, no. Sometimes I actually get the point across.

She did give us a timeline. I thought she did a pretty good job of being thorough. You frequently interpret things in the most negative light possible for many posters. Mostly mothers and you aren't very diplomatic about it. Your advice is usually valid but your message often gets lost because of that lack of diplomacy. Thats as far as I am going to comment on those issues any further.

Your advice however is sometimes wrong. You are not necessarily correct that Guam has jurisdiction of child custody and visitation matters. Guam may have jurisdiction for the divorce, but the state of the children's legal residence has jurisdiction for custody/visitation matters. I think that Guam would have a real tough time trying to claim jurisdiction over those issues if mom properly challenges it.

As I stated previously, mom needs to consult a local attorney. Quickly.

 

[stealth2]

As I mentioned in the thread on D&V, the problem is that each new thread does add a new wrinkle and makes it very difficult to put together a coherent picture as to what's really going on. While OP feels that they are all separate issues, they are all closely related as the main issue she's looking at is custody/visitation. Through several threads, we've gone from Dad working many, many hours, to speech delays, to the potential of autism, to verbal/emotional abuse, to sexual abuse, to domestic violence against Mom. I'll admit, it raises more questions than answers. It would be most helpful if OP could post - clearly and concisely, without all the extraneous detail - all of her concerns/issues in one thread.

 

[LdiJ]

As I mentioned in the thread on D&V, the problem is that each new thread does add a new wrinkle and makes it very difficult to put together a coherent picture as to what's really going on. While OP feels that they are all separate issues, they are all closely related as the main issue she's looking at is custody/visitation. Through several threads, we've gone from Dad working many, many hours, to speech delays, to the potential of autism, to verbal/emotional abuse, to sexual abuse, to domestic violence against Mom. I'll admit, it raises more questions than answers. It would be most helpful if OP could post - clearly and concisely, without all the extraneous detail - all of her concerns/issues in one thread.

I do agree with that. I think she should close all of her threads but one, and stick with that thread for all issues. She will definitely get better advice that way.

 

[stealth2]

To the Original Poster: PLEASE see an attorney in GA ASAP. I definitely believe that you can challenge Guam having any jurisdiction over child custody/visitation matters because I think that it can clearly be argued that you and the children were never legal residents of Guam. The divorce can proceed in Guam without any decisions being made regarding custody and visitation if you fight this properly. It may be appropriate for you to file a custody case in here in the states. That may need to be done in VA if that is the state where you have legal residency.

Your children are too young to be traveling back and forth to Guam for visitation without being escorted by one of their parents. Neither of you are in a position to pay for the travel expenses on any frequent basis. I am glad you are represented by an attorney in Guam. Now get your tush into a local attorney and discuss your options regarding filing for custody in either VA or GA.

The other problem is that, at this point, Mom has likely not established residence (legally) in either VA or GA. She has not resided in VA since she left for Guam, and has only been in GA since mid-October. That's a potential problem.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

She did give us a timeline. I thought she did a pretty good job of being thorough.
And on the surface that might seem true intil you consider that on one of her other threads...

i am thankful that there was no disclosure and no physical evidence. i understand that the perception of a 3 year old is different than that of an adult and so forth and so on. she seems very certain that her daddy touches her vagina. see the thing is NO one should be touching her vagina and i am not either in caring for her. I haven't cleaned her privates since she was wearing a diaper and pooping in the diaper and that was over 6 months ago. she has been potty trained since April of this year. she bathes herself, she puts her panties on, her pullups on. I am with her about 90% of the time and have never had any accusations said against her.

Here she admits that the accusations were litigimately investigated and found to be without substance making the majority of her Chronology without relevance and further problematic, because she insists on leaving out the relevant facts out seeking sympathy rather than advice appropriate to the facts of the case. Did she elicit sympathy when making the initial reports, yes but that initial sympathy doesn't make the charge vaild, especially in a child who is only recently potty trained in a highly verbal child.

You frequently interpret things in the most negative light possible for many posters.
Unfortunately, persisting on continuing accusations, which were never proven, is negative.
Mostly mothers and you aren't very diplomatic about it. Your advice is usually valid but your message often gets lost because of that lack of diplomacy.
I deal with facts and evidence, there is no diplomacy in facts and evidence, thank you for affirming the essence of forensic investigation.

Your advice however is sometimes wrong. You are not necessarily correct that Guam has jurisdiction of child custody and visitation matters. Guam may have jurisdiction for the divorce, but the state of the children's legal residence has jurisdiction for custody/visitation matters. I think that Guam would have a real tough time trying to claim jurisdiction over those issues if mom properly challenges it.
And just how do you propose that she do that? She is not in VA her legal state of residence, and while her husband is in Guam, the SSCRA will postpone any action in VA, and in Guam, she has made unfounded charges of child abuse and aluding to domestic abuse but has refused to cite timely reported examples, there has been no other opportunity for any claims of abuse. The husband has sent her home to her family, most likely, their sons disability will be the reason behind that, so where should she focus her energies, if her case involves the best interest of the children?

As I stated previously, mom needs to consult a local attorney. Quickly.

She has one in Guam already.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I also think that you forget that many of them have never been to message boards before and have no idea of how they should really do things and how things should work.
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Aparently OP has used message boards before.

 

[LdiJ]

The other problem is that, at this point, Mom has likely not established residence (legally) in either VA or GA. She has not resided in VA since she left for Guam, and has only been in GA since mid-October. That's a potential problem.

Not necessarily. Most military members and their families maintain their "home state" legal residency while at a duty station. Therefore the entire time she was in Guam she was probably still a legal resident of VA. Therefore, VA should still have jurisdiction. Again however, she needs a local attorney to verify that for her.

And...if their original home state was Georgia when he enlisted, they might have maintained Georgia residency.

 

[stealth2]

Not necessarily. Most military members and their families maintain their "home state" legal residency while at a duty station. Therefore the entire time she was in Guam she was probably still a legal resident of VA. Therefore, VA should still have jurisdiction. Again however, she needs a local attorney to verify that for her.

Not necessarily as she no longer resides in VA. IF she had moved back there and stayed there? Absolutely. But she didn't. She went to GA, and that may well invalidate her residency in VA.