I am being very objective, more objective than most of the posters who are replying to this woman. When you become involved in divorce with a military member, especially one who is not interested in playing fairly you are playing an entirely different game than if you are dealing with a civilian. My situation is different but it fully backs up what this woman is saying as far as her treatment while in Guam.
We only have one side of the story, a side with a person who presents no facts and looks for validaiton of her assumptions, right or wrong and has an admitted history of making unsupported career threatening accusations against her husband. Knowing they are unfounded, continues to make the accusations which will only be thrown out of court if they are ever presented in the future.
She is scattered, because she has no focus, this was apparent from early in her posts. Even scattered people have some focus on bits of reality, only after some time does she begin making accusations that can't help but get people's attention. Is she under stress, yes, but who is the cause? What about her husband? She tells us very little and you have to dig through the threads to find some of it.
He is in the military, stationed in Guam. He will be working in excess of 80 hours a week in a residency, so I will assume he is in one of the programs where medical school is paid for by the government in exchange for a comitment to serve x number of years. Yes I do know something about the military. So his wife and children arrive in Guam and boom, all of a sudden there are serious allegations of sexual abuse of his own daughter. She makes all the contacts to FA and CPS and they take her report seriously. They counsel with her trying to come up with reasons for this behovior. She makes no accusations of domestic violence/abuse that can be proven either. She admits an appropriate evaluation was made and no evidence of abuse was found, she is even glad of that, but nothing happens to him.
Is he stressed? Of course, it is more than the average accusation with many consequences, both under UCMJ and civil, yes an offender may be charged under both, it's called dual sovernity. Who is the lose cannon? Who is abusing whom? What is behind her accusations? Is it the suggestion that their son has autism? It's not caused by being around his father. She even admits that he stayed away from them after the accusations and that he allowed her to go home, most wives get stranded, so he was doing all the right things. What is the military going to do, punish him without due process? It is not the same as your situation where there were findings and the military overturned it, in this case there were no findings.
Where was I when she asked for those with experience with military divorces? Probably working, cleaning house, running my 13 year old to and fro, at a movie maybe, doing some Christmas shopping. I don't live on this board. I have a life. When I come here I don't read every message that has been posted and normally I come looking for people who are in the same situation I am in. I don't think what I have to say about his woman's problems should be dismissed because I failed to respond to an earlier post of hers.
I didn't answer her right away because it was difficult seeing where she was going and I read all her posts and threads before I did. My first response was re her child and the speech/autism issue, in part because she was all over the place with something that normally produces focus, her only focus was in denying her husband custody and visitation. I know you have a life, so do I, but no one answered three of her threads, all were fishing, I'm not going to feed her bait to be misconstrewed.
Her subsequent threads make it clear to me that the woman is dealing with many issues, not just child support and custody. When you are in a situation that leaves you feeling a lack of control over things that are very important to you, a person's first efforts go toward regaining some control in their lives. If you or anyone else were in her position I think control is something you would be fighting for also...especially when it came to custody of your children and a means to support them.
She clearly as a control issue, but she lacks focus and hangs onto the issues that sabotage any credible story. She is disappointed that her accusations were not proven valid. She is wrestling with the reality that her son is disabled.
When I read your replies to her I get the impression that you will dismiss her account of what is going on because she fails to respond in the way you feel is appropriate. Just because this woman does not post as you see fit, respond to your suggestions as you see fit and describe her situation with the same verbage that you would does not mean what she does say is not true.
I dismiss her account because her accusations were proven false, not because I don't feel her postings are inappropraite. Looking at her postings from a forensic point of view, there are strong patterns of behavior, not just one. Some strongly suggest truth more than others, just as asking a direct question and a person's eyes wantering as they make up an answer without eye contact. She produces a very biased chronology, one she knew lacked accuracy, if her attorney looks at it along with the facts, will be striking most of it, and she will be admonished for what she did, especially leaving out the fact that CPS and FA found no evidence of abuse upon investigation, appropriate investigation. She needs to focus and prioritize her issues.
I sit here and read your replies to her and it seems to me that you have dismissed her and ragged on her solely because she is not acting in some way you feel she should be acting. Just because she is dealing with several different issues and has started several different threads does not mean she is a manipulator. It points to confusion and destress and the inability to control her train of thought. That would be a normal response from someone in her position, or so I have been trained to believe.
I am trained to make forensic evaluations for the courts, I am an expert witness. I agree, she is confused, unable to control her train of thoughts or the thoughts of others and stressed. She clearly has something more than reacting to an abusive relationship. The legal system will be far less understanding, what is going to happen when she runs out of options she likes? She has been online here today without comment. I did get through at one point yesterday.
You've made a lo of accusations as to this woman's true motives. You've dismissed her fears and need for legal advice based on your belief that since she is jumping from one subject to another then she must be less than honest. You have accused her of planting bad thoughts in her daughters mind, not caring that her son...in your opinion, might be Autistic and you've done all this based only on the fact that she has failed to word her posts the way you feel she should and has been all over the place in regard to the several issues she is dealing with.
I have made reference to studies of children as witnesses and building memory in children. If she continues to ask her daughter questions about the abuse, she will build a memory and she will ruin both any chance of her daughter being a credible witness and or growing up with a horrible memory that didn't exist before. We sit here all the time saying not to talk badly about the ex to the children no matter what they have done, yet encourage instilling a memory of rape for no reason, that is why we must remain objective. Her son needs structure and support, he needs her focus and an accurate diagnosis. A part of that is one of the early intervention programs whether or not her son is autistic or not, since there has been a developmental delay diagnosed, he is qualified for those services and the family is also qualified for services, I was mean and cruel for providing her with the links so she can focus on his best welfare.
You haven't given her advice. You have judged her wrong because because she is not acting in the same manner you would. That doesn't make her story unreal. It shows intolerance and it is sad to see that happen when all she seems to want is help for a miriad of problems she is dealing with.
